Source: BDSMradio.EU (Fetlife link) & Ai plus science links

For me, and I think for many others as well, the question sometimes bubbles up as to why so many of us are submissive in BDSM play, but completely not in daily life? As a BDSM sub, you are willing to endure things that might make you angry or that you find utterly disgusting in everyday life. So how is it that in BDSM all of that vanishes like snow in the sun, and you even find it incredibly exciting, stimulating, and arousing?

Submissive in BDSM but not in daily life (science)

Time for science

It is a temporary escape from responsibility: Many submissives (especially those in high-ranking positions or experiencing a lot of daily stress) experience letting go of control as a tremendous psychological relief . In daily life, they have to make decisions, be responsible, and be “on.” In a scene, they can let go of all of that completely. This is comparable to how dominant types in daily life sometimes actually enjoy dominance in bed as compensation. goodtherapy.org

Context and consent are crucial: BDSM is not a reflection of your personality outside the scene. It is a safe space with safewords , boundaries, and trust. The submissive often retains ultimate control (they can stop whenever they want), which distinguishes it from true submissiveness in everyday life. en.wikipedia.org

Research shows that BDSM practitioners are psychologically healthy: They often score even better than average on well-being, extraversion, and openness, and are no more traumatized than others. It is a form of recreation, not a pathology. psychologytoday.com

Scientific triggers for submission in BDSM

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Scientific triggers for submission in BDSM

There are multiple mechanisms that can trigger submissiveness and the infamous “subspace” (an euphoric, trance-like state):

  1. Power exchange and role division
    The most frequently cited reason (among ~46% of practitioners) is the conscious exchange of power. This works through trust and role-play. It provides a sense of surrender to a safe partner, which can be deeply satisfying. psychologytoday.com
  2. Neurochemical reactions (endorphins, noradrenaline, etc.)
    • Pain and intense sensations activate the body’s own reward system: endorphins (natural opiates) provide pain relief and euphoria. Noradrenaline (adrenaline in the brain) triggers a “fight-or-flight” response with an increased pain threshold, energy, and sometimes fits of laughter.
    • This leads to transient hypofrontality : a temporary reduction in activity in the prefrontal cortex (responsible for planning, critical thinking, and self-awareness). The result: less worrying, being more in the moment, relaxation, or a trance. feeld.co
    • Oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) and dopamine strengthen bonding and pleasure.
  3. Altered states of consciousness
    Subspace resembles flow states in sports or meditation. It can be caused by pain, but also purely by dominant guidance, bondage, or mental surrender. There are different variants: energetic/more alert (noradrenergic) or dreamy/calm (endorphins). hermessolenzol.com
  4. Conditioning and psychological factors
    Repeated positive experiences strengthen the association between surrender/pain and pleasure (incentive sensitization). Attachment theory plays a role: deep trust in a partner makes vulnerability erotic and safe. sexualhealthalliance.com

Many submissives describe it as intrinsic (“that is how I am wired”) and present from a young age, not necessarily caused by trauma. psychologytoday.com

Briefly summarized, this part:

People are not “always” submissive or dominant — it is contextual. In BDSM, submission is triggered by a combination of psychological relief (letting go of control), neurochemical highs (endorphins, etc.), and a safe power dynamic. Everyday life requires different skills, so those roles remain separate. If you are curious yourself: safety, communication, and informed consent always come first (SSC/RACK). It is a normal variation in human sexuality for millions of people worldwide.

How does one explain that subs enjoy perversions they find repulsive in everyday life? Is there some kind of substance that makes nothing about the Dominant suddenly seem dirty anymore?

Yes, this is a classic phenomenon in BDSM, and there are both psychological and neurochemical explanations for it. Submissives can enjoy acts in a scene such as humiliation, certain bodily fluids, pain, dirty tasks, or taboos that they truly find repulsive in everyday life. This is not because they are “suddenly dirty,” but due to a combination of context, conditioning, and a cocktail of chemicals that temporarily alter or overcome the perception of disgust. psychologytoday.com

Psychological explanations

  • Context and consent change everything: Disgust is highly context-dependent. In everyday life, something is dirty or humiliating because it is unsafe, unwanted, or unhygienic. In a BDSM scene, it is consensual, wanted, and safe (with safewords). This changes the meaning: it becomes a sign of surrender, intimacy, or servitude to the Dominant. The same behavior takes on a completely different emotional charge. psychologytoday.com
  • Taboo and forbidden fruit: Many “perversions” are exciting precisely because they are taboo. Breaking social rules in a controlled setting provides an extra kick (arousal from transgression). This is comparable to how people in role-playing do things they would normally never do.
  • Eroticization of disgust: Through repetition and positive association (pleasure, orgasm, attention from the Dominant), disgust itself can become sexually charged. It becomes a vehicle for power exchange, masochism, or humiliation — exactly what the sub often seeks. psychologytoday.com

Neurochemical “substances” that reduce disgust

There is not a single substance that “makes everything on the Dominant no longer dirty,” but an entire cocktail that works together during intense scenes and subspace:

  • Endorphins (the body’s own opiates): Are released in response to pain, stress, or intense sensations. They reduce not only pain but also discomfort and disgust. They provide euphoria and a “high” that blurs boundaries. This is comparable to a runner’s high. healthline.com
  • Adrenaline / noradrenaline (fight-or-flight): Increases arousal, focus, and pain threshold. The body enters an excited state in which “dirty” or “scary” becomes less relevant because the brain prioritizes the intense experience and the bond with the partner. shelbydevlin.com
  • Oxytocin (cuddle and bonding hormone): Is released upon touch, trust, and surrender. It strengthens feelings of safety and intimacy with the Dominant, significantly reducing disgust towards their body or commands. It fosters trust and makes vulnerability feel good. shelbydevlin.com
  • Dopamine: Strengthens the reward system. Things that were initially disgusting become associated with pleasure and anticipation (“this is for my Dominant → it feels good”).
  • Transient hypofrontality: Temporary reduction of activity in the prefrontal cortex (critical thinking, self-awareness, moral judgment). Less worrying about “this is gross” → more in the moment and in the role. melmagazine.com

In addition, cortisol (stress hormone) often drops after the scene, which contributes to deep relaxation. sciencedirect.com

Briefly summarized

Disgust is not permanently switched off, but temporarily overruled by arousal, trust, neurochemicals, and the meaning the act takes on within the power dynamic. After the scene (and certainly after aftercare), disgust can return—which is why many subs sometimes experience a “drop” afterwards or wonder “what did I do?”. That is normal and is part of the drop in those chemicals. This is a normal variation in human sexuality, as long as it is safe, consensual, and informed. Scientifically speaking, BDSM practitioners are often just as psychologically healthy (or healthier) than the average population.

Personally, I could never be a 24/7 slave. Because I also find other (beginner) Mistresses very exciting and thrilling.

Is there a scientific explanation for being submissive 24/7 within a relationship? Is this sustainable? Surely the psychological effects and chemical substances don’t work 24/7?

Research has been conducted into this, primarily through qualitative studies and phenomenological analyses.

24/7 submission (often referred to as Total Power Exchange or TPE ) is a lifestyle in which the power dynamic is not limited to scenes, but is a permanent part of the relationship. It is not a constant “subspace,” but a role and dynamic that runs throughout the entire day. researchgate.net

Scientific/psychological explanation

  • Identity and lifestyle: For many people, 24/7 D/s is not a “game,” but an erotic identity or serious leisure (a leisure activity with deep involvement). It involves continuous role affirmation (“self-in-role”), which provides a sense of structure, security, and purpose. Some subs experience it as liberating: relinquishing control reduces daily stress and anxiety. researchgate.net
  • Attachment and emotion regulation: It can strengthen a secure attachment relationship. The sub gives control to someone they trust, which creates deep intimacy and bonding. This resembles attachment dynamics, but is consensual and conscious.
  • Motivations: Often a mix of sexual arousal (polarity between Dominant and sub), personal development (the Dominant helps provide structure), and psychological release (less pressure of responsibility).

Is it sustainable? Yes, but not for everyone.

Many people live this successfully for years, but it requires:

  • Excellent communication and continuous “dynamic consent” (consent that can be renegotiated).
  • Realistic boundaries and practical adjustments (work, social circle, health).
  • Daily aftercare — not just after scenes.

Challenges:

  • It is mentally and emotionally intense. The sub may feel overly dependent or experience a loss of identity.
  • Sub-drop can also occur outside of scenes if the dynamics become too one-sided.
  • External factors (work, family, stress) can conflict with the role.
  • Studies show that 24/7 dynamics often have less “equality,” which poses risks if the relationship deteriorates. search.proquest.com

Benefits reported by practitioners: lower stress, stronger bond, more satisfaction, and sometimes better mental health due to clear roles.

That is absolutely correct. Subspace (euphoria caused by endorphins, adrenaline, oxytocin, and dopamine) is a temporary altered state, especially during intense interactions. You cannot be in that chemical high continuously — the body would crash. thelamron.com

In a 24/7 dynamic, it is therefore more about:

  • Psychological and relational aspects (surrender, structure, trust) rather than constant chemical kicks.
  • Microdoses of dynamics: small daily rituals, rules, language use, or symbols (collar, tasks) that maintain the role without exhaustion.
  • Over time, the dynamic becomes more “normal” and identity-based, rather than purely hormonally driven.

Long-term effects :

BDSM practitioners generally do not score worse (often better) on well-being than others, provided it remains consensual and healthy. However, with extreme TPE without proper balance, burnout, dependency, or drop issues can arise. Aftercare, check-ins, and periods of “stepping off” are crucial. verywellmind.com

Latest Briefly summarized:

Scientifically speaking, 24/7 is a valid, consensual lifestyle for those it suits, driven by identity, attachment, and stress reduction — not by non-stop subspace. It is sustainable with good communication and balance, but it is demanding and not suitable for everyone.