“I have research slaves. I have slaves who post for me on Reddit. A scheduling slave. I have a sub-girl who does my styling and makeup.”
Source: Vice.com.
UK/Ireland – Eva Oh is a 35-year-old Chinese-Burmese-English-Irish professional dominatrix. She grew up in Asia, Australia, and Europe and now works in several cities around the world. She has a network of slaves, including one she lives with. She also hosts podcasts, workshops, and a web series.
Iwas not always a dominatrix. I went through multiple careers, like being a performance artist and a writer. I also started a sustainable design company and worked for the United Nations.
At first, I was doing things that were nurturing for my value system. I could see results that were helping, or could help, people. But when I started working in the corporate world, I realised that what I was doing benefitted the companies more than their consumers. I needed a switch.
I was about 26 years old when I remembered how an ex-boyfriend said that I would make for a good professional dominatrix. I wasn’t into kink, but I must have said or done something that made him think that.
So I did a Google search, found a dungeon in Australia — where I was living at the time — and went in for an interview. They asked me, “Have you ever been in sex work?” and I was like, “Is this sex work?” They said not necessarily; only if I wanted it to be. There was so much I did not know but within my first hour there, I was already helping another dom wrap up a guy.
Navigating all the strong dom women was a big challenge at first because I was the lowest in the ladder. But because I grew up in Asia, I was used to the hierarchy and didn’t question it much.
When you are working in a dungeon or doing professional domination, you are given a list of kinks to carry out. You are a fantasy machine of sorts, which can be fun and suits some people. But my personality is not like that at all — I like to give, but not on that level all the time. I want to decide how and when I please someone’s fantasy, and do it on my terms. So I made being a dominatrix my lifestyle, and quit doing it as a job. I still have clients, but instead of seeing them for a set time in a dungeon, we would establish and build long-term relationships as a dom and slave.
In the dungeon, I was taking all kinds of slaves. As long as their kinks suited me and I was paid according to whatever the house charged, I would do it. Now, I have an application process to ensure that we are compatible.
They have to prove that they know who I am. They must have done their research because they will literally become my partner. If I like what they write, I’ll set up an introductory session that lasts an hour and a half and costs $1,000. I’ll do what I want and see if I like them. If I do, I’ll start dating them, and they pay me monthly or in other ways, like company shares.
It’s like regular dating in the sense that we see each other regularly, but when we are together, it is within the slave-dom dynamic. We can be watching a movie, but I’ll be on the sofa and they will be on the floor. They also sleep on the ground and have to kiss my feet in the morning when I wake up. That’s the job of my main sub, whom I live with. I also have a group of inner-circle slaves whom I see regularly.
Another slave is rebuilding my house now. I have research slaves. I have slaves who post for me on Reddit. A scheduling slave. I have a sub-girl who does my styling and makeup.
If I take you on as a partner, our relationship is not structured by the hour. Rather, it’s like you are my partner, and you pay me to be my slave.
I don’t really work on a daily basis. I wake up, my sub makes me tea, I check in on my other subs. I organise when I’m going to be where, and with whom. I basically live like a retiree, which is nice.
But I am very picky when it comes to my slaves.
People who achieve a lot in the corporate structure are more suited for me. If they run a company and are successful, then it could work, because it could mean that they understand something about responsibilities and outcomes. They have had to adapt, struggle, and understand how outside forces navigate life. I think those are great skills. My slaves, in particular, have them because I can be quite challenging. You have to be a high-functioning individual to survive me.
All of my slaves are either CEOs or board members and those kinds of people can make good slaves because you can’t be a good leader if you don’t understand how to serve those that serve you. You have to understand all the moving parts.
It’s the same with me.
On a personal level, I give a lot in these relationships. I need to see what my slaves’ needs are on a daily basis, and preempt the things they will win and fail at in life and at work. That’s the only way for us to grow. It’s a symbiotic thing. I do it from what looks like a place of power, and yes, I have the last word, but I am always serving the relationship in doing so to make sure they are satisfied throughout.
My slaves are from diverse backgrounds. They were born in Western countries but have traveled a lot or lived in Asia for a long time. I like that because I am a third-culture kid. I like people who can pull from different cultural paradigms.
However, I would say it is much easier to inculcate a slave to understand my hierarchy when they come from a community-centric society like many in Asia.
Western societies are individualistic and work in less hierarchical structures. Therefore, when westerners want to be slaves, they tend to know what their needs are and will ask how they can be fulfilled.
That’s great but when they have no concept of hierarchy, being a slave is a lot less natural and there’s more learning that needs to be done. It’s not impossible, but I need to train them.
One of the sweetest things I learned as a dominatrix is that clients in all types of sex work just want human connection — to be vulnerable and be cared for. This is especially true when it comes to kink because when you are into certain things, you are often marginalised in society. People say, “You are crazy, what is wrong with you?” all the time. Through encounters with sex workers, you find someone who validates you for things others call you crazy for.
Desire looks different for every person, but the core need is always the same — wanting care, connection, and validation. So it is hard for me to be shocked by kinks. I believe that as long as someone is really connected to the idea and it satisfies them, who am I to say that it is not OK?
Correction 01/08/20: A previous version of this article wrongly stated that Eva Oh was a researcher for the World Bank. We regret the error.
