Source: Royalgazette.com.
BERMUDA – Kinks and fetishes; bondage, submission, sadomasochism and dominance: from the outset, Jason Jones and his wife Miranda realised SubSpace was a bold move on a tiny island.
They opened the doors in 2021 in what had been a basement apartment in their home in Paget.
Since then there’s been steady interest in their monthly socials and biweekly rope nights and “a growing sense of community”.
As a rental, SubSpace has also proven popular – for private date nights, hen nights, birthday parties and other adult events.
“On the surface, Bermuda’s very conservative. We knew there would be many misconceptions about the space and our motivation for creating it,” said Jason, who asked that we don’t use his and his wife’s real names.
“We expected there to be gossip and rumours from those who are as naïve as we once were, or simply committed to misunderstanding the purpose of the space in a negative way. Unfortunately, the topic of sex carries a lot of shame in our society.”
SubSpace offers a considerable selection of restraints and impact toys; there is also a cage, dark rooms, mirrors, dedicated play areas and a choice of kink and BDSM furniture.
It all sits at the end of a drive in a quiet neighbourhood. Access is through a secluded entryway.
Inside two spacious rooms are dimmable lights and a stocked kitchenette; laundry facilities and Wi-Fi complete the offering.
Miranda believes that part of the allure is all that it is not: a rowdy bar or nightclub where people expect to be hit on, or judged if they are different.
“As a woman, I never felt safe or at ease in regular bars or nightclubs due to unwanted male attention, sexual advances, groping etc,” she said.
“If I dressed sexy, I always felt like fresh meat. It’s a complaint I often hear from Bermudian women.
“No one had ever taught me how to deal with it and many men, it seems, have never been taught how to approach women respectfully.”
SubSpace welcomes consenting adults over the age of 18 for social nights and happy hours. For any events that involve “play”, people must be 21 or older.
“When we say sex-positive, we mean creating an atmosphere where you can work towards unlearning all the shame, judgment etc around perfectly healthy expressions of human sexuality,” Jason said. “SubSpace is a safe, discreet and inclusive space for consenting adults celebrating diversity – of gender, sexual preference, race, you name it – and body positivity. We also support the large variety of relationship styles rooted in consensual monogamy and non-monogamy.”
The couple, who opened SubSpace while in their forties, got the idea from the sex-positive clubs they’d visited on trips abroad.
They liked that they gave them the chance to “spice things up” without any of the judgment they feared they’d get here.
“A couple of years into our relationship, we thought we would be adventurous and try visiting a sex club while in Europe,” Miranda said. “We didn’t know what to expect and were extremely nervous. We naively thought it would be filled with ‘creeps’ and there would be pressure to interact with others; that it would be like a free for all. It was nothing like that.”
The staff explained the rules and etiquette: how to approach people, how to politely decline. Although “wearing almost nothing” Miranda “felt completely safe and at ease”.
“This was a transformative experience for me. From that moment I wished that Bermuda had a space like it, where women could dress as sexy as they wanted without coming to regret it.
“A space that empowered women, particularly, to feel respected and in complete control of their own sexuality.”
It became her dream to create the “first sex-positive, female-empowered space” in Bermuda but “how” and “where” were hurdles.
Opportunity presented itself when their tenant moved out.
SubSpace opened with a series of ladies-only nights. From there, the couple began offering two-hour workshops to people who were curious about rope, restraints and sensation toys, and how to enjoy them safely.
The couple made most of the furniture themselves and then began filling out the space with tools: floggers, paddles and crops for impact play and pinwheels and other things for sensation.
“It’s basically providing a safe space for interested people to meet each other and to have fun,” Jason said. “But we’re also trying to dispel misconceptions, too. When people think of kink, fetish, BDSM, they tend to think of what they’ve seen in movies or TV, scenes that are deliberately put the way they are to elicit a shock – usually negative. Hopefully more and more people will see that that’s not what it’s about.”
There are people who visit SubSpace who aren’t into kink or fetish or BDSM at all, he said.
“They’re just husband and wife or boyfriend and boyfriend or whatever looking for something a little bit different for a date night or anniversary. They want to reconnect and rekindle their sex lives by exploring new things in an adult playground.”
As is the case with the clubs Jason and Miranda visited elsewhere, anyone who doesn’t show total respect is shown the door.
Constantly stressed are “consent, discretion, safety, sexual health and inclusivity”.
Equal attention is given to a list of rules which is unbending: cameras are only allowed with private rentals; people with a record of abuse or assault are not welcome; a coloured wristband system gives clear instruction on personal boundaries; walk-ins are not accepted; names and contact details are logged in advance.
“We’re not a pick-up joint. People shouldn’t come down to a play party and expect to hook-up – that’s not what we’re about. Do that in town,” Jason said.
SubSpace has a selection of tools made from stainless steel, sealed wood and silicone.
Leather items are used in rotation, with time off spent in the sun. Hospital-grade cleaner is used for general sanitation.
The imported tools led to “many interesting conversations at the post office and with Customs”.
Jason suggests that first-timers sign up for a social event as there is no sex involved but “people are welcome to try different things”.
Another easy introduction is a rope class where he and his partner share the knowledge they have gained over a decade.
“At our socials, the furniture and toys are out for people to try if they feel comfortable,” he said. “If it looks interesting to you, have fun with it in a relaxed, pressure-free and safe space. And take a ‘no, thank you’ as graciously as you do a ‘yes, please’ if approached to have fun. Just be respectful.”
There are under 30 and over 30 nights; queer nights and ladies nights have been popular.
Events have also been held with specific causes in mind: BC Village, an “LGBTQ+ group comprising Bermuda College students and community persons” has benefited. The hope is to do something similar for OutBermuda.
“Despite the misconceptions that people have, the response has been, for the most part, overwhelmingly positive,” Jason said.
• SubSpace hosts free happy hours each month. Its owners make and sell custom stainless steel cuffs and day collars as well as Bermuda cedar paddles, stocks and sex toys. For more information visit @subspacebda on Instagram
