Sometimes you have to stop and see who’s been walking around all this time
“Tribute to Tom Verhoeven and Bert Wibo within BDSM.” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah .(IN DUTCH)
NETHERLANDS – Within the BDSM scene, much attention is paid to visible players, such as seductive Mistresses and tough submissives. These are people who are able to distinguish themselves or (whether voluntarily or not) put themselves on a pedestal. This is understandable, as visibility attracts attention. But at the same time, there are also those who have been faithfully in their positions for years. Not to show themselves off, but to carry the scene themselves. People who connect, even when there’s no applause.
This blog post is one of those moments of reflection; simply because it’s high time. Time to highlight two men who, for me and many others, are invaluable to the Dutch BDSM scene:
Tom Verhoeven of BDSMradio and Bert Wibo of MASSAD .
What they do is often taken for granted. As if it’s all perfectly normal. And as if it will always remain that way. But nothing is self-evident. Especially not in a vulnerable scene, where people who stand their ground are needed.
Passion is not a license for invisibility
There’s a persistent misconception that passion is enough. That if someone does something with love, it doesn’t require recognition. That appreciation only comes with commercial success or visible power. But passion takes energy. Passion takes time. It requires sacrifice.
Both Tom and Bert have been investing structurally in the scene for years. Not incidentally, but consistently. With everything that entails: organization, responsibility, criticism, hassle, doubt, worries. You don’t do it because it’s easy and profitable. You do it because you believe in something. And precisely for that reason, appreciation isn’t a luxury, but a necessity to make it clear that this work matters. That it’s being seen. Because it doesn’t happen automatically.
Last 5 BDSMforYou.nl podcasts on Spotify:(In Dutch)
P54: How to Start BDSM in an Existing Relationship
P53: The Myth of ‘The Right Way to Do It’: On Authenticity in BDSM
P52: Psychology of Power and Surrender
P51: Fisting: Trust, Surrender, and Responsibility
P50: Setting Boundaries
Tom Verhoeven and the voice of BDSM
BDSMradio isn’t a straightforward platform. Quite the opposite. Everything related to BDSM is complex. With hosting providers, platforms, and regulations. And that’s precisely where the power of Tom Verhoeven lies. At BDSMradio, Tom doesn’t play the role of a figurehead or authority, but rather as a connector. As someone who repeatedly creates space for conversations that don’t get a place elsewhere.
Creating a radio program about BDSM requires more than just a microphone and a good voice. It requires constant vigilance. It also requires a strong backbone, because openness about BDSM still encounters resistance and closed doors. And often, sudden obstacles.
Keep broadcasting
What many people don’t realize is how often Tom has to reinvent how he can keep broadcasting. Because doors close. Because rules are suddenly reinterpreted the moment the word BDSM is mentioned. There’s no set path or safe structure. He has to keep improvising, adapting, rethinking. Constantly coming up with new solutions just to keep the platform afloat.
And he does all of this largely out of his own pocket. With no guarantee that the next broadcast will even go ahead. The balance between costs and benefits is skewed. Financially, practically, emotionally. Yet he keeps doing it. And that’s precisely why BDSMradio is more than just a broadcast. It’s a place where BDSM is approached for what it is: a living culture with depth, differences, and stories.
The fact that Tom has been able to maintain this for years, despite everything that is against him, is a conviction that deserves to be seen.
Bert Wibo and the MASSAD
While Tom primarily gives BDSM a voice, Bert Wibo ensures that something tangible remains. The MASSAD has been a fixture in the scene for years. Something you can hold, reread, and keep. In a time when everything is fleeting and disappears after a single scroll, Bert consciously chooses to take BDSM seriously, even on paper.
That’s not an easy choice. Magazine sales are declining. People have become accustomed to free content, to everything online, to information accessible with a single click without paying for it. At the same time, printing costs are rising, print runs are becoming more expensive, and the risk is only increasing. Publishing a BDSM magazine isn’t a logical step these days; it’s a bold and courageous one.
Grace of new subscribers
What many people don’t realize is that a magazine like MASSAD can only exist by the grace of new subscribers. Not because it makes a profit, but simply because it’s necessary to keep printing. Without readers, there’s no magazine. It’s that simple. And in a society where “free” has become the norm, that’s a harsh reality.
Moreover, MASSAD isn’t just any magazine. A tremendous amount of work goes into every issue: writing texts, selecting images, coordinating with contributors, design, and distribution. You might not realize all that work when you open the magazine. You only feel it when it’s gone. Bert has carried that responsibility for years. Without boasting. Without flashy branding. Simply by doing what’s necessary, time and time again. MASSAD isn’t a fad, not a trend that drifts along with what’s popular at the moment. It’s an anchor within the scene. And such anchors have become rare.
The silent forces behind a living scene
What connects Tom and Bert isn’t just their dedication, but also their attitude. Neither seems to need glory or status. They do what they do because they believe in its importance. Because they see what it brings to people. But it’s precisely that modesty that causes them to be overlooked. And that’s something we, as a scene, should be critical of. Because a healthy community also cares for its supporters. For the people who persevere when others give up.
Expressing appreciation is important. It shows that we understand what’s happening and who’s supporting it. But appreciation alone doesn’t sustain a platform, a radio station, or a magazine. Words are nice, support is essential. If we believe it’s important that these kinds of initiatives continue, it requires more than nodding in agreement or a compliment from the sidelines. It also requires a concrete contribution. A donation. A subscription. Giving back to the people who have invested in the scene for years, often without receiving anything – or very little – in return.
Don’t take it for granted that they’ll keep giving. Be an active contributor yourself. That’s not a favor; it’s taking responsibility for the scene you’re part of.
Why this isn’t advertising but recognition
This blog isn’t a sales pitch, an advertisement, or a marketing campaign. It’s a cry for recognition. A conscious moment of appreciation. Within BDSM, we talk a lot about consent, care, and aftercare. But appreciation is also a part of that. Seeing each other, acknowledging each other.
The fact that Tom and Bert are passionate about this doesn’t make it any less valuable. In fact, it makes it more precious. Because passion without recognition can fizzle out. And that would be a loss for all of us.
Need a little support?
Are you longing for a BDSM experience as a Dominant or submissive and want to discuss it in a relaxed (and informal) way? Perhaps a live date with me or a coaching session (online/in person/phone) could be just what you’re looking for. Or book an informative, inspiring, customized private workshop for beginning mistresses/masters , single submissives , or couples .
