Who knew you could practice alone!
DISCLAIMER: If you’re concerned about your safety or need advice on sex and sexuality, speak with a sexual health professional or counsellor or contact Brook for anonymous support. You can read our full beginner’s guide to BDSM here.
Source: Cosmopolitan.com
UK-BDSM is an umbrella term: an acronym that covers a range of consensual erotic practices related to power exchange, sensation play, and constraint/restriction. Or, you may have just heard the words bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism.
While most people picture whips and chains (thanks, Rihanna), BDSM is deeply personal and can be explored in many creative and nuanced ways. Whether that’s in the stereotypical format of dungeons and leather, or fantasising with roles and characters is completely up to you.
Over the last few decades, BDSM has become a lot more visible. From the 50 Shades of Grey franchise to the internet helping to shift attitudes towards sexual ‘norms’, there’s a growing interest in embodied experiences and self-expression.
More interest = more practices coming to light. And so, enter: self-bondage. Yep, that’s right, you can practice bondage alone. We know what you’re thinking: how can you tie up or restrain yourself? And how can you get yourself out again?
To fully understand the practice, we spoke to Sophia Rose, a London-based kink educator. Here, she takes us through this type of solo play, including how to practice self-bondage safely and tips to try.
What is self-bondage?
“Self bondage is the act of restraining oneself using ropes, cuffs, or other forms of physical containment,” says Rose. Usually, in the realm of personal erotic, emotional, or psychological exploration.
Rose explains that for some people, it’s a way to simulate the experience of being bound without involving a partner. For others, it can be a meditative, ritualistic or aesthetic practice.
Interestingly, Rose says that many people started to explore self-bondage during the pandemic, as they had limited access to connecting with partners. “People felt a sense of isolation, or were seeking practices to bring them back into a sense of embodiment, pleasure, and comfort,” she explains.
Rose says she was one of these people: she began taking online sessions with Karada House (a Berlin-based Queer space which offers education and practice for rope), specifically focusing on guided self-tying practices.
What’s the appeal of self-bondage?
There are multiple appeals to self-bondage, says Rose. The sensation, which she describes as a big hug, is contrasted against the tightness of the rope and the surrender of the body. “When we do something that feels pleasurable, our body reacts by releasing endorphins.”
On a psychological level, it’s about consciously and consensually stepping into a space that evokes and explores feelings of vulnerability juxtaposed with safety and control. For those who don’t have a partner or enjoy the autonomy of self-tying, Rose says the practice can be “empowering, affirming, and supportive”.
There’s also a therapeutic quality for some, she adds. It can be a way to regulate the nervous system through compression, restriction, or the heightened focus that tying requires. “That said, it’s not a substitute for therapy, and emotional care is just as important as physical safety in these practices,” she asserts.
Is self-bondage safe?
According to Rose, the number one thing to remember is that all bondage and kink is dangerous and carries risk. “Anyone who claims to be able to teach or do these things 100% ‘safely’ would raise caution for me.”
However, Rose says that self-bondage can be practised with intentional risk-aware approaches. “Educating ourselves and understanding the potential risks and how they can escalate is one of the main ways to mitigate more dangerous things from going wrong. It also allows us to take care of ourselves as we explore,” she adds.
Safe self-bondage ideas to try
As Rose says, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t dive into self-bondage headfirst — or at all — without understanding the practice or learning the ropes (literally). Instead, read through Rose’s tips and explore the kink in a responsible way.
Don’t start with ropes
According to Rose, you can still explore the sensation of bondage, constraint, and restriction, simply or symbolically. In terms of the former, she says you can loosely wrap with fabric or scarves. This will help you explore the feeling with a lighter compression and prevent full entrapment.
Explore rope as a tool for sensation
Use rope as a tool for sensation, says Rose. By this, she means wrap it around different parts of your body and explore your reaction: How does it feel on your feet, your torso, your thighs — what feels good when it’s tighter? What happens when you move or breathe deeply? How does this change the sensation?
“Think about it as the pleasure of the process rather than trying to reach an end result. You’ll enjoy it much more. Be playful and curious with yourself.”
Pick a comfortable position
“Pick a position that feels particularly comfy or interesting and see if you can tie yourself into that shape,” Rose recommends. She encourages you to ask: What happens when you let your body feel the support and holding of the rope? How does it feel to sink in and feel the bondage maintaining that shape? What happens when you adjust and move slightly?
“Find what feels good,” she concludes.
Join a class and learn
Finally, Rose says the best thing you can do is join a class and learn from an expert. Depending on what’s right for you, she suggests online classes with the aforementioned Karada House, or in-person events with London-based Slut Social. If you’re after private learning, Rose offers her own sessions here.
How to practice self-bondage safely
But before you try it for yourself, Rose has shared a series of pointers and advice for ensuring a safe self-bonding experience.
Have an exit plan
“Make sure you have safety shears (the things paramedics use to cut clothing off someone) before self-tying, and make sure they are close by to you,” she warns. AKA, not on the other side of the room.
Despite this being a self-bondage guide, Rose recommends having a friend or partner around while you initially explore and get to know your limits. If you are tying alone, she suggests creating a check-in system with people you trust. If they check in after a certain time and you don’t answer, they’ll know to come to your aid.
Ultimately, she advises not going beyond your capacity or skill. This is not something to try on a whim — make sure you fully research and prepare.
Avoid nerve damage and circulatory issues
“Tying too tightly in anatomically risky areas can restrict blood flow,” Rose warns. While this may not affect you short term, it can mask deeper issues such as nerve damage or nerve impingement. The latter can cause pain, numbness, tingling, or weakness in the affected area.
Additionally, joints and areas that are less protected by fat and muscle can be more at risk. That being said, Rose states that everyone is different and should assess their own specific bodily responses, sensations, and pre-existing conditions. Basically, anything that exacerbates any of these issues.
And, it goes without saying: anything around the neck is an absolute no-no.
Keep yourself and your space clear
If you’re tied in a position where balance is compromised, a slip or strain can be dangerous without support, says Rose. Especially if your neck or spine is bent or strained under pressure.
When tying, keep yourself and your space clear. “Do not position yourself off balance in a situation where you could fall a great distance (from a tall stool onto the floor, for example).” Stay on the floor or in the middle of a bed, Rose adds.
Be kind to your emotions
Granted, all the physical stuff is important. But it’s also helpful to acknowledge that self-bondage can bring up unexpected responses, Rose suggests. “Think about ways to care and check in with yourself if particularly intense things come up. Check in with a partner or practice things which bring you into your body.”
If you feel something is off…
“If something is not okay physically or emotionally, whether it’s numbness, tingling, or panic, listen to your body,” says Rose.
“Breathe, pause, and untie. It’s not a failure, it’s a responsible response to your body’s cues.” Go slowly, you can always do more; it’s hard to do less.
What to do in a self-bondage emergency
As previously mentioned, having clear release methods is a non-negotiable. Rose reiterates: “Use quick release knots where you can and have safety shears nearby.”
She also adds: “Do not attempt suspension unless you’ve learned this over time in an appropriate setting with educators who can guide you and support you to practice in a space with a spotter.” Suspension is extremely advanced and carries much greater risks, so stay aware!
“Any altered states of consciousness (even from breath play, orgasm, or deep subspace) can reduce your ability to judge risk or respond to discomfort.”
