Source: Newstalk.com.
IRELAND – A dominatrix believes Ireland has come ‘really far, really fast’ but there is still whiplash from all the recent societal changes.
Clarity Mills was speaking to the ‘Ask Me Anything’ series on Lunchtime Live, which sees people come into studio and answer your questions every Friday.
Clarity hosts workshops and helps individuals to help them improve their sex lives.
She told the show people sometimes misunderstand about where kinks come from.
One listener asked her what was weirdest thing she has been been asked to do.
“One of the things that people don’t understand about most kinks and fantasies is that they’re very unique to each person,” Clarity said.
“They’re not necessarily overly sexual in nature.
“There’s an individual I work with that comes to mind who wanted to be submerged in a bathtub of treacle.
“The story was that when he was a young person he had actually a similar experience…and found it very arousing and also terrifying.
“So, it was a way to work through some of that trauma as recreating the experience”.
Another listener asked if Clarity gives tips and tricks for people.
“I do give lessons one-to-one and I do tips and tricks,” she said.
“I’m actually starting a podcast around sex education and mental health and physical health.
“It’s anecdotally called ‘A Shrink, A Doc and a Ho’ – literally a doctor, a psychiatrist and myself are talking about different aspects of kink and BDSM.”
Another person asked if many of her customers have dominant personalities.
“Very often that is the case,” she said.
“There’s this very famous Oscar Wilde quote which is ‘Everything in life is about sex except for sex. Sex is about power.’
“In essence if I were to describe what’s at the core of kink and BDSM, and alternative sexual lifestyles in general, it’s power exchange.
“A very common dynamic would be where somebody’s very large and in charge and assertive in their life wants to surrender that in the bedroom.
“People have a difficult time understanding that more extreme kinks are actually the way that the body and the mind is trying to work out trauma associated with it.
“It’s a version of self-soothing and inducing a parasympathetic nervous system response to calm the body down when you’re stressed out”.
A listener asked if Irish people are more open to sexual adventures.
“I’ve actually been fortunate to live aboard quite extensively,” Clarity said.
“I’ve been to nine different countries and travelled even more for my career and so forth.
“Ireland is more conservative than most countries, even Muslim or Asian or other types of countries that I’ve lived in in the past.
“However it’s come so far so quickly.
“In Gen Z I see a lot of hope and promise, where things like gender and Trans issues and sexual orientation and sexual preferences and polyamory and all these things are coming to the fore.
“But the difference between Gen Z here and older generations is that the gap was closed really quickly.
“Ireland was the first country to legalise gay marriage by popular referendum, but in 1989 condoms were illegal.
“Divorce was illegal until 1995, you couldn’t buy phonographic magazines until 1999.
“So, it’s come really far really fast – I think there’s still a little bit of whiplash happening from that,” she added.
