USA – Do you remember Dua Lipa at the Grammy Awards? She was seen walking the red carpet wearing are-creation of a dress from Gianni Versace’s famous Miss S&M collection. It consisted of a black lace corset top, which was harnessed with several belts. That’s not all, around her neck, she wore layers and layers of gold chains that appeared to almost choke her.
The fashion and fetishism pairing has been around for a while. However, after the Met Gala and the VMAs ceremony, it became more prominent. The comeback is proven by the appearance of Kim Kardashian, wrapped from head to toe in a black cotton Balenciaga “T-shirt.”
In 1992, when Versace first showed its bondage-inspired look on the runway, “it sent the fashion crowd into orbit,” as Tim Blanks said in his video released at the time. People called the collection “aggressively sexual to sell.” Some like it and referred to it as “relevant”.
“While fetish is a fixation on a particular thing, fetish fashion extends that to an obsession over a type of clothing or accessory most likely provocative in nature. The sexual innuendo doesn’t necessarily mean it’s meant to attract, it is internal in the way that type of dressing makes you feel,” Celebrity Stylist Bharat Gupta told financialexpress.com.
Natasha Bothra added, “Fetish fashion is basically making a provocative statement with your outfit. Fetish is directly related to uniqueness and something out of the box, anything that is not worn usually. For example, leather chokers, harnesses, latex accessories and clothing, corsets, gladiator Footwear, etc.”
Anything that adds a sense of sexuality, kinkiness, quirkiness, and representation of freedom can be classified as fetish fashion. For a long time now, fashion has taken references and inspiration from the aesthetic and culture of BDSM (bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism). In cinema, we’re now witnessing BDSM fashion in films like The Batman with Catwoman and her latex and leather costumes. Kardashian wore a latex gown and choker to the premiere of her new Hulu show. The Fifty Shades Of Gray franchise and brands like Savage x Fenty and music videos like Megan Thee Stallion’s “Body” — have also contributed to this.
Explaining why people are opting for Fetish Fashion, also known as BDSM fashion, Gupta said, “People have become freer in the way they express themselves through what they wear. People are open to experimenting with their fashion choices and voicing their inner provocation through fashion. An extension can also be a spillover of the pandemic of being bound by rules, this is a reaction to their need to let go.”
Bothra told us, “Who wouldn’t want to feel empowered? Who wouldn’t want to feel free? Or dominating? Designers, celebrities, influencers, and others are getting influenced by the addictive nature of power, persona, control, sensuousness, dominance, Goth and liberating nature fetish fashion engulfs you into.”
For Gupta, Fetish fashion is normal and he has incorporated it while styling celebrities. He said, “There are elements of fetish fashion that I’ve incorporated in certain styling opportunities in an understated way, even in personal styling I’ve used elements in what I wear.”
It is said that in the 1700s — corsets and skirts — were an early sign of fetish fashion, others claim that it appeared during the Second World War, in the UK’s gay community. However, it was not until the 1970s and the arrival of Vivienne Westwood that the fetish, her trademark, was recognized in fashion.
NEW ZEALAND – A gynaecologist who met a woman on a “sugar daddies” website, performed an STI test on her during a date while she was intoxicated, asked her to sign a contract consenting to bondage, and recorded himself performing sex acts on her at his clinic, has been suspended.
Hamilton doctor Naylin Appanna, who once moonlighted as a fetish ball organiser, also gave the woman a date rape drug for “pain”.
Appanna had his registration suspended for three months by the Medical Council after a Health Practitioners Disciplinary Tribunal [HPDT] found him guilty of professional misconduct.
The tribunal upheld the charges against Appanna that he inappropriately blurred the boundaries between his personal and professional lives and his practice, by using his position and expertise as a specialist in connection with his personal sexual practices.
The tribunal said he did this by providing health services to the young woman at the same time as having sexual encounters with her.
But the victim told the Herald she thought Appanna would be struck off and was shocked at the short length of the suspension.
The complainant, another woman who reported Appanna’s conduct on behalf of the victim, said a three-month suspension was a disappointing result after a three-year process and disproportionate to what she believed was “predatory behaviour”.
By contrast, Appanna – who had credentials to work in parts of Australia – was immediately suspended there over the same case, and despite attempts by him to appeal to the Supreme Court of Victoria, he remains suspended in Australia.
In a decision dated November 21, the New Zealand tribunal said Appanna’s conduct amounted to malpractice or negligence and he was suspended by the Medical Council of New Zealand on December 5.
The tribunal, which is separate from the Medical Council, decided the penalty after saying the conduct did not warrant cancellation of the doctor’s registration.
It ordered him to pay $74,296 in costs and said if he returns to practice he must undergo supervision for one year including undertaking a review of his prescribing practices and his understanding of boundaries and his position of power as a doctor.
The Herald asked Appanna whether he planned to return to practice but he declined to comment.
The first date and the STI test
In May 2019 Appanna met the victim, referred to as Ms J, on an app called “Seeking Arrangement”.
Ms J told the tribunal the app was an online platform where wealthy older men known as “sugar daddies” paid young women “sugar babies”, to meet and spend time with them. It did not always involve sex.
Appanna’s username on the app was “W_olf” and according to his profile he was looking for a “sub” to enter into a “dom-sub” relationship with him, where one partner is more dominant and powerful while the other partner submits.
On May 15, 2019, Appanna collected the 26-year-old from the bus stop near her home and they drove to a bar and restaurant.
During drinks at the restaurant Appanna, who is married, told Ms J he required everyone he had sexual contact with to have a sexually transmitted infection [STI] test.
He offered to pay for the test but said he was a gynaecologist and could do it now at his office if she wanted.
The purpose of the test, he told the Supreme Court of Victoria when trying to appeal his suspension in Australia, was to facilitate future unprotected sex.
“That said, it is not evident that he personally underwent such a test,” the Court said in its decision released in October last year.
Ms J, who had been drinking wine, agreed to the test and they drove to the Women’s Health Centre where Appanna’s name appeared in large letters on the building.
According to Appanna’s evidence to the Supreme Court, he says they went to his office in order to print a contract.
He told the Supreme Court he printed the contract and videoed Ms J “giving full consent to everything that she had agreed prior to us meeting”.
However, the New Zealand decision said Ms J never signed the contract, which contained all the rules that Appanna expected of a “sub”.
Alone at the office with Ms J, Appanna performed the STI test during which he “fingered” her in a sexual manner.
He then said he did not want to wait for the results and that they could always “take a pill” if she had any infections.
“Following that Dr Appanna tied Ms J to a chair next to the bed and then used vibrators on her for the purpose of achieving orgasm. He also performed oral sex on her.
He gave her $100 for food and took her home. On May 21 Appanna messaged Ms J to tell her the test result had come back clear. He never sent the results to her GP.
After the first encounter Appanna met Ms J on Wednesday nights at his office.
“While there they would have drinks and Dr Appanna would make videos of him using sex toys on her.”
Ms J once performed oral sex on him but they never had sexual intercourse.
Appanna would film their sexual activity on a camera mounted to a tripod in his office and at the beginning of each recording he would get Ms J to state that she consented to the sexual acts he was doing.
This included spanking her with different objects and using sex toys on her.
After filming, Appanna would put the video on his work computer and re-watch it.
The date rape drug and the ‘relationship’
The second date on May 22, 2019 involved sex toys and bondage, and was videoed. There was no more payment.
When Ms J complained of being sore, Appanna went to his medicine cupboard which contained Panadol, Ponstan, Tramadol and Midazolam.
He gave her 3.75mg of Midazolam, without a prescription, to make her pain “more tolerable”, he said, despite acknowledging Midazolam was not a pain reliever and that when giving it to Ms J he described it as a “date rape drug”, the Supreme Court decision said.
The Class C drug is a type of benzodiazepine and induces sleepiness. It was commonly used for sedation before medical procedures.
Ms J described Appanna’s comment as having been “a scary thing to say to someone” and said she was “weirded out” by it and only took half of the Midazolam tablet at the clinic and the other half when she got home.
Appanna later sought to justify the supply of Midazolam as akin to the treatment of a “person close to you” in an acute or emergency situation, the Supreme Court decision said.
“That said, ‘J’ subsequently left the premises together with the applicant in an Uber, not an ambulance,” the Court said.
On May 24 Appanna offered to refer Ms J to a pain specialist and obtained her permission to request her medical notes from Waikato Hospital.
In text messages with Ms J on the subject he wrote: “Anything for my new baby.”
They met again on May 26 at the Women’s Health Centre and afterward Appanna spoke with Ms J concerning her pain.
“He also says that he offered to refer her to a pain clinic on this occasion, which, he claims, was ‘exactly what is suggested in the guidelines’,” the Supreme Court said.
They met on two further occasions, on May 30 and June 5.
One of those times was at the health centre and the other appeared to have been at a restaurant and then a motel with another woman described by Appanna as his “partner”.
Allegations and investigations
In June 2019 Appanna went to Australia to do locum work in a rural town.
He sent Ms J a photograph of a patient taken after a forceps delivery while she was still on the operating table with her legs in stirrups.
He told the Supreme Court he took the photograph “with full permission of the patient” and that he told the patient it was being taken to “send to a partner to show her what I had been doing”.
On July 12 Ms J requested Appanna delete the videos of her. He declined, and offered to edit out the video so there was only audio left which Ms J was unhappy with.
In August 2019 Ms J went to the police about the videos. There was a suggestion – denied by Appanna – that he had threatened to release them.
Ms J told the Herald Appanna’s behaviour set off alarm bells and when he refused to delete the videos she “panicked” and turned to a trusted person for help.
She said she believed he would use the videos against her. Ms J sought help from the Midland Sexual Health Support Services and the Medical Council was notified.
No charges were laid by police however the Medical Council launched a professional conduct committee [PCC] investigation in October that year, culminating in the charges of professional misconduct against Appanna.
USA – FORT LAUDERDALE – Three dominatrices in head-to-toe gear asked the Fort Lauderdale City Commission for a $250K grant to build a dungeon – and, if their request is granted, offered to throw in a spanking for each commissioner.
The iron-clad proposal was offered up during the Fort Lauderdale City Commission meeting on Tuesday night.
The three women, each dressed in a form-fitting, bodice-hugging, black leather patent outfit, stiletto-heeled boots, and a helmet to match, marched in single file up to the open mic podium.
Their apparent leader, distinguished by a long blonde braid and visible mouth, proposed an alternative to a waste management contract in front of five city council members.
‘Good evening counsel peoples you may call me ‘Mistress,’ said the speaker whose dark red lips were her only body part not concealed – as the two other doms stood silently behind her.
‘I am here standing neutral to the motion approving an agreement for the proprietary purchase of yard waste processing and disposal. I do, however, find it interesting that you will spend almost 1 million dollars to hide your secrets down the drain – hiding that condom I know used to cheat on your spouse with.’
‘So, I propose that you use a quarter of that mill to support doms and subs in Broward County – to build a dungeon created for us by us – the taxpayers and voting citizens.’
She said in closing, ‘do not let this glamourous look distract you from doing your duty to take my demand. I look forward to spanking each and every single one of you at the new esteemed dungeon- you are dismissed.’
As the women walked away from the podium and headed to their seats, the roomful of meeting participants – mostly middle-aged men and women – appeared largely unfazed by the unusual proposition.
‘Okay, thank you,’ said one of the commissioners as he cleared his throat.
‘And, happy holidays to you,’ he said before he let out a chuckle. ‘Anyone else wish to speak?
Someone from the audience stood up and asked the city manager if there were are ‘any districts that have a dungeon?’
The manager replied, ‘Not that I know of.’
It is not clear what other topics were discussed at Tuesday night’s city council meeting, and if the trio’s request would be granted.
Many took to Twitter to express their thoughts about the memorable appearance, with some taxpayers showing their support for the idea.
‘Makes a lot more sense than most of the things done in Florida,’ one person wrote.
‘At the end of the day subs and doms are taxpayers too… better them then (sic) political grifters,’ another replied.
‘250k for a dungeon is not a bad deal,’ said another. ‘Real Estate is getting pricey.’
Nick Cameron suffered 14 blunt force head injuries and two stab wounds when he was attacked over 11 minutes in the parking garage of his Melbourne apartment on July 10 last year.
He had taken his fluffy white terrier, Misty, into the garage when a man, who had allegedly been laying in wait beside Mr Cameron’s rental car for seven hours, rushed at him armed with a knife and a hammer.
Neighbours heard Mr Cameron’s yells for help. Efforts were made to save him, but he was declared dead about 45 minutes after the attack began.
A man has been charged with murder and is due to face trial in the Victorian Supreme Court next year.
Bos was charged with murder within weeks after Mr Cameron’s death, but pleaded guilty in November this year to manslaughter on the basis that she was complicit in an agreement for him to be assaulted.
She met the alleged killer six weeks earlier on a fetish website, where she used the name “Hedonistic Siren” to meet “slaves”.
“I am above you in every single way possible,” her profile said.
She and Mr Cameron had a volatile and verbally abusive relationship, prosecutors told a pre-sentence hearing on Wednesday.
In messages Bos described Mr Cameron as hurting her in unique and nasty ways and asked if it was possible to get him to leave town and not come back.
Bos accepts responsibility for Mr Cameron’s death, her lawyer Rahmin de Krester said.
“She feels guilt and shame that he died because of her involvement with (another man),” he said.
Chris Cameron penned a poem about his relationship with his son, and described his skills as a footballer and a friend.
“By crikey, if your mateship was appreciated, a locked in warm-hearted friendship was given and it was lifelong,” he said of the 39-year-old.
Mr Cameron’s partner was expecting their first child when he died. She told the court that the second half of her pregnancy was surrounded by loss and even now with each milestone in their child’s life overshadowed by grief.
AUSTRALIA – MELBOURNE – Shibari, a Japanese form of rope bondage, is an art form growing in practice worldwide. By nature erotic, it is also so much more. The intricate use of rope is expressive and skilful, hosting the potential to induce euphoric and meditative states, as well as deep intimacy.
It is recommended to attend class with a learning buddy, and while I opted to bring my partner, I was assured that shibari can be shared with anyone you trust and seek a connection with.
Initially anxious, my worries dissipated as I entered the serene Japanese-inspired space – which smelt of incense and brewing tea – and met the kind instructors Ash Snare and Harley Okami.
Class began with a safety briefing, addressing the inherent risks associated with shibari to mitigate any chance of physical or psychological harm. We were advised on where not to tie on the body, the role of safety scissors in emergencies, and the critical role of ongoing consent and communication.
We then learned about foundational knots. In shibari, there are two roles: the Rigger (who ties) and the Bunny (who is tied). Despite personal preferences, we were encouraged to practice the knots on our own bodies first, to learn how it felt for others and to differentiate safe and unsafe techniques used by Riggers.
Learning the knots was quite cerebral and satisfying. While it was easy to become focused on perfecting the knot, Harley advised us to be present and “paint with the rope”, drawing it across our partner’s body with intention and sensation, treating the knots as an embodied experience rather than an end goal.
Harley encouraged Riggers to release their egos and focus on the needs of the Bunny and the mutual connection, and for Bunnies to relax into the experience. Harley demonstrated a chest and neck tie on a class model that she shared a long shibari history with, and the attunement to one another’s needs and level of established trust and connection were both evident and inspiring. They appeared to communicate through the rope, with the model visibly receptive and responsive to the slightest touch or pull from Harley, as she dropped into a meditative space.
The pressure of the tight rope against my wrists prompted me to detach from my mind and connect with my body, as well as my partner. Feeling an impact after one class, I was curious to hear how decades of experience had shaped the instructors’ lives.
“Shibari has made explicit in my relationships aspects of my passion and inspiration previously left unvoiced, fumbled, or wasted in the realm of fantasy,” shared Ash.
“Rope has given me a framework for discovering with my partners our mutual interests and curiosities, and together realising our darkest fears, strangest fantasies, furthest limits and a depth of trust I’d never thought possible.”
If you are interested in exploring shibari for yourself, there are a range of classes and performances throughout Melbourne, showcasing the skill and vision of the city’s best rope artists.
Montley Bauhaus hosts the Shibari Soiree showcase in Carlton every three months, Golden Monkey Bar in Flinders Lane hosts Shibari Lounge monthly, and Melbourne Community Rope in Brunswick hosts a monthly rope jam where attendees can practice or sit back and watch.
Ash says that in addition to the benefits of instruction, learning in a class environment can open you up to a wider community.
“Many of our students have met partners, fallen in love, and some have gone on to become teachers themselves, or perform at various events we co-facilitate here in Melbourne,” he said.
“Melbourne has a thriving, vibrant rope scene waiting for anyone with good intentions to come and join, and the opportunities are endless.”
WASHINGTON – Soldiers who wore bondage gear and dog masks in sexually explicit photos while in uniform are under investigation, the Army confirmed Monday.
The photos, which have appeared on social media, show male soldiers in uniform, or parts of uniforms, wearing dog masks, leather and chains. Some of the photos depict poses of submission and sexual acts. Another photo shows a soldier in combat fatigues wearing the dog mask on an airfield.
Some of the photos appeared on Twitter Friday. The soldiers are based in Hawaii.
Internal Pentagon email traffic obtained by USA TODAY shows Army officials believed some of the photos appear to have been taken at a base gym in Hawaii. The source of the email was not authorized to release it. The email notes that reactions to the photos has been “hyper politicized.”
“U.S. Army Pacific is aware of content found on social media reflecting soldiers’ activities while wearing uniforms,” Maj. Jonathon Lewis, an Army spokesperson, said in a statement. “The incident is currently under investigation.”
Military law prohibits conduct by an officer that disgraces them personally or brings dishonor to the military profession. There are a range of potential punishments for violations, including letters of reprimand.
The legal jeopardy for the soldiers depends on several factors, said Don Christensen, the former chief prosecutor for the Air Force who now leads Protect Our Defenders, an advocacy group for troops who have been sexually assaulted.
If soldiers in the photos were officers and from the enlisted ranks, there would likely be a violation of Article 134, which governs fraternization, Christensen said. Photos in uniform, with the dog mask, would likely violate Article 133, Conduct Unbecoming an Officer.
Even if an officer has retired, the Army could be brought back to active duty and court-martialed, Christensen said. The officer could also be retired at a lower rank, which lowers pension payments.
The military can act swiftly to discipline troops whose conduct embarrasses their uniform. In 2018, the Marine Corps fired a Navy chaplain who had been caught on video having sex with a woman at a pub in New Orleans.
“All U.S. Army soldiers are expected to uphold high standards of personal conduct and to avoid discrediting the service and the uniform, both in person and across social media,” Cynthia Smith, an Army spokeswoman, said in a statement.
Nadya Tolokonnikova, founder of radical feminist punk rock band Pussy Riot, has teased a new video in which she says she’ll turn Putin ‘into ashes’ as she shares details of her dominatrix work
Nadya Tolokonnikova, Pussy Riot leader, says she wants to turn Russian leader Vladimir Putin “into ashes” after sharing details of becoming an OnlyFans dominatrix.
Pussy Riot’s brand of feminist punk rock has criticised many aspects of Russian society – and in particular the president.
An official statement from Pussy Riot in 2014 said that Nadya had left the group – but she still appeared with them later that same year, when the band was were attacked with whips and pepper spray by security staff at the Winter Olympics in Sochi.
The group reached world fame when they staged a performance in a Moscow cathedral in February, 2012 and three members of the band were jailed.
en years later, Pussy Riot’s rebellious spirit remains undimmed. The band raised over $7million in Bitcoin to support relief efforts in Ukraine, and several members of the 11-strong collective have chosen to take ownership of their sexual identities by launching OnlyFans pages.
Nadya says that she finds sex work “empowering”.
“It did empower me. I was pleasantly surprised by people who subscribed to my page,” she told Alt Press. “It turned into this really interesting exercise for me as a feminist to eventually explore my own boundaries and the boundaries of other people.
She added: “I exist on an OnlyFans page in the role of the dominatrix because, first of all, it’s fun. It serves historical purposes because women have been oppressed for far too long, and I think a figure of dominatrix lets a lot of people who engage with me imagine women in a different role than they were historically taught.”https://get-latest.convrse.media/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailystar.co.uk%2Fnews%2Fworld-news%2Fpussy-riot-bandleader-turned-onlyfans-28699320&cre=center&cip=19&view=web
She says that it’s fascinating to explore her own sexual kinks and how her feminism interacts with – and sometimes challenges those kinks.
But she’s also interested in challenging other people’s prejudices and sexual identities.
“I would ask a person who works in law enforcement to do certain actions…to do certain actions with his body, to get out in the city and cross-dress,” she says.
But she wants to do a lot more than challenge Russian leader Putin.
NIGERIA – Many people have imagined getting kinky in the bedroom. According to a report in The Journal of Sex Research issued in 2016, almost 47 per cent of women and 60 per cent of men have mused about exercising control over another person sexually, while a bit more women and a small number of men are excited by the thought of being controlled. The report also discovered that nearly 47 per cent of adults are willing to indulge in an unconventional type of sexual affair, and 33.9 per cent disclosed that in the past, they had experienced it multiple times.
This kinky feeling or desire to explore a different sexual activity can either be natural, or an identity discovered with time. People without an innate kink can discover BDSM in their adulthood to possibly revive their love life or to find pleasure in their desires. Having this desire is fun, however, exploring or practising BDSM openly in Nigeria is a different ball game.
What is BDSM?
BDSM, which is divvied up into bondage, discipline (or domination), sadism (or submission), masochism) is among the leading sexual kinks in the world. It is an umbrella term used to describe sexual practices involving kinks like exerting physical bondage, accepting and rejecting dominance, servitude, and the administering of pain. In this context, a kink means any sexual preference or activity considered unusual or strange. In other words, it is a practice that goes beyond conventional sex. Kinks include bondage, spanking paddles, degrading, role-playing and humiliation.
Bondage: It is the use of ropes, handcuffs or other restraints to limit your sexual partner’s movement. For some people, this type of control can increase sexual pleasure and encourage somatosensory (pressure, pain and warmth) sensations in various body parts.
Discipline: These are a set of rules and punishments collectively granted before a dominant partner exercises control over their submissive partner.
Dominance: This is a way of exerting control over a partner both in and out of sex. On a few occasions, dominants create plans with their partner’s authorization and control their behaviour in and out of the bedroom.
Submission: It means expressing submission to a dominant’s desires and actions. Submissives possess a great deal of control over determining what their dominant does to them. In a dominant and submissive relationship, communication is vital to give consent, establish boundaries and partake in wishes.
Sadism and Masochism or Sadomasochism: It is the happiness and fulfilment that a BDSM participant develops from either unleashing pain (sadism) or experiencing pain (masochism).
BDSM participants categorize themselves as either dominant, submissive, or switch (which means alternating between the initial two). A dominant person is often called the Dominant, Master, or Top and a submissive is called the Submissive, Slave, or Bottom. It’s crucial to note that these personalities are long-term and flexible, and can alternate depending on the partner or participants’ frame of mind.
BDSM In Nigeria
For many, living in Nigeria is overwhelming and draining. You can’t always openly express yourself so you are forced to put activities that are not considered ‘normal’ in the country, out of sight. Like sex, sexual identities or public display of affection, BDSM is a sexual preference that is considered bizarre and frowned upon in Nigeria. As a result, some kinksters can not publicly live out their BDSM fantasies or explore their kinky side in the country. Many fall back into the shadows, and the fortunate ones resort to carefully organized groups detached from people to meet their kind.
Explaining BDSM to an average Nigerian is not a walk in the park. People will deem you crazy, judge you, critique your practices and even claim you need divine intervention. A lot of these conclusions are drawn from a limited understanding of what BDSM really is. Many can not grasp the reasons why anyone would take pleasure in inflicting or receiving physical pain, being whipped, restrained or humiliated.
If you are familiar with Nigerians, you will know some are no strangers to abuse and they are famous for being hypocritical. Many try to appear like saints in public but practice some beliefs they oppose in private. It’s ironic how BDSM, or Sadism to be specific, is where some Nigerians may draw the line, but hitting children with a stick is acceptable. It’s not far-fetched to refer to Nigerians who hit their kids as sadistic if we are going by the definition of sadism. Chances are, the label will be rejected because of the sexual connotation attached to the word, and based on the notion that their behaviour is for correctional purposes and the other is for ‘sexual purpose’.
The differences between Nigerian sadism and BDSM sadism are, the former is similar to abuse, it’s not consensual, and the receiver most likely detests pain, while the latter is consensual and the receiver enjoys pain. Yes, consent is required in a dominant-submissive dynamic if not, it is sexual abuse or assault. Take sadomasochism, for example, consent is required because everyone involved has agreed that the play can be halted whenever someone becomes uncomfortable with the severity of the activity.
The BDSM Scene In Nigeria
Regardless of this negative discernment of BDSM by many, there is a BDSM scene blooming in Nigeria. BDSM in Nigeria is bigger than many people think; many have been studying and indulging in the BDSM lifestyle for a long time. Some have formed communities to help kinksters socialise and feel safe from judging eyes; others use BDSM as a source of income. Tega Maxwell is a kinkster who identifies as a top or dominant. He discovered BDSM through porn and practices interracial financial domination (findom). He explained, “centuries ago, the western countries like the Portuguese came to Africa and took our forefathers as slaves, now 400 years later, some feel they should pay black dominant as a symbol of reparation for the sins of their antecedents. I get paid by my white submissive through the internet.”
Within the shores of Nigeria, Tega practices BDSM differently. He still identifies as a top or dominant, however, he prefers to indulge in BDSM with older women or mature couples within the country. He explains his role, “I like mature women or cougars (35 upwards). Some are married, and others are not. With some, I indulge in rape fantasies (my job is to sneak in and act like a burglar. So I can slap her and we behave like it’s a rape scene). I use a rope on my submissives, meaning I am a rigger. I am also a bull for cuckold couples (couples can hire me to fuck their wife).”
It’s normal that the idea of rape fantasies may raise a brow. Incidents like rape are known to leave people traumatized, however, some people enjoy acting it out. Trauma on its own does not incite the desire to indulge in BDSM. Nevertheless, BDSM can create a safe and inspiring foundation for trauma survivors, who probably need to stifle their trauma by reenacting the scenario; in this instance, they dictate the results. The constant affection and interaction that members of BDSM communities demonstrate to one another also make it a comfort zone for trauma survivors to uphold and explore their sexuality.
Tega, as a dominant, fits the aesthetic of a typical Nigerian man unlike Chukwudi Uzor, a fellow kinkster who is submissive. An average Nigerian will question Chukwudi’s choices and preferences because not only is he into BDSM, his role is typically associated with women. This projection comes from a place of gender roles and disgust rather than praise. Chukwudi did some research on BDSM before he fully immersed himself in the idea over a year ago. He said “I am not going to say my BDSM experience has been rosy but it has been enlightening. After a few experiences, research, enquiries, and seeing movies, I officially got into the lifestyle in March 2021. I think it’s a journey because I am beginning to understand who I am and what I enjoy.”
Tega started a BDSM community to protect kinksters from scammers, and predators and keep them safe. He also hosts events to bring kinksters together. He said, “I created a community to solve the problems BDSM is facing in the country. If you go online, meet a dom and request a session, they will ask you to pay perhaps 50k and he will not show up. Your money is gone. In another case, you can meet a dom, he could tie you up and the next minute, you are dead. The fact that we have not heard stories about kinksters winding up dead doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Before someone joins the community I created, we know who they are. We hold BDSM parties, do matchmaking and teach people what they need to know about BDSM and beyond.”
In a place where many people are not in line with your beliefs, you have to be wary of who you meet online or reveal your sexual preference to. The internet is full of fake people and impersonators (people posing as kinksters), so it’s advisable to get to know people first before building trust. Depending on who you meet, It could take a while for you to trust them completely because not everyone has genuine intentions, so you try to take protective measures.
“You also have to trust your instincts and intuition to associate with certain people especially if you have a bondage kink. You can’t let a stranger tie you up. What if he or she kills you?” Amelia, another kinkster revealed.
Before a BDSM scene takes place, kinksters have a discussion and agreement on how they want to be treated both verbally and physically. This is also where consent comes in. After a BDSM session has occurred, kinksters consult their partners for feedback. They try to find out if the receiver or client is hurt and if they enjoyed the session. Tega said, “Before I meet my client, they tell me how they want to be treated. Those who enjoy pain tell me what they want me to use on them. After the session, I ensure they are okay. I get feedback from them before they go home to find out if they enjoyed what we just did.”
BDSM may not be encouraged in Nigeria but on the bright side, it is not illegal. According to Section 36 of the constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, any offence that is undocumented or unpunishable by the law is not a crime. This means BDSM participants can not be arrested or punished if caught. It is unfortunate that despite this, people are still unable to freely express themselves out of fear of being harassed, judged or even killed. Thanks to rising BDSM communities, kinksters can find a place to feel safe and meet like minds.
USA – Jessica, 30, from America, works as a performer at the sex club SNCTM. Jessica delves into her own sexual curiosities through her job as she gets into costume, which includes bondage and BDSM
A performer at one of the world’s most exclusive sex clubs has revealed what it’s really like putting on a show at its illustrious events.
Jessica, 30, from California, America, works as a performer at SNCTM, a sex club founded in 2013 in Beverly Hills.
The club was modelled after the film Eyes Wide Shut, in which Dr Bill Hartford (Tom Cruise) embarks on a night-long adventure, during which he infiltrates a masked orgy of an unnamed secret society.
It is Jessica’s role is to get into costume and character with various partners – which includes bondage or BDSM – allowing her to further delve into her own sexual curiosities.
She exclusively told Daily Star: “Most of the guests have kinks that fall into the realm of impact play, being tied up or group play, may it be a threesome, foursome or cuckold or hotwifing.
“As performers, we facilitate the fantasy for our guests and it’s quite normal to explore and experiment discreetly within our doors and community.”
The cast members are assigned characters for the evening with custom costumes that are themed to the night’s festivities.
She added: “The outfits are often very high fashion and edgy so I definitely look forward to seeing what the creative team has in store for each event.”
The club hosts masquerades, pool parties, classes, and dinner events for its members and guests, all with the ability for attendees to either participate or simply act as voyeurs.
But it isn’t easy to join in on the vents, as becoming a member is a competitive and expensive process.
The Dominus membership is only available to 20 people worldwide and costs $75,000 (£59,000) and if you want to be a Violet Key Benefactor, it requires a one-time payment of $1million (£790,000).
Women, on the other hand, can attend without purchase if they are accepted to their lady’s guest list. This is because SNCTM is “always supportive of intelligent and intriguing women”.
The exclusive sex club has reportedly hosted high-profile guests at its parties, including A-list celebrities.
“What I’ve found ‘wild’ was more of the high-profile guests that we’ve had join our community who I would never think of as being open to kink!” Jessica shared.
“It’s been refreshing to realise that everyone has fantasies but not everyone enables themselves to find that erotic freedom.”
The performer had already been a member of the kink community and decided to pursue performing with SNCTM after she attended a masquerade party as a guest.
Her experience at the masquerade party was liberating and granted her the freedom to explore her sexuality in new ways.
“My first evening [working there] was one of the most memorable evenings of my life. The energy of the room was electric where I saw some of the most beautiful people in one room and visually, I felt like I had walked into a movie set,” she explained.
“All the guests were incredibly warm and open-minded so it was easy to connect over the topic of sexuality and kink.
“The most challenging part about becoming a SNCTM performer was the time it took to accept my own naked body around other people. Now I embrace nudity and am so comfortable in my own skin.”https://get-latest.convrse.media/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailystar.co.uk%2Flove-sex%2Fim-bdsm-performer-worlds-most-27801587&cre=bottom&cip=31&view=web
Jessica was drawn to BDSM after exploring with partners in the past and experimenting privately built up her confidence to explore play parties outside of her comfort zone.
Once she entered, she says it felt like being around nonjudgmental people who understood her and encouraged each other in their erotic journey.
The 30-year-old added: “It’s incredibly freeing and the community is one of the most inviting and respectful groups I’ve encountered.”
Jessica explained that each cast member is on their own journey of erotic freedom and isn’t necessarily an expert in erotica.
Hairdresser Heide Victoria Bos, 37, of Melbourne‘s CBD pleaded guilty in the Supreme Court of Victoria on Tuesday to killing 39-year-old Nicholas Cameron.
She had originally been charged with murder, but accepted an Office of Public Prosecutions deal to plead to the lesser charge.
At the time, seasoned homicide squad detective Sol Solomon described the attack against Mr Cameron as ‘extremely brutal’.
Bos’ guilty plea came after she asked Justice Michael Croucher for a sentence indication.
Her co-accused, Stuart Lindsay Heron, remains behind bars and is expected to face his own Supreme Court of Victoria murder trial next year.
While Bos’ motive for having her victim attacked remain unknown for now, an earlier hearing heard her ‘submissive’ Heron allegedly carried out the assault on her instructions.
The court heard Heron had been Bos’ ‘willing slave’ in the conspiracy to hurt Mr Cameron.
Upon her arrest, Bos told police she had never meant the attack on Mr Cameron to go that far.
During a bail hearing in July, Bos’ barrister argued that the woman – who was ‘dominant’ in the relationship’ – didn’t intend for Heron to kill Mr Cameron. News.com.au reported.
The court heard the pair had met on ‘FetLife’ – a social media site for the BDSM and fetish community.
The couple had been together for just on six weeks when the alleged murder took place.
The court heard Heron was a committed slave, paying for his dominatrix’s rent.
In messages between the pair, Bos told Heron ‘you will please your queen’ and ‘you will prove your loyalty’.
Bos’ barrister Malcolm Thomas told the court his client’s relationship was a ‘fantasy-style one of slave and mistress’.
Mr Thomas claimed Bos simply believed her submissive lover would ‘warn off’ Mr Cameron, stating she did not expect him to cause serious injury or kill him.
Bos had been expected to contest the murder charge, with her barrister at the time describing the prosecution case as ‘extremely weak’.
Mr Thomas said while Bos understood there would be ‘some violence’ against Mr Cameron, he would be alive at the end of the confrontation.
The court heard Bos claimed she was oblivious to the fact that weapons would be used in the attack.
Mr Thomas told the July hearing while Bos believed Heron had connections to outlaw motorcycle gangs, she gave him no specific instructions to murder the target.
The court heard Bos had led a faultless life before deciding to have Mr Cameron killed.
Bos had been a regular contributor to Instagram, which indicates she is the mother of a teenage son.
The court heard she suffered from post traumatic stress disorder after her previous partner died in a motorbike crash and had struggled with drug abuse.
Bos, who appeared in court on Tuesday via videolink, will appear in court in person for her plea hearing next month.
Balenciaga faced backlash after sharing a troubling new campaign featuring a child in a bondage-themed photoshoot, with Kim Kardashian being urged to speak out against the designer
Fans have been urging Kim to denounce the brand and took to Instagram to try and make their voices heard.
The mum-of-four shared a picture of herself and her sister’s ex, Tristan Thompson, spending ‘Friendsgiving’ visiting a juvenile detention facility in Los Angeles.
In the comments, her followers were focused on one issue.
“Balenciaga Kim. We aren’t shutting up about this,” one person warned.
Another commented: “This isnt going to make us forget about balenciaga!!!!! Say something,” while a third urged: “Speak up about balenciaga.”
One furious fan wrote: “Would like to see a comment about balenciaga before seeing this. Your silence on this is topic deafening.”
“Where is the statement about balenciaga?” someone else questioned.
The comments come after model Bella Hadid deleted her Balenciaga Instagram post following the controversy.
The 26-year-old had taken to Instagram to share a series of snaps from the campaign with her 56.4million followers, before hastily deleting them.
In the pictures, Bella wore a $10K office ensemble from Balenciaga’s new spring collection.https://get-latest.convrse.media/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.mirror.co.uk%2F3am%2Fus-celebrity-news%2Fkim-kardashian-slammed-silence-over-28583096&cre=center&cip=22&view=web
Balenciaga issued a statement on social media regarding the photoshoot and apologised to fans for any distress caused.
“We sincerely apologize for any offense our holiday campaign may have caused.
“Our plush bear bags should not have been featured with children in this campaign. We have immediately removed the campaign from all platforms,” the statement read.
It continued: “We apologize for displaying unsettling documents in our campaign.
USA – Luxury fashion brand Balenciaga has issued an apology after backlash over a recent ad campaign, which featured children holding teddy bears dressed in bondage gear. The ad campaign featuring little girls and bondage-themed toys was deemed ”inappropriate” and ”disturbing” by several users.
On Tuesday, the fashion label posted a statement on its Instagram Story. “We apologise for displaying unsettling documents in our campaign. We take this matter very seriously and are taking legal action against the parties responsible for creating the set and including unapproved items for our Spring 23 campaign photoshoot. We strongly condemn the abuse of children in any form. We stand for children’s safety and well-being,” the statement read.
In another Instagram Story, the brand said that the “plush bear bags should not have been featured with children in this campaign” and added that images of the campaign have been removed from all of the brand’s platforms.
The fashion label posted a statement on its Instagram Story1
Luxury fashion brand Balenciaga has issued an apology after backlash over a recent ad campaign, which featured children holding teddy bears dressed in bondage gear. The ad campaign featuring little girls and bondage-themed toys was deemed ”inappropriate” and ”disturbing” by several users.
On Tuesday, the fashion label posted a statement on its Instagram Story. “We apologise for displaying unsettling documents in our campaign. We take this matter very seriously and are taking legal action against the parties responsible for creating the set and including unapproved items for our Spring 23 campaign photoshoot. We strongly condemn the abuse of children in any form. We stand for children’s safety and well-being,” the statement read.
In another Instagram Story, the brand said that the “plush bear bags should not have been featured with children in this campaign” and added that images of the campaign have been removed from all of the brand’s platforms.
The advertisements, which were originally posted earlier this week, were being used to promote the site’s holiday gift shop. The pictures featured children posing with teddy bears dressed in bondage gear, including fishnet tops, collars with lock and ankle/wrist restraints.
The photos drew sharp criticism online, with many accusing Balenciaga of sexualising children. Many called out the ”problematic” campaign and slammed the brand while questioning the appropriateness of the photos.
Even after the brand apologised for the pictures, some online users said that they are not buying Balenciaga’s apology. One user reacted to the apology and said, “Nice try Balenciaga. Let’s just get rid of all law enforcement and have apology enforcement. Imagine that kind of world? Ho wait we are in it NOW! Enough with child exploitation! Balenciaga- leave the children ALONE or pay the LEGAL CONSEQUENCES.”
Another user questioned why the brand chose to post the apology on their Instagram stories instead of posting it on their page. He wrote, “Is Balenciaga dodging accountability by blaming the set designers or am I trippen? What were the unapproved items? Did they JUST realize children shouldn’t be involved after being called out? lmaoo this apology solves nothing.”
USA – LOUISIANA – A former priest has pleaded guilty to an obscenity charge after he was caught having sex inside a church in Louisiana, with an archbishop describing his “desecration of the altar” as “demonic”
A former priest has pleaded guilty to a charge of obscenity after he made a sex tape of him having “demonic” sex on an altar with a dominatrix duo.
Travis Clark, 39, made the confession as part of a plea bargain, according to his attorney.
He committed the act at his church in Pearl River, Louisiana, on October 1, 2020.
The offence came to light when a person passing by noticed the lights on in the church. A witness then told police they saw Clark and the two women carrying out sexual acts in front of a camera placed on top of a tripod.
Prosecutors say Clark was seen stripped on the holy table with two women wearing high-heel boots and corsets.
Police seized camera and lighting equipment as well as sex toys. He was also alleged to have defecated on the carpet.
Clark received a suspended three-year prison sentence along with three years of supervised probation and he was also ordered to pay a fine of $1,000 (£870), reports NOLA.com.
After the 2020 offence came to light, Archbishop Gregory Aymond said the altar was desecrated and ordered it to be burned. Clark was also defrocked by the church.
Melissa Cheng also previously pleaded guilty to the misdemeanour counts ( Image: St. Tammys Parish Sheriff’s Office)
Aymond said: “His obscene behaviour was deplorable. His desecration of the altar in the church was demonic.
“I am infuriated by his actions.”https://get-latest.convrse.media/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.mirror.co.uk%2Fnews%2Fus-news%2Fpriest-caught-making-sex-tape-28558119&cre=center&cip=18&view=web
At a courthouse in the city of Covington, Clark’s defence attorney Michael Kennedy said $8,000 (£6,930) had already been paid to the Archdiocese of New Orleans.
Kennedy said it was unfair that his client pleaded guilty to a crime as part of his bargain, while those on tape with him faced lesser charges of institutional vandalism.
USA – ANDREW DESCRIBES HIMSELF AS having a boot fetish. “I wear boots while having sex, and if my partner is open to it, they will wear boots, too,” says the 40-something living in Melbourne, Australia. “I caress and lick them or sometimes rub myself on them.” He describes this interest as a fetish—not a kink—because “nine times out of 10,” boots are required for his sexual arousal.
People often use the terms “kink” and “fetish” interchangeably. However, many sexuality experts and people within the kink community make an important distinction between the two concepts.
So, what’s the difference between a kink and a fetish?
While all fetishes are kinks, not all kinks are not fetishes, explains Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., a researcher at the Kinsey Institute, member of the Men’s Health advisory panel, and resident sex researcher at Astroglide.
A fetish is something that’s necessary for someone to experience sexual satisfaction, the way Andrew feels about boots. Fetishes fall under the broader category of kink: “an umbrella term that encompasses any and all sexual interests, behaviors, and identities that aren’t considered mainstream,” Lehmiller says. So, a kink may be a fun, occasional addition to someone’s sexual repertoire, or something that they consistently require.
Sometimes, the word “fetish” is also used to describe the “erotic fascination with a non-genital body part, article of clothing, or inanimate object,” according to Lehmiller. But a fetish can also involve a behavior or fantasy, says Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist.
The key difference to remember between a kink and a fetish is not the type of activity or object that’s brought into the bedroom, but whether it is necessary for that person’s arousal.
What does it look like to have a fetish?
Fetishes can involve a variety of body parts, objects, and activities, including erotic role play, handcuffs, spanking, used underwear, group sex, and voyeurism. Whatever a person’s fetish entails, if it’s “not used in sexual activity, then sexual gratification is not achieved,” says psychotherapist Veronica Lichtenstein, LMHC.
Lichtenstein, for example, had a client with a diaper fetish. “She had a sex craving outside the norm and admitted that she was not as satisfied in the bedroom unless she incorporated her baby paraphernalia,” which made it a fetish, she says. “If she reported she liked to use diapers, baby bottles, role play, etc. occasionally during sex, it would be considered kink.”
Some fetishes, like Andrew’s, involve wearing something into the bedroom. “Believe it or not, I must wear a wig in bed to become sexually aroused,” says 66-year-old Hollywood publicist and author Daniel Harary, author of the sex book Carrots. “I’ve been bald for a very long time, so when I wear a long hair wig in bed, it brings me back to my teenage years, when I had very, very long hair.”
Other clothing and accessory-based fetishes include leather, lingerie, gym gear, heels, and other shoes, says psychotherapist and certified sex therapist Dr. Lee Phillips. Another common form of fetish involves body parts, such as “navels, legs, mouth, and hair,” he adds. “We tend to see the ‘philias’ with fetishes. Some of these may include urophilia (sexual acts or activities involving urine) and coprophilia (sexual acts or activities involving feces).”
Some theorize that fetishes may relate to people’s experiences early in life or to the neuroscience of how we process pleasure (especially when the fetish is body-part-based), says O’Reilly.
“It comes from my huge crush on Ginger Spice from the Spice Girls when I was a teenager,” Andrew says of his boot fetish. “She often wore those kinds of boots on stage.”
Phillips emphasizes that “fetishes are quite common, and they are only a problem if they interfere with the person’s life—for example, a person does not show up at work because they are looking at their feet on the subway all day.”
What does it mean to have a kink?
“‘Kinky’ refers to anything that deviates from conventional sex,” says O’Reilly. “You can see from this definition that this is highly subjective.”
What’s considered “kinky” to one person, in other words, may just be part of someone else’s normal sexual repertoire. For instance, Rome, a 48-year-old retail manager in Texas, says his kink is that he likes “hairy pussy.” But for somewhere outside the modern United States, where pubic hair removal is something of a trend, pubic hair may just be an everyday part of sex.
A kink “is best defined as sexual behaviors and preferences that are not easily categorized or different from what we consider typical sexual interests,” Phillips says. “For example, a typical sexual interest, also known as ‘vanilla sex,’ would include kissing in a missionary position. Kinky sex may involve role playing where one partner is submissive (the sub) and the other one is dominant (the dom).”
Other kinks can include sensation play (e.g. hot wax or electricity), sexual acts like fisting, and bondage techniques like ropes and sensory deprivation, says Phillips. Any addition to the bedroom that can constitute a fetish can also be a kink, and vice versa.
A final word on kinks and fetishes:
Some preferences are on the border between kinks and fetishes. Amber Angelica, a 25-year-old dominatrix, says she needs to send or receive money to get aroused by virtual sexual interactions (making it more like a fetish in these scenarios), but not in-person ones (making it more like a kink).
“I would not be turned on by dirty talk, pictures, or images, but it arouses me to make a big purchase or receive money,” she says. “If I’m having sex in person, that is different, and I can be turned on by the other person!”
What ultimately matters is not what label you put on a sexual desire but how comfortable you are with it. “Healthy intimacy happens with consenting adults and is safe for everyone involved,” says Lichtenstein. “Regardless of your kink or fetish, when your sexual behavior isn’t damaging to yourself or others, the healthiest way to deal with it is to accept what you are feeling and desiring as a natural part of who you are.”
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