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Your Brain on BDSM: Why Getting Spanked and Tied Up Makes You Feel High

Source: Broadly.vice.com.

USA – What happens in your head when you get flogged? Scientific researchers and professional dominatrixes talk about endorphins and all the other neurochemicals that make bondage so delightful.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’re spending the week debunking myths and lies about romance. Read the rest of our “Love is a Hoax” coverage here.

There’s no denying that understanding how the human body works can lead to some intense sex. After all, as clichéd as it is, the brain is the biggest erogenous zone—and BDSM is no different.

It may conjure up images of bondage, discipline, sadomasochism, dominance, and submission, but many BDSM practictioners attribute the pleasurable pain of their fetish to the endorphin rush that accompanies the acting out of their fantasies. There’s even a word for the state of a submissive’s mind and body during and after consensual kinky play: subspace, often described as a “floaty” or “flying” feeling.

“For all of us, endorphins bind to opiate receptors to naturally relieve pain,” explains Maitresse Madeline Marlowe, a professional dominatrix who also works as a performer and director for Kink.com, a leading BDSM content producer. “Since BDSM play can include power exchange and masochistic acts, endorphins are one of the most common neurotransmitters [produced].”

As far back as 1987, leather activist and author Dr. Geoff Mains hypothesized that BDSM activity stimulated the release of endorphins, but scientists have yet to tease out the exact relationship between neurochemicals and S&M. But subspace does exist: Dr. Brad Sagarin, founder of the Science of BDSM research team and a professor of social and evolutionary psychology at Northern Illinois University, has compared it to runner’s high, the sense of euphoria and increased tolerance for pain that some joggers feel after a long run. Except, obviously, one is caused by the asphalt flashing beneath your feet, the other by a whip swishing through the air.

In a 2009 study titled Hormonal Changes and Couple Bonding in Consensual Sadomasochistic Activity, Dr. Sagarin discovered that cortisol levels increase in subs and decrease in doms over the course of a scene. The effect was replicated in the research team’s subsequent research: One 2016 preliminary study which measured the brain’s executive functioning (i.e. basic control of our thoughts, emotions and actions) after participating in BDSM; and another that found that participants in the extreme S&M ritual known as the Dance of Souls (involving temporary piercings of the skin with weights or hooks attached) exhibited increases in cortisol throughout the ritual.

“Like many potentially stressful or extreme experiences (e.g., sky-diving, fire-walking), individuals’ bodies react to that stress when they engage in BDSM,” Science of BDSM researcher Kathryn Klement told Broadly. “We interpret these cortisol results to mean that when people engage in BDSM play (as the receiver of sensations) or extreme rituals, their bodies release a hormone usually associated with stress. However, we’ve also found that people subjectively report their psychological stress decreasing, so there is a disconnect between what the body is experiencing, and what the individual is perceiving.”

For their 2016 study on brain functioning, Klement admits that the team didn’t directly measure brain activity (“that would require an fMRI, which would be tricky to incorporate into a BDSM scene”). Instead, they had participants complete a Stroop test—a neuropsychological assessment commonly used to detect brain damage—before and after a scene. “Bottoms do much worse on this measure after the scene, while tops show no difference,” Klement says.

They inferred from the study that the changes in executive functioning were as a result of the brain redirecting blood flow from higher-order functions to lower-order functions. Writing in the Guardian, Dr. Sagarin revealed that this “temporary impairment of the brain’s executive function capability” was often accompanied by “feelings of floating, peacefulness, time distortion, and living in the here and now.”

“We interpret these changes to be evidence of subspace, an altered state of consciousness that people who are receiving sensations (the bottoms) can experience,” Klement says.

But what about the psychological subspace felt by those experiencing non-physical play, such as humiliation, pet play, and other fetishes? According to Marlowe, this is where an understanding of behavioural psychology comes in handy.

“The click of the boot is a neutral stimulus paired with an unconditioned stimulus of licking the boot clean. It is a learned response.”

“In the context of humiliation and pet play, classical and operant conditioning play a huge roll in how these types of fetishes play out. Classical conditioning, made famous by Pavlov’s dog experiment, involves placing a signal before a reflex,” Marlowe explains. “Let’s think of it in a scenario where the domme and sub are enjoying puppy play. The domme may present a signal of a click of her boot, which will lead to the privilege of puppy licking the boot clean. The click of the boot is a neutral stimulus paired with an unconditioned stimulus of licking the boot clean. It is a learned response.”

Operant conditioning, on the other hand, involves reinforcement or punishment after a behaviour. “In the context of humiliation, it can be used to punish and then reinforce a behaviour until it is made right. Let’s say a submissive shows up to be pegged. They made a choice not to shave their derriere hole, [even though the] domme prefers a shaved hole to peg. Instead of getting the pegging session of their dreams, they are humiliated by their domme. I guarantee the next time they arrive to play, that hole would be baby soft. [And] once the sub gets the pegging play of their dreams, it reinforces the voluntary choice to shave.”

Snow Mercy, a pro-domme with a PhD in biochemistry, has done a survey of peer-reviewed research and apart from Dr. Sagarin’s study, she says there is a dearth of academic literature and empirical data on the relationship between biopsychology and BDSM.

“I cannot say I’ve used the science of neurochemicals to create a more thorough scene [but] I love studying the science of BDSM,” she says. “I find that BDSM research is a relatively new field. No other studies have been published that show the relationship between BDSM and neurochemicals, from what I can tell.”

Indeed, most modern academic studies on BDSM are far more focused on questioning and debunking its association with psychopathology. Conversely, one of the earliest reference books on sadomasochist behaviours and relationships, Psychopathia Sexualis, by Richard von Krafft-Ebing in 1886, dismisses the practice and its practitioners as pathological—a trend that continued in the field of psychiatry under Sigmund Freud and other eminent psychiatrists of their times.

In 2006, results from a research project by Dr. Pamela Connolly involving 32 self-identified BDSM practitioners surmised that “although psychoanalytic literature suggests that high levels of certain types of psychopathology should be prevalent among BDSM practitioners, this sample failed to produce widespread, high levels of psychopathology on psychometric measures of depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsion, psychological sadism, psychological masochism, or PTSD.”

Connolly’s findings are supported by a 2016 Dutch study of 902 kinksters, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, which concluded that the BDSM practitioners were “less neurotic, more extraverted [and] more conscientious” than the 434 respondents in the control. Evidence that BDSM leads to favorable psychological characteristics.

Will academics now turn their sights on the particular psychology and biochemistry occurring during the scenes? Klement says her research team is certainly interested in branching into oxytocin based on their work “indicating that BDSM partners experience increased relationship closeness during scenes.” Further studies into the role that endorphins play in relation to subspace and BDSM in general may also be on the cards. “We haven’t explored these substances in relation to BDSM, so we can’t comment. However, it is possible that changes in these chemicals relate to bottoms’ experiences of sub-space,” she says.

Mercy certainly expects to see future research done on the relationship between brain activity and S&M activities. “With the destigmatization of BDSM,” she says, “I hope to see more studies on the physiology of this practice.”

See more larger photo’s & video: Broadly.vice.com.

This is officially the bondage capital of the UK – you’ll never guess where it is

THIS surprising area of the UK is having the most kinky sex.

Source: Dailystar.co.uk.

UK – Ever since that fateful day E. L. James sat down to write Fifty Shades of Grey, the notion of bondage and BDSM has become much more mainstream.

A 2012 study – the year the first book in the trilogy was released – found sex toy sales in the UK rose by 400%, with people keen to try different things in the bedroom.

Residents of Bristol seem to have benefitted from this greatly as they have officially been named the bondage capital of the UK.

A survey by UK-based online furniture retailer, The Furniture Market, showed those in the west county have embraced their kinky side.

It’s not only Bristol residents getting in on the action.

Cambridge dwellers wanted to be tied up during sex more than anywhere else in the UK and 18% of Brits said they have been tied up during intercourse. A further 19% said they would like to try it.

A recent study called the “Sensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaiviours of Women” was recently published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour.

The researchers surveyed 1,580 females from all over the world – the US participants made up 80% of participants and the remaining 20% came from Australia, New Zealand, Wales, Ireland, England, India and Scotland among others.

The median age was 34 years old and these participants were asked to categorise a list of 126 sexual behaviours from their favourite to their least favourite.

Not surprisingly, the biggest turn on for a woman was touching – caress, cuddle, massage, tickle (99.62%) – and kissing, licking and sucking came in a close second with 99.56%.

However, in third place with a whopping 95% of the participants saying they enjoyed this was spanking.

Then came hair pulling (93.16%), biting (92.03%) and scratching (90.06%).

Bondage play was high up in the list too with bondage toys and moderate bondage (meaning you can’t get out on your own but have mobility of your body) at 87.53% and 86.39% respectively.

A whopping 80% of women say they like anal and 78% say they like sex with inanimate objects – excluding sex toys. Physical humiliation (face-slapping, begging and crawling) was also high on the list with 77.53% of women who admitted they enjoyed it.

Go on friends, get your kink on.

See more larger photo’s & video: www.dailystar.co.uk.

A Brief History of Japanese Rope Bondage

Source: Creators.vice.com.

USA – Kinbaku might seem like the latest BDSM trend, but the erotic art practice is centuries-old.

Taut lines, complex designs, and knots that would make a sailor blush are bound together in the art of kinbaku, or erotic Japanese rope bondage. The practice is part sculpture, performance, and pas de deux, and these days, you don’t have to be kinky to have seen it. Artists and enthusiasts have adopted the practice, bringing doses to the public in fashion magazines and art galleries alike. A search for #kinbaku on Instagram yields an infinite scroll of over 60,000 tagged posts.

To the uninitiated, kinbaku might seem like the latest in pop-BDSM, but the tradition evolved over centuries before making it to the smutty, nipple-free crannies of social media. Historical antecedents include representations in shunga, Japanese erotica that once doubled as sex education for newlyweds, and Japan’s version of the Kama Sutra, Shijuhatte. Katsushika Hokusai’s Dream of a Fisherman’s Wife is an iconic reference to rope erotica—the ukiyo-e woodblock print depicts the ecstasy of a woman ravaged by octopuses whose tentacles intertwine and titillate her body in rope-like fashion.

Just as the tools of Western subjugation have become the subject of fantasy, rope has had a similar pattern of expression. The metal chains used to anchor damsels in distress in Western fairy tales find their correlate in the rope that subdues captives in Japanese folklore. In his definitive text on the subject, The Beauty of Kinbaku, author and teacher Master “K” explains that shibari, the general term for rope tying, has had myriad practical and decorative functions throughout Japan’s history, in Shinto spiritual offerings, Sumo wrestling, and traditional kimono. Its adoption into erotic practice is simply another application of rope—a tool inextricable to the culture itself.

During the feudal Edo era, the dominant samurai class used rope in combat and to restrain prisoners of war in a martial art called hojojutsu, a brutal practice that bears little resemblance to the kinbaku of today. At the time, from the 17th to the 19th centuries, official Tokugawa crime laws used knots to torture and extort confessions from captives and to display alleged criminals. Each public punishment specifically fit the crime, so the tie used to administer it created a legible, symbolic admonition for crowds of onlookers.

In the early 20th century, kabuki theater began adapting rope ties into its highly stylized performances, presenting the earliest instances of what is now recognized as kinbaku. The technique of hojojutsu was reimagined so that actors could recreate the moves safely on stage, and redesigned to be more boldly aestheticized, giving audiences a more prominent visual experience.

After World War II, fetish magazines on both sides of the Pacific featured kinbaku in provocative illustrations, and later, photographs. Popular magazines like Kitan Club and Uramado were exchanged with mainstays from the American underground like Bizarre, beginning the cross pollination of two global fetish cultures, which has continued to this day.

To the untrained eye, kinbaku doesn’t look all that different from its roots in torture, but practitioners extol the virtues and pleasures of “sub space,” in which submissive partners can achieve a meditative state that is deeply therapeutic—finding, like so many BDSM enthusiasts, liberation in bondage. “When it’s done properly, kinbaku is not painful at all. It’s completely sensual,” Master “K” explains in an interview. “You can come out of a kinbaku session feeling every bit as relaxed as you do coming out of a good hot yoga practice,” he says, imparting how techniques stimulate erogenous zones, releasing endorphins and dopamine in the brain.

Despite providing one-on-one tutelage to a few select clients, Master “K” claims to have receded from the kinbaku scene in the face of its newfound popularity. Like much of the old guard, he is skeptical of the DIY ethos spilling over from the BDSM community post-Fifty Shades of Grey. Between YouTube copycats to alleged masters doling out workshops, he cautions that the technique demands rigorous study beyond hipster attention spans and weekend workshops. “In America, there’s a tendency to want to pay five dollars and expect that in two weeks you’re an expert. This is not something anybody can do without serious thought and learning,” he says, likening self-taught tiers to self-taught dentists.

He emphasizes that kinbaku is a practice in which a tier “[takes] on a tremendous amount of responsibility for [a] partner,” and that “kinbaku, at its most important, is about communication, empathy, and real understanding before any technique is applied.” Beyond knowing basic anatomy and the location of nerve centers, that means checking in with someone on a physical and psychological level, such as asking if a submissive is on medication or if they have significant past injuries. Then, and more importantly, a tier must know how to adjust techniques to address particular needs. “The dirty little secret,” he says, both here and in Japan, is that kinbaku models get hurt.

Master K says he’s delighted that kinbaku is coming out of the shadows, “and being appreciated, hopefully for the right reasons … It is very empowering and is [finally] being seen for that instead of misogynistic junk.”

To learn more about kinbaku history, influential masters, and art appearances, grab yourself a copy of The Beauty of Kinbaku by Master “K”.

See more larger photo’s: Creators.vice.com.

Firefighters blame Fifty Shades of Grey for rise in bondage-related mishaps

Source: Standard.co.uk.

UK – LONDON – Firefighters have blamed a rise in callouts involving adventurous lovers having bondage mishaps on blockbuster Fifty Shades of Grey.

The London Fire Brigade said the number of people who had to be released from handcuffs almost doubled in two years, from 15 in 2014-15 to 27 in 2015-16.

LFB said there were also nine callouts involving “men with rings stuck on their penises” since April last year.

The brigade issued the warning as the second Fifty Shades of Grey film hits cinemas.

They urged enthusiastic couples to be careful before getting themselves into “sticky situations” and in order to avoid an “embarrassing” visit.

In the last five years the capital’s fire crews have been called out to 102 incidents of people trapped in handcuffs and 23 instances of men with rings stuck on their penises, as well as other incidents involving men’s genitals.

According to the fire brigade each incident costs taxpayers at least £326, which amounts to a total of £830, 000 over the past three years.

London Fire Brigade Director of Operations Dave Brown said: “We’re pleased that fewer people are getting themselves stuck in difficult situations and reducing call outs, however, it seems the Fifty Shades of Grey effect is still leading to some call embarrassing call outs.

“I’d like to remind everyone that 999 is an emergency number and should only be used as such. If there’s a genuine emergency, fire crews will of course attend and will be on the scene to help within minutes.”

See larger photo: www.standard.co.uk.

Taking charge: student, dominatrix, survivor

Source: Pittnews.com.

USA – Instead of letting a sexual assault control her life, Larissa Allen decided to take control in the bedroom.

When Allen, a junior bioengineering major, was sexually assaulted in June 2015, she was already a part of the BDSM — Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism — scene. At the time, she took the submissive role in her relationship.

“I had always been interested in BDSM as a whole, but I definitely thought I was more submissive than anything else,” Allen said. “But then [I] had some personal issues — I was sexually assaulted by somebody outside of the [BDSM] scene. It kind of drew the anger to empower myself to take on the other side of the relationship, and I found that I liked it a lot better.”

Determined to rebuild the trust she’d lost in other people, Allen became a dominatrix.

A dominatrix is a person, typically a woman, who sexually controls their partners or clients — unlike a dominant sexual partner, dominatrixes typically profit from the experience.

Not only is Allen now in charge of her sexual experiences, but safewords and mutual trust draw thick lines between consent and force, all of which she finds especially important as a sexual assault survivor.

There isn’t a lot of research on BDSM in the United States — one of the most widely cited surveys is a 2005 Durex study that found 36 percent of adults use toys including masks and bondage tools in the bedroom. The popularity of the “Fifty Shades of Grey” series doesn’t necessarily mean more people are engaging in the kink, but it might mean they’re more open to talking about it, as the resulting media representation would suggest.

Generally, kink communities still remain underground, or in specific corners of the internet, utilizing sites such as FetLife to find like-minded sexual partners.

Through FetLife — a social networking site for the BDSM, kink and fetish community — Allen finds clients who pay her to control them in BDSM sessions. She usually meets clients in a public place, such as a coffee shop, and then goes to their homes — a situation that worked particularly well when Allen was living in on-campus dormitories.

“You can’t really host in [a dorm],” she said. “Although, my sub would come over occasionally, and I’d be like, ‘All right, you need to be quiet. You cannot make a noise,’ because I also lived right across the hall from my RA, so she could hear it.”

Allen’s arsenal of toys and tools ranges from a ball gag and duct tape to a riding crop and strap-on — none of which phase her anymore.

She’s paid anywhere from $200 to $1,500 per session, which typically last about two hours and do not include intercourse, because that would be considered prostitution. Regardless, Allen views vaginal intercourse as inherently submissive, a role she stepped away from after her assault.

In addition to more typical BDSM requests that go on behind closed doors, Allen mentioned casually, almost in passing, that she’s been asked to cut a client’s penis, has been called “mommy” and has even had a client defecate during a session.

“I was like, ‘Are you gonna clean that up?’” Allen said. “His dog was around, too. The dog was there the whole time. It was so uncomfortable. I was like, ‘Your dog doesn’t need to see this.’”

Maddie Preece, a junior bioengineering major and a friend of Allen’s, said she noticed right away the way Allen’s self-confidence has grown from the experience. The way Allen talks now about her experiences — matter-of-factly and down to the last detail — Preece pointed to as a result of the self-assurance that domination has given her.

“One day, we decided to go get coffee, but we barely knew each other, and we sat down and she was like, ‘Oh my God, you won’t believe the night I had,’ and just went right into it,” Preece said. “I think she draws a lot of confidence from it, a lot of empowerment from it — as a woman and sexually — and that carries out into her normal life.”

Since her assault, Allen’s also found ways to help other survivors as a member of Students Engaging in Conversations about Consent and Sexuality and as a hotline operator for Pittsburgh Action Against Rape. She’s also an advocate, assisting survivors through the painstaking process of going through a rape examination in the emergency room.

“I think it is great that she doesn’t let sexual assault get in her way of empowerment, what makes her happy and what she wants to do with her life, and she has really spun it into her story to be an advocate for others,” Preece said.

Allen’s role as a dominatrix and her position as an advocate aren’t necessarily at odds. Karly Kraemer, a 22-year-old employee at AdultMart in Monroeville, said BDSM is built on mutual respect and trust — just as any sexual relationship should be.

“BDSM is an ongoing conversation when it’s done with a romantic partner. It’s important to respect boundaries and safe words. Some couples even [include] aftercare, like cuddling and making sure their partner is OK,” Kraemer said. “It’s important to find a balance between ‘scenes’ and real life.”

Outside of the bedroom, Allen has had polyamorous — intimate relationships with more than one partner — BDSM relationships in which she and her partner/submissive are both free to date other people. She’s found ways that her business intersects with her pleasure, and ways that it doesn’t.

“I did have clients at that time, and I would actively be a dom, but I wouldn’t be one for my personal pleasure, if that makes sense,” Allen said.

One of Allen’s favorite safewords from a client is “kumquat,” though her personal choice is the more typical “pineapple” — “People really like fruit,” she said.

Allen’s clients know she’ll stop if they use the designated safeword. Asking someone to be open with her about their desires, sexually or otherwise, is a practice in mutual understanding — a concept the college student doesn’t take for granted.

“They’re trusting me,” Allen said. “That was a very big thing for me, because my trust was violated, and developing a trusting relationship with somebody else would have to be so strong in order for anything BDSM-related to work.”

See larger photo: Pittnews.com.

Dominatrix who took part in BBC documentary about sex workers is forced to defend her lifestyle after viewers branded it ‘disgusting’ and labelled her husband a ‘pimp’

*Sex worker Charlotte Rose was featured in BBC documentary about the industry

*The mother explained how she enjoyed sex and earned her own money

*Clip divided viewers on Twitter with some branding Miss Rose’s partner ‘a pimp’

*The couple defended Miss Rose’s lifestyle and said their critics were ‘frustrating’

Source: Dailymail.co.uk.

UK – A dominatrix who took part in a BBC documentary about the sex industry was forced to defend her lifestyle after she was blasted by viewers.

Charlotte Rose, from London, spoke out after dozens of outraged viewers took to Facebook to brand her ‘disgusting’ and call her partner a ‘pimp’. Viewers also criticised the BBC for broadcasting what one said was ‘an ad for prostitution’.

Miss Rose and her partner Colin Chapman hit back at critics on the social media site before filming an interview together, branding the backlash ‘frustrating’.

In the interview with RT, Mr Chapman criticised those who judged his wife and explained why he supported her decision to be a sex worker.

He said: ‘It’s frustrating because clearly everyone thinks that someone in the sex industry is incapable of having a normal, loving relationship, which we’ve very, very much got.’

Miss Rose, an award-winning dominatrix, was one of six sex workers featured in the six-minute long BBC3 feature called Things Sex Workers are Tired of Hearing.

The show saw them answer questions like: ‘How much money do you make?’ and ‘What happened to you to make you choose this?’

Miss Rose, who praised her clients as ‘great’, said taking part in the show gave her an opportunity to ‘debunk’ common misconceptions about her job.

The programme sparked widespread debate when it was shared on the BBC3 Facebook page.

Some praised Miss Rose for her candidness and honesty, saying: ‘Thank you for being brave and being in the video’.

However dozens criticised the clip, saying it belittled the suffering of trafficked sex workers.

One disgusted viewer wrote: ‘I am unhappy that my licence fee is promoting prostitution and you’re advertising this is a potential career choice to teenagers.’

The viewer added: ‘A man that pays a woman for sex is also paying for his power over her, that’s what the money does.’

After Miss Rose joined the online conversation, some attacked her and her family personally. Miss Rose and Mr Chapman have five children together.

One viewer said: ‘Imagine being her child’.

Miss Rose and Mr Chapman tried to respond to the questions on Facebook before agreeing to be interviewed on camera.

Miss Rose said: ‘I think it was really disgusting that a lot of comments that were made were classifying my partner as a pimp.’

Mr Chapman stepped into explain his own position, saying: ‘I am not happy that she is treated the same as a normal person in a normal job.

‘The fact that she has no protection in place in her work and I’d like to see more legislation to help sex workers in the industry and also to get rid of the stigma.’

Miss Rose added: ‘The comments that have been put on to this work are a perfect example on why we need decriminalisation.’

See more larger photo’s & video: www.dailymail.co.uk.

How To Turn Your Bedroom Into The ‘Red Room’

Source: Huffingtonpost.com.

USA – For lovers, BDSM can be an amazing experience and, really, anything goes as long as it’s safe, sane and consensual.

Americans are probably more educated, informed, and enthusiastic about sex today than we’ve ever been, and yet we can still sometimes feel closed or uncomfortable expressing our sexuality in certain ways. BDSM — a world I stumbled into, learned to understand, and have grown to love — is definitely one of those uncomfortable areas.

Before the Internet, many people assumed that fantasies and fetishes beyond “vanilla” sex were only for the perverted and abnormal. People who felt such desires rarely or never expressed them, and many must have felt completely alone. Today, though, we are more honest with each other and with ourselves — we know that most fantasies and fetishes are actually quite common. What’s more, the online world has empowered revolutionary sex positive movements and entire communities of people who are interested in exploring sexuality in previously forbidden and taboo ways.

Enter 50 Shades of Grey, a romance novel that has launched an enormous interest in bondage, domination, sadism and masochism (BDSM).

Now, many people I speak with are curious about BDSM, but don’t know how to get started. Others are afraid of it, thinking it is all about pain. So what is BDSM? How do you do it? Do I have to wear a corset? How do you even get into a latex bodysuit?!

Today, I want to give you some expert tips for how to turn your bedroom into the Red Room.

First of all, don’t panic. Remember that this is about giving yourself permission to experiment and play, and you should be enjoying yourself, not stressing out.

Let’s start with a good working definition of BDSM. (Spoiler alert: It’s not actually all about pain.)

Generally, BDSM is about dominance and submission. One person plays the “top” or dominant role, while the other plays the “bottom” or submissive role. These roles often coincide with each person’s natural tendencies or come from a particular desire they feel to dominate or submit. It’s also possible to be a “switch,” which means that you can play both roles naturally. Sometimes it’ll be easy to figure out which roles will work best for you and your partner, while other times it will require a little bit of experimentation — and that’s okay! Give yourself plenty of time to figure out what feels best. You might be surprised by what you find sexy and exciting, but you have to give yourself permission to be vulnerable and adventurous first.

The first step toward incorporating BDSM into your sex life, then, is communication.

It is absolutely necessary to talk with your partner first, before you ever start online shopping for bondage rope or floggers. Spend some time thinking about fantasies you would like to explore, and then tell your partner about them. Ask them to share theirs. Be honest. This kind of authenticity, by the way, is often the scariest part of the whole process, but it’s also an amazing exercise in trust.

Once you’ve talked about your fantasies (ideally over champagne and chocolate-dipped strawberries), do some research. Read up on what other people have tried, and come up with a plan that sounds like fun to both of you. Think about what mood you want to create, be it raunchy, lighthearted, or dark.

Discuss what your boundaries are, and it’s important to have a “safe word” to make sure you don’t cross the line. Good communication is necessary, as is respect.

Then buy the bondage rope.

When you’re first experimenting, start out small. Try a little name calling, some spanking, or light bondage and then work your way up from there. Whatever you decide to try, make sure to practice safely and use common sense. For instance, when tying someone up, be sure not to constrict their circulation, and remember that spanking is to stimulate rather than harm.

If you’ve read this much and are still at a loss for how to get started, here are some ideas to inspire your research.

A role play using elements that excite one or both partners is always a great place to begin. Your role play can involve:

• Light elements (you pretend to be complete strangers or forbidden coworkers who risk it all for one wild night of passion) • Dark elements (spice it up with props like warm wax, smoking, gags, or an edgier role play narrative) • Tying up (scarves and neckties can both work as restraints and blindfolds) • Spanking (with your hand is best or with a paddle that fits the scene you’ve chosen) • Caning and/or whipping (once you’ve had a lot of practice on pillows and such as in training, training, training) • Name calling (using names that your partner has told you make them feel sexy, powerful, or at your mercy) • Body worship (using hands, nose, lips, tongue, and any other body parts you can think of to caress, massage, and “worship” part of your partner’s body) • Tease and denial (make them want it so, so bad) …And so much more.

For lovers, BDSM can be an amazing experience and, really, anything goes as long as it’s consensual. Nothing can make you more vulnerable than revealing your deepest fantasies, and the acceptance that follows will strengthen your bond, giving you a stronger, deeper connection than you ever thought possible.

Sandra is an expert in personal and professional reinvention, authentic living, communication, and bridging the gap between sexuality and a lifestyle that focuses on holistic health of the mind, body and spirit. She is the CEO of Attainment Studios, a sex positive business directory website designed to bring together members of the sex-positive community, and for finding solutions for your professional and personal needs. Her recent book Switch: Time for a Change, is a memoir of her journey from holistic practitioner to professional dominatrix at 55-years-old after losing everything, and her passion and purpose is to empower others towards healthy authentic living. To learn more about Sandra and receive your FREE eBook “5 Steps for Better Communication, Sex, and Happiness (Did I mention better sex?) visit http://sandralamorgese.com.

See more larger photo’s: www.huffingtonpost.com.

Lateysha Grace courts nipple flash going braless in plunging dominatrix get up

FORMER Valleys star Lateysha Grace loves a wild night out.

Source: Dailystar.co.uk.

UK – And Saturday was no exception for the bubbly reality hottie.

The Celebrity Big Brother star stepped out in Birmingham with her pal Erin Budina for a personal appearance.

Of course, Lateysha doesn’t do things by halves and hit the town in a jaw-dropping ensemble.

Dressed to impressed, the busty babe was spotted wearing a lace-up black and white mini-dress with a plunging neckline.

In fact, Lateysha’s neckline was so low we could nearly see naval.

However, she didn’t appear to be bothered by it.

Instead, the reality firecracker ditched her bra for the outing, revealing major cleavage as she sashayed to the event.

At one point it looked like Teesh was ready to pop out of her skimpy ensemble.

However, she managed to just about avoid exposing her modesty with a quick readjustment.

Well, if you’ve got it, why not flaunt it?

The blonde beauty was all smiles as she showed off her toned pins and added height with a pair of black strappy heels to complete her look.

It comes after it was revealed the former Valleys star has secured her own reality TV show on MTV.

We can’t wait to see even more of the feisty reality vixen.

See larger photo’s and video: www.dailystar.co.uk.

Philadelphia Sex Diaries: I’m a Secret Dominatrix

A college co-ed on her kinky double life.

Source: Phillymag.com.

USA – It started with dirty panties.

I was inspired by a friend — and Orange Is the New Black — to sell my worn underwear on Craigslist. I’m a college senior with a 3.61 GPA and two internships. I don’t exactly have time for a job, and hawking my thongs online for $30 a pop was a quick way to earn some extra cash. Before long, I discovered FetLife, a social networking site where people interested in fetishism, BDSM and other triple-X pursuits can chat with each other and post photos and videos. It’s like the kinky love child of Facebook and Reddit.

I connected with a guy — 30-something, works as a consultant — who asked me to Skype with him. The deal: 20 minutes for $50 in Amazon gift cards. I accepted, nervous and unsure of what to expect. I slipped on a bathrobe and chugged a glass of wine as I raced around my apartment, trying to find the perfect setup. The kitchen table was too formal, and the coffee table was way too low. I ultimately landed in the bedroom — which I happen to share with a roommate. She sat, wide-eyed, on her bed, just out of the camera’s reach. But the consultant was less interested in seeing me naked than I’d anticipated. Instead, he wanted to see my feet. And … my toilet.

Confused, I moved to the bathroom — could my white porcelain Kohler really be considered sexy? — and awkwardly circled my laptop around the toilet rim. He asked me to describe how I’d make him clean it with his tongue. And then he asked to watch me spit. So began my foray into the world of domination.

It’s a far cry from my otherwise vanilla life. By day, I’m the quiet girl who blushes when she participates in class. But as soon as I get home and log on, I become Paris Powell — a fierce, powerful woman who tells guys to lick her toilet, clean her shoes with their teeth and drink her urine. And who gets paid for it.

I currently have four “slaves,” all of whom I met through FetLife. Two pay me up to $100 a week; one sends me $50 every two weeks. (He’s also in college; I give him a student discount.) They have to buy me monthly gifts on Amazon, too. But I pay it forward: Each month, my slaves have to donate to a charity of my choice. For this, I send them derogatory, insulting text messages and videos of me doing things like crushing nuts with my boots. (This is what I’d do to your nuts, I say.) Sometimes it gets really weird: I once sent a man videos of me pooping. I also sold him a poop-stained thong for $45. Disgusting, I know. But when you can make money for something you do naturally, it’s hard not to milk it.

My fourth slave is the only one I’ve agreed to meet in person. He’s in his 60s, married, and a practicing psychologist in Philly. (Go figure.) Sometimes he pays me to meet him for coffee, just to talk as friends. Occasionally he pays me to come to his office and beat him to a pulp. All while his patients sit unsuspecting in the waiting room.

In the end, I don’t make nearly enough to live on. But I do make enough to have some spending money. And the work is strangely rewarding. The men tell me I make their lives better. I give them companionship, and the structure and rules they crave. (For example, they’re not allowed to eat meat on Sundays because I’m a vegetarian.) And they give me confidence, a jolt of energy in my otherwise pedestrian life. When I’m on the other side of the computer screen, I’m powerful. A goddess. A total badass. You know, one who lives on a pretty campus in a tidy apartment right next to an R.A. who has no idea that I’m on the other side of the door letting a guy in Alabama watch me take a dump for $45.

*Some names in this essay have been changed.

» See All of Our Philadelphia Sex Diaries.

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Brit sex mistress tells ALL about her kinky Fifty Shades Darker dominatrix life

A DOMINATRIX has spilled Brits’ darkest and wildest sex secrets – with kinky lovers enjoying an X-rated “Fifty Shades” lifestyle behind closed doors.

Source: Dailystar.co.uk.

UK – Fifty Shades Darker is on everyone’s lips as the eagerly awaited sequel is released in cinemas across the globe.

But S&M is more than just a fantasy for lovebirds – and it’s not just in the bedroom.

Daily Star Online revealed randy revellers are piling into London’s raunchy sex clubs.

Now Britain-based dominatrix Adrianna – or “Mistress” as she prefers to be called in the bedroom – has opened up on the UK’s fetish clubs.

“It is like being in a kinky candy store and choosing the slave you wish to punish,” she told The Express.

“The men are looking for a goddess to worship for the evening.

“I knew I loved it from the first time I punished quite a few men, spanking bottoms and crushing them in the trample cage.”

The Mistress has also worked one-on-one with clients who she has introduced to the “sensual” and erotic world of the dominatrix-submissive lifestyle.

She opened up on her X-rated experiences with an adrenaline-junkie who would ask her to tie him up as he tried to escape her “clutches”.

But the kinky lifestyle nothing to be afraid of, she said.

The sex expert added: “My world is not disturbing, it is about conjuring up a whole host of emotions.

“There is often fun and much laughter, and always a sensual release.”

Adrianna’s book The Story Of Control is now available in stores.

See more larger photo’s & video: www.dailystar.co.uk.

Broadchurch actress transforms into dominatrix for racy S&M sex scenes in BBC comedy

PHOEBE WALLER-BRIDGE looked worlds away from her Broadchurch character as she stripped down to a black corset and suspenders for a role in BBC comedy How Not To Live Your Life.

Source: Express.co.uk.

UK – The actress swapped her role as lawyer for an S&M loving dominatrix who dated lead character Don (played by Dan Clark) in the 2010 series.

In the episode entitled Don’s Posh Weekend, she treated him to a naughty weekend as she pushed his boundaries in the bedroom.

Don found himself at the mercy of Felicity who went as far as using a candle as a sex toy as they got it on as well as introducing him to water sports.

Taking place in her childhood bedroom, she whips out all sorts of surprises as they enjoy a very kinky sex session.

Phoebe’s best assets looked as though they were about to fall out of her plunging black corset as she threatened Don with a leather whip in the BBC series.

Her character Felicity also gagged Don as she paraded around in her lingerie which she accessorised with a string of pearls.

The role is worlds away from her prim and proper character Abby Thompson in ITV’s Broadchurch, which saw her defend murderer Joe Miller (Matthew Gravelle).

While the series is set to return, Phoebe has not yet officially been announced as part of the cast.

However, she has been busy in the US with her comedy series Fleabag, which has been picked up by Amazon Prime.

She plays a young woman trying to cope with life in London while coming to terms with a recent tragedy.

And, she is set to become even busier if reports that she is in talks to take on a “key role” in the upcoming Star War film are correct.

Broadchurch returns to ITV later this year.

See more larger photo’s & video: www.express.co.uk.

From the dungeon to the multiplex – how bondage has gripped the nation

Source: Theconversation.com.

UK – The surge of popular interest in BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism and masochism) that has resulted from the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy of novels has been something of a revelation. Beginning as texts whose relative marginality initially seemed ensured by both theme (BDSM) and format (online fan fiction), today they are so popular that millions are anticipating the adaptation of the second book to hit cinemas next week – just itching to get that mask out.

The original book set the record for the fastest-selling paperback ever, topping bestseller lists all over the world and being translated into more than 50 languages, eventually resulting in the first film adaptation in February 2015. It was the guilty pleasure holiday reading for many people in 2012.

Such popularity indicates a growing mainstream appetite for discussion of things that would previously be considered “deviant” pursuits. And understanding the ways in which countercultural pursuits such as BDSM gain mainstream popularity is important for commercial offerings that could benefit from incorporating them.

Cheese and whips

The trend for BDSM tourism has both a past and an emerging future. The term BDSM only came into use in 1969, but unsurprisingly, the practices predate the term by at least 5000 years. Some of the oldest references to this kind of sexual behaviour are found in Sumerian cuneiform literature (c. 2500 BC) describing the ritual punishment, moaning and ecstasy in worship of the goddess of fertility, Inanna. And, in Ancient Greece, Plutarch, Xenophon and Plato all discussed examples of BDSM. One in particular was the cult of the diamastigosis where young men were flogged under the guidance of priestesses whilst trying to remove cheeses from an altar. Well, everyone needs a hobby.

Popularisation came with Hindu guide to love and desire, the Kama Sutra (from “kāma” the Hindu goal of desire and “sūtra”, a collection of aphorisms), written in Sanskrit by the Vedic philosopher Vātsyāyana. Historians believe that the text was probably composed between 400 BCE and 200 CE and collected into its present form in the 2nd century CE. More than just a sex manual, it is a guide to gracious and virtuous living and focuses on the nature of love, what triggers desire, what sustains it, and how and when it is good or bad. It also explains different kinds of discipline during sex, undoubtedly contributing to the spread of many sexual practices, including BDSM, around the globe.

In contrast to this rich history, in the UK today just walking past an Ann Summers shop might make one feel a bit prudish and guilty. Yet we are a changing nation. Christian Grey and friends have smashed open Pandora’s box, and it’s full of whips, tethers and blindfolds.

Who’s the deviant?

Our particular interest here is in BDSM as an emergent tourism product. From a sociological perspective, the nature of deviancy represents a paradox. We tend to view the participants of practices such as bondage from a distance and consider them to be deviants. But their apparent deviancy is structured and normal for them – they have a community, an identity within that community that they seek to uphold, and a set of social rules to which they adhere.

But as their community grows and others enter, these others are free of the burden of the social structures of their own, mainstream, community, and therefore free to be truly deviant from themselves. The notion of being “apart together” is facilitated by tourism products and, as BDSM enters the public consciousness, it registers as something people are willing to do as a means of “escaping” – something businesses are keen to package as a valuable proposition to customers.

Just like BDSM, other types of risk, thrill, pain and pleasure have all been commodified and popularised into tourist attractions. We don’t bat an eyelid at the idea that people regularly jump out of a perfectly serviceable aircraft, attach elasticated roped around their waists and fling themselves off bridges, or even tie two planks of wood to their feet and push themselves down snow-covered mountains.

But all of these were, at one time, no doubt considered deviant, minority pursuits. Today, tourism destinations in Scotland offer “Dirty Weekends”: dedicated Fifty Shades of Grey-themed package holidays. Similarly, sex-themed hotel rooms are becoming more common – hotels are acknowledging that sex is high on the agenda for certain guests. This echoes a long-established trend in the Far East for so-called love hotels.

As Rihanna sings: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me.” BDSM is an activity that has entered the mainstream in recent years – and commerce is never far behind popular culture.

See more larger photo’s & video: Theconversation.com.

For Pittsburgh dominatrix Aiden Sin Flame, dominance is good business

“It’s fucking great to have someone pay you to smell your dirty shoes.”

Source: Pghcitypaper.com.

USA – PITTSBURGH – Aiden Sin Flame didn’t set out to be a career dominatrix six years ago; it actually happened by chance.

“Initially, I was on a fetish site that was similar to FetLife [a social-networking site for those into fetishes],” Flame says. “I saw girls, their profile was basically an ad where they were charging for [camera] time as a domme. I just kinda kept thinking, ‘I could do that,’ and it just kinda went from there.”

That was in 2010, and now the 24-year-old has moved beyond camera work to real-time sessions with a developed client base. While maintaining her domme business, she also works as a hair stylist.

Dommes, or dominas, as she prefers to call herself, are professionals who are paid to create power-exchange scenarios for their clients. Some of the activities listed on Flame’s application for potential clients, or “slaves,” are public humiliation, needle play, orgasm denial and couples’ sessions. Sessions are negotiated on a client-by-client basis.

“Foot fetish is definitely the most vanilla fetish, but it’s the most requested,” she says.

While it is considered sex work, Flame’s profession isn’t prostitution and isn’t subject to the same laws. She works from her apartment, where her living room serves as her dungeon.

Her typical equipment includes whips, riding crops, a spanking bench, wooden shackles and floggers (a short-handled, multi-lashed whip). “The rest of my stuff I have in storage until I can get a bigger place,” Flame says, smiling.

She receives a lot of her equipment and clothes as gifts from clients as a form of tribute or as thanks for a session. Financial domination of different degrees is common for slaves, who enjoy buying presents or handing over bank-account information as an act of submission.

In order to schedule a session, Flame requires potential slaves to fill out an application. If she accepts it, an in-person meeting is set up before a session is scheduled. She also requires an upfront deposit for initial meetings to protect her from clients with last-minute cold feet. Safety, in all aspects of the exchange, is highly important to her.

“I get asked a lot how to do this safely. It really comes down to common sense. If something seems shady, just don’t do it,” she says.

Flame checks up on her clients’ information before meeting with them, and during sessions, cleanliness, sanitization, routine check-ins with the client and using a safe word are musts.

“You can’t just wing this,” she says emphatically. “Especially with BDSM. If you don’t know about something, don’t do it.”

Most of her clientele are middle-aged white men. Flame says minority and female clients are rare. “Women can get it for free. The women who I have had, they wanted more of a professional experience,” she says.

Maintaining a client base takes a tremendous amount of work, which Flame does with a robust social-media presence. “People tend to come and go,” she says.

Most of Flame’s relationships with her slaves are friendly. “I do develop some sort of caring or bond,” she says. However, maintaining the power dynamic is such an integral part of the work and fantasy-building that she has to be careful to maintain her emotional distance. “I had a really loyal slave, who I saw on a weekly basis. We became too close in a friendship, and it kind of ruined everything,” she sighs.

Make no mistake — domming isn’t all strutting around in high heels and humiliating clients for top dollar. It takes a tremendous amount of time, work, learning from mistakes, and energy to have a successful career.

“I spent a really long time before I ever did real-time [sessions], working online and researching things. I wasted a lot of time, I got ripped off a lot, I got lied to a lot,” she says. “I went through a lot of crap to get to the point of knowing what I know now.”

Flame herself worked with another domme when she first started doing real-time sessions with clients. The arrangement allowed her to both feel safe and learn.

“It’s a lot of fun, honestly,” she says, “If it’s not fun, you really shouldn’t be doing it. It’s fucking great to have someone pay you to smell your dirty shoes.”

See larger photo: www.pghcitypaper.com.

LINKS:

Website: Goddessaiden.net.

Twitter: Twitter.com/goddessaiden.

Facebook: Facebook.com/aiden.flame.

Vine: Vine.co/u/1279471742364061696.

Fetlife: Fetlife.com/users/3955606.

50 Shades Darker stars Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson banned from kinky talk by movie bosses

Execs behind bonkbuster prove prudish by forbidding cast from making sexual and graphic references in promo interviews

Source: Thesun.co.uk.

USA – FOR the purveyors of the most famous erotic film franchise in history, the bosses behind bonkbuster Fifty Shades Darker are oddly prudish.

I can reveal that execs at Universal Pictures have banned the cast from making sexual and graphic references in their promo interviews.

The BDSM film’s stars including JAMIE DORNAN and DAKOTA JOHNSON have been forbidden from any kinky talk and forced to push the romantic elements of the movie instead.

Oscar-winner MARCIA GAY HARDEN, who plays the mother of Jamie’s character Christian Grey, let slip the stuffy stipulations after landing herself in trouble for jokingly tweeting about sex toys.

In a new, thankfully unfiltered interview, Marcia said: “We can’t talk too much about nipple clamps.

“I used to send out some naughty little tweets, along the lines of this ‘sweater clasp’ and I was told by Universal that I couldn’t do it any more, but I’ll tell you one anyway.

“I’m a good girl, I fell in line. Because it’s supposed to be more about the ‘romance’.

“Maybe I went too far . . . I don’t know.

“I sent out a picture of a sex toy and I was like, ‘Dear Christian, thank you so much for that lovely bracelet under the Christmas tree. Perhaps it wasn’t meant for me.

Oh well, so pretty.’

“And all the fans would write back, ‘No that wasn’t for you Mama Grey, oh no.’ That was a lot of fun but it was shut down.

“It is a love story after all — I don’t think they want us being too overtly sexual in interviews.

The Sun told last week how the sequel to Fifty Shades is far raunchier, with 15 minutes of erotic action including two bondage scenes.

One graphic, X-rated moment involving a sex toy lasts almost three minutes and had members of the audience at last week’s LA premiere laughing and screaming in horror.

Another explicit scene sees Dakota’s character Anastasia Steele strapped to a stainless steel bondage bar with foot restraints for a love-making session in Christian Grey’s infamous Red Room of Pain.

The film’s UK premiere is in London on Thursday before hitting screens here the following day.

It’s a clean, family-friendly, romantic flick . . . honest.

See more larger photo’s: www.thesun.co.uk.

Randy Italian priest ‘with 30 lovers’ faces the sack for ‘organising wild S&M orgies on church property

Fr Andrea Contin, 48, is said to have carried a briefcase full of sex toys and bondage gear to visit widows and holidayed at a naturist swingers resort with some of his ‘harem’

Source: Thesun.co.uk.

ITALY – PADUA – A RANDY Italian priest faces the sack after being accused of staging S&M orgies in his rectory, pimping out some of his 30 lovers on wife swapping websites and concealing home-made sex tapes in covers bearing the names of popes.

Father Andrea Contin, 48, is said to have carried a briefcase “full of vibrators, sex toys, masks and bondage equipment” to visit widows and divorcees and holidayed at a naturist swingers’ resort with some of his “harem” of female friends.

One woman accused the priest of encouraging her to have sex with a HORSE and beating her in the rectory on two occasions.

Police are investigating Fr Contin on suspicion of living off immoral earnings and psychological violence following complaints from three of his congregation.

Now Catholic church bosses say they have begun proceedings to have him defrocked and whatever the outcome of the criminal case he will lose his job as parish priest of San Lazzaro church in the northern city of Padua.

Claudio Cipolla, the Bishop of Padua, said Fr Contin’s alleged activities were “unacceptable for a priest, for a Christian and even for a man.”

Cops found a variety of sex toys in his house along with videos allegedly showing kinky orgies on church premises.

The clergyman is also said to have farmed out some of his lovers to male customers on wife swapping websites.

And he enjoyed lavish holidays with some of the women including one stay at a naturist village in the French town of Cap d’Agde.

One of the priest’s alleged lovers, a 49-year-old church volunteer, told how they had sex in his rectory.

“There were a lot of women hovering around him. I didn’t understand that at first, only later,” she told the newspaper Il Mattino di Padova.

Fr Contin is said to have carried a satchel full of sex toys and bondage gear on pastoral visits to widows and woman whose marriages had collapsed.

Instead of giving spiritual guidance, he allegedly seduced before pressuring them into participating in extreme sexual activities involving other men which he filmed.

One woman – said to have borne the churchman a child – told cops he “wanted sex night and day” and tried to force her to have sex with a horse.

She said in her police statement: “He always carried a briefcase full of vibrators, sex toys, masks and bondage equipment.”

More than 30 women have added their names to a complaint since the first three came forward to cops in December.

Pope Francis is said to have summoned Bishop Cipolla back from a church trip to South America to investigate the scandal surrounding Fr Contin, who fled on holiday to Croatia with his parents.

Complaints were reportedly first made to the local diocese last summer but church authorities failed to contact the police, saying they had not yet completed their own investigation.

Another priest, named as Father Roberto Cavazzana, is said to have admitted to taking part in and “occasionally” filming orgies.

Bishop Cipolla said Cavazzana’s case is “different” since “his involvement was only partial and occasional – though not acceptable for a priest” and he was probably keep his job.

See more larger photo’s: www.thesun.co.uk.