The 32-year-old actress recently shared several shots from the a BDSM-inspired photo series titled “Bondage” on her Instagram.
In several portraits, Willis — who is the eldest daughter of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis — can be seen wielding a crop as she strikes a pose in a black latex bodysuit. Another shot shows her in nothing but a pair of matching thigh high boots as she’s tied up with rope.
“Call Me Madam…” she wrote in the caption on Sunday. “New series ‘Bondage’ with my fav @thetylershields.”
Willis captioned another shot on Monday, “….and I’ll call you sir.”
The House Bunny star later went into detail about the message behind the photo series, writing in a separate post that the project “is about reclaiming the female form.”
“Whether clothed or not, as women our bodies are constantly policed and dictated over by men and by other women,” she said in a lengthy note. “We are told what we can and cannot wear based on our size and shape or others beliefs about what is acceptable or appropriate. We are told what we need to look like to be considered beautiful. We are told if we dress a certain way we are ‘asking for it’ or if we are more covered up we are prude or unexpressed. We are told our sexuality and expression of that sexuality is something we should ashamed of, something we should keep to ourselves.”
“We are persecuted for our right to choose when to become a mother, or to become one at all. We are kept from access to birth control, places to get information about sexual health and contraceptives are defunded,” Willis continued. “The lineage of women who have fought with their lives to progress women’s rights sacrificed everything to get us to where we are today and we are still miles away from any sort of equality. My body and my right to my divine femininity will not be policed or suppressed by anyone man or woman.”
Responding to some criticism in the comment section of her Instagram, Willis went on to say that “it’s bulls—” to think women who are comfortable with being naked or are in touch with their sexuality don’t have self-respect.
“We can be sexual for us. We can be naked for us. We can be tied up for us. People think telling women to not be naked and ‘respect themselves’ is feminist but it’s really just centering men once again in the assumption that everything you are doing is for them,” she explained. “This was not for any man. This was for me. It was about exploration and taking back power in my right to choose. I support any woman’s right to express themselves however they choose to convey their sensuality, sexuality, self.”
MALTA – Sex work has changed drastically over the last decade, with the rise of the internet, changing morals and the wider acceptance of kinks and fetishes leading to a swathe of niches and speciality sex work finding acceptance in the modern world.
As more and more young people turn to OnlyFans accounts as a side-hustle and entire generations of people find ways to satisfy their fetishes online, Lovin Malta spoke to one Maltese sex worker to find out more about the situation in 2020.
Mistress M has been in the local and foreign sex work industry for five years. Images courtesy of Mistress Hellkitty and Mistress Isys.
1. For those that may not know, what is a dominatrix?
Mistress M: A dominatrix is a sex worker that performs fetish-related acts anywhere from having a client lick her boots clean all the way to performing sex acts, depending on her limits and the client’s wishes. We do a lot of BDSM – Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism.
The word sadism is etymologically related to the writing of the Marquis de Sade who wrote at length on taking pleasure in inflicting pain. On the other hand, masochism is from Sachler-Masoch who wrote Venus in Furs, a book about being hopelessly devoted to a dominant and devious woman who whipped him. Ergo, S and M.
2. Would you say BDSM is popular in Malta?
Mistress M: BDSM has been around in Malta longer than most people think. One of my clients, T, has been an active member of the Maltese kink scene for 30 years. He’s even told me there used to be a website called BDSMMalta in the 1990s, with workshops and parties.
BDSM tends to emerge everywhere, but it’s especially common in religious countries where a lot of practices are taboo, this whips the imagination into a frenzy. BDSM is also gaining in acceptance with popular culture thanks to large-scale films, TV shows and books referring to it.
In addition, online sex work has risen across the globe, especially during the quarantine.
Websites such as OnlyFans allow providers to upload customised content based on client fetishes, for a fee. As the fetish community becomes larger and less underground, it becomes more accepted. These days, there are even nannas on TikTok joking about liking rough sex while being filmed reacting to Cardi B’s WAP video.
BDSM in Malta is still extremely underground compared to other European countries like Germany and England, but that has been changing alongside the recognition of LGBTQI+ rights here, and the realisation of society that sexuality, like gender, is not a binary, is not something for which people deserve to be shamed or judged and is not necessarily a conscious choice.
A wide variety of sexual practices comprise kink that can be practiced according to the acronym RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink. This obviously discludes any coercive or unethical acts, since they are by default non-consensual.
3. Why do you think certain kinks are still so underground?
Mistress M: Religion, taboo and the fact that Malta is very small and filled with nosy neighbours.
Since last I checked, the Catholic church hadn’t published a Kama Sutra. There is a staunch rigidity written into the religion in terms of not accepting homosexuality, sexual diversity or any sex at all unless it is for the purpose of procreation.
Many people with diverse sexualities like homosexuality feel shamed, judged or outright despised for their interests.
The next time you judge someone’s sexuality, think for a second about what business it is of yours, whether it hurts anyone and whether you are curious about the same things.
In 2016, Malta’s #1 porn search result was lesbian, followed by MILF, giantess and vorarephilia (a kink related to being consumed).
If that’s not a kinky population into mature and dominant women, I don’t know what is. Also let’s face it, Maltese women are dominant by nature. We’re just born this way.
4. On average, how many requests do you get a week?
Mistress M: It really depends! Locals three to five per week but with people on vacation it can go up.
With clients who are sometimes lonely or feel marginalised, we might chat regularly via text or WhatsApp and not just about sex.
I listen to clients when they have personal issues, health problems or just need attention and appreciation. We fulfil each other’s needs and I am remunerated for my time.
5. How does a typical client interaction go down?
Mistress M: I post ads on private fetish websites or sex work pages, clients mostly reply politely and respectfully, discuss session requests, dos and don’ts (I don’t do intercourse and fluid exchange sexual acts, but that’s up to individual discretion, some people do). I accept a deposit and book the appointment for the agreed upon time.
Clients must arrive clean, safe words and hard limits are established and payment is completed before the session.
There are a few dungeon spaces in Malta but nothing open to the public, this is something we would like to see change. Many European cities have kink clubs like Verboten in London and Kit Kat in Berlin, it’s accepted and normalised there.
I see no reason why we shouldn’t decriminalise sex work and allow sex clubs in Malta, it’s good for tourism and these events are already happening here underground in any case. Why not collect the tax money and ensure things are done safely?
6. What is the most common request in your experience?
Mistress M: Foot fetish and pegging.
A lot of people are turned on by their partner’s feet or panties or are interested in experiencing anal stimulation but ashamed to admit it because of toxic social norms of men feeling compelled to behave in a masculine way.
I always encourage clients to be more open and honest about their sexuality. It leads to better intimacy in relationships, provided you and your partner are capable of being open-minded.
7. What was the strangest request in your experience?
Mistress M: Hmm there are so many! I try never to kink-shame people, since that’s what society does to them and they come to me in confidence to be able to reveal fantasies.
But definitely eating toenails is up there. My client T has a funny story about a balloon fetish request and a domme quite happily filling a room up with balloons for her client.
8. Have you ever had to turn down a request?
Mistress M: Oh yeah. I don’t do sexual fluid exchange, as I mentioned, so lots of nos. Anything creepy or illegal.
9. Have you had any high profile clients or people in professions you weren’t expecting?
Mistress M: Well two of my clients in Malta were cops, one is a professor, most are business people, students, bar employees, doctors or lawyers.
I have a Gozitan farmer too! My clients are just regular nice people with fetishes that are not accepted by people in their lives.
10. On average, how many of your clients are married?
Mistress M: The majority are not married, but I find this to be a really loaded question.
Do you ask the convenience shop owner if he verifies whether smokers are addicted or hiding smoking or drinking from a partner? Does the grocery store owner take responsibility not to sell sweets to overweight clients who don’t want their partner to know? Are gaming sites ensuring they don’t profit off addicted persons who spend more than they should? Of course not.
I am not responsible for people who make inappropriate decisions or lie to their partners, they are adults and if they cheat, that’s their choice. I’m not emotionally involved with my clients.
The fact is that cheating is already rampant in our society, I simply charge people for seeing me.
It’s not my responsibility to background check clients beyond their STIs, and actually, oftentimes if someone does ask me about a relationship question, I guide them about how they might be able to discuss their kinks with a partner, recommend seeing a relationship counsellor or bringing a partner in for a couples’ session.
My client T is married and we have great sessions with his wife who also likes to dom him.
11. Have you ever had clients that were in a relationship, a couple or a group?
Mistress M: Yes, but not all dommes do this. I think it can be really therapeutic. A big part of our job is helping people to accept themselves and then slowly try to open up that side of them to others.
In the same way that a lot of queer people are in the closet for a long time, people with diverse sexual fetishes may include same-sex fantasies, trans fantasies or object fantasies like latex or leather.
Ask yourself how you might treat your partner if you found out tomorrow that they liked dressing in women’s clothing, or enjoyed gay porn. Would you shame them? Be angry?
Or would you try to be open and understanding? These are the things that couples discuss with sex workers as well as psychologists.
12. What is the general price range for services?
Mistress M: It ranges on the time and service! Online sex workers with an OnlyFans account might earn €5 or €10 per month per client but they may have tens or hundreds of subscribers.
In person sex workers usually charge at least €100 per hour. I charge €150 in Malta and €200 to €400 an hour depending on which country I am working in.
13. Have you ever been in need of police intervention or protection during work?
Mistress M: No, especially not when a few clients were police.
I have turned away clients before a session for having an aggressive demeanour, insulting toxic masculinity attitude or being rude or insulting. Unfortunately, street solicitors have been physically abused and mistreated here, and this is the reason why decriminalisation is so important.
The most vulnerable women doing sex work can be trafficked or coerced and this needs to stop.
Decriminalisation would allow women to work free from the fear of prosecution and therefore not requiring pimp-like protection. We are hoping a SWOP (Sex Worker Outreach Program) group is created in Malta soon to help women with legal and other questions.
It’s shameful that in 2020 marginalised women are still being arrested in Malta for solicitation, while massage parlours, strip clubs and online sex work are free to carry on unhindered, often because they are run by wealthy local men.
Street soliciting sex workers are statistically the most marginalised and arresting and prosecuting marginalised women is not helping them to get out of sex work if that’s something they want to do.
14. Are there lots of sex workers actively working in Malta?
Mistress M: Yes, there are lots of online sex workers in Malta, porn actors, full service sex workers and massage parlour workers. It’s a flexible job for a lot of people with a good rate of pay, unlike a lot of available work in Malta.
The rise of online sex work over the quarantine shows that sex work is becoming a legitimate and respectable means of subsistence for a lot of people that needs to be de-stigmatised and taken out of the legal grey zone.
We are not all trafficked foreign victims, either. While that exists and needs to be remedied, many sex workers are setting their own rates, are Maltese citizens and are happy doing their jobs.
15. What attracted you to the job?
Mistress M: Independence, flexibility and a good pay.
A lot of people here live with their parents until well into their 30s! This has an obviously negative impact on sexuality with no private place to experiment or be alone with a partner. This may be one reason people do sex work, to afford moving out, but also why people seek out sex workers on the island to have somewhere private to be sexual.
Sex work is a well-paid job that gives people financial stability and is no more degrading than working at a restaurant or shop. My clients buy me gifts all the time and send me nice messages thanking me for helping them!
I have worked in the food service industry, at a clothing shop and I have never experienced the level of client rudeness in sex work that I got from people treating me like a second class citizen in the service industry.
Service industry workers make under €1000 per month. Sex workers can make two to three times that. The next time you judge a sex worker as a victim or working a shameful job, think about how you’re treated at your job and how much you make!
I’m a university-educated Maltese citizen and so are a lot of other Maltese sex workers.
16. Should prostitution and sex work be legalised in Malta?
Mistress M: It should be decriminalised.
Let’s get Malta up to speed with other countries like New Zealand which has helped decrease trafficking rates with full decriminalisation.
Legalisation is not necessary, but we need to stop arresting women for solicitation and allow women to work together for their protection without calling it a brothel like what is happening in the U.K.
The Nordic model of sex work legislation does not help sex workers.
Criminalising the buyer of sex or prohibiting brothels endangers sex workers.
The fact is that a lot of these well-intentioned NGOS against sex work are relying on junk science to prove that sex trafficking is on the rise. The way to combat sex trafficking is not to drive victims further underground.
The biased NGOs here working to lobby the government want to see sex work criminalised even further because they see sex workers as encouraging cheating or as trafficking victims.
These consultations are flawed and their research is based only on statistics of victims of sex trafficking, not a broad consensus of sex workers.
These groups simply do not consult the stakeholders of this legislation: consensual buyers and sellers of sex work.
17. Is there anything that clients can do that you or other workers would like to see more of?
Mistress M: We appreciate honest, respectful and open communication.
Married people are actually the worst clients because they often no-show you since they are sneaking around and this makes them unreliable. We like stable, regular honest clients.
Please, if you recognise your sex worker out in public, never doxx them.
Malta is a small place and we are trying to exist in a world that shames us. We give clients the privacy of never revealing their identities and we appreciate the same also. Until it’s safer and less stigmatised to be in this job, we are unfortunately forced to give anonymous interviews and hide our identities.
18. What is the biggest misconception about sex work and sex workers in your view?
Mistress M: I think I mentioned this above but the idea that we are victims, drug addicts or that we are nymphomaniacs or something. Most of us lead pretty normal standard lives outside of sex work!
We have partners, families, kids, houses and other businesses.
Another misconception is that sex work = sex trafficking. It absolutely does not.
Sex work or prostitution (we have changed the word due to the stigma attached to prostitution, but they are the same) is a consensual choice. Trafficking is not a choice, it’s a forced job and we have a problem with this in Malta that isn’t related simply to sex but other kinds of forced or underpaid labour especially in the migrant community.
Sex work is not coercive by nature.
Recent US and UK legislations like SESTA and FOSTA which banned third party websites like Backpage did absolutely nothing to help reduce sex trafficking.
They simply dispersed the concentration of sex buying and selling from being on a single website where law enforcement could follow up on postings and look for underage or trafficked persons onto hundreds of other different sites, making their enforcement difficult and making it tougher for consenting sex workers to earn a living.
19. Finally, what would you tell readers to keep in mind about sex work?
Mistress M: Please listen to what sex workers would like to see happen with reforms that concern them, rather than patronising NGO groups who profess to know what is good for us without actually consulting any sex workers. Decriminalise sex work and modernise our little country so that it’s not only a safe place for LGBTQI+ people, but for sex workers (who are often themselves marginalised LGBTQI+ as well) also.
Sex work is real work and sex workers deserve respect.
A small coalition of sex work positive NGOs working with the LGBTQI+ community and asylum seekers had some wise words to say on the subject in a recent local interview. They point out that the arguments against decriminalising sex work and criminalising the sex buyer are based in a belief that reforms will increases pimps and traffickers, and turn Malta into a sex tourism hub.
This is patently false.
First of all, Paceville and other areas are already hubs for sex work. It’s just operating in a legal grey zone. Pimping and trafficking should always remain illegal, but solicitation is not pimping.
In fact, under the Nordic model of criminalising buyers whilst decriminalising sex work, sex workers are still forced to operate outside the law, opening them to further opportunities for violence and making them vulnerable to discrimination and abuse, as has already been the case in Malta for decades.
Sex work has been a feature of the island since before the times of Strait Street and sex work exists whether it’s criminalised or not. Malta, (unlike Germany and New Zealand which have Tier 1 ratings), has a Tier 2 rating in terms of their government compliance according to the Trafficking in Persons report of 2019.
This means that Malta has a lot of work to do to bring up their level of compliance to the recommendations by the TIP report to protect of victims of trafficking, and not only those in sex work. The majority of abused and trafficked migrants in Malta are not working in the sex industry, but are in agricultural, domestic and sanitation work.
There have been loads of reports on Maltese owners refusing to pay racialised garbage collectors and no one is asking for a ban on the entire industry or assuming all sanitation workers are trafficking victims.
The same is true of sex work.
Trafficked persons in all industries deserve legal protections and assistance, but to imply that those suffering as victims of sex trafficking are in worse distress than people being trafficked in the other industries does a disservice to all victims of trafficking and doesn’t help end the problem. Decriminalisation would help end sex trafficking by giving sex workers more rights to seek out police intervention without fear of prosecution against themselves.
AUSTRALIA – SIDNEY – A Sydney-based bondage photographer has been refused bail after being charged with sexually assaulting two models during photo shoots six years apart.
Garth Knight was refused bail by Magistrate Robert Williams on Friday when he appeared in Sydney’s Central Local Court.
Knight has been charged with sexual intercourse without consent and aggravated sex assault (deprive liberty) relating to two alleged incidents at a Surry Hills warehouse in 2005 and a home in Waterloo in 2011.
The 48-year-old appeared in court via audiovisual link from Surry Hills Police Station where he was being held following his arrest at a Redfern home on Friday morning.
His solicitor Phillip Ryan applied for him to be freed on bail, saying Knight had sexual contact with one of the complainants prior to the alleged incident.
Mr Ryan also said Knight had discussed engaging in sexual contact prior to the photo shoot with the second alleged victim.
However, Mr Williams ordered Knight to remain in custody despite the possibility of him remaining behind bars for an extended period of time as a result of delays in court proceedings as a result of COVID-19.
Mr Williams described the prosecution case as “strong” and noted that if found guilty, Knight was facing the possibility of a lengthy custodial sentence.
Police received the first allegation in May 2020 when a woman told police she had been sexually assaulted while working as a model at a Surry Hills warehouse in 2005 when she was 35.
Police received a second report from a woman who alleged she was sexually assaulted during a photo shoot at a home in Waterloo in 2011 when she was 33.
The court heard police had obtained messages in which Mr Knight had allegedly apologised to one of the complainants about his conduct.
The court also heard both alleged victims were tied up at the time of the alleged assaults and unable to escape.
Knight’s Instagram account, which has more than 16,000 followers, shows numerous examples of his work in which he suspends naked male and female models using ropes and other materials.
He has been described as being “trained in the tradition of Shibari rope tying” or Japanese erotic bondage.
In a 2013 interview he said: “Bondage is the practice of tying and restraining people, usually using rope.
“It is practised for many different reasons. It can induce meditative states, produce feelings of connection and closeness between people; it is used erotically for heightened awareness and intimacy and, in a sadomasochistic setting, for power play.”
Detective Chief Inspector Rod Hart said on Friday that four detectives assigned to the case had worked “around the clock” since the allegations were made and were calling out to anyone else who may have been affected.
“The NSW Police Force take allegations of sexual assault very seriously,” he said.
“We have updated resources and technology that we put into these situations … we will create strike forces.
“So I urge anyone in the community who has been a victim of sexual assault who feels as though they can’t come forward to please come forward.”
Detectives have launched Strike Force Nannawilli and will continue to investigate the allegations.
*For 24-hour sexual violence support call the national hotline 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or MensLine on 1800 600 636.
USA – This lingerie advertisement hasn’t just scared the pants off its viewers — critics have also begun blasting the brand on social media, alleging the racy promo promotes Satanism.
Honey Birdette, an Australian label with several stateside locations in California, released a roughly one-minute-30-second advertisement on Sunday, which shows a red devil seducing a scantily clad model dressed in a red one-piece with straps and hooks.
The video aims to promote the brand’s “666 Club” line, and begins with the message, “Don’t forgive them, father, for they do know what they do,” — a riff on “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” said at the beginning of confessions in the Catholic Church.
Filmed in Sydney in September, the red-filtered shots also show the model walking through an orgy, in which same-sex couples wearing bondage gear kiss.
The clip has earned about 64,000 views and a flurry of angry comments on the Instagram upload, which Honey Birdette captioned “Feeling a little devilish? Enter this way . . .”
“What in the satanism,” said one commenter, while another remarked “What’s next . . . child sacrifice?”
Others soon followed: “Why the blatant Satan worship? Who is paying you?” said another, while another, more matter-of-fact, said, “Huge fan of the brand but really don’t enjoy this marketing choice.”
The fire began burning last week, when Honey Birdette offered a quick online preview of the ad, with brand officials telling The Post that ticked-off viewers went into Australian store locations to see if they actually do worship Satan. But they brushed the backlash off.
“With everyone going through COVID, we just wanted to stimulate people,” Honey Birdette’s founder, Eloise Monaghan, said in a statement. “It’s time to have some fun and we need to do that visually at the moment.”
Honey Birdette releases a Halloween-themed campaign each year, and this year’s video took inspiration from a Berlin nightclub full of models in latex, leather and chains. The 666 Club collection includes seven looks, one of them named “Kukuro Leopard,” which has leopard-print bras, bottoms and bondage kits, and a garter belt set priced at $315.
“Kukuro is the bondage set that has 14 different sex positions you can use it with,” said Monaghan.
But sex wasn’t on the mind of the online critics.
“Holy f - - k in hell wtf did you ladies of honeybirdette sell your poor soul to the devil during this pandemic?” wrote another. “Next scene: these beautiful ladies are sacrificing underage little girls and drinking their blood wtf.”
“There’s always someone who’s got a problem with sex, isn’t there?” Monaghan said in the statement regarding initial criticism. “Anyone who doesn’t fancy women being empowered to use their sexuality is generally who the complainers are.”
Not everyone took to Instagram with complaints centered on Satanic allegations. One person sought to challenge those critics.
“If any of ya’ll actually sat down for like 2 minutes and actually learnt what Satanism is and not stick to whatever the f - - k you have been taught you’d probably get some enlightenment oddly enough,” wrote one user.
Others offered support.
“Favourite collection ever hands down,” said one. Another, more descriptive, said, “People are so triggered while I’m over here panting like HOT HOT HOT f - - king YES.”
Meanwhile, a user named @naughty_little_vixen, said “The Devil just gives it that forbidden touch of SIN.”
GERMANY – An ex-police officer has revealed how she spent seven years moonlighting as a dominatrix after being inspired by sex workers and prostitutes she met on the job.
Former police commissioner Sarah Keller from Duisburg, Germany, was rising through the ranks when, in 2011, she attended a fetish party with a close friend and became instantly fascinated by the world of BDSM, bondage and domination.
“I felt at home with the police and it certainly was a great job. But something was missing,” she said.
“I wanted to do the things in life that really give me joy. In my private life, I’ve always had a passion for BDSM. It gives me a satisfying feeling to lead people and exercise power.”
Police officer to dominatrix
For the next seven years, the 32-year-old led a double life, fighting crime during the day before swapping her traditional police uniform for a latex one and transforming into a femme fatale at night.
Investigating sex crimes and speaking regularly with prostitutes who would tell her about their lives and work only furthered Sarah’s desire to pursue her X-rated career.
But her conflicting passions were difficult to keep secret and before long, racy pictures of Sarah began circulating the station, with colleagues even creating WhatsApp groups to share her images.
Her decision to upgrade from her natural D-cup breasts to a whopping 34F, paint her fingernails bright red and don heavy make-up, made her tenure in the police force an increasingly difficult one.
“I noticed that my lifestyle was becoming more and more different from that of most colleagues. Values such as owning your own home or saving for retirement were much less important to me than the aspect of feeling good in your own body and enjoying freedom,” she said.
In 2017, after 11 years as a cop, Sarah swapped her position of power as a commissioner for a very different type of authority figure as a full-time dominatrix.
Meet Calea Toxic
Today, Sarah is better known by her dominatrix name, Calea Toxic, and has a growing Instagram following of over 26k users as well as several cover appearances on fetish magazines and an appearance in a TV doco under her belt.
Besides recurring guest appearances in the best dominatrix studios in Europe, she is available for exclusive photoshoots and also provides a ‘bizarre escort service’ for the ‘more solvent gentleman’ as well as catering for couples who want to push the boundaries of their sexual experimentation and explore their most taboo desires.
“Playing games with latex, whips and bondage allows me to disappear into a completely different place,” she said.
Since shifting her career, Sarah is earning more than she ever did as a police commissioner, a role that typically earns upwards of £100k (AUD$177k) in Germany.
But for Sarah, it’s not about the paycheque.
“For me, money is not the most important part of why I do what I do. I want to pursue my job independently and out of my own motivation,” she said.
She says she’s just as professional while working as a dominatrix as she was as a police commissioner and doesn’t see much difference between the two.
“In some ways, the jobs are pretty similar. You have a lot of responsibility. You have to guide and direct people.
USA-NEW ORLEANS – It begins innocently enough, like any other FaceTime call. Mistress Ree waves at me on the screen. She’s dressed in black lingerie and her hair is in box braids.
“Hey dude, I have a surprise for you today,” Ree, my friend, a 21-year-old dominatrix from New Orleans, tells me with a smile. Ree and I have known each other for years, so FaceTime check-ins like this aren’t anything out of the norm.
But this time, she steps back to reveal a bed. On it, is a 30-year-old man on his hands and knees, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs and a black latex mask.
“Do you want to introduce yourself,” she asks me, grinning. I knew I was going for a ride-along on one of her sessions, to see how she works, but I didn’t expect to get into it this quickly. I regained my composure and said my name, that I’m a sex reporter, and that I go by “they/them” pronouns.
“Introduce yourself to them, slave,” she tells the man. He says his name, but he forgets to mention his pronouns. Ree doesn’t take that kindly, hitting him with the belt she has in hand.
“They told you their pronouns, now you have to say yours.” Trembling, he whispered: “He/him.”
Ree’s style of domination involves far less physical aggression and far more emotional degradation than I expected
Dominatrices like Ree are usually women and femmes who dominate their partners physically, mentally, and/or financially. They fall into a category of sex work under the BDSM umbrella (or, bondage-discipline, dominance-submission, and sadism-masochism).
Unlike many of the Hollywood depictions of dominatrices clad in leather, equipped with whips and chains, Ree prefers the psychological aspects of domination.
Ree’s “submissive” (the term used to describe a person who likes to be dominated in a BDSM dynamic) defines as a masochistic cuckold, meaning he likes to watch as his partners sleep with other people while demeaning him. He also likes to be watched as he’s humiliated – hence the idea to have me watch, putting him on the spot, and giving me insight into how this all works.
I learn that he has been engaging in BDSM since his early 20s. He’s “dommed,” or been a dominant person in a BDSM dynamic, before. But now he prefers to sub for most recent sugar baby. A sugar baby-sugar daddy relationship typically means an older person (sugar daddy) who dates a younger person (sugar baby) in exchange for money, gifts, and trips.
During the session, Ree spends most of the time talking to me, keeping the conversation casual. She talks about her day, her undergraduate classes, and her internship, all while her submissive massages her feet and rubs shea butter on her calves.
“Ugh, you went too far up my leg,” she says as he gets it to her knees. “Suck on my toes now. Anyways, like I was saying —,” then it’s back to catching up as usual.
Namecalling, degradation, and the occasional smack of a belt are what Ree’s clientele generally prefer. “The whole point is to make them feel completely worthless.”
“A lot of men, presumably heterosexual, cisgender men — especially if white and lighter-skinned men – they present themselves as these ‘alpha males,'” Ree said. “Because they wear that mask all day, when they get into the bedroom, they like to retreat into submission because they get to take a break from that performance of masculinity.”
Raceplay is high on the agenda for her sex ‘slave.’ As a Black dominatrix, Ree has mixed feelings about it.
One element I didn’t expect to watch was raceplay.
Ree said her sub made it a point to bring up race when they were negotiating their boundaries and expectations for their sessions.
“He felt that one of the things I should enjoy out of that dynamic is that he is presumably well-off, corporate, white, white-collar guy and that he’s being dominated by me, a Black woman,” Ree said. “A lot of that is white guilt. I’m sure the recent protests, outcries, and things that are happening in the news has pushed a lot of white men to be more willing to be submissive to Black dominatrices.”
As a Black dominatrix, Ree told Insider she has very mixed feelings about this aspect of her work. While her sub repeatedly told her — both during the session and prior to them meeting in person — that his admiration of Black women is not a fetish, Ree is doubtful this is true.
“You claim that you’re not fetishizing me because I am Black but all the ways in which you approach my Blackness happen in a really fetishizing way. By talking about my skin, my attitude, all of those things come from stereotypes about Black women.”
As a college student, Ree juggles her clients, classes, and an internship all during a pandemic
Ree began domming in Spring 2019 as a way to pay her bills in addition to her 20-hours-a-week internship as a full-time college student. She sees clients in exchange for money and gifts, usually in the form of a sugar baby relationship.
Since the pandemic led to lockdowns across the country in March, Ree said it has been hard to find clientele. While restrictions are loosening in New Orleans, her university has strict rules about who can enter student housing, meaning Ree is left to request hotel rooms from her sub to do their sessions.
“I try to stay tested and self-monitor. That’s also why I’m not trying to have a bunch of clients,” Ree said. “I don’t want to be a carrier and pass it on to each client so I only stick to a couple. Especially when I know it’s someone who doesn’t have any symptoms and can get tested and has the money to pay for me to get tested.”
Things escalated, and I tapped out
About 30 minutes (and countless slaps and insults) into our chat, Ree told me we should probably say goodnight, as she needed to get into the more “X-rated” portion of the session.
“I don’t know how PG-13 we have to keep it for your viewers,” Ree laughed. I thanked them both for their time and we hung up the call almost as abruptly as it had begun, with Mistress Ree standing calmly beside the bed, and the sub a little shaky, his back red from spanking, but his eyes eager go a step further.
UK – Even those of us who aren’t super into kink will likely want to spice things up in the bedroom from time to time.
According to research conducted by bathroom retailers Showerstoyou.co.uk (for what we can only assume was a very good reason), 84% of 2,381 adults surveyed said they tried BDSM – aka Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism.
This could well be a good thing since a study last year showed that people who are into BDSM have better sex lives.
While 84% might sound like a high number, the survey is a relatively small one that likely doesn’t represent the whole population and on top of that, a lot comes under the umbrella term BDSM.
Technically BDSM can range from using blindfolds and fluffy handcuffs to whips, riding-crops and many, many things in between, so there’s a lot from that world for us to choose.
If you want to dip a toe into this type of kink, former dominatrix Miranda Kane previously said the key phrase to remember is ‘safe, sane and consensual’, writing: ‘Don’t run before you can walk.’
Before you start, she recommended that you and your partner agree on a safe word – a word or action that means ‘stop’ – that you both stay sober, and that you talk through exactly what your boundaries are.
When it comes to sexual accoutrements, she wrote: ‘You don’t need a dungeon. You don’t need props, costume, or lighting. You just need confidence, communication and a bit of imagination.’
Outside of BDSM, according to the study, 72% tried sex outdoors, and 69% have tried threesomes.
One seemingly less popular option is golden showers – aka one partner peeing on the other – which has been tried by 28% of those surveyed.
At 24%, less than a quarter of responders had tried pegging – which is when someone who doesn’t have a penis performs anal sex on someone who does.
USA – When the pandemic started earlier in the year, 63-year-old Diane Combs had to shield at home, leaving her to worry about how she was going to make money.
The dominatrix – who began her career as a go-go dancer aged 27 – used to make her income from visiting clients in real life but she stopped that to become a food delivery driver.
Confined to the home, Diane had the idea to start camming – when a person performs in front of a webcam for paying clients.
Since then Diane, from New Jersey, has made around $6,000 (£4,685) by selling adult content to subscribers.
Now she can carry on doing her dominatrix and S&M work which she loves.
Diane said: ‘The response I’ve had has renewed my feelings of being attractive and desirable which, being in my sixties, is a nice way to feel again.
‘There was lots of competition when I started. The bars I worked at played favourites and I wasn’t one of them, so it took a while to work out where I belonged.
‘It was strenuous work. I’d be on my feet all night dancing in heels and would be very sore at the end of each shift.
‘I did feel desirable when I did it, though. Being a go-go dancer meant I had a certain type of look.’
In the early 1990s, when the U.S hit a recession, Diane found her opportunities for work were quickly drying up.
Keen to find another way to support herself, in 1992, she decided to start working as a dominatrix on the side.
At first, she mostly worked with stag parties but before long, she was being approached by clients wanting one-on-one sessions.
As she learned the ropes, she became more confident and eventually began working out of fetish dungeons around Manhattan, New York.
There, she entertained clients – who she said were usually submissive men – offering to spank, trample, and verbally abuse them in exchange for cash.
She said: ‘I loved being a dominatrix. It was great to be working in a dungeon alongside other women like me.
‘I never had sex with my clients but there were lots of other things I could do. I did spanking, bondage, trampling on them in heels – all sorts.’
By 1994, Diane was experienced enough to begin working for herself.
Also offering erotic massages, she could make up to $2,000 (£1,556) a month from a single client.
‘Obviously the amount I made fluctuated from month to month,’ she explained.
‘It would all depend on how many men wanted a session and how many actually went through with it, rather than just phoning me, booking one and chickening out.
‘The best was when I got regular clients that I saw every couple of weeks.
‘I could make a lot of money that way. I remember a couple of guys who would pay me $2,000 a month.’
As the internet grew towards the end of the 1990s, Diane tried to take her business online, setting up a website for herself but struggled to land new clients through it.
Most of her work came from advertising in the classified pages of specialist S&M magazines and newspapers.
Still, Diane continued to work around New York and New Jersey, also making money over the phone from sex lines.
She added: ‘You could choose what you’d talk about. Some men wanted to talk about S&M, some about foot fetishes, and some about anything at all.
‘I’d always be very clear and tell them, “I’m never going to sleep with you,” so it wasn’t like I was meeting men expecting sex.
‘They knew exactly what they would and wouldn’t get from me.’
Though she has always felt empowered and confident about what she does, she has been sure to be discreet about her chosen profession.
UK – A dominatrix has insisted that people should ‘accept this sort of behaviour’ after her and her ‘slave’ were barred from a gastropub in Cumbria for public sadomasochistic display.
Dominatrix Lydia Chadwick, 30, had tied her ‘slave’ to a roof beam with a dog lead and spanked the masked person with a paddle on Sunday evening at The Mill in Ulverston – in full view of other diners.
Customers who witnessed the sadomasochistic session filmed the bizarre episode and shared it online.
But Lydia defended her actions, telling The Sun: ‘People should get out of the dark ages and accept this sort of behaviour.
‘Most people are just treating it as a laugh.’
Lydia added that she had taken a friend from Camden, who identifies as a woman, into the pub because she wanted to be publicly humiliated.
She said: ‘She said she wanted to be publicly humiliated so I was going to take her to a local beauty spot where the walkers go.
‘We thought we would give them something to laugh at. I did that for another customer before the lockdown.
‘But we were running out of time and decided to go for a drink in The Mill.
‘I was going to walk her on a dog lead, but she got embarrassed with everyone looking at us.
‘We signed in and went to the roof terrace, where I chained her to the rafters.
‘I blindfolded her and pretended to walk away and leave her as part of the humiliation. I was videoing it and we didn’t think anyone else could see.’
In the video, the sound of the spanking could be heard above the soundtrack of Lovely Day by Bill Withers.
The ‘slave’ was dressed in black fishnet stocking and suspenders and red knickers, while the mistress wore a black dress as she beat his bottom with a black paddle.
Lydia, who said being a dominatrix is ‘just a job’, said she did not mean to upset The Mill and will ‘apologise to them’, adding that her family were upset after the video was shared online.
But the owner of The Mill has slammed the couple for their exhibitionism after the X-rated incident and barred them from the pub.
A picture on social media also shows a message allegedly written by a member of staff after the incident.
It read: ‘I sat them upstairs on the terrace, these lads came down that were sat up there ten minutes later telling us to go up and see what’s happening – and she has tied them up with a dog lead on one of the beams, whipping them.’
Michelle Wood, general manager of The Mill, told The Sun that it was not ‘behaviour that we wanted to encourage’.
She said: ‘The couple signed in as all customers are asked to do for pandemic regulations and it was obvious that the man was dressed as a woman.
‘But in 2020 if you turn men away because they are dressed as women then it is discrimination.
‘One of the other customers started filming what was going on and then came to tell the staff.
‘They just embarrassed us for her financial gain.’
The couple are believed to be part of the BDSM community. BDSM refers to often erotic practices which can involve bondage, dominance or submission.
One witness wrote on Twitter: ‘Unreal scenes coming from The Mill in Ulverston.’
Lydia, a self confessed ‘mistress’, said most of her clients are in the UK but also has some overseas, adding that she does what ‘people ask me to do for them’, including humiliation and cross-dressing.
Phil Simpson, owner of The Mill, believes the couple has ties to the Ulverston area and hit out at them for seeking to ’embarrass small local businesses’.
Mr Simpson added: ‘As soon as we spotted this couple’s activities they were told to leave our premises.
‘They are now barred and having seen their post on social media the police have now contacted us for more information.
‘We believe that the woman involved is Ulverston-based and we find it quite depressing that such people should seek to embarrass small local businesses in this manner for financial gain.’
THAILAND – Organizers of a BDSM-related online discussion for university students say they canceled the event yesterday after their personal information was exposed via an online petition accusing them of promoting sexual violence.
Members of the tFreedom group, which advocates sex education at the National University of Singapore, said they canceled the event to “protect the privacy and mental health” of members, participants, and speakers from a bondage studio. They denied accusations that the Rope Bondage Zoom Sharing promoted sexual violence, as such activity involves consenting parties, but noted it could have better communicated the event was about discourse, not intercourse.
“Let us be clear: our group and events have never promoted violent sex or non-consensual activities. We share the petitioners’ concern for the welfare of students,” the group said yesterday in a statement to Coconuts Singapore.
After this story was published, the school announced Tuesday afternoon it had suspended tFreedom and launched a review of its activities.
“Upon further review, the tFreedom talk that was scheduled to be held this week was cancelled and tFreedom’s operations will be put on a hiatus, while we look into the alignment of its activities with the Code of Gender and Sexual Respect, and the educational value we must bring as a college of learning,” said university spokesperson Kelvin Pang, an associate professor at its Tembusu College.
The controversy erupted after the petition, Stop Promoting Violent Sex at NUS, spread online. Organizers said it mischaracterized their event and promoted misinformation about the tFreedom.
The 90-minute event set for tomorrow was meant to feature two representatives from 0101 Studio sharing how they use rope for bondage sessions.
“The petition misrepresented the event as one that promotes and facilitates violent sexual fantasies among students. This is entirely false. The intention was to provide the students a safe space to learn more about a lesser known practice from a studio that values communication, respect, and consent,” tFreedom added.
The online petition, which has drawn more than 7,300 signatures as of publication time, revealed the names of the studio reps and a link to tFreedom’s Telegram channel, exposing its 65 members.
“We are alarmed that the petition has exposed the personal details of our members and the members of the studio, leaving them vulnerable to harassment. We condemn the unauthorised sharing of personal information and the significant distress it has caused students,” tFreedom said.
That led to the event’s cancelation, it continued, “to protect the privacy and mental health of those who are affected.”
Petition author Hope Leow countered that the Telegram group channel was not set to private, saying tFreedom should have done so if it was concerned about privacy.
Leow had said that the content of the workshop was not appropriate for the university and was promoting “violent sexual fetishes” and “loose sexual behavior.” He also criticized the group for hosting weekly discussions where they talk about sex and masturbation.
“tFreedom is organising a talk that glamorises ‘creative’ bondage sex. Such dangerous fetishes should never be promoted in an educational institute. Such content should be ‘Restricted’ because it facilitates violent sexual fantasies among students,” Leow wrote in his petition.
tFreedom did express regret over its poster design, which showed a woman’s arms tied in professional knots, saying it may have caused some to be concerned about the event.
“We acknowledge that the poster could have been better designed to more clearly communicate the discourse-driven aspect of the event. We regret that this lack of clarity has caused people to mistake the nature and intention of the event, and caused some anxiety as a result,” tFreedom said. “We also regret that we failed to consider how the image might have brought distress to victims of sexual assault, and sincerely apologise for any distress caused.”
Freedom’s events are mainly targeted at university dorm residents. The group, which has a Facebook following of nearly 400, also hold discussions on gender, sexuality, and feminism.
The Rope Bondage Zoom Sharing event was organized by a division of the group called Let’s Talk About Sex, which was previously behind a number of sexual assault awareness campaigns.
Editor’s note: This article has been updated with a note from the college.
USA – Victoria Rage, a dominatrix, has enacted a lot of creative kink scenarios before — from trussing up a man as a Thanksgiving turkey to getting others to play “fetch” like a dog.
By its nature, the Seattle-based dominatrix’s work has pretty dark themes. But in the current pandemic, a portion of her clients’ requests are now explicitly related to COVID-19, she told Insider.
The spread of the coronavirus has produced numerous challenges for sex workers, whose previous close contact with clients has been interrupted by lockdowns and social distancing measures.
As Rage explained to Insider earlier, BDSM work already has high hygiene standards, and she has adapted many aspects of how she handles in-person clients to lower the risk as much as possible.
Rage spoke to Insider about the kinds of requests she’s had since the pandemic started.
Time to call the ‘CDC inspector’
Rage noted that medical play has always been popular in the BDSM community. But in her personal dungeon, she said, there has been an uptick in requests for “very invasive” medical scenes.
And the pandemic has provided a newer twist to the genre: performing a “CDC inspection” scene that is likely a great deal more kinky than in real life.
Rage’s version of a CDC officer wears a full rubber cat suit with a gas mask, and sets about determining whether her client is “infected.”
“They must be, you know, completely inspected medically up and down,” she explained. “They’re often found to be infected, and therefore must be tortured for being in society.”
Scenes like this can take an even darker twist, she said. “A couple of people have wanted me to be their ‘executioner,'” she said. “I obviously don’t kill anyone, but I have a body bag and I do this whole psychodrama.”
Every sensory detail of the experience is thought out. Rage sets the scene with dramatic music and red lights, and uses an aroma diffuser to spread a sharp ginger scent around the room.
“I tell them it’s a poisonous gas,” she said. “And I’ll say: When I count down from 10, this is going to have stopped your heart. I’m the last face you’re going to see.
“And then I’ll say something really dirty and count from 10,” she continued. After the countdown, she abruptly covers their face “so it looks like ‘lights out’ to them.”
“And that’s their scene and they love it,” she said.
Socially-distanced domination online
Lockdowns and, later, social distancing, forced many sex workers to find ways to handle clients digitally.
As with many dominatrices, video calls became a key tool, at the cost of most of the physical aspects of BDSM.
As she pointed out: “You cannot expect to spank someone online.”
Video work used to represent about 5% of Rage’s clients, but now it’s around half of her work. So for that, she has had to get creative. “It was coming up with the ideas digitally that I found really hard at first,” she said.
Clients who enjoy following orders, and those who enjoy what she calls “tease and denial,” can be easily dominated over video, she has found.
One client who loves to dress up and behave like a dog can be easily told to sit, beg, and eat over video. But playing “fetch” presents a little more of a barrier.
Rage explained how she will throw a ball at the screen, and the client will also throw a ball themselves and “fetch” it for her.
Those who are into bondage save Rage the bother of having to tie them up, by tying themselves up before a call. Then they’re “tortured” by seeing, but being unable to touch, a distant Rage through the video screen.
Masks, but with a twist
As part of her hygiene regimen when taking in-person clients, Rage asks them to wear masks on arrival.
Once inside, a whole range of head coverings common in BDSM — whether a black cotton hood or a fully encased latex mask — will do pretty much the same job.
Rage often completes her own outfit with an advanced-looking black mask with a breathing filter on, through which only her eyes can be seen. In terms of hygiene and aesthetics, it kills two birds with one stone.
“It’s just normal PPE and I think it adds to the look,” she said. “No one’s complained so far!”
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