Source: Telegraaf.nl/vrouw/seks-en-relaties (In Dutch)
NETHERLANDS – In the section ‘Between the Sheets’, women talk about their sex lives. This story comes from Ella (31). She is in a relationship with Alexander (33), to whom she has always given a lot of freedom regarding watching porn. But now she regrets it. Alexander wants increasingly extreme sex and Ella does not want to go along with that. ‘I am not his porn experiment!’
“‘Do you watch porn?’ Alexander asked me when we had only been together for a few months. ‘Yes, who doesn’t,’ I answered truthfully. I may have been in a relationship with him, but I certainly wasn’t averse to a moment to myself with my sex toys or fingers and some racy videos on my phone. That didn’t happen often. At most once a week. Alexander found that very exciting. And it was immediately his green light to tell me about the porn he watched.”
Anal sex
“I had to laugh a little when he showed me something. Anal sex (a no-go for me back then), bondage, and threesomes. Everything we didn’t do in bed. ‘Don’t you like it?’ Alexander wanted to know. I shrugged. Fine that he looked at it, but he didn’t have to expect me to reenact it in bed. But that is exactly what he did. He started talking about backdoor sex more and more often. I eventually decided to give in and had to admit that it wasn’t all that bad. And tying me up once turned out to work too.”
Painful
“But the desires are getting more and more extreme. Alexander has already shown me videos a few times, while saying out loud that he would like to try that with me too. All pretty rough. No way! I can’t bear the thought of anything getting broken, and besides, it just seems very painful to me. And a threesome with a woman involved? What is he thinking! My jealousy really can’t handle that.”
Bondage
“When it comes to bondage, tying hands to the bedposts isn’t enough anymore either. I’ve seen complicated rope constructions a few times already. ‘How hot is this?’ he asks. ‘I’m not your porn experiment,’ I reply. And often he stops then. But I want it to stop. I feel like he looks at it way too often and sees things that aren’t realistic at all. Because of that, he expects way too much from me and my body.”
Got angry
“I just find that conversation difficult to have. I can hardly forbid him from watching porn; I still do it myself sometimes. And I wouldn’t mind it nearly as much if he didn’t want to work on it with me afterwards. I sometimes wonder what teenage boys must expect from us women when they take their first steps into the world of watching porn. The women in those videos do things that are almost superhuman.”
Porn addict
“Sometimes it feels like I’m shortchanging him in bed. His standards are way too high because of everything he sees. Otherwise, we have a wonderful time together and we’re even getting married next year. But if there’s anything I’d like to change, this is it. ‘You just have to forbid him from looking at it,’ says my best friend, the only one I’ve confided in. But then he’ll just do it secretly; that’s just how it works. I’m sometimes afraid that he’s addicted to porn. Or well on his way to becoming one… I think it would be best to sit down and talk to him about it.”
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