In this corner of the BDSM world, ‘finsubs’ relinquish control by opening their wallets.
Source: Inquirer.com.
USA – PHILADELPHIA – Goddess Reyo shows no mercy for missed appointments.
When her high-powered client failed to show up for a recent FaceTime call, she sent him a short video in which she pretendedto dial his father’s phone number, and then his secretary’s. Within five minutes, Reyo said, her client sent along his bank account and routing number.
Goddess Reyo is a financial dominatrix. (The Inquirer is referring to all dominatrixes in this story by their professional names for safety reasons.) She makes thousands of dollars each year from a rotating cast of “finsubs,” (mostly) men with powerful careers who long to relinquish control by sending money, and sometimes full financial access, to “findommes” like her.
“These are the types of men that want to feel powerless in some way. And that’s the only way to feel powerless,” Reyo, 28, said. She’s learned how to spot potential clients in the wild, sometimes just from extra glances at her long, manicured nails.
In more mainstream “sugar baby” relationships, wealthy, older men typically pay to take care of younger women, in some way buying power over them. But in the world of financial domination, wealthy, powerful people pay to submit to, and be controlled by, the less powerful.
Findommes often have no physical interaction with those they dominate. Instead, the kink is the surrender of the cash itself. Reyo, who lives in Mt. Airy, estimates that she made $150,000 in 2022 from her dominatrix work, not including the value of gifts like clothes, jewelry, and plane tickets.
“It’s one of the most direct possible ways you can do a power and control exchange,” said CJ Mooney, a Philly-based sex therapist who has worked with clients in the financial domination, or findom, space. “People who aren’t normally asked or expected to submit to anyone or anything — to be put in that role is very exciting.”
Mooney has seen an uptick in conversations about findom among therapy clients, partly because people are talking more openly about kink in general. Additionally, the pandemic lockdown pushed all kinds of sex work online, and financial domination is particularly well-suited to the Internet. Dominatrixes advertise on Twitter and Instagram, with links to electronic payment profiles for “tributes.”
New arrivals must first learn the lingo: subs are called “pay pigs”; “cash meets” are brief in-person encounters where subs hand over envelopes of money. Some also sign on for “draining sessions,” when a domme will require $20 or $50 every 10 minutes until a sub’s account is drained or a money cap is reached. Some submissives will give dommes full access to their bank accounts and passwords, thrilled by the risk of financial ruin and a sense of losing control, Mooney said. Sometimes there’s a video or picture exchange involved.
At a recent cash meet, Goddess Reyo instructed her client to bring her $300 in an envelope and a box of Krispy Kremes (“I was craving doughnuts,” she explained). He met her at a parking lot, on his knees. She arrived late, on purpose; after he handed her the cash and the doughnuts, he tried to strike up a conversation.
“I was just kind of in my ignoring mood — they love that, they love when you ignore them,” she said laughing.
As with any industry, especially one full of freelancers, individuals strive for smart branding, to keep clients coming back. The Fin Fairy, who is 34 and lives in West Philly, used to be a correctional officer. Last summer, after leaving prison work, she attended a three-month dominatrix academy in New York run by two successful financial dominatrixes. (She also works full-time in the healthcare field).
She learned about the business side of the profession: a dominatrix should maintain accounts on multiple platforms, from Twitter to the payment-based OnlyFans, and a submissive should always pay an initial tribute before a domme will deign to speak to him. She learned that draining sessions were not predictable sources of income; after spending so much money at once, clients often stay away.
For her business, she adopted a “Tinkerbell, whimsical, Wonderland” fairy persona, complete with wings.
“It’s just so liberating,” Fin Fairy said. “In this male-dominated world that we live in, for a woman to be in control and not necessarily using her body to do so — it means a lot.”
While some of the relationships are one-offs, others are longterm. Ivy, 29, has had the same submissive for nearly 10 years. He is a tech executive who lives in New Jersey. She knows what he likes in exchange for racking up bills on his credit card: photos showing her giving him the middle finger, tapping his card, and carrying bags of pricey purchases on her arm.
When they meet in person, which only happens once every year or two, he likes her to spit in his drink.
“Pretty easy,” she said.
The benefits for her are myriad: She takes her friends out to lunch and pays her electric bill with his money. Being rude to him relieves tension for her.
But even being a financial dominatrix has its stressors. Sometimes, she’ll get an urgent text message from her submissive telling her to spend, ASAP.
“Oh my God, I’m at work. I’m on break right now, I have an hour,” she said. “I’m just running around to stores nearby, and I swear to God, I’m buying stuff sometimes I don’t even want.”
