UKRAINE – As countries across Europe review their radiation pill supplies under the looming threat of a nuclear attack by Vladimir Putin, Ukrainians have decided to respond with humour – and plan an orgy on a hill outside Kyiv.
More than 15,000 people have subscribed to “Orgy on Shchekavystsa: Official”, which was set up on the 26th of September, and the intention is to head there in the event of a nuclear attack – as opposed to finding the nearest bunker.
The opening post told members to decorate their hands with stripes to designate what their interests were ahead of visiting the hill – three strips symbolises anal sex, and four means oral sex. They then posted: “They say that all the apartments with a view of Shchekavystsa have for some reason disappeared from real estate sites.”
Radio Free Europe interviewed a local woman about the group, who said: “It’s the opposite of despair. Even in the worst-case scenario, people will look for something good. That’s the mega-optimism of Ukrainians.”
A man said: “It’s an attempt to show that the more they try to scare us, the more we will transform it into something else.”
The Telegram group posts updates about the Russian war, in which the Ukrainian military’s counteroffensive efforts in Kherson have recently been described as “BDSM parties for Russians”. An image of the Ukrainian army’s advance was called a “masturbation photo” in the group.
When an air alarm sounded on the 30th of September, they posted: “Is it time?” with a smiley face. 582 people responded, also with smiley faces.
Ukrainian comedian Verka Serduchka posted in support of the Telegram group four days ago.
Kyiv has also made an effort to protect itself from a possible nuclear blast; pharmacies are stocked with radiation pills and basements are open to act as shelters if needed.
Beyond’s Ukraine’s borders, countries like Poland have also spent recent weeks delivering pills to pharmacies around the country and more will be arriving in the coming days.
But even countries further afield are beginning to worry; local media in Cyprus reports that iodine pills are not available on the island, and that pharmacists only had dietary iodine supplements available, which do not provide protection in the case of a nuclear event.
The Times on Monday reported that Nato was believed to have warned its members that Putin could stage a nuclear test on Ukraine’s borders.
In the meantime, the orgy Telegram group keeps posting and there now appear to be splinter groups, with one declaring an orgy on Derybasivska Street in Odessa. Yesterday, Elon Musk posted on Twitter with his controversial suggestions for ending the Russian invasion, which the Kremlin went on to praise the Tesla boss for.
Orgy on Shchekavystsa responded by posting: “Official statement: As of today, Elon Musk is persona non grata in Shchekavystsa.”
UK – National Kink Day is fast approaching so – to mark the event – a dating app revealed what singletonsare known to enjoy in the bedroom. From BDSM to feet fetishes – there are many things that turn people on
A dating app revealed the most popular kinks singletons are experimenting with – and a lot of people are getting frisky with feet.
It’s National Kink Day on Thursday, October 6, and the entire day will be devoted to celebrating consensual sexual activity, kinks and experimentation.
This is why hook-up app Tapdat’s Creative Director Alice Leach revealed some of the most popular sex kinks found on the app, and also explained why being honest about your kinks is the key to pleasure.
TapDat is the free-to-download pro-sex hook-up app which aims to remove the stigma around sex, sexual health and wellbeing.
USA – BROOKLYN – For Mistress Marley, a Brooklyn dominatrix, insulting men is a highly enjoyable part of her job — but she gets even more of a kick out of putting them on a leash and walking them around the streets.
Unsurprisingly, she often attracts attention during these trips; one person recently yelled: “You better work it,” as she ordered her “finsubs” to kiss her feet and thank her every time she called them “good boys.”
Finsubs — short for financial submissives, who are most commonly known as “pay pigs” — take pleasure in the humiliation of sending women money without expecting anything in return.
Being a femdom, short for female dominatrix, is what you make it. It is a feeling of power that a woman steps into to curate an intense experience between herself and a submissive subject, Marley told Insider. She stressed that it should always be between two consenting adults who truly love the art and journey of BDSM, which stands for bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism.
Marley, whose real name is known to Insider, said: “A lot of these pay pigs are used to being in power in their everyday lives. So even if it’s just for an hour, five minutes, 10 minutes, they want to feel like they have no power.
“It’s psychological. So for a lot of people, they get off by knowing that it’s a thrill. They get off by knowing they just did something embarrassing. And by embarrassing, I mean them just sending someone money that they’ll never meet in person. They get nothing in exchange.”
‘This is who I am’
Marley got a master’s degree in fashion marketing in 2018. She quickly realized after finding a job in fashion as a buyer for a large corporation that she wasn’t earning as much as she’d hoped, so she googled: “How to make money as a woman online.”
After landing on a few articles about femdoms, she dug further and logged on to Twitter to get a sense of what the community was like. She was surprised that there were no Black women.
“That stuck out to me,” she said. “I was just like, ‘OK, why aren’t women that look like me doing this?'”
She’s always been a confident person, she said, whether as a child in middle school or as an adult performing at brunch parties.
“I was always that girl that was wearing crazy outfits. I always had all the attention on me. So when I go to perform, it comes off natural. Like, sometimes for me, it’s not even performance. It’s just who I am,” she said.
Marley, who’s proclaimed herself the Beyoncé of BDSM, couldn’t find a Black femdom when she got curious, so she decided to become one.
Insider verified screenshots of Marley’s earnings since May this year, which amounted to $78,615 across various platforms, including OnlyFans or iWantClips.
One morning, just before 10 a.m., she checked one of her accounts and saw she had received a $150 tip accompanied by a message from a 58-year-old man, which read: “I’m truly grateful for your royal permission to rub your feet. I am so unworthy of it. Would you consider sending me a custom POV of you commanding and allowing me to rub your feet — PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I am begging you.
“Humbly your white dog.”
‘I learned everything on my own’
Marley also cares about other femdoms finding success. She teaches people how to work safely and with consent.
“There are so many people that try to pop up as femdoms without the proper knowledge, and a lot of them drop it within a week,” she said. “I try to be that person that teaches them how to keep going and going so that they can make a successful brand and have submissives from all over the world.”
“When I came in, I didn’t have a mentor. I had to learn everything on my own, and it was really hard,” she said. “Now I refuse to let anyone else go through this.”
And although she has contracts with some of the world’s biggest corporate multi-nationals, she reckons she could earn more from her BDSM and fetish work if she did it full time.
The LA-born IT consultant, who moved to Ireland in 2016, specialises in mergers and acquisitions for Forbes 100 listed corporations.
But in stark contrast to her day job, Clarity spends her evenings and weekends exploring the world of fetish, kink and BDSM.
And she says she has a long list of “very successful” clients which has more than doubled in five years.
Clarity, 38, told the Irish Sunday Mirror: “I’ve travelled all over the world, lived in nine countries and visited 73.
“I own a tech consulting company, mostly helping multi-billion corporations relocate here for Brexit.
“I can work silly hours but you sleep when you’re dead right?
“The dominatrix work tends to be two to three days, evenings and weekends, so it doesn’t overlap with the corporate work.
“Because I do it more, the corporate consulting [earns more money], but I suppose if I was to make kink my full time job I could hypothetically make more money from the kink.”
Clarity and her husband are both swingers and polyamorous, and while he finds her sex work “hilarious” she revealed: “He’s absolutely not into it.”
She added: “The fact this exists is not a revelation – all you need to do is look on the internet for five minutes.
“It’s much more prevalent than people think. The scene has doubled since I got here.
“A lot of the people I work with are really, really successful
“From professional athletes to actors or corporate professionals, all walks of society.
“If you’re on point all day submitting to power is just a release, it feels like being held.
“It allows you to go into a different mindset.”
The pandemic saw an explosion in the online adult entertainment industry with users spending an estimated €2billion on the site OnlyFans in 2020.
Its global membership topped 120 million during lockdown – and Irish adults are said to be among the biggest users.
Dublin accounts for 65% of Porn Hub traffic coming from Ireland, while the website fetlife.com has 155,000 Irish members, 95,000 of them in the capital.
Clarity uses manacles, chains and whips on her clients and is happy to wear a strap-on if they are into “pegging”. But, she says, she draws the line at a “golden shower” or any fetish which blurs consent and makes her feel unsafe.
She revealed: “I’ll always have supervision in the space, somebody else working in the same building.
“It’s a definite concern and I take measures to protect myself.
“There’s a lot of fetishes and a lot of kinks out there.
“Usually most people have something they’d like to do because they saw it in a film, on a porn site or read 50 Shades of Gray. Some I wouldn’t do because I don’t consider them safe or sane.
“Using bodily fluids, that I won’t do, I find that disgusting.
“Then there’s consensual non-consent, or CNC, a kidnap fantasy for example where they want to feel like the experience is real so there’s no safe word to end it.
“People who play with their partner or spouse would be able to do this because there’s a lot of trust. I won’t do that type of play. It’s not something I feel safe with.
“I work with sex therapists. We do workshops and I host events and it’s mostly through word of mouth.
“I prefer it that way because the vetting process is easier, it’s almost like a date, I meet them for coffee, like a consultation.
“By definition I’m a sex worker but I don’t have sex with people for money, I help them to have sex with each other. Every so often they’re just looking for an escort to join them, I’m not that.”
Clarity opens up about her work as a dominatrix to Lucy Kennedy for the series Lucy Investigates which starts on Virgin Media One on Monday night.
In the eye-opening Sex And The Suburbs episode, the presenter also meets self intimacy coach Viktoria Laszlo who has up to 40 orgasms during sex with her partner.
Clarity brings Lucy to a sex party in a grand old Georgian house in Dublin where the guests are all masked and “consent and personal boundaries are everything”.
She revealed: “The Irish are excellent, they have such lovely manners.
“I’ve never had to kick anyone out of a sex party here, ever.
“Occasionally they may get a bit overexcited, but that is it.
“The Irish are well mannered… but pure filth.” A non-practising Catholic, Clarity reckons our fascination with kink stems from the guilt and shame perpetuated by the dogma of the Catholic Church.
She said: “I have this friend from Offaly dating a local.
“They won’t buy condoms from the chemist in Offaly in case people know they are having sex.
“They were concerned about what would the neighbours think… there’s still some hangover of shame, yet shame is actually the birthplace of a lot of kink.”
Clarity also reckons the so-called “morality clause” imposed by most employers here – which is unique to Ireland – forces most people to keep their fetishes secret.
She said: “I’ve never seen it in another country. If they find something distasteful they can legally terminate you.
“Others who might be going through a divorce are worried about it being used as leverage, or if they’re applying for a mortgage.
“I’m hoping the show will help destigmatise the sexual sub culture.
UK – Jacqui Ryland is used to the public spotlight as a model and ex-boyfriend of Towie star Pete Wicks, but she opened up about making a living as as a dominatrix before she became famous
Model and OnlyFans star Jacqui Ryland looked back on her time working as a dominatrix, and recalled one shock encounter where a client nearly lost their life.
Jacqui garnered mainstream media attention when she admitted during an appearance on This Morning that she had used growth hormones in order to enhance her look.
The model has gone on to have a string of famous boyfriends, including the heavily tattooed Towie star Pete Wicks, and now owns an event company as well as sharing explicit snaps on her OnlyFans page.
And, speaking recently on The Blue Tick Show podcast, Jacqui confessed she had once worked as a dominatrix, and delved into one scary incident which took place during a dungeon session.
“I actually had to call an ambulance once, I had a guy have a heart attack with me,” she revealed.
“He was dressed as a woman, and I turned around to go and get him a wig, and as I turned round, I just saw this guy grab his chest and drop.
“I thought, ‘is he in roleplay? Is this a game?’ Then I was like, ‘s***, no he’s not’.”
And, Jacqui admitted that she was nearly put in further trouble when her decision not to use safe words meant that she struggled to call for help.
“Imagine, before the ambulance turned up, I’ve got to get an ambulance, and this is when I used to rent a dungeon in central London. So I’m shouting at the woman who owns the dungeon, and she thinks I’m in roleplay, so she’s not coming,” she remembered.
Delving into her time as a professional dominatrix, Jacqui couldn’t quite believe the strange requests that she received from her paying clients.
“One used to come, and he used to have a tattoo that said ‘kick me’ on his arse. I would have to kick him for one hour straight,” she said.
“When I was a glamour model, me and this girl, we got asked to go and do an eight hour filming shoot kicking guys in the balls, we thought it was a joke.
“Eight hour solid, my foot was like a balloon when I left.”
USA – If there’s something we can be grateful for in the internet age, it’s the accessibility of formerly nichesub-cultures. We don’t have to go our entire lives feeling shame over our genuine desires—sexual or otherwise.
This wasn’t always the case for Max* (not his real name). He had access to a personal computer for the first time in the early 2000s and an errant Yahoo search for the words “horny” and “hypnosis” helped open his eyes to the world of femdom hypnosis and leading him into a decades-long cycle of arousal and shame, before finally leaning in and embracing the scene.
For those that are unfamiliar with it, hypnosis can seem like the tricks of a Vegas-residency magician. But it has many functions outside of entertainment. Studies have shown that hypnotherapy can actually have positive effects on some physical ailments and symptoms. Hypnosis as a form of arousal isn’t that far of a jump.
Femdom hypnosis sits under the umbrella of female domination, and River Nixie, a content creator and hypnodomme, describes it as “guiding someone into an altered state of conscious, a flow state, with the goal of creating heightened states of arousal and pleasure and relaxation”.
Nixie entered the world of domination nearly 10 years ago when her partner introduced her to female domination and erotic hypnosis. It was a natural fit. For the past eight years, she’s been doing it professionally, usually 10 to 15 hours a week. After lockdowns due to COVID-19, she transitioned to doing it full-time.
Like other forms of sexual domination, femdom hypnosis often comes down to enjoying the relinquishing of control. “A lot of times people just want to be told that it’s OK to relax and that they’re in a safe space to be able to explore themselves and their fantasies,” Nixie says. Her clients often include people, usually cis men, who have high-pressure jobs and high demands on their time. They’re drawn to her content because she can often be one of few people in their lives that are permitting them to relax and let go.
The actual recordings are diverse. Femdom hypnosis can range from degradation to more gentle forms of domination. Some are sleepy and trance-like, while others are more intense and demanding. The general appeal of these experiences usually comes down to relinquishing control. “Many files include instructions/commands/suggestions to masturbate, so if that’s the content of the file, that’s what I’ll do.” Max says. “Since this is a fetish experience, physical gratification isn’t also necessary, but it’s also porn, and sometimes I just consume it as such.”
Not all femdom hypnotists are directly speaking to clients. Some sell pre-recorded audio of hypnosis scripts–that’s where someone like Max comes in. A writer by trade and someone who is intimately aware of what the script sounds like for hypnosis sessions, Max started to write scripts, selling them to professional femdoms on commission and has been a full-time scriptwriter since 2015. “I write with the voice of my client in mind… they take what I’ve written and they add their own twist on it”.
River Nixie sells femdom hypnosis audio, and as a result, doesn’t interact with most of her clients. However, she does have a relationship with a select few, some of whom she’s been corresponding with for years. “Each relationship is really unique… Some people are looking more for companionship or friendship, some people like it to be more of a professional dom/sub relationship, and some tell her every little thing about their lives”. Whatever the relationship is, it’s important for Nixie that it’s one based on mutual trust and safety, as it dramatically improves the experience.
Doing femdom hypnosis full-time can be taxing for some. River Nixie describes her workload as seemingly 24/7. Her work hours can be irregular, as she communicates with people virtually all over the world. And because her work is a mix of recording audio, video, and one-on-one-interactions through texting or on the phone, the workflow can be intense. “I’m usually working on several pieces at a time, in different phases of production—concepts, writing, planning and costume, shooting video and recording audio, editing and mixing, uploading and promotion—so there’s always something to do and the moment I’m done with one piece, I’m right into the next.”
That being said, it’s not without benefits. Hypnodommes have the autonomy to set rates for their work as they wish. Audio files usually go for a little less than videos, ranging anywhere from $5-$50, depending on how long the recording is. Videos can cost anywhere from $10-$300, also depending on the length of the video. If a hypnodomme creates custom content, they can pull in some serious cash. Some charge per minute, differentiating between “basic” and “premium” content, and going for $45-$95 per five minutes. Others charge flat rates starting at $750. The individual business model of a hypnodomme varies from person to person, but it’s not out of the realm of possibility for a hypnodomme to have a viable and rewarding career.
While you can purchase clips on websites like Amazon or Etsy, many femdoms actually use third-party websites that specifically deal with sex work. These sites charge commissions, anywhere from 20-40 percent, but they also include things like age verifications. Nixie uses a variety of sites, but prefers a site like LoyalFans, as their commission is the lowest. They also have a user-friendly interface, especially for paid texting, as this allows creators to upload much larger file sizes which lets them offer a higher-end product.
From the perspective of the client, the investment into femdom hypnosis has the potential to be costly. Max says that when he first discovered femdom hypnosis, he would find himself purchasing files, deleting them, and purchasing new ones, as he had a cycle of shame associated with the act. “I would always tell myself, I’ll buy it once and be done, or I’ll use it for a month and be done”.
That cycle happened for nearly a decade. It wasn’t until he began to give himself permission to like what he likes that he started engaging with the work more sustainably—financially and emotionally. Now that he’s accepted his desires for what they are, he’s stopped deleting them and has built a library of content. And because he now works in the industry, he continues to purchase more content, look for more creators and try to find new favorites.
One of the things that is most fascinating about femdom hypnosis, and really female domination of any kind, is the way it challenges expected roles in sex—particularly between men and women. Submissive men can receive a bad rap, and there are a lot of misconceptions about men that seek out dominant women.
“There’s a common misconception that it has to do with weakness or insecurity. That your desire to be submissive is somehow connected to your trauma or damage from the past,” Max said, adding that we all have trauma and there’s no direct correlation between that and dom/sub inclinations. “You don’t have to have mother issues or father issues to be submissive. There’s a part of everybody that needs a break.”
Not to mention, people tend to be uncomfortable with hypnosis, even though it’s an explicitly consensual process, and usually even more so when it’s done professionally.
“One of the most potentially harmful narratives that I see is that someone could just hypnotize someone against their will. That’s not at all how it works. These are situations that are highly consensual, in fact, hypnosis will not work on someone who does not want it to. Or even on someone who is too afraid,” Nixie said.
This is an important note that she stresses. Her work is collaborative between her and her clients, and so even if she’s in the driver’s seat, it’s an experience that’s created together.
Tessa Fields, another femdom hypnotist says that the professional nature of this work is important in avoiding some unethical or downright abusive practices that happen in more casual play, which she refers to as “hypnokink.”
“In a strange way, when it is a vocation, you live by the rules of the platform”, she says. The hypno sessions are recordings, and if you use a specific platform to do the work, you have to abide by the rules of the platform, which isn’t something that happens in recreational play.
How you approach this type of work is the ultimate determinate crucial to whether you will be a good femdom hypnotist. Hypnotic Haylee, a self-described sensual femdom, says that good femdom hypnotists are those who have a passion for it.
While she says that over the past few years the field has become over-saturated, those that rise to the top are the ones that understand the hard work it takes and those that are open to creating bonds with their clients.
“The true talent comes when someone has a passion for it, they enjoy it themselves, they love learning about it, they love progressing with it, they love exploring different techniques,” she says.
No one understands this more than Fields. After successfully using hypnotherapy to quit smoking, she enrolled in a hypnotherapy course, which led to her using her BA in psychology to pursue clinical hypnotherapy. After being introduced to femdom hypnosis through a freelance client of hers, she tried to maintain a clinical practice while taking on clients for the erotic side, but the demand for erotic hypnosis was too great, and she made the choice to fully pivot to being a femdom hypnotist.
Fields also describes her relationship with her clients as varied, but says that she has a group of clients that she refers to as “her boys.” She thinks of herself as being in a relationship of sorts with these types of clients. They discuss boundaries and what they would like to achieve through hypnosis. She even goes as far as to say that if she quit femdom hypnosis tomorrow, she would still have a relationship with these clients. That’s how deep her connection with them is.
The union between cooperation and domination intrigues people like Max who are invested in femdom hypnosis. “It’s a matter of pure catharsis. The emotional strain of having your own agency and being in control of yourself needs a release. That’s something that’s incredibly intimate that you can get in a D/S relationship,” he said.
He’s even become acquainted with other men that are interested in femdom hypnosis, building a community with them and providing a safe space to talk about their issues and desires. “For a lot of us, it’s the thing we’re the most private about… When you say it out loud ‘I think the idea of a woman hypnotizing me is super hot and that’s what sex is to me’… when you say that you sound wacky as hell”. He said being in a community with these men helps participants engage in this fetish from a healthy and compassionate perspective.
Sex work is work. But at the same time, the nature of the work lends itself to deep forms of self-exploration and expression, from the side of the worker and the client. Femdom hypnosis might seem left-field, but when you really get down to it, it’s a form of intimacy that leaves behind preconceived notions of gender roles and expectations. And there’s nothing sexier than that.
USA -ATLANTA – Metro Atlanta’s thriving kink community is in transition as a legendary BDSM club is closing after nearly 20 years — but a new one is rising to carry on its traditions.
Since 2003, the club 1763 has been a hub for the fetish and BDSM communities, boasting one of the largest “dungeons” in the country and drawing thousands of members from across Georgia and the Southeast. But its end arrives Oct. 1, as its building — a discreetly bland box in an industrial park — has been sold to a commercial printing company. It’s yet another case of the pandemic economy and the metro redevelopment frenzy hitting the subcultural bastions crucial to Atlanta’s identity, culture and economy, like the gay and leather community’s Atlanta Eagle and the underground music scene’s Star Community Bar and Drunken Unicorn.
But this time, a new generation of owners is taking up the mantle to open a new club early next year under the evocative name Decadent Desires. It’ll be in a different spot yet to be announced, but the plan is to continue the 1763 ethos of educational programs, community-building and safely monitored exploration of kink.
The world of kink and its subset of BDSM (bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism) is highly diverse. Practices and sub-subcultures include the mild and wild, the sexual and nonsexual, from whips-and-chains to domestic service to sensual touching with silk and much, much more. One community unifier is that all are erotic and/or relationship minorities that remain subject to misunderstanding and outright bigotry from the mainstream — a situation not improving in an era of conservative witch-hunt panic over anything not straight and vanilla.
That’s one reason many kinksters use “scene names” — pseudonyms — to protect their privacy. That includes the local club owners: Ms. P and fotodawg of 1763, and Varsler and KinkyVagabond of Decadent Desires. In a way, it even goes for 1763 itself, whose cryptic name is simply a discreet reference to its street address on Montreal Circle in the small DeKalb County city of Tucker.
A history of community support
The club was founded by a dominatrix known as Ms. Whip and quickly grew a reputation as unparalleled in size and quality in the entire Southeast — to this day, there’s nothing like it in Georgia and the few clubs in neighboring states are much smaller. Operating as a private membership club to allow nudity and kink practices, it hosted regular events and became a hub for the many independent kink groups that also meet elsewhere, in private homes or other facilities. A boom came in 2011 and 2015 with the blockbuster BDSM novel and film Fifty Shades of Grey, which helped many kinksters out of the closet, though the story is loathed in much of the community for misrepresentation and romanticizing an abusive relationship. The club also anchored major kink conventions like DomCon, which came to Atlanta for over a decade due to 1763’s influence, and the current annual event Frolicon.
A near-death experience for the community came five years ago when Ms. Whip retired and 1763 faced a shutdown. Among the concerned fans were Ms. P and fotodawg, a married couple from the northern suburbs who first learned of the club via Frolicon. Intending to be silent partners in a club-saving buyout, they ended up the sole owners, taking over in July 2018. In the community, relief mingled with anxiety about the largely unknown newcomers. They soon won over many with an atmospheric makeover of the space and a welcoming approach informed by their eclectic backgrounds in social work, theater and running 12-step programs.
The couple says running the club has been rewarding for their own self-discovery and personal growth — and for seeing the thousands of members do the same.
“I think people from marginalized communities feel safe here,” said Ms. P. “It’s almost like the first time you go to Pride.”
Fotodawg said that, as someone raised in a strict religious family with a lot of prejudices, he’s become more tolerant thanks to the club’s diversity and a scene that taught him to accept kinks he might not share — “not to ‘yuck’ somebody else’s ‘yum.’”
“My edges softened,” he said, adding he’s become a “better husband and a better friend.”
They noted a kink club has several community purposes. The “dungeons,” or kinky play spaces, offer specialized equipment that many people can’t afford, such as spanking benches, flogging racks and structures for bondage rope-rigging. There are indoor and outdoor gathering spaces for socializing and specialty group meetings. There are educational elements like lectures, demonstrations and the freedom to watch “scenes,” or BDSM play, for enjoyment and edification. With such touches as castle-style, torch-flanked dungeon doors, it of course is supposed to be a mood-setting spot for fun and romance: “a fantasyland… a playground where you get to leave your troubles behind,” Ms. P said.
Then there’s the safety factor, as meeting in a club avoids the risks of private meet-ups in a home or hotel where things can go wrong, intentionally or otherwise. Club gatherings are patrolled by “dungeon monitors,” experienced volunteers trained in first aid who police the basic rules – no booze, no cell phones — and can shut down any problem behavior. Every event begins with a lecture on the core BDSM principles of explicit consent and detailed negotiation for a scene — something you’ll never hear in a vanilla nightclub. “If more vanilla people did this in their relationships, their relationships would be better,” said Ms. P, who now leads therapists on club tours to educate them in kink.
Ms. P and fotodawg successfully led the club through the pandemic nightmare with such tactics as boosting its many appearances in music videos and selling “Bondage Bonds” — a donation that would be converted into membership or goods when the club reopened. Now in their 50s, the couple knew they wouldn’t run the club forever. But the sale forced their hand. Rather than trying to find a new space, they’re retiring the name and looking at a long-term plan of heading to Florida and just maybe starting a club there one day. But they also knew that having a space was crucial to the community they had served.
“This isn’t us. This is we,” said Ms. P of that community relationship.
A new club to carry the torch
Varsler and KinkyVagabond know that very personally. They met at 1763 and are now preparing to get married in addition to starting the new club in a new location. In their 30s, the couple represents a new generation of community leaders.
“When you need different aspects of kink… it’s not easy to date normally or even have people look at you normally,” KinkyVagabond said. “We want to create the home and community that brought us together.”
Varsler, who has worked as a 1763 dungeon monitor, said they have bought most of the club’s furnishings and plan to continue its educational elements and structures. “They’ve done such a wonderful job,” she said of Ms. P and fotodawg. “Atlanta couldn’t have found better people to carry on the torch,” added KinkyVagabond.
As with many marginalized subcultures, that torch-passing includes a wealth of do-it-yourself knowledge in esoteric subjects like safer ways to tie someone up or hit them with a paddle, or how to consensually give up power to another person. “There is no school board” overseeing such lessons, notes KinkyVagabond. “The community built this from decades and decades of what works.”
Varlser notes that also goes for an entire DIY small-business subculture of crafting BDSM equipment and fetish outfits — often featured in pop-up markets at clubs. “You can get something quality that supports your neighbor,” she said.
The couple gave their interview at 1763 shortly before speaking about Decadent Desires to Whippersnappers, a BDSM group for the 40-and-under crowd. They were dressed in fetish best — Varlser in latex, KinkyVagabond in leather, and both in stiletto heels. But, as Varsler noted, the highly diverse community welcomes all types. “You have your nerds. You have your executives… I think the people here are beautiful.”
KinkyVagabond said that, much like him, “you can be a guy in a corset and 5-inch heels,” and the response will be praise for your shoes. “You’re gonna find someone who likes what you like” — or at least “high-fives you” on the subject, adds Varlser.
They’re also acutely aware of mainstream prejudice. “It’s not what you see in the movies,” said Varlser, noting that BDSM is often used for shock or exploitation and its practitioners are often depicted as “broken” rather than fully human beings. “What is there to fix?” she asks.
Thus, they’re also acutely aware of the importance of continuing the synergy between a club and its cultures.
“It is absolutely nothing without the community,” said KinkyVagabond.
“It’s getting into a business that’s something that you love and also … something you feel like it matters,” Varsler said. “Because you are providing a space for people that are in a marginalized group, and even within that marginalized group, there’s marginalized groups. So having a place that people feel safe to come and be themselves – it’s very valuable to provide to people.”
UK – For this week’s How I Do It, the series in which a stranger gives us a sneak peek into seven days of their sex life, we hear from Tanya*, who’s in a relationship with a man who lives two and a half hours away.
Tanya, who works as a legal secretary and describes herself as ‘90% straight and the rest bi-curious’, met her partner on Hinge in May.
The 31-year-old says that, while she does find the distance challenging – what with her high sex drive, the lack of things like daily physical affection, and ‘the casual moments most couples share’ – she also feels like it makes her appreciate the time they get to spend with each other even more.
Sex is very important to Tanya, who says she couldn’t be in a relationship in which there was bad sex, saying: ‘It wouldn’t last long.’
Even though she has been cheated on herself, she adds: ‘Sorry to say, but it’s too important a connection to not have, and I have always understood why people cheat when they’re not satisfied.’
While Tanya enjoys being submissive in the bedroom, she’s also enjoyed being able to explore her more dominant side with her partner.
For instance, even before they started sleeping together, Tanya knew her boyfriend enjoys being pegged, and he has a penchant for being on the receiving end of a golden shower.
‘I know these experiences aren’t for everyone – they’re not even ones I thought I would ever partake in,’ Tanya says. ‘But since being with him, he has freed up any sexual restrictions I have long had based on society’s norms, and I love that.’
Monday
Today I wake up to a text from the boyfriend.
He’s hungover and rightly so after a two-day stag do. He’s sitting on the flight home and he’s got a screaming kid sat behind him.
I can’t wait to hear all about the mens’ antics later, but as his flight takes off, I wish him a safe journey, dropping in my sexy nickname for him – Golden Boy. I want him thinking about me. I drop him a text mid-air.
A colleague of mine has had a falling out with the guy who she’s been seeing for nine months. He didn’t want to make it official, because a relationship is too much – queue the eye roll.
She threatens to walk away, and success – he’s made her his girlfriend and told her he loves her.
The morning passes without much else happening, but by early afternoon Golden Boy’s horny and excited about our plans for the weekend.
A dose of family drama gets thrown into the mix and sex is now the distraction – we’re shopping on LoveHoney.
Tuesday
I wake up to my daily: ‘Good morning, how did you sleep?’ text. I often hate the cheese that comes along with dating/a relationship, but he’s just so sweet that this makes me smile every time.
However, one thing I don’t feel this morning is sexy. I woke up at 5am with the worst period pains, but with last night’s talk of my new upcoming blonde hairstyle, latex and dildos, the boyfriend is a little too distracted to offer sympathy. Eventually, I make it abundantly clear that I’m suffering, and he cottons on.
If it weren’t for the fact that he’s such a good egg and I didn’t want to put a dampener on our plans for when I see him on Sunday, I would have actually been annoyed.
The morning after pill has most definitely messed up my cycle this month. I’m really paying for the lack of contraception on my part. In our defence, we used a condom, it just came off, and with me in my fertile window and neither of us wanting babies anytime soon, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
A couple hours later and we’ve added some latex gloves to our shopping list. Then we’re in the full swing of it, sexting our plans for the weekend and discussing the possibility of maybe even a few naughty bits outside too.
He knows I love the thrill of it, but not so much actually getting caught, so we’ll play it by ear. Even if it doesn’t happen, it’s still hot to talk about.
Wednesday
A rather uneventful Wednesday on all fronts. I’m working from home today, and aside from a relative’s birthday celebration this evening with cake and a takeaway, I don’t have much planned.
Two days into my period and I’m horny, so I take full advantage of my lunch break – three orgasms later I’m done.
The boyfriend is home and is clearly in the mood, so a few sexts are exchanged before I get caught up with working, leaving him hanging. I know we won’t get back to this until much later tonight, and true to form I reply at 12.30am, giving him a nice little sext to wake up to.
We always have a call in the evening before bed, catching each other up in a lot more detail on what’s been going on, because texting all day just doesn’t work the same. For me, this constant communication, in various forms, is essential to maintaining a long-distance relationship and is one of my favourite parts.
As much as my best friend fills this void when I’m single, it’s not quite the same as telling the person you’re in a relationship with what’s going on with you.
Thursday
Driving back from an airport drop-off when they decide to close the Blackwell tunnel – fuming! I need to pee, and the standstill traffic fills me with rage.
Thankfully there’s a personal urinal bag in the glove compartment which saves me public embarrassment. Once all is said and done I’m feeling at ease. The experience wasn’t nearly half as bad as some portaloos I’ve used.
I share this with the boyfriend and he still finds me attractive. I sometimes worry about oversharing, but he doesn’t seem easily swayed.
I get home and my sexy shopping order has arrived. I quickly try on a bodysuit and have a little play with a vibrating butt plug before I’m ready to start work.
Of course, I sent my boyfriend a few pics, and he’s very much in the mood now. I don’t really want him to cum prior to Sunday, but that’s not very fair having teased him for the last couple hours, so we FaceTime. He’s set up the tripod for the perfect angle.
Ever so gently, he asks if I could put the latex back on, and I happily oblige. I just need to make this a quick one and get back to work (in less than 15 mins actually, otherwise Teams shows I’m away). With some occasional panning of the cam to my bum, I’m successful. That will tide him over until the weekend.
We speak about the supermoon later just before bed and look forward to a good night’s sleep.
Friday
We have a lot of non-sexual conversations today. For instance, there’s a lot of finance chat.
I’d say I’m more of a saving and property kind of girl, but he enjoys stocks and shares. This kind of sets a precedent for the future which we hopefully have, and I’m not mad at it.
I head off on a night out to a gig, but it’s got to be an early night tonight.
Tomorrow is full of pre-holiday prep and I want to look good for Sunday, as it’s going to be a few weeks after that before we see each other again.
Saturday
I texted my boyfriend at 3.30am telling him I just got home, and he replied at 6am letting me know he’s up off out for his cycle. Honestly, the differences between our lives astound me sometimes.
Later, with my hair freshly done, I send him a little teasing pic. Just enough to get him excited for tomorrow, but he’s already there listing off our plans.
We’ve not made a sex tape yet, but we always speak about it. I think this weekend could be the time. It would certainly help me get through the time difference whilst I’m away.
This holiday fills me with dread thanks to the 10-hour flight with no connection to him and then a huge time difference on top of that.
I get antsy after a just couple hours of no communication. It’s definitely not what I’m used to in this relationship, and I’m filled with anxiety. I don’t like it, but it’s only for a short while – I can cope. I’m pretty sure my best friend would psychoanalyse this and diagnose me with a specific attachment style, but it is what it is.
My partner’s out tonight while I begin the mammoth packing task for next week’s flight. It’s early to bed for me, and I’m fast asleep by 10pm.
USA – OHIO –Teachers in Ohio’s Hilliard City School District are allowed to wear “safe space” badges with a QR code that leads to how-to guides on extreme sexual content.
The badges are being promoted and provided by the National Education Association, a major teachers’ union in the United States.
One guide book, Queering Sex Ed, is a program of Planned Parenthood Toronto and styles itself a “recipe book designed to give you more information about some of the sex acts that we don’t think get enough play.”
Each “recipe card” is a different sexual act, such as “anal sex,” “bondage,” “rimming,” and “fisting,” and takes the reader through a step-by step guide to complete the act.
For “sadomasochism” — “playing with giving and/or receiving pain and humiliation for pleasure” — the guide instructs participants to use whips and chains. Another possible act is “muffing” — “using fingers or other objects to stimulate a trans woman or MAAB (male-assigned-at-birth) person internally through the inguinal canals.”
The guide ends with “fisting” — “putting a fist or whole hand into a person’s vagina or bum.”
Other resources include gender activism groups Scarleteen, Sex, Etc., Gender Spectrum, The Trevor Project, and Teen Health Source.
According to ABC 6 News, the school district contends that the message of the badges is one of “safety and inclusion for all students.”
In a statement, superintendent Dave Stewart said, “The QR code on the back of the badge is not there to be shared with students; rather, it is provided to adults by the NEA should they be interested in learning more about LGTBQ+ issues and supporting LGBTQ+ students.”
“Any teacher who chose to wear one of the badges clearly understood that the resources at the link were intended for adults, not students,” he continued.
Despite that, the Ohio Press Network (OPN) reported Thursday that at a school board meeting last week, students were seen speaking and holding up the badges that were apparently intended only for adults.
When asked by the network how a student could have obtained the badge, Hilliard City Schools communications director Stacie Raterman said, “That student is the child of a staff member. I was told the child was given the badge to hold while speaking.”
Raterman further told the outlet that no other students had access to the badges, but that there was no way of knowing if a student accessed the guides using the QR code.
While Raterman in an email said that the content provided by the badges is to be used for teacher “growth and personal development,” she could not articulate what that might look like or what teachers can gain from the sexually explicit material.
Parents have threatened the district with a lawsuit, according to OPN, saying, they are “concerned the district is allowing manipulations of students to manifest gender dysphoria symptoms at school and encouraging them to transition to a sex opposite their biological birth.”
The parents seek prior knowledge of sexual content or education before their children are exposed to it.
Stewart continues to allow teachers to wear the badge.
Owner and one host from BDSMradio.EU with 24/7 music for any taste. Reactions and donations for BDSMradio.EU are very welcome. Every cent is more than welcome. Thank you!! Reactions for BDSM Media news also welcome. Mail bdsmradioeu@hotmail.com
