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Take It From An Actual Dom: ‘Fifty Shades’ Is Pathetic

BDSM is a healthy practice for safe, consenting, and sane adults. No one needs ‘fixing.’

Source: Huffingtonpost.com.

USA – At first glance, BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism) may seem like an abusive practice carried out only between heartless, psychologically disturbed sadists and victims with low self-worth. Appearances, however, are often misleading, and with BDSM, this misunderstanding is especially profound, as is obvious in the new movie release, “Fifty Shades Darker,” an erotic romance film.

In a typical romance novel or movie, the formula goes something like this:

1. Man and woman meet.

2. Man or woman has an internal and external conflict that needs fixing.

3. The other partner helps to fix the problem.

4. Man and woman live happily ever after.

“Fifty Shades Darker” follows this formula to the letter, and here’s the problem with that (other than the fact that it’s just bad movie writing) is that BDSM is a healthy practice for safe, consenting, and sane adults. No one needs fixing.

As a professional dominatrix, I am constantly working to be more loving, compassionate, and respectful toward my subs, not manipulative or abusive.

“I found ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ to be a pathetic and disturbing portrayal of what, in a real-life BDSM relationship, would have been caring, intimate…”

A study conducted by the “The Journal of Sexual Medicine” found favorable results in the psychological characteristics of BDSM practitioners. Most people who practice BDSM are not neurotic, sadistic adults who have been profoundly abused and neglected as children, like Christian Grey, nor are they submissive Anastasia Steele, barely more than walking zombies when it comes to their dominant partners.

In fact, the study found that “BDSM practitioners were less neurotic, more extraverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive, had higher subjective well-being, yet were less agreeable.”

For these reasons (and for its boring, vanilla BDSM sex scenes), I found “Fifty Shades Darker” to be a pathetic and disturbing portrayal of what, in a real-life BDSM relationship, would have been a caring, intimate relationship between Dominant and submissive partners.

See larger photo: www.huffingtonpost.com.

Kinky sex encouraged by Fifty Shades films ‘is behind two thirds of divorces’

Source: Thesun.co.uk.

UK – Legal experts say couples trying bondage and threesomes end up exposing their sexual incompatibility

KINKY sex is behind two thirds of divorces, say legal experts.

They say couples encouraged to try bondage, threesomes or public sex by the Fifty Shades movies end up exposing their sexual incompatibility.

Lyn Ayrton, of Leeds lawyers Lake Legal, said: “We have seen cases where dangerous situations tip the relationship into meltdown mode.”

“Movies such as Fifty Shades of Grey and its sequel feature characters acting out their bondage fantasies and depict an exciting but highly stylised view of the physical side to relationships.

“In reality for the vast majority of couples, this couldn’t be further away from the truth with one partner often being more interested than the other.

“This can often create a massive strain on any relationship as neither are content or satisfied with what’s going on in the bedroom.

See more larger photo’s: www.thesun.co.uk.

DID YOU KNOW THAT BENGALURU HAS BDSM COMMUNITY?

Source: Bangaloremirror.indiatimes.com.

INDIA – BENGALURU – Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, Masochism…rough sex seems to be catching on in city

Rahul, 36, (not his real name) works in the hospitality sector and strikes you as the quintessential family man of Bengaluru. But he has another life that only a few know about. It involves elaborate role plays, bondage, domination and other forms of kinky, erotic games — all of this oblivious to his wife.

Rahul is, in fact, a popular man in the kink community across the country and goes by the username Mr_Rahul. He is also the founding member of the Official Kinky Bangalore, a community of people who are into bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism – commonly called BDSM.

“Bengaluru has a vibrant BDSM community and there are a large number of people who regularly contact us over the internet,” Rahul tells Mirror.

Kink is often defined as a playful expression of sexuality and BDSM is an extension of “kinkiness” as it also involves erotic power play. A kinkster is the official term for a man or a woman open to ‘play’ or indulge in satisfying their fetishes, mainly through BDSM.

“Our community in the city is very diverse and we have doctors, techies, businessmen, students and even teachers who attend our sessions. A major problem we face is that most people still believe that BDSM is unnatural and a deviant behaviour. Of course it has to be practised with consent and safety precautions,” says Rahul.

It is estimated that there are over 500 people in the city who have been attending monthly meetings of the community, which began unofficially in 2007 as a gathering of three at a pub on Bannerghatta Road. Known as “munches” within the community, it is a meeting usually organised at a pub or a restaurant as announced on their online forum where members meet and discuss their kink, and regular, lives. The latest one was held near Jayanagar on December 26 had about 25 people in attendance.

Apart from “munches”, annual workshops on BDSM to understand its limits and limitations along with safe practices are also conducted in the city. These are daylong events where some of the common BDSM techniques are demonstrated to the participants.

The recent one

On January 26, a group of 30, 26 of them men, converged at a resort, off Mysore Road, where the conference hall was booked for a seminar from 9 am to 5 pm. For strangers, and the resort employees, it was yet another corporate daylong ‘bonding meet’ with name tag (pseudonyms)-sporting delegates, Power Point presentations, and a few interactive sessions and games. Of course, it was all about role play, bonding and even bondage as it was the third annual workshop on BDSM organised by the Official Kinky Bangalore.

“There were people from 20s up to their 40s. There was a presentation on BDSM and then some demo during the post-lunch session, mainly on how to role-play safely, such as precautions to be taken during asphyxiation and whipping. The registration fee was Rs 750, inclusive of breakfast, lunch and snacks,” said a 30-year-old participant.

The participants at the workshops are also shown various bondage techniques and how to tie knots safely. There were demonstrations and practice sessions.

The first-ever workshop in Bengaluru was conducted in 2014 and had around 12 people in attendance. Usually, “munches” are held on the last Saturday of the month or on a public holiday that falls on the last week of the month.

SM influence

It was sometime in 2007 that kinksters in the city slowly started coming out of online chat rooms and meeting each other. Initially, there were a few members but by 2010 various groups emerged in cities such as the Kinky Collective in New Delhi, Kolkata and the Naughty India group in Mumbai. The social media boom across the country post-2010 proved to be a blessing for these groups as they no longer had to confine themselves to anonymous cyber chat rooms.

“The Kinky Collective has an active presence on Twitter and Facebook and there are thousands of people following us. It is true that all of them might not be genuine kinksters. But the idea to have such groups is to minimise the risk of exploitation. Because once a person is known to have violated the code of consent and agreement then the word is posted on all kink forums and he/ she gets blacklisted,” says Joy, a 46-year-old lawyer and a founding member of the Kinky Collective.

Kinky Bangalore was formed in 2013 with three members — Rahul, Melik (kink identity) and Monty (kink identity). Melik is a 23-year-old student from the city, pursuing a course in Big Data analytics. Monty is a businessman. All of them had initially met on online chat rooms, they claimed. “But then our online forum got hacked and there was a lull before we decided to rename the group as Official Kinky Bangalore, about a year ago. We also included Bella (kink identity) as another founding member,” says Rahul.

A majority of the activities are organised through a web portal that lists down various fetishes for people to follow and indulge in after creating their own profiles.

Fetlife also offers them a platform to get in touch with suppliers and distributors of BDSM props such as safe ropes, flogger, whips, handcuffs, etc, which are imported and sold to those interested in these activities. As of now, the most popular BDSM gear in the city is a common kit consisting of handcuffs, cotton ropes and floggers that cost around Rs 2,000. These are directly imported from China and Malaysia with the help of local kinksters on Fetlife.

“There are very few stores in cities like Delhi, Kolkata and Mumbai where these materials are available. There are also some online portals where we can place order for this gear,” informs Joy.

Kink and consent

Despite the common perception that looks at BDSM as sexual deviancy and perversion, indulging in BDSM is not criminal as long as it is between consenting adults and done without inflicting any injury or harassment, points out Joy.

“There is a constant fear of being judged and considered abnormal when we have such fetishes. Sometimes we even end up judging ourselves,” says Joy to underscore the need for such groups of likeminded individuals.

“Consent is one of the most important aspects in BDSM. It should be seen on the lines of combat sports like karate or boxing where two consenting adults are indulging in an act where they could get injured but with implied consent as mentioned under Section 87 of the Indian Penal Code,” he says.

Safety protocols

Kinksters that Mirror spoke with were bothered by “misinterpretation and wrongful portrayal of BDSM” in movies and media. These could cause serious injury among partners, they say. Of course, we couldn’t resist asking them about the most talked-about BDSM novel, and it’s film adaptation, ‘50 Shades of Grey’. The kinksters didn’t approve of it, and found it “exploitative” and the BDSM relationship portrayed in it, “abusive”.

According to Joy, though BDSM covers an array of activities, the main focus is to ensure Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC). Several tips are also given to participants to ensure that they meet and talk with each other before agreeing to play. Also, it is advised to formally mail each other their preferences and limits beforehand. And there is also the ‘safe word’ (or gesture) – like an ‘Off’ button.

“There are also instances when people hook up online and without taking proper safety measures decide to play with each other and could often end up exploited. There are instances when women who end up exploited in such manner are not even able to seek proper legal help because of the stigma,” Joy adds.

About bondage

According to Jaya Sharma, a New Delhi-based women’s rights activist who is also a founding member of the Kinky Collective, such discussions in society is integral to busting the myths about BDSM.

“We live in a society where the idea of consent, especially that of a woman, is violated often – even within the marriage. Even then, BDSM is projected as an act where consent does not exist – which is very wrong. Consent is one of the main foundation stones of all BDSM relationships,” she added.

The Kinky Collective has already conducted a photo exhibition on BDSM, mainly bondage and domination, in New Delhi. It was called ‘Bound to be Free’, which was an attempt to educate people and bust myths. There are numerous open and closed discussions and seminars also being conducted on the topic on a regular basis. There are also plans to open a kink group in Chennai in the coming weeks and also unite all separate groups under one national outfit.

The secret fetish

There’s something called a ‘three circle approach’ when it comes to talking about a fetish, say psychologists and behaviour experts.

They also pointed out that since kinky fetishes and BDSM are often considered a taboo topic, often some people initially tend to hide it from their partners and often try to either convince or force them into certain activities that might end up scarring them for their life. There’s the inner circle (usually of two partners) who have no issues with trying out fantasies and role play. There’s a middle circle where one partner might have some reservations. And then there’s the outer circle in which one partner might be totally averse to the requests and demands of the other.

“Each of these scenarios has to be dealt with in a specific manner. It is a must that the act should always be between consenting adults with adequate safety precautions and mutual respect to each other. There are chances of serious nerve damage and brain injury if techniques such as bondage and asphyxiation are carelessly performed. It could even result in loss of life,” says Dr Sandip Deshpande, consultant psychiatrist and sexologist, and co-founder of Happy Relationships, a sexual health and relationship wellness organisation.

According to Melik, the only woman who was initially part of the Official Kinky Bangalore group, it is always a bit more difficult for women to come out and attend these meetings. She also added that they also should be careful about their personal safety and should make it a point never to go out with strangers without meeting and interacting with them to ensure that they are ‘genuine’ kinksters.

Melik and Rahul claim the BDSM community and their relationships are also based on certain principles and vows like in the case of ‘normal’ couples. Once a partnership is established — especially in the domination and submission backdrop — they start with a personal oath, similar to wedding vows.

“It is basically lying down a set of guidelines that will be followed by the couple during the role play session. We also assign alternative names and vow to respect each other’s dignity and safety while performing these acts. The dominant one will also be called a ‘master’ and the submissive one a ‘bottom’ or ‘slave’ during the session,” Rahul added.

THE GEAR

Accessories play a major role in the kink world. Mirror was curious to know where the city’s community found its gear. Though there are many online portals selling BDSM accessories such as whips, handcuffs and other toys, BM tried to locate a store in the city where it could be bought in person and we were informed that basic gear such as ropes, collar, nipple clips (below left) and exclusive lingerie were available at a few garment stores. These items are called ‘bed accessories’ and are given to customers who come in with specific demands.

BM visited one such shop in JP Nagar 7th Phase and managed to purchase a BDSM gear for Rs 999. Here’s how it went:

I would like to see some innerwear.

Shop Girl: Sure. We have a good collection. For you?

It’s for my friend. I’m looking for lingerie, actually. One of those special ones…

We have a wide variety. Are you looking for a specific kind?

Someone told me you have some gear and special type of lingerie worn during BDSM…

You mean bed accessories? BDSM? What is that?

(Elderly salesman gets it. Takes this reporter to a corner)

Salesman: Here we have some pieces like this. If this is what you want? (Hands out a nipple clip, rope and collar kit). The nipple clips are for Rs 999, the rope set costs Rs 1,500, and the collar will come for Rs 2,229.

So, where do you get this stuff from?

We got this consignment from China. It is supplied through a distributor. It is only in demand among certain people who come to us with specific demands. There are only a few pieces left from this consignment; it came a couple of months ago and I’m not sure if we’ll receive another one soon.

See larger photo: Bangaloremirror.indiatimes.com.

BDSM And Sadism Aren’t The Same Thing, But ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ Raises Some Questions

Source: Bustle.com.

USA – The Fifty Shades franchise often comes under fire for its poor representation of BDSM, but it also pushed a once marginalized kink identity into mainstream sex and relationships discourse, helping scores of readers shed light on their desires and feel more comfortable talking about them. With its film release this weekend, Fifty Shades Darker tackles the sadism part of BDSM, which is why it’s important to point out that sadism and BDSM are not the same thing. The trilogy as a whole is by no means a model of BDSM to be emulated, but it does deserve some credit for sparking curiosity in an accessible way and leading folks to research more about the subject(s) on their own.

In Fifty Shades Darker, Christian Grey reveals that he self-identifies as a sadist who enjoys inflicting pain on women who look like his mother. That last bit is a deeply problematic idea to unpack on another day, so for now, let’s just focus on the truthful bits — a sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting pain upon others for sexual or psychological gratification. Correct! And also: sadist is a totally cool way to self-identify and sadism is a sexy act to practice with intention on consenting and enthusiastic partners!

But! BDSM and sadism are not necessarily the same thing. The acronym BDSM is actually an umbrella term that breaks down into three different categories of kink identity: bondage and discipline (B/D), dominance and submission (D/s), and sadism and masochism (S/M or, more colloquially, S&M). Here’s what they all mean:

*The first one is pretty self-explanatory. It describes enthusiasts of bondage, meaning those who enjoy restraining others or being restrained via rope, cuffs, harnesses, etc., and those who enjoy protocol play, eg., giving or obeying orders, doling out or receiving punishments, and other ways of performing “discipline.”

*D/s refers specifically to power play: a power exchange between a Dominant, who holds the reins, so to speak, and a submissive, who willingly hands the reins over to be dominated. Dominants and submissives can obviously play with bondage and discipline, too. And they can also incorporate pain play, which brings us to part three.

*S&M stands for sadism and masochism, which is the complementary relationship between those who enjoy inflicting physical or psychological pain (sadists) and those who enjoy receiving it (masochists). Physical pain can describe things like impact play (eg., flogging or spanking), piercing play, body clamps, or even something as simple as biting. Psychological pain can describe things like the intentional use of humiliation or degradation (eg., name-calling or slut-“shaming”).

As always, research, communication, and consent are your best bedfellows for navigating these kinks safely.

So while sadism (and its masochism counterpart) is or can be a piece of exploring BDSM, it doesn’t have to be. A person could be into other aspects of BDSM, while feeling neutrally or even negatively about the prospect of giving or receiving pain. They don’t have to go hand in hand. Think of BDSM as a menu of options, and not as a list of requirements a person absolutely must meet in order to be kink-identified, or welcomed into the BDSM community.

Also, keep in mind that the purpose of these labels and identities is to provide folks with some common language with which to understand and communicate their sexual and romantic desires. If you can communicate your desires without the use of these labels or identities, then there’s no pressure to use them if you don’t like them! If, however, you’re searching for likeminded partners or community — and finding people with whom you can process the stuff that comes up during any BDSM play who aren’t also your partner(s) can be super, super important — then these words, ideas, and identifiers are here for you to use. They aren’t mandatory, but they can help us articulate what we’re looking for in a way that makes the process a little clearer and easier.

See more larger photo’s: www.bustle.com.

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Your Brain on BDSM: Why Getting Spanked and Tied Up Makes You Feel High

Source: Broadly.vice.com.

USA – What happens in your head when you get flogged? Scientific researchers and professional dominatrixes talk about endorphins and all the other neurochemicals that make bondage so delightful.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’re spending the week debunking myths and lies about romance. Read the rest of our “Love is a Hoax” coverage here.

There’s no denying that understanding how the human body works can lead to some intense sex. After all, as clichéd as it is, the brain is the biggest erogenous zone—and BDSM is no different.

It may conjure up images of bondage, discipline, sadomasochism, dominance, and submission, but many BDSM practictioners attribute the pleasurable pain of their fetish to the endorphin rush that accompanies the acting out of their fantasies. There’s even a word for the state of a submissive’s mind and body during and after consensual kinky play: subspace, often described as a “floaty” or “flying” feeling.

“For all of us, endorphins bind to opiate receptors to naturally relieve pain,” explains Maitresse Madeline Marlowe, a professional dominatrix who also works as a performer and director for Kink.com, a leading BDSM content producer. “Since BDSM play can include power exchange and masochistic acts, endorphins are one of the most common neurotransmitters [produced].”

As far back as 1987, leather activist and author Dr. Geoff Mains hypothesized that BDSM activity stimulated the release of endorphins, but scientists have yet to tease out the exact relationship between neurochemicals and S&M. But subspace does exist: Dr. Brad Sagarin, founder of the Science of BDSM research team and a professor of social and evolutionary psychology at Northern Illinois University, has compared it to runner’s high, the sense of euphoria and increased tolerance for pain that some joggers feel after a long run. Except, obviously, one is caused by the asphalt flashing beneath your feet, the other by a whip swishing through the air.

In a 2009 study titled Hormonal Changes and Couple Bonding in Consensual Sadomasochistic Activity, Dr. Sagarin discovered that cortisol levels increase in subs and decrease in doms over the course of a scene. The effect was replicated in the research team’s subsequent research: One 2016 preliminary study which measured the brain’s executive functioning (i.e. basic control of our thoughts, emotions and actions) after participating in BDSM; and another that found that participants in the extreme S&M ritual known as the Dance of Souls (involving temporary piercings of the skin with weights or hooks attached) exhibited increases in cortisol throughout the ritual.

“Like many potentially stressful or extreme experiences (e.g., sky-diving, fire-walking), individuals’ bodies react to that stress when they engage in BDSM,” Science of BDSM researcher Kathryn Klement told Broadly. “We interpret these cortisol results to mean that when people engage in BDSM play (as the receiver of sensations) or extreme rituals, their bodies release a hormone usually associated with stress. However, we’ve also found that people subjectively report their psychological stress decreasing, so there is a disconnect between what the body is experiencing, and what the individual is perceiving.”

For their 2016 study on brain functioning, Klement admits that the team didn’t directly measure brain activity (“that would require an fMRI, which would be tricky to incorporate into a BDSM scene”). Instead, they had participants complete a Stroop test—a neuropsychological assessment commonly used to detect brain damage—before and after a scene. “Bottoms do much worse on this measure after the scene, while tops show no difference,” Klement says.

They inferred from the study that the changes in executive functioning were as a result of the brain redirecting blood flow from higher-order functions to lower-order functions. Writing in the Guardian, Dr. Sagarin revealed that this “temporary impairment of the brain’s executive function capability” was often accompanied by “feelings of floating, peacefulness, time distortion, and living in the here and now.”

“We interpret these changes to be evidence of subspace, an altered state of consciousness that people who are receiving sensations (the bottoms) can experience,” Klement says.

But what about the psychological subspace felt by those experiencing non-physical play, such as humiliation, pet play, and other fetishes? According to Marlowe, this is where an understanding of behavioural psychology comes in handy.

“The click of the boot is a neutral stimulus paired with an unconditioned stimulus of licking the boot clean. It is a learned response.”

“In the context of humiliation and pet play, classical and operant conditioning play a huge roll in how these types of fetishes play out. Classical conditioning, made famous by Pavlov’s dog experiment, involves placing a signal before a reflex,” Marlowe explains. “Let’s think of it in a scenario where the domme and sub are enjoying puppy play. The domme may present a signal of a click of her boot, which will lead to the privilege of puppy licking the boot clean. The click of the boot is a neutral stimulus paired with an unconditioned stimulus of licking the boot clean. It is a learned response.”

Operant conditioning, on the other hand, involves reinforcement or punishment after a behaviour. “In the context of humiliation, it can be used to punish and then reinforce a behaviour until it is made right. Let’s say a submissive shows up to be pegged. They made a choice not to shave their derriere hole, [even though the] domme prefers a shaved hole to peg. Instead of getting the pegging session of their dreams, they are humiliated by their domme. I guarantee the next time they arrive to play, that hole would be baby soft. [And] once the sub gets the pegging play of their dreams, it reinforces the voluntary choice to shave.”

Snow Mercy, a pro-domme with a PhD in biochemistry, has done a survey of peer-reviewed research and apart from Dr. Sagarin’s study, she says there is a dearth of academic literature and empirical data on the relationship between biopsychology and BDSM.

“I cannot say I’ve used the science of neurochemicals to create a more thorough scene [but] I love studying the science of BDSM,” she says. “I find that BDSM research is a relatively new field. No other studies have been published that show the relationship between BDSM and neurochemicals, from what I can tell.”

Indeed, most modern academic studies on BDSM are far more focused on questioning and debunking its association with psychopathology. Conversely, one of the earliest reference books on sadomasochist behaviours and relationships, Psychopathia Sexualis, by Richard von Krafft-Ebing in 1886, dismisses the practice and its practitioners as pathological—a trend that continued in the field of psychiatry under Sigmund Freud and other eminent psychiatrists of their times.

In 2006, results from a research project by Dr. Pamela Connolly involving 32 self-identified BDSM practitioners surmised that “although psychoanalytic literature suggests that high levels of certain types of psychopathology should be prevalent among BDSM practitioners, this sample failed to produce widespread, high levels of psychopathology on psychometric measures of depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsion, psychological sadism, psychological masochism, or PTSD.”

Connolly’s findings are supported by a 2016 Dutch study of 902 kinksters, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, which concluded that the BDSM practitioners were “less neurotic, more extraverted [and] more conscientious” than the 434 respondents in the control. Evidence that BDSM leads to favorable psychological characteristics.

Will academics now turn their sights on the particular psychology and biochemistry occurring during the scenes? Klement says her research team is certainly interested in branching into oxytocin based on their work “indicating that BDSM partners experience increased relationship closeness during scenes.” Further studies into the role that endorphins play in relation to subspace and BDSM in general may also be on the cards. “We haven’t explored these substances in relation to BDSM, so we can’t comment. However, it is possible that changes in these chemicals relate to bottoms’ experiences of sub-space,” she says.

Mercy certainly expects to see future research done on the relationship between brain activity and S&M activities. “With the destigmatization of BDSM,” she says, “I hope to see more studies on the physiology of this practice.”

See more larger photo’s & video: Broadly.vice.com.

This is officially the bondage capital of the UK – you’ll never guess where it is

THIS surprising area of the UK is having the most kinky sex.

Source: Dailystar.co.uk.

UK – Ever since that fateful day E. L. James sat down to write Fifty Shades of Grey, the notion of bondage and BDSM has become much more mainstream.

A 2012 study – the year the first book in the trilogy was released – found sex toy sales in the UK rose by 400%, with people keen to try different things in the bedroom.

Residents of Bristol seem to have benefitted from this greatly as they have officially been named the bondage capital of the UK.

A survey by UK-based online furniture retailer, The Furniture Market, showed those in the west county have embraced their kinky side.

It’s not only Bristol residents getting in on the action.

Cambridge dwellers wanted to be tied up during sex more than anywhere else in the UK and 18% of Brits said they have been tied up during intercourse. A further 19% said they would like to try it.

A recent study called the “Sensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaiviours of Women” was recently published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour.

The researchers surveyed 1,580 females from all over the world – the US participants made up 80% of participants and the remaining 20% came from Australia, New Zealand, Wales, Ireland, England, India and Scotland among others.

The median age was 34 years old and these participants were asked to categorise a list of 126 sexual behaviours from their favourite to their least favourite.

Not surprisingly, the biggest turn on for a woman was touching – caress, cuddle, massage, tickle (99.62%) – and kissing, licking and sucking came in a close second with 99.56%.

However, in third place with a whopping 95% of the participants saying they enjoyed this was spanking.

Then came hair pulling (93.16%), biting (92.03%) and scratching (90.06%).

Bondage play was high up in the list too with bondage toys and moderate bondage (meaning you can’t get out on your own but have mobility of your body) at 87.53% and 86.39% respectively.

A whopping 80% of women say they like anal and 78% say they like sex with inanimate objects – excluding sex toys. Physical humiliation (face-slapping, begging and crawling) was also high on the list with 77.53% of women who admitted they enjoyed it.

Go on friends, get your kink on.

See more larger photo’s & video: www.dailystar.co.uk.

A Brief History of Japanese Rope Bondage

Source: Creators.vice.com.

USA – Kinbaku might seem like the latest BDSM trend, but the erotic art practice is centuries-old.

Taut lines, complex designs, and knots that would make a sailor blush are bound together in the art of kinbaku, or erotic Japanese rope bondage. The practice is part sculpture, performance, and pas de deux, and these days, you don’t have to be kinky to have seen it. Artists and enthusiasts have adopted the practice, bringing doses to the public in fashion magazines and art galleries alike. A search for #kinbaku on Instagram yields an infinite scroll of over 60,000 tagged posts.

To the uninitiated, kinbaku might seem like the latest in pop-BDSM, but the tradition evolved over centuries before making it to the smutty, nipple-free crannies of social media. Historical antecedents include representations in shunga, Japanese erotica that once doubled as sex education for newlyweds, and Japan’s version of the Kama Sutra, Shijuhatte. Katsushika Hokusai’s Dream of a Fisherman’s Wife is an iconic reference to rope erotica—the ukiyo-e woodblock print depicts the ecstasy of a woman ravaged by octopuses whose tentacles intertwine and titillate her body in rope-like fashion.

Just as the tools of Western subjugation have become the subject of fantasy, rope has had a similar pattern of expression. The metal chains used to anchor damsels in distress in Western fairy tales find their correlate in the rope that subdues captives in Japanese folklore. In his definitive text on the subject, The Beauty of Kinbaku, author and teacher Master “K” explains that shibari, the general term for rope tying, has had myriad practical and decorative functions throughout Japan’s history, in Shinto spiritual offerings, Sumo wrestling, and traditional kimono. Its adoption into erotic practice is simply another application of rope—a tool inextricable to the culture itself.

During the feudal Edo era, the dominant samurai class used rope in combat and to restrain prisoners of war in a martial art called hojojutsu, a brutal practice that bears little resemblance to the kinbaku of today. At the time, from the 17th to the 19th centuries, official Tokugawa crime laws used knots to torture and extort confessions from captives and to display alleged criminals. Each public punishment specifically fit the crime, so the tie used to administer it created a legible, symbolic admonition for crowds of onlookers.

In the early 20th century, kabuki theater began adapting rope ties into its highly stylized performances, presenting the earliest instances of what is now recognized as kinbaku. The technique of hojojutsu was reimagined so that actors could recreate the moves safely on stage, and redesigned to be more boldly aestheticized, giving audiences a more prominent visual experience.

After World War II, fetish magazines on both sides of the Pacific featured kinbaku in provocative illustrations, and later, photographs. Popular magazines like Kitan Club and Uramado were exchanged with mainstays from the American underground like Bizarre, beginning the cross pollination of two global fetish cultures, which has continued to this day.

To the untrained eye, kinbaku doesn’t look all that different from its roots in torture, but practitioners extol the virtues and pleasures of “sub space,” in which submissive partners can achieve a meditative state that is deeply therapeutic—finding, like so many BDSM enthusiasts, liberation in bondage. “When it’s done properly, kinbaku is not painful at all. It’s completely sensual,” Master “K” explains in an interview. “You can come out of a kinbaku session feeling every bit as relaxed as you do coming out of a good hot yoga practice,” he says, imparting how techniques stimulate erogenous zones, releasing endorphins and dopamine in the brain.

Despite providing one-on-one tutelage to a few select clients, Master “K” claims to have receded from the kinbaku scene in the face of its newfound popularity. Like much of the old guard, he is skeptical of the DIY ethos spilling over from the BDSM community post-Fifty Shades of Grey. Between YouTube copycats to alleged masters doling out workshops, he cautions that the technique demands rigorous study beyond hipster attention spans and weekend workshops. “In America, there’s a tendency to want to pay five dollars and expect that in two weeks you’re an expert. This is not something anybody can do without serious thought and learning,” he says, likening self-taught tiers to self-taught dentists.

He emphasizes that kinbaku is a practice in which a tier “[takes] on a tremendous amount of responsibility for [a] partner,” and that “kinbaku, at its most important, is about communication, empathy, and real understanding before any technique is applied.” Beyond knowing basic anatomy and the location of nerve centers, that means checking in with someone on a physical and psychological level, such as asking if a submissive is on medication or if they have significant past injuries. Then, and more importantly, a tier must know how to adjust techniques to address particular needs. “The dirty little secret,” he says, both here and in Japan, is that kinbaku models get hurt.

Master K says he’s delighted that kinbaku is coming out of the shadows, “and being appreciated, hopefully for the right reasons … It is very empowering and is [finally] being seen for that instead of misogynistic junk.”

To learn more about kinbaku history, influential masters, and art appearances, grab yourself a copy of The Beauty of Kinbaku by Master “K”.

See more larger photo’s: Creators.vice.com.

Firefighters blame Fifty Shades of Grey for rise in bondage-related mishaps

Source: Standard.co.uk.

UK – LONDON – Firefighters have blamed a rise in callouts involving adventurous lovers having bondage mishaps on blockbuster Fifty Shades of Grey.

The London Fire Brigade said the number of people who had to be released from handcuffs almost doubled in two years, from 15 in 2014-15 to 27 in 2015-16.

LFB said there were also nine callouts involving “men with rings stuck on their penises” since April last year.

The brigade issued the warning as the second Fifty Shades of Grey film hits cinemas.

They urged enthusiastic couples to be careful before getting themselves into “sticky situations” and in order to avoid an “embarrassing” visit.

In the last five years the capital’s fire crews have been called out to 102 incidents of people trapped in handcuffs and 23 instances of men with rings stuck on their penises, as well as other incidents involving men’s genitals.

According to the fire brigade each incident costs taxpayers at least £326, which amounts to a total of £830, 000 over the past three years.

London Fire Brigade Director of Operations Dave Brown said: “We’re pleased that fewer people are getting themselves stuck in difficult situations and reducing call outs, however, it seems the Fifty Shades of Grey effect is still leading to some call embarrassing call outs.

“I’d like to remind everyone that 999 is an emergency number and should only be used as such. If there’s a genuine emergency, fire crews will of course attend and will be on the scene to help within minutes.”

See larger photo: www.standard.co.uk.

Taking charge: student, dominatrix, survivor

Source: Pittnews.com.

USA – Instead of letting a sexual assault control her life, Larissa Allen decided to take control in the bedroom.

When Allen, a junior bioengineering major, was sexually assaulted in June 2015, she was already a part of the BDSM — Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism — scene. At the time, she took the submissive role in her relationship.

“I had always been interested in BDSM as a whole, but I definitely thought I was more submissive than anything else,” Allen said. “But then [I] had some personal issues — I was sexually assaulted by somebody outside of the [BDSM] scene. It kind of drew the anger to empower myself to take on the other side of the relationship, and I found that I liked it a lot better.”

Determined to rebuild the trust she’d lost in other people, Allen became a dominatrix.

A dominatrix is a person, typically a woman, who sexually controls their partners or clients — unlike a dominant sexual partner, dominatrixes typically profit from the experience.

Not only is Allen now in charge of her sexual experiences, but safewords and mutual trust draw thick lines between consent and force, all of which she finds especially important as a sexual assault survivor.

There isn’t a lot of research on BDSM in the United States — one of the most widely cited surveys is a 2005 Durex study that found 36 percent of adults use toys including masks and bondage tools in the bedroom. The popularity of the “Fifty Shades of Grey” series doesn’t necessarily mean more people are engaging in the kink, but it might mean they’re more open to talking about it, as the resulting media representation would suggest.

Generally, kink communities still remain underground, or in specific corners of the internet, utilizing sites such as FetLife to find like-minded sexual partners.

Through FetLife — a social networking site for the BDSM, kink and fetish community — Allen finds clients who pay her to control them in BDSM sessions. She usually meets clients in a public place, such as a coffee shop, and then goes to their homes — a situation that worked particularly well when Allen was living in on-campus dormitories.

“You can’t really host in [a dorm],” she said. “Although, my sub would come over occasionally, and I’d be like, ‘All right, you need to be quiet. You cannot make a noise,’ because I also lived right across the hall from my RA, so she could hear it.”

Allen’s arsenal of toys and tools ranges from a ball gag and duct tape to a riding crop and strap-on — none of which phase her anymore.

She’s paid anywhere from $200 to $1,500 per session, which typically last about two hours and do not include intercourse, because that would be considered prostitution. Regardless, Allen views vaginal intercourse as inherently submissive, a role she stepped away from after her assault.

In addition to more typical BDSM requests that go on behind closed doors, Allen mentioned casually, almost in passing, that she’s been asked to cut a client’s penis, has been called “mommy” and has even had a client defecate during a session.

“I was like, ‘Are you gonna clean that up?’” Allen said. “His dog was around, too. The dog was there the whole time. It was so uncomfortable. I was like, ‘Your dog doesn’t need to see this.’”

Maddie Preece, a junior bioengineering major and a friend of Allen’s, said she noticed right away the way Allen’s self-confidence has grown from the experience. The way Allen talks now about her experiences — matter-of-factly and down to the last detail — Preece pointed to as a result of the self-assurance that domination has given her.

“One day, we decided to go get coffee, but we barely knew each other, and we sat down and she was like, ‘Oh my God, you won’t believe the night I had,’ and just went right into it,” Preece said. “I think she draws a lot of confidence from it, a lot of empowerment from it — as a woman and sexually — and that carries out into her normal life.”

Since her assault, Allen’s also found ways to help other survivors as a member of Students Engaging in Conversations about Consent and Sexuality and as a hotline operator for Pittsburgh Action Against Rape. She’s also an advocate, assisting survivors through the painstaking process of going through a rape examination in the emergency room.

“I think it is great that she doesn’t let sexual assault get in her way of empowerment, what makes her happy and what she wants to do with her life, and she has really spun it into her story to be an advocate for others,” Preece said.

Allen’s role as a dominatrix and her position as an advocate aren’t necessarily at odds. Karly Kraemer, a 22-year-old employee at AdultMart in Monroeville, said BDSM is built on mutual respect and trust — just as any sexual relationship should be.

“BDSM is an ongoing conversation when it’s done with a romantic partner. It’s important to respect boundaries and safe words. Some couples even [include] aftercare, like cuddling and making sure their partner is OK,” Kraemer said. “It’s important to find a balance between ‘scenes’ and real life.”

Outside of the bedroom, Allen has had polyamorous — intimate relationships with more than one partner — BDSM relationships in which she and her partner/submissive are both free to date other people. She’s found ways that her business intersects with her pleasure, and ways that it doesn’t.

“I did have clients at that time, and I would actively be a dom, but I wouldn’t be one for my personal pleasure, if that makes sense,” Allen said.

One of Allen’s favorite safewords from a client is “kumquat,” though her personal choice is the more typical “pineapple” — “People really like fruit,” she said.

Allen’s clients know she’ll stop if they use the designated safeword. Asking someone to be open with her about their desires, sexually or otherwise, is a practice in mutual understanding — a concept the college student doesn’t take for granted.

“They’re trusting me,” Allen said. “That was a very big thing for me, because my trust was violated, and developing a trusting relationship with somebody else would have to be so strong in order for anything BDSM-related to work.”

See larger photo: Pittnews.com.