- Retired dominatrix Venus Cuffs puts on monthly parties that are part nightclub, part sexual exploration.
- Cuffs hand-picks the guests who get invited see inside her secret venues throughout New York City.
- Inside, they can dance, watch erotic performances, get spanked, have sex, or just cuddle.
Source: Insider.com.
USA – NEW YORK – On a chilly autumn evening outside of a Manhattan nightclub, a gaggle of partygoers chatter excitedly, adjusting their lacey lingerie straps and latex bodysuits in anticipation. They’d learned of the secret location they’re waiting to enter just 48 hours earlier.
Some clutch unopened wine and liquor bottles for the BYOB affair, listening intently to someone who asks to see their tickets and reminds them of the night’s most important rule: Don’t touch anyone without their permission.
Soon, they’re walking into the glow of flashing rainbow lights, their bodies enveloped by the sound of undulating techno music as they join around 100 others. People in their twenties, thirties, and forties – queer and straight, partnered and single – dance the night away. At one point, a burlesque performer twists and swings their body around a hoop suspended above the stage. Later, five guests line up and bend over, their faces filled with delight as they prepare to get spanked.
In a city full of bars and parties, they’ve each shelled out $80 to try something a bit different: An exclusive six-hour bash curated by a former-dominatrix-turned-event-planner who goes by Venus Cuffs.
Cuffs, 32, who throws parties every month or so, wants her guests to feel safe enough to escape into her sultry nightlife fantasy and dip their toes in risqué elements like sex swings, plastic-wrap restraints, and spanking benches — all without feeling an ounce of pressure to have sex, though that’s certainly an option.
“I want people to find themselves, to understand what they like, how they want to be touched, and how to bring their fantasies to life. At these parties, we can all figure it out together,” Cuffs told Insider.
Sex isn’t required, and many guests prefer to cuddle or watch
Cuffs’ parties are undeniably sexy. Guests are forbidden from wearing street clothes, and should opt for “fetish wear” like lacy corsets, leather harnesses, and chain-link accessories, she told Insider. Some guests show up party-ready while others change upon arrival.
The venues, which Cuffs selects to fit certain themes, are always well-stocked with lube and condoms that are within easy reach of makeshift beds made of plush floor pillows.
According to Cuffs, it’s a common misconception that play parties are filled with people getting off. While some may choose to have sex, most guests use the parties to give themselves a chance to explore their desires without taking things too seriously, she said.
A regular slate of burlesque performers and kink demonstrations, nonstop techno and house music, and stations with spanking benches, swings, and rope ties can keep guests entertained all night, Cuffs said.
And if a guest is in a more tender mood, they can always join a “cuddle puddle,” a cozy corner of pillows where guests convene to hold each other just because it feels good.
Cuffs said she usually spends most of the night in hosting mode, but can sometimes be found spanking her established play partners.
A club environment where everyone feels safe
Cuffs, who spent eight years as a dominatrix in NYC before shifting her focus to play parties, said she prioritizes a light-hearted vibe. One of her goals is to energize the queer community that supported her as a young, Black, bisexual woman. Her other goal, to create a less intense and more friendly sex-positive space, came from her passion for supporting fellow sexual assault survivors.
Cuffs uses three tactics to keep guests safe and comfortable: Dungeon monitors, a party-wide safe word, and a special system for dispensing alcoholic beverages.
For the duration of a party, dungeon monitors stroll around the room, acting as a resource for guests who may feel unsafe. Everyone also knows the party safe word, and are told to scream it as loudly as possible if they’re in a situation where they feel out of control.
Most sex acts are allowed, but Cuffs prohibits any form of race-related role play at her parties, she said.
Anyone who violates protocols is removed and banned from future parties, but this has only happened once in her years of hosting, she said. And dungeon monitors rarely come to her with issues because of Cuffs’ personal vetting of guests, she said.
Cuffs allows cannabis and alcohol at her events, but guests must bring their own substances. To ensure safe consumption, she’s created a system where each guest checks in their bottle of wine or liquor at a designated bar area. There, a bartender labels each bottle with a unique number and only dispenses it to the coordinating guest in small amounts.
How to get into Cuffs’ invite-only parties
Keeping the guest list limited and concealing the event location until 48 hours before a party are other ways to ensure an environment where guests can let their guards down, Cuffs said.
“I want to forget the outside world for a little bit, forget all of these conditions that have been placed on my body. I want to just exist,” Cuffs said.
She vets every person who wants to attend through an online form, which asks for links to their social media profiles, and how they learned of Cuffs’ events. If she thinks an applicant’s vibe and interests align with hers, Cuffs will extend an invite.
She typically invites 250 people, some who have previously been to her non-exclusive public events, like erotic cabarets and House of Screams, a Halloween-themed burlesque showcase. Potential guests may also receive invitations if they’re on Cuffs’ list of guests she’s previously vetted, or if they’re mutuals on her private social media accounts and request a vetting application.
“If someone is interested in getting an invite for my exclusive parties, it’s best to show up to my public events, like House of Screams, to get to know my community and how we connect,” Cuffs said.
Ultimately, Cuffs’ events aren’t for everyone, and she prefers it that way, saying it leads to more safety — and more fun. Often, a party attendee will get hooked, and keep coming back for more, she said.
“The erotic and sex is how we all got here, so why not celebrate it? And celebrating, it means fun.”
