Source : Bedrock.nl (Dutch website)
NETHERLANDS – Dating apps are a handy place to find a romantic partner. At least, if someone manages to worm their way through your filters. But increasingly, it is also an excellent place to explore your sexuality. Melissa (30) uses a free-love app to safely immerse herself in the world of BDSM. With success, she tells BEDROCK : “He crawled on his hands and knees through the hotel room and I let him lick my toes.”
Nowadays, there are dozens of different dating apps, each with its own characteristics. While women can have the first say on Bumble, Feeld is a platform where open-minded singles and couples can find each other. It focuses on people like Melissa, who are curious about alternative relationship forms, kinks, and ethical non-monogamy.
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I have always felt the need for more excitement in bed.
For years, Melissa (30) had been curious about adding more spice to the bedroom and noticed that she got aroused by subtle role-playing. With her ex-partner, she occasionally experimented with toys and whips in bed, but that was as far as it went because it wasn’t ‘his thing’. Until six months after the break-up , she decided to download the free-spirited app Feeld . There she began her search for her desires in kink.
“If you had told me five years ago that I would ever tie a complete stranger to a belt and make him lick my toes, I would have laughed at you,” she says. “For a long time, my sex life was pretty normal. Or vanilla, as they say. Except for some experimenting with one of my exes. But I had always had a curiosity for more excitement. The idea of power and surrender turned me on enormously, but I also thought it wasn’t allowed or possible in the relationships I had, so I hardly ever dared to talk about it.”
A safe gateway to the BDSM world
I knew the term BDSM mainly from stories or movies, and I thought it had to be extreme. With lots of leather outfits, scary hooks, and complicated knots, and that felt way too far removed from me. But every time I got aroused, I noticed that that curiosity about boundaries in the bedroom kept haunting my mind.
That’s why, after the breakup, I decided to explore the sex-positive app. I heard that there are people active there who are open about what they are looking for, and that appealed to me. On Tinder, it often feels like games are being played regarding intentions, but here, conversations are immediately much more direct, without shame. You can be open about fantasies, desires, and boundaries. At first, I found that quite nerve-wracking, but mostly a relief.”
I met someone with the same kink that made me curious.
I started chatting with a guy named Jeroen. We clicked immediately. After a few weeks of chatting about what turned us on and what we wanted to try out in detail, it was time to meet up. I couldn’t wait, and because we had already been talking for weeks, it felt safe.
First, we went for a drink at a small café so we could see if we clicked at all. And we did. We talked about our work, traveling, and previous relationships. But after the second glass of wine, he brought up the sexual fantasies we had discussed. It felt so much more open than the dates I had always had before, where you often try to put your best foot forward. That wasn’t necessary now.
He said he found the idea of being submissive interesting and wanted to try it out; he had already dropped it in the chat. He wanted to experience the feeling of someone else being in complete control, and I noticed it stirred something in me. Although I normally enjoy being dominated, it suddenly seemed exciting to be open to his kink. In any case, it intrigued me.
He crawled across the ground and I let him lick my toes.
Before we decided to go to bed together, we discussed what felt good and what didn’t, and that we could use a code word at any time to stop if it became too much for one of us.
At the second meeting at his home, the moment had arrived. After having a glass of wine in the living room, we walked into his bedroom, and I vividly remember him taking a collar with a leash from his nightstand and sitting down on his bed. Without asking anything, I somehow stepped confidently into my role as a dominatrix and ordered him to undress. I stood behind him and put the collar on him, with the loop still in my hand.
Surprisingly enough, I found it quite exciting that this tall, attractive man could surrender himself completely to me. I could do whatever I wanted, and in a split second, I told him to get down on his hands and knees. I had seen scenes like this in movies, and I felt my heart pounding. I told him to crawl around his bedroom. I enjoyed the power I had, and I saw him enjoying it. I sat down on the chair in the corner of the room and said, “Okay, and now you’re going to lick my toes.” And there he sat on his hands and knees, looking at me while he did what I said and licked my toes and feet all over.
The game of control and toe-licking
The evening was playful and revolved around the boundaries we wanted to push, not about humiliation. More like a kind of game of control. I suddenly felt very powerful, but at the same time also very caring. Because you are responsible for each other.
BDSM is actually mainly about trust
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For Melissa, her perception of BDSM changed completely. “Many people think it’s just about sex, but that’s not the case. It’s about communication. You talk about boundaries , safety , and signals beforehand . I’ve never done that so extensively in some relationships.” That openness made it special for her. “It might sound crazy, but sometimes it even felt more intimate than ‘regular’ sex. Because you are so consciously engaged with each other.”
I have come to know myself better.
For Melissa, her journey of discovery doesn’t feel like a rebellious phase, but rather part of her personal development. “Through BDSM, I have come to understand myself better. I now know better what turns me on and can completely let myself go without having to fit into a specific box. That feels very liberating, and I am learning to feel my boundaries better than ever and to communicate about them, just as I do about my needs. That has given me a lot of self-confidence.”
Due to sensitive topics and privacy, Melissa did not want to be mentioned by her last name. Her full name is known to the editorial team.
