Kneel at her feet for wisdom

Source: Zikoko.com

USA – When it comes to confidence, who is better to learn from than someone who commands power for a living? Enter the world of dominatrixes, where female confidence isn’t just a trait—it’s a lifestyle. 

See larger photo on: Zikoko.com

Zikoko sat down with M.E.,  a lesbian dominatrix, to unpack how she embodies unshakable self-assurance inside and outside the dungeon. We also discussed how women can embrace their confidence both in and out of the bedroom.

How did you get into domination?

I didn’t enjoy being touched during sex, so I had to take charge to avoid physical contact. That naturally led me into domination. 

I was curious about the BDSM community and wanted answers from real people, so I sought them out. Their insight helped me get a firm understanding of domination, both in person and online. I also like being soft and helping someone have an enjoyable time — it’s fun seeing their reactions.

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What’s the most common insecurity you’ve encountered among women regarding their bodies? 

They think they’re not pretty enough, and I always ask them, “To who?” 

Many compare their bodies to others, make assumptions, and develop the strangest insecurities. I always remind them that beauty is subjective, and even in the body they dislike, there’s always something worth appreciating.

I encourage them to shift their focus:

  • Find one thing you like about yourself and build from there.
  • Your body has carried you through so much — acknowledge its strength.
  • Get familiar with your body. Touch it, feel it, understand it. The more you do, the more comfortable you’ll become.

What advice would you give women to carry that confidence outside the bedroom as well in their regular lives?

If you’re the shit in the bedroom, why not apply the same energy outside of it? 

  • Speak up for yourself. You are your best advocate. 
  • Say when something displeases you. Don’t suffer in silence. 
  • Put in your best and stay hydrated. 

The same things that make you confident in the bedroom can help you own your power in your everyday life.

As a lesbian who also has male submissives, how do you navigate the dynamics of power and sexuality in your sessions? 

My male submissives love degradation, and that’s why it works for me. They get off on knowing a lesbian, a woman they can never have, sees them as disgusting lowlifes. My job is to tear them down, and they love it. 

I’m much softer with women. In fact, I refuse to degrade women. I know I could take it too far, and the next thing you know, someone is crying. Women internalise things more, and I don’t want them walking away thinking they’re anything less than the best.

Last question: What’s your take on the glamorisation of sex work and its influence on mainstream dating by the less informed?

I love what I do, but not everyone does. Many sex workers got into this job out of necessity. We had to devise ways to protect ourselves — financially and physically — in a world that doesn’t care about us. We developed these tips and tricks to help each other survive in the sex work landscape.

Over time, people started borrowing from sex workers — our positioning, power plays, and survival tactics — and applying them to regular relationships. But why? Love isn’t a transaction. We don’t love our clients.

All the ‘sprinkle sprinkle’ and strategic positioning we do is just advertising — it’s how we market ourselves in an industry that demands it. But when people try to force these tactics into normal, non-transactional relationships, it leads to avoidable grief.

I think people need to stick with what they know and not meddle in things they don’t really understand or have the full context of.