ICELAND – A kinky rescuer accidentally invited a ‘whole city’ in Iceland to a bondage party through his rescue team’s official Facebook account. While most people found it funny, others called for Magnús Örn Hákonarson to get sacked after he sent out the invitation to a BDSM event in Kópavogur from Landsbjargar’s Accident Investigation Company’s page. Magnús told local newspaper Vísir: ‘Who has not sent a message or snap to the wrong person? This just happened on the wrong page.’
BDSM is a combined acronym often used as a catchall for anything in the kink scene, including bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism. The invitation included information about safe words, and listed the dress code as fetish or alternative, which includes leather masks and whips.
Member of the BDSM Society were offered tickets for 1,000 ISK, (£7.20) while non-members had to splash out 3,000 ISK (£21.60) to enter the dungeon. The post was up for just a few minutes before Magnús realised what he had done. And the team’s board of directors said it was an honest mistake.
They said in a statement: ‘There are many people with different backgrounds and interests within the volunteer group. ‘People are engaged in all kinds of sports and hobbies and the rescue team’s board of directors will not distinguish these interests, as long as they are legal.’ Magnús said he received many offers of Facebook training after the awkward incident. And he has promised to be more careful with social media in the future.
To the people who come through the coffee shop where she works every day, Africa is simply a barista. But to the BDSM community members who frequent the dungeon where she works every night, she’s Envy Adams, a “dom/sub/switchy sado-masochist” and all-around “kinky girl.”
In her dungeon life, Africa is able to play with gender identity and power dynamics. She feels masculine and dominant in her everyday life, but is able to be more feminine and shy or submissive when she’s negotiating a BDSM scene with one of her play partners. “In my normal day, I’m wearing joggers and a button up and my backwards hats. And now I’m shopping for latex skirts and nipple tassels,” she says. In a new video for Refinery29, we see Africa make the transition from masculine barista to hyper-feminine BDSM dungeon worker. As she shops for a wig and outfit for her alter ego, she explains how the BDSM community allows her to explore her sexuality and gender identity, and why consent is so essential for BDSM play.
To the people who come through the coffee shop where she works every day, Africa is simply a barista. But to the BDSM community members who frequent the dungeon where she works every night, she’s Envy Adams, a “dom/sub/switchy sado-masochist” and all-around “kinky girl.”
In her dungeon life, Africa is able to play with gender identity and power dynamics. She feels masculine and dominant in her everyday life, but is able to be more feminine and shy or submissive when she’s negotiating a BDSM scene with one of her play partners. “In my normal day, I’m wearing joggers and a button up and my backwards hats. And now I’m shopping for latex skirts and nipple tassels,” she says. In a new video for Refinery29, we see Africa make the transition from masculine barista to hyper-feminine BDSM dungeon worker. As she shops for a wig and outfit for her alter ego, she explains how the BDSM community allows her to explore her sexuality and gender identity, and why consent is so essential for BDSM play.
“There is no sex involved, it’s just all play,” Africa explains about the dungeons. The fact that BDSM doesn’t always involve sex — which Africa defines as touching genitals — is only the first stereotype she breaks. She also shatters the idea that the BDSM community doesn’t really care about consent, given that the whole point is intentionally inflicting pain. In reality, people who practice BDSM are often way more skilled at asking for consent throughout an intimate experience than are people who don’t have kinky sex. “[BDSM is] a very consensual community. It’s an understanding, non-judgmental community,” Africa says. “Gender and sexuality is not a big, important issue there. It’s all about how you treat the person, and your consenting and negotiating of the scene that you’re going to partake in.”
Without ongoing consent, Africa wouldn’t be hitting her play partners, or tying them up, or doing anything else with them. It’s also very important to her that there’s never alcohol involved in any of her BDSM scenes, because alcohol blurs lines of consent. “Being sober during a scene is super critical,” she says. “You don’t want to negotiate anything under the influence.”
So while it may seem to non-kinky folks that BDSM is a free-for-all, do-whatever-you-want kind of sexual experience, that couldn’t be further from the truth. As Mistress Yin, a BDSM dominatrix, told Refinery29 previously: “Even if you’re saying ‘Yes, I want to be placed into bondage,’ it does not mean that you’re saying yes to all the different things that could happen to you while you’re in bondage. There has to be so much really honest communication with your partner.”
UK – A man has been jailed for three-and-a-half years for raping a women after claiming he mistook her protests as part of an interest in bondage. Jordan Eite, 23, met his victim online and was invited to her flat where she told him she had a bondage fetish. The woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, ‘kissed and cuddled’ with Eite before he stripped to his boxer shorts with the intention of staying the night, a court heard.
He said they kissed some more in the room where there was a whip and a riding crop and pulled on her hair ‘which she seemed to enjoy’, Prosecutor Tom Walkling told Warwick Crown Court. During the attack in early 2016, Eite claimed his victim ‘touched him under his clothing’, which caused him ‘to take things further’, the prosecutor said.
Despite his victim saying no to sex ‘on a number of occasions’ while they were together, Eite ignored her, claiming that he thought she was saying no as part of ‘fetish foreplay’, Mr Walkling added. The pair had not agreed a ‘safe word’, the court was told. Eite, from Rugby, initially denied raping the woman but changed his plea to guilty on the first day of his trial on Wednesday. He was jailed for three-and-a-half years and ordered to register as a sex offender for life.
Sentencing, Deputy Judge Richard Griffith-Jones said: ‘At the time, you were 20, and you were a naive young man, and you formed a friendship with the complainant on social media. ‘She – as she’s quite entitled to do – enjoyed a flirtation with you which involved a sharing by her of intimate desires and characteristics she had with regard to sexual pleasure.
‘It is one thing for someone to agree to what is, in effect, theatre to accentuate sexual pleasure, with all the safeguards that are necessary. ‘It is another for there to be no agreed theatre, but over-excitement on your part, and for that to overbear the fact that there is a right for someone to say no to sexual intercourse. ‘There was accepted intimacy short of intercourse, but it remains an obvious right for someone to say no. ‘She said that to you on a number of occasions, and you ignored that and, frankly, helped yourself. ‘This is a very sad situation in which there are no winners.’
The court was told that after he had finished, Eite got dressed and when he went to leave, the victim kissed him goodbye. She later sent him a message asking if he had got home safely, followed by another saying she just wanted to be friends. Graeme Simpson, defending, argued that because of the unusual circumstances, the rape was ‘at the lowest level under the sentencing guidelines’, which the judge agreed. Mr Simpson said there was a delay of about a year before Eite was charged and he had now trained in bar management and had a stable relationship with a girlfriend who was standing by him.
Owner and one host from BDSMradio.EU music and BDSM news for any taste. Reactions and donations for BDSMradio.EU are very welcome. Every cent is more than welcome. Thank you!! Reactions for BDSM Media news also welcome. Mail bdsmradioeu@hotmail.com
