Goddess Opalonia wants women to know they can be both dominant and sexy
Source: Metrotimes.com.
USA – DETROIT – Opal Ramsey, known by some as Goddess Opalonia, says that exploring BDSM has changed her life. Now, practicing what she calls “kink therapy,” she encourages individuals to embark on their own journeys of self-discovery within their bodies and relationships.
“Sometimes these outlets can be therapy for many people,” she says. “Sometimes there’s hidden desires that people have repressed, due to their careers or their religions, and [this work] really gives them the safe space to let go and be free and explore different kinks they didn’t know they loved.”
Before the pandemic, Ramsey worked primarily as a masseuse at a Southfield spa called Pressure Point. But when the world closed due to the COVID-19 pandemic, her position was considered “super unessential,” she says. Her workplace was one of the first to close, and last to reopen, and when the spa did accept clients again, the work was minimal as many people did not want to get touched for fear of getting sick.
Around that time, one of Ramsey’s coworkers told her about adult websites, and as soon as she checked it out, she found it to be liberating in more ways than one. “The amount you make can be double or triple what you can at a professional spot,” she says.
However, Ramsey realized quickly that she was using adult work as a survival tactic, which was not a place she wanted to be in. “I didn’t go into massage therapy to be dancing on the line, so I had to get creative,” she says. “I really started to put one and two together that kinks kind of go hand in hand with massage, so I created this realm [that mixes] fetish and massage.”
Ever since then, Ramsey has worked independently as a “Sexual Health and Wellness Sensei,” an umbrella term she uses to encompass all the work she does. She says it’s been going great, not just for herself, but for others as well.
Groups hire Goddess Opalonia to showcase massages and sex toys at adult parties, couples hire her for special occasions — either to play with her or just show them new tools to use at home — and others hire her as a dominatrix.
When anyone books a session with her of any kind, there is a light vetting process so she can learn about the person’s experience level and establish safe words.
Female domination, or femdom for short, where women take on a dominant role in BDSM play, is where it all began for Ramsey. Specifically, she would partake in a newer realm of domination kink play called financial domination, or findom.
“It starts where women just look beautiful and tease and say mean, humiliating things to a guy for money, a lot of times over the phone, not in person,” she says. “I think this was created for the group of men who make decent money but never really learned how to talk to a woman. It was hard for me to be mean to somebody on purpose. But overall, looking back, I’m so thrilled that I did that. It takes thicker skin than you might think to fill those shoes.”
This work has changed Ramsey’s life for the better, she says, providing her the freedom to do what she wants. “It’s whatever you make it, it’s not one black and white field, you’re not tied to a box, and that right there in itself is very exciting, when you work for yourself and you love what you do,” she says.
Plus, kink therapy is not only good for pleasure, but also helps to break down stigma, sexual stereotypes, and gender roles.
“Most women, of any culture or race, are all taught to be submissive,” Ramsey says. “I think that it helps me because I was super nice. It helped me to stand up for myself more, say ‘no,’ even in my personal life. As far as the community, I think it’s a great outlet for husbands and wives to spice up the relationship, people trying to find themselves, and of course for the naughty kinksters as well.”
For women, exploring sex can allow them to realize how important their own pleasure is, and to know that it’s possible to be dominant and sexy.
“A lot of [women] never had a real orgasm,” Ramsey says. “A lot of us subconsciously think that our bodies are tools for men. To play around with different role play or different toys or different things in general, a lot of women can find themselves sexually or sensually in a way they’ve never done before. Being dominant, a lot of people think that’s a masculine trait, but you could still be very feminine, very sexy, and very dominant at the same time.”
While women can be faced with patriarchal views of sex, Ramsey emphasizes how important kink is to help men get out of their comfort zone too. “Of course, it’s a man’s world, however, prostate play or prostate massage is recommended in the massage community, especially for men after they reach the prostate exam,” Ramsey says. “It’s a big issue in many cultures where if a man has any penetration, he’s considered and labeled as gay, he will lose respect in his community, which causes many problems. I personally think that if people were more open to trying different things, it would cause less shame.”
Ramsey knows that the work she does is stigmatized, which is why she feels that talking about it openly is crucial and that communities should allow men and women the space to feel comfortable with their sexuality.
In Detroit, Ramsey says the city’s kink community “has so much potential.” She works specifically with a group called AFTADRK, where she has helped set up a few events and has showcased erotic massages.
“I like them very much because they’re very professional and elegant and it’s a great place to network,” she says. “When I first started, I was typically around the older crowd on FetLife. These people are younger, more millennial, I can learn something from them as far as finances and investments and just elevate me as a person as well as teaching them something.”
Ramsey is also a part of the poetry community in Detroit and has gone to some events to perform her erotic spoken-word pieces. She enjoys meshing her work with her long-time passions, so she always has outlets for self-care and self-expression.
“Sometimes we get lost in our work or careers or school and when I feel like that, I try to go back to what I loved to do before I even started doing this, which is poetry, anime, cosplay, and video games,” she says. “I try to bring it all together.”
Looking forward, Ramsey doesn’t only want to help women find themselves sexually but also wants to help other people who work in the same realm as herself succeed, partially because when she first started, she was not always treated well by her peers.
Firstly, while she has utilized social media and adult-content platforms like OnlyFans, Ramsey emphasizes the importance of having your own website, as companies can stop supporting you and your work at any time.
In the long-term future though, Ramsey’s big goal is to have a large building where women can collaborate and work together in a safe space that is mutually beneficial to everyone.
“I think a lot of times, women in the industry get discouraged because everybody just needs a place,” she says. “If you are throwing a party, if you’re seeing a client, even if you’re having a charity event, everybody needs that place to do it. My goal is to have one of my submissives or an investor invest in a building where I can have rooms and do my own adult parties and my own events and help girls with videos and stuff who want to get in the field and don’t know which direction to go. They could collectively put into a community that serves itself… The goal is to take over the world.”
