Interview: Hong Kong dominatrix Mistress Diana
Source: Timeout.com.hk.
HONG-KONG – As one of Hong Kong’s foremost dominatrixes, Mistress Diana has been spanking, teasing, toying and taming for the last 15 years. Anna Cummins and Dorothy Hou step into her dungeon for a spot of S&M over tea. Photography by Calvin Sit
As we climb the stairs of an unassuming apartment building in Jordan, we’re not really sure what to expect of Club Diana, the six-roomed S&M ‘fetish club’ or playspace kept by Mistress Diana, who’s been donning leather and rattling the chains of kinky Hongkongers for more than 15 years. As we near the door, we realise we don’t know a lot about her aside from a selection of rather candid shots on her website and a brief email exchange in which she tells us she has a ‘luxurious’ collection of fetish wear, as well as a collection of quality ‘instruments of torture’.
As we enter Diana’s world, in many ways it’s everything we expect – her expansive collection of outfits and props allows her to play dom to her clients in seemingly endless circumstances. For $2,500 per hour, Diana can play a teacher to your bad student, a policewoman to your inmate, a boss to your secretary, or even a mother to your naughty boy – if you’re into that sort of thing. But that’s the whole concept of fetish, really. You never know what people are into. And that is what takes us the most by surprise. There’s no judging at Club Diana, and no seediness. It’s a space in which she clearly encourages people to express their inner selves safely, no matter whether that requires the handcuffs above the bed, the huge iron cage or even the plastic box underneath the toilet seat, which we swiftly deduce is not exactly for storing the spare loo roll in.
We walk out of our highly enjoyable encounter far from traumatised and with minimal bruising, alongside a much better understanding of the world of kink, domination and when the lines definitively don’t blur into sex.
So, Mistress Diana – thank you for having us round. Love what you’ve done with the place. We’re getting the impression you’re not shy?
Yes, let’s put it that way! I started training as a gymnast and ballerina when I was around three. I’d perform for others or show off my handstand whenever I could. I even turned my bed into a stage with bamboo sticks and blankets. Now that I think about it, I loved being the centre of attention! I’ve always had the passion and desire to perform, it gives me a sense of satisfaction.
I also have an extreme fetish for beautiful things. Since a very young age, I’ve loved collecting handkerchiefs, scarves, jewellery and outfits. Extravagant accessories, bright colours – I just had to have them. But growing up I was enrolled in an all-girls school which had very strict rules, so it was hard to express this desire. It was a very restricted environment, and I wasn’t allowed much opportunity for self-expression.
So what initially interested you about the world of BDSM?
When I was 14, I met my first love. Of course it was puppy love, but that experience transformed my life as he led me into the world of cosplay and role-play. Due to my strict upbringing I had a lot of pressure from society – it would have been a disgrace for my family if my neighbours or relatives found out that I had such tendencies.
So I went over to my boyfriend’s place a lot. He was around 20 and he lived alone . We would talk about fashion, dining, music and all that fun stuff. He introduced me into a completely different world, a ‘grown-up’ world. That particular space and environment gave me a lot of freedom and liberty to do whatever I wanted. I could entrust him with anything and just the thought of being with him excited me – that is kind of similar to what my clients and customers want from me as well, I think.
And how did you turn that initial interest with kink into a career?
I think it’s a lot about the timing. I previously had a husband, but you know marriage is like the Titanic, it sinks. If I still had a husband, I would definitely not be able to construct this whole ‘dream paradise’ of mine. But since I’m single right now, it gives me a lot of freedom to do what I want.
When I was in my early 20s, I started working for my family in the real estate industry. As of now, I own about 10 properties. They’re not all profitable, but I could have totally retired 10 years ago, stayed in one of them and lived a happy life. But that’s not what I wanted. I want to let this culture be exposed to as many people as possible. I want to be happy and I want to make others happy as well. This is my interest and my passion and I want to be able to show it off to people.
Do you feel that you were born as a dominant person or was it something that you learned throughout the years?
Even today, I do not really consider myself a ‘dominatrix’. It’s just a name. I don’t feel particularly proud of that. I am extremely accommodating, and I am very gentle as well. Honestly, most of the experiences I’ve had in Hong Kong with men trying to be dominant were not satisfying. Partly because they’re pretty new to this whole idea and concept and that they’re not as experienced – this actually puts me in danger. Therefore, I usually prefer taking the lead. Ultimately, it’s all about being safe and being respectful towards each other. If you manage to gain mutual trust, there are a lot of things that you can try! As long as it’s logical and legal, I’m up for anything.
What are some of the most common fetishes that you come across? And some of the most extreme?
Fetishes for [wearing] stockings and silky clothes are among some of the most common. But it’s socially unacceptable for guys to have fetishes towards these clothes, right? That’s why they come to my place. It’s the adult Toys ‘R’ Us. They can come here and indulge in their own fetish without having to own them or be judged. That’s one of the most common and mild fetishes. I’ve seen people who prefer something a lot more extreme. For example, they demand to be slapped or they are obsessed with the ‘golden water’ [use your imagination]. I personally would not drink the ‘golden water’ but I wouldn’t consider these fetishes as ‘weird’ – everyone has their own preferences. But ultimately, safety and hygiene is always my first priority.
In our industry, we refer to S&M as ‘hotpot’. Some people prefer extra spicy, the Sichuan mala, if you will. Some of the most common role-plays would be husband and wife, teacher and student, master and servant. One of the more interesting ones that I’ve seen were clients wanting to role-play Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.
Does it matter to you if a client is married? How much do you ask them about their lives?
It does not matter much to me, but I do ask every single detail about my clients. I ask for their medical history. The only things that I do not ask are their home address, office address and bank account.
I’m aware that some clients who come to me are doing it behind their wives’ backs and I completely respect their choice in life. In this ‘kinky family’ we treat each other as brothers and sisters. We do not judge each other because we all understand that we each have our own different stories and background. And, after all, who are we to judge anyways?
What kind of people visit the ‘club’, and why do you think they come?
I’ve seen people from various backgrounds, from a famous local entertainment star who brought along her husband to PhD students from mainland China. I think it’s because there are so many restrictions and pressures in our lives. Fetishes or such tendencies are often seen as taboos in our society, and I don’t think people feel they can express their interests freely. In here, they can just be themselves. Their repressed emotions can be relieved.
How well do you think your job and S&M in general is understood by society?
When local media report about us [dominatrixes], they often overshadow the industry with negative headlines in order to catch the attention of the public. I’ve been called a prostitute and even a procurer [madam]. But fetishism is never really even about sex – it’s merely the fantasy of role-playing and the love for specific objects. So Hong Kong society is pretty distorted in this sense. It’s the frustration that we’ve always been misunderstood that haunts me the most. And I don’t see how the situation will improve drastically within this coming decade. Hong Kong still adopts a relatively conservative mindset as a whole – maybe it’s a Chinese thing? I don’t know. The fear of standing out and showing up differently is engraved into people’s minds, so their emotions and thoughts are often repressed. But I don’t want to see Hongkongers being like that. What’s wrong with fetishes or even sexual fetishes? It’s a personal option that you don’t really get a say about. It’s innate.
I have to admit that I occasionally feel pressurised – especially when people misunderstand my profession, hobby and me as a person. Over the years, I’ve learnt to care less about what others say about me but I still hope that someday people will learn to accept and embrace people with different desires. I don’t think it’s something that we should be ashamed of at all.
What services won’t you perform? Have you ever felt unsafe or accidentally injured someone?
I do not provide a sex service, this is definite. I would say I’m pretty lucky for not having been in either of those circumstances – this place is pretty private and selective. It’s mostly by word-of-mouth that people will find out, so as of now, I’m still pretty lucky. Of course, I try to avoid sadists, pornographers and perverts.
So what kind of prices are you charging for these services?
It varies, but I charge around $2,500 per hour for one theme. It’s the standard rate. Of course, it’s negotiable, and when people come, they usually don’t only stick to one theme – that’s not what I want either. I want them to have the whole experience, and I want them to enjoy it as well. So, I would recommend starting off with a spa in my jacuzzi, to relax, and then trying on an aray of outfits before entering into different rooms.
Do you have a safe word?
Yes, the traditional ‘safe word’ that we use if you feel content is ‘thank you mistress’. If you don’t feel comfortable you say ‘help me’. It’s the most simple and straightforward. I have clients who like to come up their own ‘safe word’– for example ‘uncle’ if you can’t handle it and ‘auntie’ if you’re feeling good. Other than for safety reasons, the ‘safe word’ also allows me to know what excites you so that I can tailor to your specific needs.
So, what is sex like for you?
To me, sex is very sacred. When love is present, sex comes naturally as well – it cannot be forced. In my personal life I just adhere to what I believe in. I want to promote the beauty of sexiness, not merely sex itself. But if clients come up to my studio and get involved in any sexual activities among themselves, I would not put a stop to it either. This is their own decision and I fully respect it. However, I would like to emphasise again that we do not provide such services because, as you know, prostitution in Hong Kong is itself legal, but organised prostitution is not.
Do you think that the sexualisation of violence is ever a negative thing?
I’ve never admired violence in that sense. As I’ve mentioned, safety is always my first priority, regardless. However, I understand that a certain degree of violence may be adopted during S&M, which I do not think is an entirely bad idea – because some people do in fact find pleasure and excitement through such acts. I’m definitely not against the whole idea of sexualisation of violence, but of course I don’t want to see any of my clients suffering any major injuries.
Find out more about Club Diana at clubdianahk.com.
See more and larger photo’s: www.timeout.com.hk.
