I FOR ONE AM HAPPY THAT SHE FELT OPEN ENOUGH TO SHARE HER KINKS WITH THE WORLD AND LOOK FORWARD TO THE DAY WHEN ALL BLACK WOMEN CAN DO THE SAME.
Source: Essence.com.
USA – Despite it only being a few weeks into 2023, the trending topic “Pee Diddy” let me know that this won’t be the year we accept sexually liberated Black women as members of society. On a recent episode of her show Caresha Please with guest, rapper Trina, “Yung Miami,” aka Caresha Brownlee, revealed that she enjoys having her partners urinate on her. “Golden showers,” also known as “watersports,” involve urination as part of a kink. A golden shower is when someone urinates directly onto another person; however, it can also involve someone drinking urine or gargling it.
Whether or not you’re into golden showers, it’s never okay to kink shame someone for their sexual desires, especially if those desires are among consenting adults. Unfortunately, it’s common. Conversations about sexuality are often regarded as taboo or inappropriate in the Black community, but this shouldn’t be! Being able to talk openly about sexual desires and interests without judgment or fear of repercussions is essential when looking at sex holistically as something that can bring joy and pleasure instead of shame or guilt. And furthermore, as Black women, we should be leading the charge to help normalize talking openly about sex instead of playing respectability politics.
This is a stance that many of my fellow Black femme writers also hold. In a Facebook post, Josie Pickens wrote, “We should be happy that Black women are finally exploring their sexual desires after generations of navigating all kinds of sexual violence and sexual shame, AND we should be even happier that public conversations are happening around kink, sex and the like…”
She’s right. Approximately 52,500 adult heterosexuals, lesbians, gays, and bisexuals in the U.S. were examined in a study titled, Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample. According to this study, 95 percent of heterosexual men orgasmed during sex, compared to 65 percent of heterosexual women, the least likely of all the groups in the research. Another study in The Journal of Sex Research reported that couples who communicate more tend to have better sex lives in comparison to those who do not. So if women are last on the orgasm list and if having conversations about sex can fix that….why again are we kink shaming Caresha? If you ask me, most of us can learn a thing or two from her. As a gender, we don’t have room to shame others about what goes on in their bedrooms when we aren’t even having orgasms in ours.
We have to move past the notion that certain types of sexual acts are for “freaky white people.” Kinky sex is not a “white thing,” it’s a sex thing. Black people are—and have been—having kinky sex because it’s freeing and empowering. But most of all, some people find it pleasurable. If golden showers make Caresha happy and help her to orgasm at night then I’m all for it. In the words of Tabitha Brown, “That’s her business!” She wasn’t asking for our permission or quite frankly, our opinions. Part of the liberation that comes from being sexually open is the IDGAF attitude about what others may think about your interests. No one other than you and your partners have to like it.
I for one am happy that Caresha felt open enough to share her kinks with the world and I look forward to the day when all Black women can do the same. Being open about your desires allows you to communicate with partners in an honest way that will allow for mutual satisfaction and pleasure. Because what’s the point of sex if we’re both not being satisfied? Additionally, expressing yourself openly can help build trust in relationships since honesty is such an important part of any intimate relationship.
I would implore more Black women to celebrate other Black women who have found the sexual liberation that so many of us wish we had. Confidently taking control of your own body and sexuality is a beautiful thing. When done responsibly, there is no harm that comes from exploring one’s sexuality openly—only joy!
