CANADA – We can all admit that Kim Petras is the princess of electro bubblegum pop, but we also must admit that she is an artist who is not afraid to showcase her stance on social issues. Instead of just posting an Instagram story defending sex workers utilizing OnlyFans as a new source of income, Kim, being the bold fearless artist she is, showcased her beliefs on the VMAs red carpet. Can we get a signature Kim Petras “Woo-Ah” in here?
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“At that time, the OnlyFans stuff was going down where they were banning sex workers,” Kim explained. “I am very sex-positive. The world needs sex workers, and the world needs sex. Anything that’s ‘taboo’ and considered as that by people, I want to push that and put that on the red carpet and be like ‘this can also be beautiful.’”
At the awards, Kim rocked a unique piece by the London-based designer, Richard Quinn. The look incorporated an intricate beaded dress that showcased a giant cross on the chest over top of a dominatrix black latex full-body suit.
At the time of the 2021 VMAs, OnlyFans announced it would be banning material deemed as sexually explicit. When the news started to make waves, many celebrities and influencers showed their support towards the sex industry, which caused OnlyFans to retract their statement only six days later via Twitter.
WATCH MORE: Fashion Friday – Kim Petras
“I spent my entire childhood on my computer dreaming of being a part of the world I wanted to be in and being an artist,” she said, reflecting on how she’s always dreamed of performing at the VMAs.
“Moving to LA with $500 by myself and then now performing at the VMAs – it was all worth it. It came true and that’s such a beautiful thing.”
Not only did Kim make a statement that night, but she also made history by being the first-ever transgender woman to perform at the coveted award show.
VMAs aside, Kim is dominating 2021 by making appearances at Lollapalooza and the fashion event of the year, The Met Gala. This year, she wore a Collina Strada dress paying homage to the designer’s inner horse girl by wearing a 3D horse on her chest.
When Kim Petras isn’t turning heads on red carpets, she is making the electrifying bops we truly need for our souls. She finally released the music video for the end-of-summer party anthem “Future Starts Now” and she gave us what we needed without leaving a drop.
“I’ve been working on being a good songwriter and would write ten songs a day after school.” A lot has changed since writing songs in her childhood bedroom. With her new musical era, she says, “this music deserves to be heard by as many people as possible and I think this is the right moment.”
When speaking of the process behind making the music video, “I need to climb the Eiffel tower and dance on it. That’s just an image that I had in my brain that I needed to happen no matter what.” We expect nothing less and that’s why we love you, Petras.
UK – Sherry Lever, aka Mistress Sofia, says she launched her career as a professional dominatrix after her ex-husband left her in financial difficulty. She turned her conservatory into a kinky ‘play room’ and the rest is history
A gran thought to be Britain’s oldest dominatrix has told how she turned her conservatory into a kinky ‘play room’ after struggling to pay the bills – and she’s doing better than ever.
Sherry Lever, also known a Mistress Sofia, says she was left feeling “financially embarrassed” after her marriage to her husband of 25 years broke down.
At the time, she was working as a chef, but wasn’t earning enough to pay off crippling debts.
That was 12 years ago. Luckily, Sherry, a self-confessed sadist, soon chanced upon her special talent – dominating men.
Now 70, she’s one of Britain’s most popular dominatrixes, with a legion of fans and admirers.
She runs her business from her home in Swindon, Wilts, where she invites “subs, slaves and sissies” into her ‘play room’ for sessions ranging from 50 minutes to overnight stays.
Speaking to The Daily Star, she said: “I have a play room. I don’t call it a dungeon – that would be too pretentious as it was previously a conservatory.
“A sub is a submissive. He likes to be dominated. He likes to do what he is told.
“A slave is a little more intense. They like to serve. They have no say it. They literally do what they’re told.
“A sissy is someone who likes to be dressed in a maids outfit and put to work.”
Sherry insists none of the sessions are sexual and her subs, slaves and sissies are not allowed to touch her – unless it is feet worship.
Men pay to be told what to do by Mistress Sofia. That can include housework, like cleaning the toilet or painting part of her home.
“Sessions can last as long as they want. They can stay overnight but if they do they will be locked in my metal cage,” she told us.
“Most commonly a session lasts an hour – unless it is foot worship and then it will last 30 minutes, as an hour is an awfully long time to have someone worshipping your feet.”
Sherry has told how she stumbled upon her talent and new career by chance.
“I was looking for a way out,” she said.
Sherry was watching TV one night when she saw a documentary about girls having ‘phone sex’ for money.
“I found it very funny and I actually managed to find one of the participants on social media and got in touch with her,” she said.
“She gave me all the help I needed and I found a company to work for and I started doing the phone lines. The pay was absolutely dreadful but it was better than nothing at the time.”
Despite the bad pay, Sherry realised that most of the calls were interested in some sort of domination and as time went on, she realised she was quite good at it.
“Callers started to believe I was a real dominatrix,” she said.
“Before I knew that they started asking if they could book sessions with me. Obviously calls are monitored and you’re not allowed to give out or take information.
“But some of my callers would give me their information even though I said I couldn’t take it.
“I’d say I was ignoring it but actually scribble it down with a pen.
“Then I’d get in contact with them and that’s how I started doing sessions.”
NEW ZEALAND – Mary Brennan, the country’s most outspoken former dominatrix talks about her life from fish ‘n’ chip shop owner to dominatrix, and her relationship with sex and her body. Katie Harris reports.
Unburdened by the shackles of social stigma that dog her industry, Mary Brennan is a true maverick, says childhood friend Geri.
“She is a force to be reckoned with – a force of nature and someone who lives in the world at large,” Geri tells the Herald on Sunday.
And it shows.
At a time when traditional brothels have to compete with porn, subscription site OnlyFans and the impact of covid lockdowns, Brennan pulls up her boot straps.
As the madam of Funhouse, an upmarket brothel in Wellington, she now trains workers in the art of being a dominatrix.
But her success in the industry hides a secret. A self-confessed introvert, Brennan isn’t a fan of sex.
She suffers vaginismus, a condition that can make sex painful and impossible for some.
“I’m actually naturally quite introverted. But I’ve trained myself to not seem like that, because of what I do.”
Dream job
Police officer, pilot or TV star are often jobs cited as the dream job for children, but even as a Catholic schoolgirl growing up in Eastbourne something inside of Mary always knew sex work would be in her future, even if “full service” wasn’t possible.
“I was fascinated by Mary Magdalene and I remember the priests and everyone saying she was a prostitute and because I had four brothers, and she used to hang out with the apostles and I thought, ‘wow, it can’t be that bad, she’s hanging out with all the boys’.”
Her first brush with sex work came at 18, when she and a friend applied for jobs at a massage parlour.
However, when they arrived a sign on the door stated all massages were “fully nude” and the girls made a U-turn.
She turned to hospitality, managing restaurants in London from 1988. To get a visa to stay there Brennan married her best friend Brent Robb, who was gay.
“It was like was the perfect relationship because we could never have an affair on each other. He was in and out of relationships and I used to have little drunk one night stands. But, you know, sex couldn’t ever come between us.”
The couple moved back to New Zealand in 1993 and ran a fish delivery business and later a fish and chip shop in Manaia.
The was destroyed by fire – Brennan maintains it was an arson attack – which led Robb to move to his brother’s farm in the Waikato.
Brennan moved to Martinborough and turned back to the industry she had first been drawn to as an 18-year-old.
She began managing a Wellington brothel part time in 1995 and was soon promoted to manager of two city brothels. Under her guidance, she tells the Herald, the brothels soon became the biggest and busiest in the capital.
“I’m a people manager, that’s what I do. It’s one of the things that made me a really good dominatrix.”
Brennan says she always had a strong belief in human rights for sex workers and clients.
“You know, there’s a lot of clients whose lives are enriched by being able to see sex workers and for that to be in a really safe and decriminalised environment.”
Over the years, Brennan’s worked with friends in the disability sector, trying to marry up the services of sex workers to disabled people who want them.
Spending time with someone who makes you feel special, she believes, can help clients leave feeling like “a million bucks”.
Professionally, she was excelling, but heartbreak came knocking when Robb was diagnosed with cancer. Brennan quit her jobs to take care of him.
After he died she returned to managing brothels and met a woman who was working as a dominatrix.
Brennan went into business with her in the early 2000s – even selling an investment property to boost the business, but things turned sour.
“I lost absolutely everything, got really sick because I was so stressed, the whole thing fell apart.
“I guess I thought that she was a superstar. But she wasn’t, I’d just never seen a dominatrix before.”
Brennan was deep in debt but decided to start again. She and her flatmate began renting out their spare room for sex work.
“So she was working and I had the phone number, and people were ringing me and saying ‘would you do a dominatrix session with me?’ No, I can’t. I couldn’t do it.”
Eventually, she came around, and the clients she started with instantly booked her again, and again, one was a weekly regular for three or so years after.
For Brennan, being a dominatrix was validating, satisfying, heart warming, fun and financially rewarding, but it couldn’t last forever.
“I stopped because the business in general became too busy and I am first and foremost a business woman and second a dominatrix.”
She says it was time to step away, bowing out at the top of her game, and “leaving them wanting more”.
While she was operating her clients didn’t know she had vaginismus, that she didn’t like taking off her clothes, or that she was not “relaxed sexually” about a lot of things.
“I have enjoyed sex from time to time. But it’s not something that I, you know, that’s part of my life now.”
Instead of hindering her work, she says these restrictions actually made her a lot more skilled because she had to compensate for what many “doms” would do naturally.
“I had to be a lot more inventive to make sessions exciting and because when I first started, I would see a client and I’d throw everything I knew at them.”
Two weeks later, they’d be right back, calling to book in another session.
Some, Mary says, would ask her to wear skimpier clothing like stockings and suspenders but this was a flat no.
Wearing “thunder pants” during a session was more her look and helped reassure her former partner nothing else going on.
“No way you’d get naked and strip down wearing them.
“I also wore tights, black thick tights. And if I was doing anything with a strap on, I’d wear little black boy shorts I put over it, like I had about 18 layers of protection.”
Working as a dominatrix gave her a deep understanding of humans, of men in particular, and how simple she says they are – which she says has affected how attractive she finds men.
“I haven’t seen anybody for about 15 years that has made me go ‘woah’. You know, it’s just, this is nothing.
“Once that veil of illusion is stripped away, then there’s kind of nothing exciting anymore.”
Providing BDSM services, Geri says, is Brennan’s way of helping people live out their desires.
“And they’re not all missionary style, and they’re not about a man having a very big ejaculate.”
Advocacy too is a large part of what Brennan does, speaking up on the rights of workers, and the issues and stigma they can face.
When Brennan tells people what she does for a living she says they often remark that she’s not what they expected.
“It’s like what did you expect – someone a lot harder, a lot colder?
“If you judge sex workers, just don’t, they’re just people, just human beings.”
Although managing brothels has been a huge part of her life, Brennan’s never been a full service sex worker. But there was one client she slept with for money.
“He was a barrister at the time and then once a week he’d come in and you know, usually book someone, but he’d always come into the office and say, ‘what about Mary, how much to see Mary?'”
This was typically met with laughter, however, after some time she did sleep with him but it was for a lot more money than usual, she says.
Over Brennan’s years in the industry, sex work has morphed significantly from it’s dark alley predecessor, disrupted by the proliferation of online pornography, OnlyFans and camming.
“When I started in the industry the only porn was in a magazine, so you’d have to go to a shop, it’d be in a sealed plastic bag, you know, people have the stash under the bed, or in this sheet or whatever. Now everything’s online,” Brennan says.
Clients also have more than just “one option” when it comes to buying sex now days, so brothels have to work even harder to get people in the door.
To combat diminishing in-person sex clientele, Brennan only takes about 5 per cent of the women who apply for sex worker roles, something she describes as a “business model judgment”.
“If they’re not going to get the work, their confidence will go through the floor and there is somewhere for everybody, you know, and I try and give as much information and advice and guidance to everybody who applies to me.”
Adding more services to their repertoire helps, so she now advertises things like sensual massage bookings, which are now relatively common.
The Covid-19 pandemic has hit in-person sex businesses hard: while the online sphere boomed traditional spaces have been forced to close doors for rolling lockdowns, if not permanently.
NZ Prostitutes Collective national organiser Dame Catherine Healy told the Herald the situation was still unfolding and with Delta it’s uncertain what the future of brothels will look like.
HIV was also a tremendous challenge, she says, but the industry adapted and a strong safe sex culture was built up.
“The industry wasn’t a casualty to HIV transmission, but Covid, with Delta, is certainly something different.”
With the most recent lockdown Brennan says her workers have more of an understanding about what is going on.
“Funhouse women are resilient and smart. They are also generally frugal and good savers, and pay tax so like other self-employed people are eligible for the wage subsidy.”
When sex work was decriminalised in New Zealand in 2003 sex workers and clients were able to operate without fear of legal action.
Before the law change, brothels were advertised as massage parlours, and staff had to figure out what kind of service a client wanted – without putting themselves in too much risk.
“So you know, someone would come in, and they would pay, say, $40 to the agency, and choose the lady from the lounge, and then they’d go through to a room.”
If a client “just wanted a massage”, Brennan says the worker wouldn’t get paid.
Responsibility for bounced cheques or ensuring clients paid correctly also fell on the workers.
Victoria University of Wellington senior lecturer Dr Lynzi Armstrong studies the impact of this and says the most significant change is that workers now have rights in this country, “which is extremely unusual, unfortunately when we look at what’s happening in other countries”.
“Having those rights has been so powerful in terms of interactions with clients.”
For five years after the law reform, Brennan was on the parliamentary review board, and she’s still a vocal advocate of sex worker rights.
“What happened with our decriminalisation, as opposed to what’s happening around the world when they’re trying to come up with rules and laws, is that sex workers were allowed to be part of a process.”
At 60, she sees her life and the things she’s gone through as a mixed bag, and often very left of centre compared to many people’s lives.
“But those experiences have made me the person that I am and given me the confidence and knowledge to do what it is I know I am here to do. I consider myself very lucky.”
USA – Between the cold, clinical nature of a doctor’s office and all that poking, probing and prodding, there’s a special sort of anxiety attached to a medical examination. That is, unless you have a medical fetish.
While many people would be happy to never set foot in a hospital again, members of this BDSM subculture are more than pleased to hear the slap of latex against their provider’s wrist or feel the cold diaphragm of a stethoscope on their chest — so much so that they incorporate it into their sexual practice via porn or roleplay. Given that there are so many different types of tests, treatments and exams, medical fetishists are spoilt for choice when it comes to procedure play, which can range from getting a cast or dressing up as a nurse to receiving a gynecological exam, catheter insertion or enema administration. Rather than going to an actual clinic with a licensed medical professional, they instead go to a dominatrix‘s dungeon to try and get “pregnant” from fake semen injected up their rectum.
At least that was the case for medical play specialist Mistress Odette during a recent client session in her dungeon, which encompasses a main room, a full medical laboratory and plenty of tools. And though some may be taken aback by this kind of “edgeplay” — or sexual activities that push safety boundaries — as Dr. Mark Griffiths explained, medical fetishism is “quite inclusive and wide-ranging,” as it can encompass sexual attraction to medical professionals, nurse roleplay and bodily examinations or procedures.
But what exactly is the appeal? For the most part, medical play is about the dominant-submissive relationship between a medical professional and their patient, who is relegated to a “patient, specimen or subject” while being examined by an authority figure. According to Mistress Odette, her patients get aroused by the power dynamics attached to an objectifying medical gaze that’s only concerned with dissecting a body in order to provide a diagnosis. And the result is a complete disregard for your individual autonomy, seeing as how your “health and wellness is being mediated by someone else,” which is something Mistress Odette can play on through things like small penis humiliation.
For most of her patients though, the implication that their naked body is “dirty,” “toxic” or “infectious,” especially while she wears personal protective equipment, can also be a huge turn-on, even when she’s not performing procedures like an enema. However, she said it’s all part of processing a client’s insecurities and facing their fears head-on. Because while they’re being rejected on the surface, Mistress Odette said that many medical fetishists use this sort of scenario in order to “take some kind of charge over something that they actually feel like hurt them in the past” by being the one who chooses to eroticize it.
“Doctors hold this power over us […] They can heal and free us from pain or they can tell you that you’re sick and dying.”
This can also be a form of worship. Though instead of the fascination and reverence inspired by a goddess, it’s an awestruck kind of fear elicited by a human who, quite literally, determines whether you live or die. And as Mistress Odette said, there’s something about being a little scared that can turn you on.
“[With doctors] we give them this extreme and direct access to our bodies in really terrifying ways,” Mistress Odette said, adding that it’s all about the sexual humiliation a patient experiences when “giving up their bodily control.” And what’s particularly interesting is that she also has many doctor clients who, she believes, enjoy the power reversal when someone else is occupying the position they’re usually in. “Doctors hold this power over us, and can alienate us with their knowledge and [clinical terminology],” as Mistress Odette explained,
“They can heal and free us from pain or they can tell you that you’re sick and dying,” she continued, before saying that her doctor clients like experiencing the helplessness that can sometimes come with being a patient who only interacts with doctors in their “most vulnerable state.”
Echoing this sentiment is Kyle*, a college student from Ohio who’s particularly interested in cardiac exams and orthopedic braces, as they insinuate a level of powerlessness. Additionally, he said that these particular fetishes are also rooted in real life, such as the hot male nurse treating his hypertension, which sparked Kyle’s interest in watching his heart rate respond to arousal. Meanwhile, his attraction to casts comes from the brace he had to wear in high school as a gay man attracted to the “more athletic guys” who’d also wear support braces.
“The thing that turns me on the most is the vulnerability of it. If you are wearing a cast or brace then you are restricted in movement and could possibly be subject to the whims of someone else,” he said, adding that it’s “almost a softcore bondage scenario,” because it restricts movement and you can see “someone athletic who is vulnerable.”
Much like Kyle, a friend of Mistress Odette’s named Medical Slave* explained that there’s something incredibly sensuous about being hooked up to monitoring equipment and being played with when she’s “sedated into a twilight state.”
“The feeling of being sedated makes the body just let go and enjoy it even more,” Medical Slave said, clarifying that she doesn’t like to “engage in anything that leaves marks or permanent damage,” which is one of the things Mistress Odette likes to make clear to her patients.
Despite having received a lot of unofficial training from doctors and nurses, Mistress Odette won’t engage in anything that causes “lasting harm,” especially since “the stakes can feel pretty high” and “the techniques prohibitive, because the rules and protocols in the medical fetish scene are strict” — even though she gets asked “almost daily whether [she] will castrate people.”
“I don’t do anything that’s irreversible. That’s a hard line,” she said, though she will do things like suturing “people’s balls over their dicks,” since you can “take the sutures out and go back to your office.” However, irreversible procedures aren’t the only thing she refuses to do, as Mistress Odette also draws the line at fetishizing disabilities.
While disability fetishes aren’t something she encounters normally, she’s aware that acrotomophiliacs — or those who fetishize amputees and/ or want to cut their own limbs off — do exist, though she also thinks it’s different from other iterations of medical fetishism.
“It’s not super related to [more general] medical fetishism, because I think it has more in common with other fetishes that can be disempowering for the subject,” Mistress Odette said. “The ones that fetishize people who are different from them.” Even so, she still tries to “steer clear of people who like to fetishize bodies in that way, because that’s in the same vein of things like racial fetishism. That’s about depersonalizing someone else in a way I don’t love. Especially as able-bodied people who don’t deal with people fetishizing our bodies in that way.”
Kyle added that he’d “never enjoy” something that exploits someone who’s permanently disabled. “That is just not right, [but] my feelings are that casting and bracing are something that are usually short-term, not a lifelong disability,” he said. “I honestly wouldn’t enjoy it if I thought I was negatively impacting anyone or could be perceived as exploiting them.”
Somewhat similarly, the pandemic has also caused an uptick in COVID-related fetishism, which can be interpreted as problematic given the number of deaths related to the virus. However, this kind of play is still less common than you’d think, as even Medical Slave was surprised to hear about the phenomenon, saying that she “hopes there’s no one who truly wants to find someone with COVID to play with,” seeing as how it’s so dangerous. But as Mistress Odette relayed, she does have some requests for vaccine play, though it’s usually from people with a pre-existing interest in it.
“I definitely did like a roleplay where I was like a ‘bimbo vaccine.’ Like vaccinating someone, but instead of it protecting them against corona, it made them a silly little bimbo for me to take advantage of,” she said, before acknowledging that this also plays into “conservative insecurities.” But like she hypothesized before, COVID-related vaccine play could just be a way for people to face something they’re really afraid of, because this is a way to “take control of that fear through making it erotic.”
Granted, if there’s one thing Medical Slave wants to say, it’s that people interested in medical play should take it extremely serious and start slow with a professional medical domme or a trustworthy and knowledgeable partner given the potential dangers.
“I only play with medical or surgical assistants and physicians for that reason. It’s too much of a danger if not,” she said, adding that this is a safeguard for her as someone who’s into the more “extreme parts of medical play,” like sedation. But if you can do that, Mistress Odette says medical play can actually be therapeutic for some, especially those who are processing a related trauma.
“People are working through what they’re working through, like if someone has had a negative experience with a doctor and really wants to roleplay it out,” she said. “And if you’re turned on by it, you’re turned on by it.”
*Names have been changed for anonymity.
Welcome to “Sex with Sandra,” a column by Sandra Song about the ever-changing face of sexuality. Whether it be spotlight features on sex work activists, deep dives into hyper-niche fetishes, or overviews on current legislation and policy, “Sex with Sandra” is dedicated to examining some of the biggest sex-related discussions happening on the Internet right now.
Photos courtesy of Alexandra KachaRELATED ARTICLES AROUND THE WEB
USA – AnnaLynne McCord says that getting into a BDSM relationship with “Prison Break” star Dominic Purcell helped her work through her past sexual trauma.
The “90210” star says of her former boyfriend, Purcell — whom she describes as a “big, strong, angry Aussie” — “he changed everything.”
McCord, 34, reveals in a candid interview with Giddy’s Marisa Sullivan that she unexpectedly went public with her past sexual abuse when she was pulled onstage at a charity event for survivors.
“When I first told my story, I was dragged up on stage during an event … I was thrown out on stage like a deer in headlights,” she recalled.
Being put on the spot at the gala, she thought, “‘Everything’s been said, everything’s been done’ … I didn’t know what to do, so I said, ‘You’ve heard all the stories from the survivors and the founder, but you don’t know the story of one girl.’ And then I thought, ‘Oh, why did I say that? That was stupid! There’s a thousand people here!’ So, that’s how my story came out.”
“When I was 19, I was sexually assaulted by a friend who was crashing at my home,” McCord tells Sullivan on her Giddy series, “Bare.” “I woke up and he was inside me, and I froze. My whole body … shut down and I didn’t know what to do. Then I blamed myself because I didn’t fight back … Because I didn’t try to stop it.” She’d also told Cosmo that she suffered physical abuse as a child growing up in Georgia.
Years later, “I was going through severe panic attacks, and started to undergo PTSD treatment. I literally went into BDSM — bondage, domination, sadomasochism — because I couldn’t feel anything,” McCord told Sullivan.
That was around the same time she also started seeing Purcell.
“Who broke through the wall?” Sullivan asks McCord, who replies, “A very, very ferociously strong man. Dominic Purcell. You might know him from ‘Prison Break’? He was bustin’ up some heads and breakin’ out of prison. It took a big, strong, angry Aussie. I had such severe sexual abuse at such a young age that my body decided, ‘This is unsafe for you to feel.’ So I was completely numb.”
However, “Dom and I … had this relationship. Yeah, Dom was my dom. There are many reasons why that man will be my forever person … he’s staying at my house right now — we’re not together [but] we’re family is what it is now.”
She says that Purcell “was a mirror back to me,” and that “Dom created space for me, but he called me the f–k out, he did not take bulls–t, and that’s why I trusted him. I trusted no masculine energies, I trusted no men. Because I figured, ‘I’m going to push every f–king button that you have, and if you cave, I can’t trust you.’” But “he changed everything.”
McCord also says of her connection with Purcell: “There was a sexual aspect that was underlying, that was pulling us … and we had explosive sex.”
The on/off couple seems to currently be off, according to McCord’s Giddy chat.
The pair began dating in 2011, and announced their first breakup in 2014. They then reportedly renewed their romance again a year later, but wound up splitting in 2018. By last year, there was speculation that the pair were back on, as they were spotted on a trip to the beach in Southern California together — with lots of PDA.
But in her new Giddy interview, McCord says they’re not together.
McCord was also reportedly with Purcell when he was in a near-fatal accident on the “Prison Break” set in 2016 — which required the actor, 51, to get 150-plus stitches in his head.
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