USC therapist leads lecture event about safe BDSM sex practices
Source: Uscannenbergmedia.com.
USA – USC is not as vanilla as once believed: over 20 students sat in on an intimate lecture about BDSM on Wednesday in hopes of diversifying the sex education resources being offered to students.
Led by Counseling and Mental Health clinician at USC, Guru Shabd Khalsa, this lecture covered the basics of what BDSM – Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, Masochism – sex entails and how to go about participating in a more unorthodox sex life in a way that is both safe and fun.
The idea behind the event was “to offer some accessibility and baseline information so that… [anybody] who felt unwelcome or unable to do some exploration… about any interest they might have” could do so safely and without judgment, said Khalsa.
Since the release of the 50 Shades of Grey movie franchise, BDSM has become much more mainstream, according to Time Magazine.
Yet there still remains a stigma surrounding unconventional sex practices, which are often looked down upon and assumed unhealthy or even evil, Khalsa said.
Society often holds the general belief that there is something psychologically wrong with people who partake in BDSM sex. However, BDSM “is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, and for most participants not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with ‘normal’ sex,” according to the National Institute of Health.
This ignorance in society is due to the limited availability of resources surrounding sexual health, and “there are even fewer resources about [these] ‘alternative’ lifestyles,” Khalsa said.
During her lecture, Khalsa touched on several topics including: the spectrum of sex and gender, the importance of consent and communication, expectations and boundaries, green versus red flags in partners, and the idea of pleasure versus performance.
Khalsa also provided several tips for anyone looking to consensually experiment with or delve more deeply into the world of BDSM.
“While it’s not sexy to have cold conversations about consent, there are sexy ways to ask for consent: Does that feel good? More of this? Is it okay if I do this?” Khalsa said.
The main takeaway from Khalsa’s lecture was that everyone should be engaging with their sexuality in a safe way and to do this, communication must happen constantly so that boundaries can be respected and consent is present.
“It’s sexy, fun and efficient to express what you want and don’t want to a partner… and, in my opinion, [communication] is important in vanilla relationships, kink relationships, and everything in between,” said Khalsa.
Many students who attended were appreciative of the intimate and inviting atmosphere Khalsa created throughout the event and found her lecture to be very informative and educational.
“It was just a really safe and educational space for everyone at all levels of interest. She gave a lot of good resources both for people who have either minor interests in [BDSM sex] or people who are already in the community and participating in it,” said Chandra Delano, a public relations major at USC.
Delano said she was happy to see such an emphasis on communication and consent in the lecture, since these subjects are not talked about enough. It’s especially important to discuss them on college campuses, she said, where many students are exploring their sexuality for the first time and are experiencing new thoughts and feelings that can be difficult to navigate.
“I think that there is a stigma that consent is not sexy, or content can kill the mood when, in reality, it can really do the opposite,” said Delano. “Communication can be one of the most attractive things that people can do, and it just overall boosts the experience that everyone is having.”
Other students enjoyed the community they were able to find at an event like this.
“There are others like me, people who I can share these things with, there are people I can talk to,” said 27-year-old computer engineering graduate student at USC, who would like to remain anonymous for fear of not being accepted by groups he is a part of at the university.
He believes that more events like this are necessary, to raise awareness for others to realize they are not alone and that there are inclusive spaces and communities they can comfortably explore their sexuality and interests in.
Through the lecture, the grad student said he learned why sex positivity is so important, which is so that people aren’t afraid to be who they are.
“Consensual safe sex without shame or fear is a right everyone deserves, whatever that looks like is up to you, as long as you are not hurting other people in your pursuit of that,” Khalsa said.
For more resources or information about BDSM, Khalsa suggested connecting with the employees at your local sex shops, who are typically “very excited to have those conversations with you”, or local sex positive organizations. To connect with other like minded individuals, you can get on the app Feeld, which is an open minded dating app with more gender and relationship options than the average dating app. You can also try FetLife.com, which has a lot of “nudity and aggressive porn ads,” but can be useful. OMGYES.com is a good site to visit to learn all about pleasure as a woman, but it requires a subscription.
