USA – Neural Nets got into erotic hypnosis in the 90s. He was in his twenties, dating a woman deeply tranced in D/S (dominance and submission) play.
“She claimed she wanted to quiet her mind,” says the 46-year-old Baltimore resident. “I had her do ‘memory sessions.’ I wrote 100 degrading phrases for her to memorize on flashcards. She memorized them in order. In a memory session, she’d recite her mantras while naked and partially bound in front of a mirror. If she got the right answer, she’d get her clit stroked. If she got the wrong answer, she’d get the crop and start over. After one of these sessions, she kept mouthing her mantras well after we concluded and moved onto other games.”
At the time, Nets was a debate coach that had just moved to the mid-Atlantic to work for Georgetown. His experience led him down a rabbit hole where a burgeoning erotic hypnosis scene allowed him to explore the act of consensual control.
“I circulated my work only in private kink circles in the 90s,” he continues. “It later leaked, and it was used as the background for a lot of PornHub videos. It was really the equivalent of a leaked sex tape.”
After some negotiating, Nets was able to get credit for his work, leading to a successful Tumblr presence.
By now, you might be wondering: What exactly is erotic hypnosis? And even if you feel like you have a slight inclination, what you think you know about erotic hypnosis is likely wrong. Consider it to be an extension of a consensual kink as opposed to a manipulation tool.
Nets wants people to move away from the idea of erotic hypnosis as a trick.
“The public conceives of erotic hypnosis as a magic D&D spell,” he notes, “[while] actual practitioners see it as a consensual and mutual activity. Trying to hypnotize someone into exceeding their own preferences and boundaries isn’t ethical or even that possible.”
Nets is one of 50,000 members of r/EroticHypnosis, a subreddit “to discuss hypnosis used in erotic, sexy, and kinky contexts.” It’s a place where amateurs interested in the art of hypnosis can learn about the intricacies of heightened focus and concentration while indulging their own sexual interests by sharing content with one another.
For user Nathan H., erotic hypnosis is used as a means to connect with his partner and explore his own limits.
“One of the attractions to hypnosis is often the feeling of being in someone else’s control, just like with bondage play,” he explains. “That feeling of vulnerability can be very thrilling. In any sexual encounter, however, we need to keep our libido from overwhelming our good sense. As an in-person amateur hypnotist, I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to engage with people who talk about consent, limits, expectations, and rules.”
Like many subreddits, r/EroticHypnsis is extremely far from perfect.
“I think the largest problem is the view that hypnosis is, by definition, coercion,” notes Nathan. “We all need to be aware of coercive people in our lives and relationships, and take steps to protect ourselves against those influences. That includes not putting yourself in vulnerable positions with people you aren’t sure you can trust, in all areas. If we let someone we just meet handcuff us to the bed, we are not making good decisions or following the BDSM community’s rule of ‘safe, sane, consensual’ play.”
Nets, on the other hand, thinks the problem lies within the actual community as opposed to people misinterpreting erotic hypnosis as a concept.
“The erotic hypnosis community is a dumpster fire,” he states. “It’s genuinely impossible to screen out the constant influx of people pursuing the kink for the wrong reasons. Some people want to seduce and manipulate without adequate consent. Some people want hypnosis to fix them, and the community is fairly bad at maintaining the dividing line between therapy and eroticism. Some people just have overall magical expectations. Some people think that doing erotic hypnosis is a route to rapid recognition or an income boost for sex work.”
Nets believes the community needs to “attract and retain skeptics” to function normally.
“Most people outside of the community can recognize how alarming and implausible the overclaims are,” he continues. “Erotic hypnosis cannot physically kill you, create the Manson family, make you into a sexual Manchurian candidate, change your sexual orientation, or alter your physique. You wouldn’t know that by scrolling a community forum, though. There’s no check on bullshit and grifters, and it’s really ruined most of the community spaces.”
While the community is nothing short of frustrating for seasoned professionals like Nets and Nathan, r/EroticHypnosis is a wonderful spot for the curious. There are plenty of introductory posts for those who have no idea what they’re doing: how to get into a trance, suggestions for newcomers feeling frustrated by the limits of hypnosis, and no shortage of fan favorites.
“When you’ve decided to allow someone (or a video or audio file) to hypnotize you, find a relaxing place and time when things are not expected of you,” says Nathan. “Try to listen to what’s being said and how, instead of thinking about your feelings or expectations about the experience.”
Nathan believes erotic hypnosis should be treated as an exercise in mindfulness. Do and think about what you’re instructed to do and think about, without judging or waiting to see what’s going to happen. He says one should always keep in mind that erotic hypnosis is something you want to do.
“I’m a content creator, so I’d be remiss if I didn’t recommend myself,” says Nets. “If you’re a first-timer, demand more from your content creators. Don’t settle for someone droning awkwardly too much bass. Don’t buy into this as if it’s religion. You don’t have to suspend disbelief and play along for days and weeks. That’s a grifty myth. If you listen and you think it’s boring garbage, it probably is. There are plenty of good actors and producers out there. You should be empowered to expect better.”
MALTA – Sex work has changed drastically over the last decade, with the rise of the internet, changing morals and the wider acceptance of kinks and fetishes leading to a swathe of niches and speciality sex work finding acceptance in the modern world.
As more and more young people turn to OnlyFans accounts as a side-hustle and entire generations of people find ways to satisfy their fetishes online, Lovin Malta spoke to one Maltese sex worker to find out more about the situation in 2020.
Mistress M has been in the local and foreign sex work industry for five years. Images courtesy of Mistress Hellkitty and Mistress Isys.
1. For those that may not know, what is a dominatrix?
Mistress M: A dominatrix is a sex worker that performs fetish-related acts anywhere from having a client lick her boots clean all the way to performing sex acts, depending on her limits and the client’s wishes. We do a lot of BDSM – Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism.
The word sadism is etymologically related to the writing of the Marquis de Sade who wrote at length on taking pleasure in inflicting pain. On the other hand, masochism is from Sachler-Masoch who wrote Venus in Furs, a book about being hopelessly devoted to a dominant and devious woman who whipped him. Ergo, S and M.
2. Would you say BDSM is popular in Malta?
Mistress M: BDSM has been around in Malta longer than most people think. One of my clients, T, has been an active member of the Maltese kink scene for 30 years. He’s even told me there used to be a website called BDSMMalta in the 1990s, with workshops and parties.
BDSM tends to emerge everywhere, but it’s especially common in religious countries where a lot of practices are taboo, this whips the imagination into a frenzy. BDSM is also gaining in acceptance with popular culture thanks to large-scale films, TV shows and books referring to it.
In addition, online sex work has risen across the globe, especially during the quarantine.
Websites such as OnlyFans allow providers to upload customised content based on client fetishes, for a fee. As the fetish community becomes larger and less underground, it becomes more accepted. These days, there are even nannas on TikTok joking about liking rough sex while being filmed reacting to Cardi B’s WAP video.
BDSM in Malta is still extremely underground compared to other European countries like Germany and England, but that has been changing alongside the recognition of LGBTQI+ rights here, and the realisation of society that sexuality, like gender, is not a binary, is not something for which people deserve to be shamed or judged and is not necessarily a conscious choice.
A wide variety of sexual practices comprise kink that can be practiced according to the acronym RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink. This obviously discludes any coercive or unethical acts, since they are by default non-consensual.
3. Why do you think certain kinks are still so underground?
Mistress M: Religion, taboo and the fact that Malta is very small and filled with nosy neighbours.
Since last I checked, the Catholic church hadn’t published a Kama Sutra. There is a staunch rigidity written into the religion in terms of not accepting homosexuality, sexual diversity or any sex at all unless it is for the purpose of procreation.
Many people with diverse sexualities like homosexuality feel shamed, judged or outright despised for their interests.
The next time you judge someone’s sexuality, think for a second about what business it is of yours, whether it hurts anyone and whether you are curious about the same things.
In 2016, Malta’s #1 porn search result was lesbian, followed by MILF, giantess and vorarephilia (a kink related to being consumed).
If that’s not a kinky population into mature and dominant women, I don’t know what is. Also let’s face it, Maltese women are dominant by nature. We’re just born this way.
4. On average, how many requests do you get a week?
Mistress M: It really depends! Locals three to five per week but with people on vacation it can go up.
With clients who are sometimes lonely or feel marginalised, we might chat regularly via text or WhatsApp and not just about sex.
I listen to clients when they have personal issues, health problems or just need attention and appreciation. We fulfil each other’s needs and I am remunerated for my time.
5. How does a typical client interaction go down?
Mistress M: I post ads on private fetish websites or sex work pages, clients mostly reply politely and respectfully, discuss session requests, dos and don’ts (I don’t do intercourse and fluid exchange sexual acts, but that’s up to individual discretion, some people do). I accept a deposit and book the appointment for the agreed upon time.
Clients must arrive clean, safe words and hard limits are established and payment is completed before the session.
There are a few dungeon spaces in Malta but nothing open to the public, this is something we would like to see change. Many European cities have kink clubs like Verboten in London and Kit Kat in Berlin, it’s accepted and normalised there.
I see no reason why we shouldn’t decriminalise sex work and allow sex clubs in Malta, it’s good for tourism and these events are already happening here underground in any case. Why not collect the tax money and ensure things are done safely?
6. What is the most common request in your experience?
Mistress M: Foot fetish and pegging.
A lot of people are turned on by their partner’s feet or panties or are interested in experiencing anal stimulation but ashamed to admit it because of toxic social norms of men feeling compelled to behave in a masculine way.
I always encourage clients to be more open and honest about their sexuality. It leads to better intimacy in relationships, provided you and your partner are capable of being open-minded.
7. What was the strangest request in your experience?
Mistress M: Hmm there are so many! I try never to kink-shame people, since that’s what society does to them and they come to me in confidence to be able to reveal fantasies.
But definitely eating toenails is up there. My client T has a funny story about a balloon fetish request and a domme quite happily filling a room up with balloons for her client.
8. Have you ever had to turn down a request?
Mistress M: Oh yeah. I don’t do sexual fluid exchange, as I mentioned, so lots of nos. Anything creepy or illegal.
9. Have you had any high profile clients or people in professions you weren’t expecting?
Mistress M: Well two of my clients in Malta were cops, one is a professor, most are business people, students, bar employees, doctors or lawyers.
I have a Gozitan farmer too! My clients are just regular nice people with fetishes that are not accepted by people in their lives.
10. On average, how many of your clients are married?
Mistress M: The majority are not married, but I find this to be a really loaded question.
Do you ask the convenience shop owner if he verifies whether smokers are addicted or hiding smoking or drinking from a partner? Does the grocery store owner take responsibility not to sell sweets to overweight clients who don’t want their partner to know? Are gaming sites ensuring they don’t profit off addicted persons who spend more than they should? Of course not.
I am not responsible for people who make inappropriate decisions or lie to their partners, they are adults and if they cheat, that’s their choice. I’m not emotionally involved with my clients.
The fact is that cheating is already rampant in our society, I simply charge people for seeing me.
It’s not my responsibility to background check clients beyond their STIs, and actually, oftentimes if someone does ask me about a relationship question, I guide them about how they might be able to discuss their kinks with a partner, recommend seeing a relationship counsellor or bringing a partner in for a couples’ session.
My client T is married and we have great sessions with his wife who also likes to dom him.
11. Have you ever had clients that were in a relationship, a couple or a group?
Mistress M: Yes, but not all dommes do this. I think it can be really therapeutic. A big part of our job is helping people to accept themselves and then slowly try to open up that side of them to others.
In the same way that a lot of queer people are in the closet for a long time, people with diverse sexual fetishes may include same-sex fantasies, trans fantasies or object fantasies like latex or leather.
Ask yourself how you might treat your partner if you found out tomorrow that they liked dressing in women’s clothing, or enjoyed gay porn. Would you shame them? Be angry?
Or would you try to be open and understanding? These are the things that couples discuss with sex workers as well as psychologists.
12. What is the general price range for services?
Mistress M: It ranges on the time and service! Online sex workers with an OnlyFans account might earn €5 or €10 per month per client but they may have tens or hundreds of subscribers.
In person sex workers usually charge at least €100 per hour. I charge €150 in Malta and €200 to €400 an hour depending on which country I am working in.
13. Have you ever been in need of police intervention or protection during work?
Mistress M: No, especially not when a few clients were police.
I have turned away clients before a session for having an aggressive demeanour, insulting toxic masculinity attitude or being rude or insulting. Unfortunately, street solicitors have been physically abused and mistreated here, and this is the reason why decriminalisation is so important.
The most vulnerable women doing sex work can be trafficked or coerced and this needs to stop.
Decriminalisation would allow women to work free from the fear of prosecution and therefore not requiring pimp-like protection. We are hoping a SWOP (Sex Worker Outreach Program) group is created in Malta soon to help women with legal and other questions.
It’s shameful that in 2020 marginalised women are still being arrested in Malta for solicitation, while massage parlours, strip clubs and online sex work are free to carry on unhindered, often because they are run by wealthy local men.
Street soliciting sex workers are statistically the most marginalised and arresting and prosecuting marginalised women is not helping them to get out of sex work if that’s something they want to do.
14. Are there lots of sex workers actively working in Malta?
Mistress M: Yes, there are lots of online sex workers in Malta, porn actors, full service sex workers and massage parlour workers. It’s a flexible job for a lot of people with a good rate of pay, unlike a lot of available work in Malta.
The rise of online sex work over the quarantine shows that sex work is becoming a legitimate and respectable means of subsistence for a lot of people that needs to be de-stigmatised and taken out of the legal grey zone.
We are not all trafficked foreign victims, either. While that exists and needs to be remedied, many sex workers are setting their own rates, are Maltese citizens and are happy doing their jobs.
15. What attracted you to the job?
Mistress M: Independence, flexibility and a good pay.
A lot of people here live with their parents until well into their 30s! This has an obviously negative impact on sexuality with no private place to experiment or be alone with a partner. This may be one reason people do sex work, to afford moving out, but also why people seek out sex workers on the island to have somewhere private to be sexual.
Sex work is a well-paid job that gives people financial stability and is no more degrading than working at a restaurant or shop. My clients buy me gifts all the time and send me nice messages thanking me for helping them!
I have worked in the food service industry, at a clothing shop and I have never experienced the level of client rudeness in sex work that I got from people treating me like a second class citizen in the service industry.
Service industry workers make under €1000 per month. Sex workers can make two to three times that. The next time you judge a sex worker as a victim or working a shameful job, think about how you’re treated at your job and how much you make!
I’m a university-educated Maltese citizen and so are a lot of other Maltese sex workers.
16. Should prostitution and sex work be legalised in Malta?
Mistress M: It should be decriminalised.
Let’s get Malta up to speed with other countries like New Zealand which has helped decrease trafficking rates with full decriminalisation.
Legalisation is not necessary, but we need to stop arresting women for solicitation and allow women to work together for their protection without calling it a brothel like what is happening in the U.K.
The Nordic model of sex work legislation does not help sex workers.
Criminalising the buyer of sex or prohibiting brothels endangers sex workers.
The fact is that a lot of these well-intentioned NGOS against sex work are relying on junk science to prove that sex trafficking is on the rise. The way to combat sex trafficking is not to drive victims further underground.
The biased NGOs here working to lobby the government want to see sex work criminalised even further because they see sex workers as encouraging cheating or as trafficking victims.
These consultations are flawed and their research is based only on statistics of victims of sex trafficking, not a broad consensus of sex workers.
These groups simply do not consult the stakeholders of this legislation: consensual buyers and sellers of sex work.
17. Is there anything that clients can do that you or other workers would like to see more of?
Mistress M: We appreciate honest, respectful and open communication.
Married people are actually the worst clients because they often no-show you since they are sneaking around and this makes them unreliable. We like stable, regular honest clients.
Please, if you recognise your sex worker out in public, never doxx them.
Malta is a small place and we are trying to exist in a world that shames us. We give clients the privacy of never revealing their identities and we appreciate the same also. Until it’s safer and less stigmatised to be in this job, we are unfortunately forced to give anonymous interviews and hide our identities.
18. What is the biggest misconception about sex work and sex workers in your view?
Mistress M: I think I mentioned this above but the idea that we are victims, drug addicts or that we are nymphomaniacs or something. Most of us lead pretty normal standard lives outside of sex work!
We have partners, families, kids, houses and other businesses.
Another misconception is that sex work = sex trafficking. It absolutely does not.
Sex work or prostitution (we have changed the word due to the stigma attached to prostitution, but they are the same) is a consensual choice. Trafficking is not a choice, it’s a forced job and we have a problem with this in Malta that isn’t related simply to sex but other kinds of forced or underpaid labour especially in the migrant community.
Sex work is not coercive by nature.
Recent US and UK legislations like SESTA and FOSTA which banned third party websites like Backpage did absolutely nothing to help reduce sex trafficking.
They simply dispersed the concentration of sex buying and selling from being on a single website where law enforcement could follow up on postings and look for underage or trafficked persons onto hundreds of other different sites, making their enforcement difficult and making it tougher for consenting sex workers to earn a living.
19. Finally, what would you tell readers to keep in mind about sex work?
Mistress M: Please listen to what sex workers would like to see happen with reforms that concern them, rather than patronising NGO groups who profess to know what is good for us without actually consulting any sex workers. Decriminalise sex work and modernise our little country so that it’s not only a safe place for LGBTQI+ people, but for sex workers (who are often themselves marginalised LGBTQI+ as well) also.
Sex work is real work and sex workers deserve respect.
A small coalition of sex work positive NGOs working with the LGBTQI+ community and asylum seekers had some wise words to say on the subject in a recent local interview. They point out that the arguments against decriminalising sex work and criminalising the sex buyer are based in a belief that reforms will increases pimps and traffickers, and turn Malta into a sex tourism hub.
This is patently false.
First of all, Paceville and other areas are already hubs for sex work. It’s just operating in a legal grey zone. Pimping and trafficking should always remain illegal, but solicitation is not pimping.
In fact, under the Nordic model of criminalising buyers whilst decriminalising sex work, sex workers are still forced to operate outside the law, opening them to further opportunities for violence and making them vulnerable to discrimination and abuse, as has already been the case in Malta for decades.
Sex work has been a feature of the island since before the times of Strait Street and sex work exists whether it’s criminalised or not. Malta, (unlike Germany and New Zealand which have Tier 1 ratings), has a Tier 2 rating in terms of their government compliance according to the Trafficking in Persons report of 2019.
This means that Malta has a lot of work to do to bring up their level of compliance to the recommendations by the TIP report to protect of victims of trafficking, and not only those in sex work. The majority of abused and trafficked migrants in Malta are not working in the sex industry, but are in agricultural, domestic and sanitation work.
There have been loads of reports on Maltese owners refusing to pay racialised garbage collectors and no one is asking for a ban on the entire industry or assuming all sanitation workers are trafficking victims.
The same is true of sex work.
Trafficked persons in all industries deserve legal protections and assistance, but to imply that those suffering as victims of sex trafficking are in worse distress than people being trafficked in the other industries does a disservice to all victims of trafficking and doesn’t help end the problem. Decriminalisation would help end sex trafficking by giving sex workers more rights to seek out police intervention without fear of prosecution against themselves.
GERMANY – An ex-police officer has revealed how she spent seven years moonlighting as a dominatrix after being inspired by sex workers and prostitutes she met on the job.
Former police commissioner Sarah Keller from Duisburg, Germany, was rising through the ranks when, in 2011, she attended a fetish party with a close friend and became instantly fascinated by the world of BDSM, bondage and domination.
“I felt at home with the police and it certainly was a great job. But something was missing,” she said.
“I wanted to do the things in life that really give me joy. In my private life, I’ve always had a passion for BDSM. It gives me a satisfying feeling to lead people and exercise power.”
Police officer to dominatrix
For the next seven years, the 32-year-old led a double life, fighting crime during the day before swapping her traditional police uniform for a latex one and transforming into a femme fatale at night.
Investigating sex crimes and speaking regularly with prostitutes who would tell her about their lives and work only furthered Sarah’s desire to pursue her X-rated career.
But her conflicting passions were difficult to keep secret and before long, racy pictures of Sarah began circulating the station, with colleagues even creating WhatsApp groups to share her images.
Her decision to upgrade from her natural D-cup breasts to a whopping 34F, paint her fingernails bright red and don heavy make-up, made her tenure in the police force an increasingly difficult one.
“I noticed that my lifestyle was becoming more and more different from that of most colleagues. Values such as owning your own home or saving for retirement were much less important to me than the aspect of feeling good in your own body and enjoying freedom,” she said.
In 2017, after 11 years as a cop, Sarah swapped her position of power as a commissioner for a very different type of authority figure as a full-time dominatrix.
Meet Calea Toxic
Today, Sarah is better known by her dominatrix name, Calea Toxic, and has a growing Instagram following of over 26k users as well as several cover appearances on fetish magazines and an appearance in a TV doco under her belt.
Besides recurring guest appearances in the best dominatrix studios in Europe, she is available for exclusive photoshoots and also provides a ‘bizarre escort service’ for the ‘more solvent gentleman’ as well as catering for couples who want to push the boundaries of their sexual experimentation and explore their most taboo desires.
“Playing games with latex, whips and bondage allows me to disappear into a completely different place,” she said.
Since shifting her career, Sarah is earning more than she ever did as a police commissioner, a role that typically earns upwards of £100k (AUD$177k) in Germany.
But for Sarah, it’s not about the paycheque.
“For me, money is not the most important part of why I do what I do. I want to pursue my job independently and out of my own motivation,” she said.
She says she’s just as professional while working as a dominatrix as she was as a police commissioner and doesn’t see much difference between the two.
“In some ways, the jobs are pretty similar. You have a lot of responsibility. You have to guide and direct people.
UK – A dominatrix has insisted that people should ‘accept this sort of behaviour’ after her and her ‘slave’ were barred from a gastropub in Cumbria for public sadomasochistic display.
Dominatrix Lydia Chadwick, 30, had tied her ‘slave’ to a roof beam with a dog lead and spanked the masked person with a paddle on Sunday evening at The Mill in Ulverston – in full view of other diners.
Customers who witnessed the sadomasochistic session filmed the bizarre episode and shared it online.
But Lydia defended her actions, telling The Sun: ‘People should get out of the dark ages and accept this sort of behaviour.
‘Most people are just treating it as a laugh.’
Lydia added that she had taken a friend from Camden, who identifies as a woman, into the pub because she wanted to be publicly humiliated.
She said: ‘She said she wanted to be publicly humiliated so I was going to take her to a local beauty spot where the walkers go.
‘We thought we would give them something to laugh at. I did that for another customer before the lockdown.
‘But we were running out of time and decided to go for a drink in The Mill.
‘I was going to walk her on a dog lead, but she got embarrassed with everyone looking at us.
‘We signed in and went to the roof terrace, where I chained her to the rafters.
‘I blindfolded her and pretended to walk away and leave her as part of the humiliation. I was videoing it and we didn’t think anyone else could see.’
In the video, the sound of the spanking could be heard above the soundtrack of Lovely Day by Bill Withers.
The ‘slave’ was dressed in black fishnet stocking and suspenders and red knickers, while the mistress wore a black dress as she beat his bottom with a black paddle.
Lydia, who said being a dominatrix is ‘just a job’, said she did not mean to upset The Mill and will ‘apologise to them’, adding that her family were upset after the video was shared online.
But the owner of The Mill has slammed the couple for their exhibitionism after the X-rated incident and barred them from the pub.
A picture on social media also shows a message allegedly written by a member of staff after the incident.
It read: ‘I sat them upstairs on the terrace, these lads came down that were sat up there ten minutes later telling us to go up and see what’s happening – and she has tied them up with a dog lead on one of the beams, whipping them.’
Michelle Wood, general manager of The Mill, told The Sun that it was not ‘behaviour that we wanted to encourage’.
She said: ‘The couple signed in as all customers are asked to do for pandemic regulations and it was obvious that the man was dressed as a woman.
‘But in 2020 if you turn men away because they are dressed as women then it is discrimination.
‘One of the other customers started filming what was going on and then came to tell the staff.
‘They just embarrassed us for her financial gain.’
The couple are believed to be part of the BDSM community. BDSM refers to often erotic practices which can involve bondage, dominance or submission.
One witness wrote on Twitter: ‘Unreal scenes coming from The Mill in Ulverston.’
Lydia, a self confessed ‘mistress’, said most of her clients are in the UK but also has some overseas, adding that she does what ‘people ask me to do for them’, including humiliation and cross-dressing.
Phil Simpson, owner of The Mill, believes the couple has ties to the Ulverston area and hit out at them for seeking to ’embarrass small local businesses’.
Mr Simpson added: ‘As soon as we spotted this couple’s activities they were told to leave our premises.
‘They are now barred and having seen their post on social media the police have now contacted us for more information.
‘We believe that the woman involved is Ulverston-based and we find it quite depressing that such people should seek to embarrass small local businesses in this manner for financial gain.’
UK – Coronavirus has forced the world into lockdown and now sex dungeons are having to go ‘above ground’ and online to start streaming their kinky content and keep their businesses afloat amid the global pandemic
Coronavirus has changed everything about the way we live. Social distancing has made it difficult for many self-employed people to stay afloat. And that’s especially true of dominatrixes.
n the US, for example, the massive government Covid-19 bailout bill specifically excludes legal sex workers from protection.
Swarm, a sex worker-led collective, says that it has already used donations to support over 200 sex workers.
But many more dominatrixes are just making the best of a bad situation. Top UK dominatrix Mistress Evilyne explained to Daily Star Online that she has always had a sideline in online video, and the lockdown has just made that side of her business more important.
She uploads a new “socially-isolated” video every couple of days and broadcasts a regular live stream of herself reading erotic stories: “I also interact with my followers via private message and make extra money from them sending me tips to show their gratitude and appreciation,” she says.
But Mistress Evilyne was in a better position to make the switch than most of her peers: “I started camming as soon as I became a dominatrix,” she says. While she has video stores on a few platforms “my online income mostly comes from OnlyFans.”
She says that most of her regular slaves have followed her online now, and more are finding her every day: “I rank very highly on Google,” she explains, “and I have close to 50K followers on Twitter.
It isn’t easy though, she says, there is a lot of hard work involved in establishing an online presence. “It took me years to create not just a persona, but also enough content to earn a decent living from. It doesn’t happen overnight,” she said.
One of the biggest problems is making sure that her content isn’t copied by unscrupulous fans: “Unfortunately, none of us are immune to the laws of the internet.
“Once I finally did have a large following, I started to see my content being pirated left right and centre. It happens on such a scale that it is impossible to keep up. New pirated material appears faster than you can get it taken down.”
Still, Mistress Evilyne has built the following and the expertise to weather the storm: “Thank goodness I had already built up my online presence before this hit.
“It will be a very difficult transition from realtime to online for a lot of sex workers. My business has barely been impacted at all because I already had a strong online presence and established sources of online income which are booking in the current climate.”
Mistress Evilyne also uses social media to share knowledge about monetising content with other dominatrixes: “We all support each other with tips and advice,” she says. “I run a private group chat dedicated to kinky content creators using subscriptions services such as OnlyFans, LoyalFans and AVN stars.”
She’s also one of the organisers of The Femdom Ball – a regular annual event for dominatrixes and their slaves – but she isn’t completely sure whether this year’s will be going ahead yet: “The annual International Femdom Ball is still very much on the cards for October. We shall wait until closer to the date to make a definite decision on whether or not it will take place this year. “
Coronavirus has changed everything about the way we live.
But maybe people who are used to living differently have already made a head start on that.
UK – DESIREE Burch, the voiceover star of Netflix’s latest binge-worthy reality series Too Hot To Handle, used to work as a dominatrix while still a virgin.
The comedian has previously appeared on British panel shows including Frankie Boyle’s New World Order, and The Mash Report.
But in a 2018 interview opened on her past work as a sex worker which she said she fell into to “figure out more about men.
“I was trying to figure out how I could become more sexualised,” she told Metro newspaper.
“I found men frightening. I thought if I could do this, I could figure out more about men and their desires.
“I was an overachieving kid and if I ever wanted to learn about something I’d read a book until I felt comfortable enough doing it, so this was my equivalent of reading a book — about how to be sexual.”
She also told Jonathan Ross in a May 2019 interview that she was “paid to beat guys up like every woman wants” while she was still a virgin.
“That was a way to make money like many of the amazing women I worked with…they were in school, they were actors, or they were doing other things, they were nurses,” she said.
“They were like, ‘Oh, yeah, I can also actually make money by doing this thing that usually a lot of women have to do for no money.'”
Netflix unleashed the brand new dating show which has everyone hooked, last week.
If you’re wondering to watch on Netflix next, can we please reassure you that the answer is: Too Hot To Handle. The reality show sees 10 hot young (and ‘horny’) singles put on an island for what they think is going to be the most exotic and erotic summer of their lives. Except, shortly after they arrive, they’re told they’re not allowed to touch each other (or themselves) ‘romantically’ for the entire time, if they want to win the $100,000 prize. Amazingly, every time someone ‘rebels’, money is knocked off the prize total. So obviously, that’s brilliant television.
Throughout it all, saying what we’re all thinking, and making us laugh is narrator, Desiree Burch. The comedian, originally from LA, moved to London and is now a recognisable face for anyone who has watched UK TV shows like Live At The Apollo and Mock The Week. Not only is she funny as hell, but her experiences in her pre-comedy life as a sex worker (which she discussed in her 2017 comedy special, Unfuckable) make her the perfect candidate to navigate the, er, ins and outs of the sexual politics playing out on screen.
We caught up with Desiree for a very in-depth chat about all things Too Hot To Handle – the interview doesn’t contain spoilers per se, but does touch on things that happen in the first few episodes.
There’s a lot of television available right now – what would you say to encourage people to choose Too Hot To Hande?
Well it’s a new one – most of the world has finished Netflix, so it’s new! For those who both enjoy the young single reality genre, and those who don’t, there’s a lot to offer in terms of the unfolding humanity of these lovely very young and very attractive and seemingly oblivious people. It starts to become arresting as they learn a bit more about their humanity.
Did you have fun with all the sex puns?
I would come in and the producers and writers would have a script and then I would maybe add my own twist or be like, ‘I don’t know what you’re trying to say because I’m American and all the production team is British’. So sometimes it would be that cultural translation thing. And also it’s about how do we say this without being reductive or sexist or an asshole. It was an interesting look at how we talk about these things.
Do you think that, having done sex work, you brought an element of sex-positivity to the show? Even though the show is about abstaining, these are people who are very highly sexed and open about that…
Obviously I have done sex work and when we get to the part where it’s about Shibari and all the restraints and stuff, the producer was like, ‘OK, so you know how to pronounce it?’ and I’m like, ‘Yeah yeah yeah, I’ve had some experience.’ But it was cool they even had those workshops because it is a different way to learn about engagement and sexuality and enticement without actually consummating the act. There’s a lot to be explored rather than, literally, the ins and outs of sex. Like if you say you’ve had good sex, that could mean a lot of different things, some of it is about the aftercare or connection or intensity – some of it is just about the acrobatics. Most of us probably had a lot more sex in our 20s but had a lot better sex as we learned what we liked and what it means to really connect with someone, which takes some experience and wisdom and self knowledge. So I’m happy to bring that positivity to it, because I watched these people discovering that. It’s really beautiful and it’s not really a window we get to have into other people or ourselves.
Which characters did you love. We’re kind of fascinated, for many reasons, by Matthew…
Yes, Jesus! It’s so funny because all of these people slowly reveal who they are to you, like Matthew comes in in his sweatpants and then takes it all off and you’re like, ‘Holy crap!’ I also love the dynamic of him and Kelz [trying to find out who kissed and lost them $3,000]. I totally understand that point of view that’s like, ‘OK, all this is cute… but you’re cutting into my cash right now’. I get both the, ‘Oh this is hard to resist’ but also the ’Let’s play the game, because we’re in Mexico or wherever shooting this thing and it’s a fun holiday, but we’re giving time in our lives and exposing ourselves, so let’s walk away with some money.’ I’m surprised they didn’t have more explosive blow-ups. Chloe I find hilarious. Just the way she expresses these things. Like when she says, [in an Essex accent] ‘Animosity’ like, ‘I did a smart.’ And Kelz has side-eye reactions that would crack me up and David just like… he led with a butt massage. Dude, who does that? I’d never met any of them, but they’re so engaging and funny. Like when Sharron is like, ‘I’ve been through so much,’ and you’re like, ‘Mate you’re 20-nothing you’ve been through four things and I understand they are massive in your life, but…’ It’s just really cute.
I mean, when Bryce comes in and says has sex with a new person EVERY DAY…
Oh my GOD! I was losing it when Bryce was introduced. Can’t you just imagine him in 1977 with a Hawaiian shirt on and a gold chain? And it’s beautiful to watch as the show goes on, where that protective, uber-masculine identity comes from. Clearly he’s got a very bruised self-esteem and ego that compels him to find another woman to come onto a boat and have sex with him. If you’re having sex with someone every day, you’re not remembering names, it’s not about connection – it’s about filling a void. And for someone to go through a process of recognising that, by having to abstain and sit with what is compelling you to do that, I think it’s really powerful for people to watch. But yeah, he’s hilarious. The keyboard? There’s so much going on. Where is this inflated ego coming from?
Do you really think that by abstaining from sex and touch, the contestants are really learning something?
I think so. It takes a while to learn a lesson – typically as a human being we have to learn a lesson over and over like 25 times for it to change us, so this might be just the first couple of seeds planted for people. But I think any time we abstain from a reaction to something – because sometimes sex is a reaction, like I need a release – and any time you take a moment to slow it down, or you stop and sit with those feelings, you learn something about what is driving and motivating that. A lot of us right now – not to make any comparisons, it’s a different thing to be on an island to make lots of money – but I think a lot of us are discovering we do turn to food or drink or sex or work as a way to lose part of ourselves and that at some point we are all forced either by a challenge like this, or circumstances beyond out control, to not jump into that thing. And having to sit longer with the frustration of that is a very important lesson. It’s like what they talk about in meditation and yoga – feel the annoyance, feel the itch and then don’t respond and by doing so, you do learn something. It takes a lot of practice, but the beginning of that awareness and perception is a massive paradigm shift for most of us.
USA/JAPAN – On the Netflix reality dating show Too Hot to Handle, conventionally attractive contestants are challenged to form deeper emotional bonds with romantic partners without immediately hopping into bed together. In order to help them learn that lesson, the show puts contestants through various workshops—one of which is Shibari, or Japanese rope bondage. The goal of the Shibari exercise was to help contestants become more vulnerable and trusting with each other.
But what is Shibari, and how can it potentially help you bond with your partner? We spoke to two Shibari experts to find out: Midori, a sexologist, educator, and author of Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage; and Kitty Killin, a Shibari artist and instructor.
What exactly is Shibari?
Shibari is a contemporary form of rope bondage that originated in Japan, Midori explains. Sometimes it’s also called Kinbaku or Japanese bondage.
Shibari literally translates to “to tie” or “to bind,” Kitty adds: “It refers to intricate and beautiful knots and patterns used to restrain and give sensation to the body.”
What’s the history of Shibari?
The visual imagery dates back to how prisoners and criminals were restrained in Japan during the medieval and Edo periods (1200s CE to late 1800 CE), Midori says. “This fed the darker erotic imagination of kinky Japanese people, much in the same way that European medieval prison tools inspired Western BDSM—think crosses, manacles, and chastity devices.”
Binding would also appear in specialty porn, other imagery, and underground adult entertainment venues in Japan. In World War II, some American soldiers saw Shibari and surreptitiously brought it back to the United States, Midori says. Cut to the ’90s, and it was all over the Internet. “Today, it’s developed into a 21st-century form of pleasure craft,” she says.
Shibari terminology to know:
There are certain common terms and phrases for Shibari practitioners. Kitty provided a list of some words that are commonly used:
Rigger/Rope Top: The person doing the tying.
Rope Bottom/Bunny: The person being tied.
Floor Tie: Rope work that is done exclusively on the floor.
Suspension: An advanced form of Shibari that includes lifting the body off the floor using only ropes.
Self-tie: When a person ties themself.
Midori adds that it’s important to have mutual “safe words” or “safe signals.” “These are words or signals to indicate that either one of you wants to change what’s happening,” she says. Many people tend to use the traffic light—green for keep going; yellow for I’m reaching my limit; and red for stop at once—but Midori encourages you to come up with the safe words that work best for you.
What’s the appeal of Shibari?
There are various reasons why someone may enjoy Shibari. “It may have to do with the feeling of letting go of control—or the feeling of surrendering during sex,” says Midori.
Some folks like the tactile sensation of the soft (or rough) rope against their skin. It can feel like a comforting, tight hug, Midori explains. It can also be a great addition to dominance and submission fantasy play. For some, “It can heighten sexual sensations and orgasms because of body position changes and muscle contractions,” Midori adds.
Something that particularly draws Kitty to Shibari is the intimacy it creates between her and the other person. “As a rigger, I can create a whole range of experiences for my bottom depending on what they desire,” she says. “Often the feeling desired is simply to be restrained, but sometimes it’s to feel beautiful, to feel shame, to feel sexy, to feel pain, and so on.” A rigger can create those feelings for someone with just their ropes.
How can it strengthen your relationship with your partner?
Just doing Shibari alone won’t automatically strengthen your relationship with your partner, says Midori. “But the communication required to plan it before, enjoy it during, and savor it after can strengthen a relationship,” she says, noting that this is also true for any BDSM play.
Kitty adds, “Shibari is a tool to learn about your partner’s body, to build trust between you and your partner, and to discover new and exciting intimacy.”
What’s something that the average person may get wrong about Shibari?
“Shibari is not inherently sexual,” explains Kitty. It’s not exclusively for dominatrixes, dungeons, and sexy bedroom bondage. “Many practice it as a form of meditation, as a tool to create connection and intimacy with a partner, or simply enjoy it because it’s beautiful,” she says. Nevertheless, Shibari can be used to spice things up in the bedroom or to add to your kinky repertoire, but the two don’t have to exist together.
Midori notes that some people think that all men top and all women bottom. “The reality is that people of all genders enjoy being tied up and tying up their lovers,” she says.
Where can I learn more about Shibari?
TwistedMonk is an exceptional rope vendor; it has free videos on their site that will get you started, says Midori. Kitty recommends Shibari Study, which is an online, subscription-based, anthology of classes and tutorials for all levels, taught by internationally renowned Shibari experts. You can also read, Midori’s book, Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. There are even conferences, such as Rope Craft, where people come together to learn about Shibari and socialize.
USA – Humans can get sexually aroused by so many different thingsjust look at the list of the most common sexual kinks in the U.S. Some people love getting spanked or talking dirty in bed. Some folks get aroused by elements of BDSM , which stands for bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism; these people can get worked up (in the best way) when they’re being tied down and sexually humiliated.
Then there are the people who get aroused by food. Well, not exactly food in and of itself, but rather playing with food in a sexual context. Think, licking chocolate syrup off your partner’s chest, bathing nude in tub of spaghetti sauce, or even sitting butt-naked on a cake. Those who are turned on by the messiness of food have a kink known as “sploshing.”
What exactly is sploshing?
Sploshing, at its most basic level, refers to the act of incorporating food into your sex life. The sexual kink or fetish can take many forms, but in general, it happens when a person gets aroused by seeing and playing with copious amounts of food in a sexual setting. Sploshing is a subset of the “wet and messy” fetish (WAM), which also includes messy non-bodily substances like shaving cream, slime, paint, lotion, etc.
Some people may enjoy being covered in these substances, while others may enjoy covering others or watching overs get covered by them, explains Dr. Justin Lehmiller , a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Is sploshing a common kink?
There’s no research that tells us how common sploshing is specifically, but there’s data out there that sort of points us in the right direction.
For his book , Lehmiller surveyed 4,175 Americans, asking them about their sexual fantasiesincluding vomiting in a sexual context. Those with a vomit fetish, known as emetophilia, are turned on by either vomiting on themselves or seeing others vomit. (People with this fetish may get particularly aroused by vomiting or seeing someone vomit on a penis from deepthoating.)
Emetophilia is technically adjacent to sploshing, since body fluids are considered a distinct fetish. Still, vomit play often involves feeding a partner, which of course, constitutes sploshing. Anyhow, 2.2% of people surveyed said theyve ever had a fantasy that involved vomit, and 0.4% said this was something they fantasized about often. Lehmiller notes it was one of the rarest sexual fantasies that emerged in his study.
Whats the appeal of sploshing?
Like any sexual interest, the appeal can vary from person to person. Some people might enjoy it as a form of BDSM play, in which there is a submissive or masochistic element (like humiliation) involved in getting covered by a messy substance, says Lehmiller.
Others may just enjoy the physical or tactile sensation of these substances, he adds.
Ayesha Hussain, co-creator of Pass The Porn and founder of The Violet , says, There are aspects of the mouth being a vessel that are inherently sexual. It opens, its moist, and when you get aroused, your mouth opens more and gets more lubricated. This, she explains, could be the root of arousal.
Theres also a certain taboo associated with sploshing.
How many times were we told not to play with our food? Ayesha asks. There is a very alluring quality to the forbidden.
How can I explore sploshing?
If you’re interested in food play but aren’t sure where to begin, Ayesha suggests bringing a plate of food into the bedroom. It can be anything: spaghetti, cucumbers, chocolate, etc. Then go ahead and eat it really slowly, allowing your partner to watch. Then switch. Watch every movement, taste every smell, imagine their saliva accumulating, and go from there!
If the idea of bringing food into the bedroom sounds a little too extremeor you don’t want to try sploshing, but are interested in seeing what the fuss is aboutthere’s always sploshing porn. (What isn’t there porn for?) Search “sploshing” on Pornhub, and you’ll find hundreds of videos involving people getting covered in food. There are also various Instagram accounts like this one dedicated to sploshing and other forms of WAM.
UK/BIRMINGHAM – The coronavirus lockdown has been a financial disaster for £150-an-hour dominatrix Mistress Lagertha.
Most of her income is generated from one-on-one sessions which she decided to suspend shortly before the official ‘lockdown’ advice was issued.
And, despite her best efforts, she hasn’t been able to generate much money by doing more online work.
Mistress Lagertha – named after a Viking warrior – was earning up to £400 a month before the lockdown but now her income is down to just a few pounds from video sales and phone line work.
“This has hit me really badly,” she said.
“Clients have cancelled visits but the worst part of it, as someone who lives alone, is being on your own in lockdown. It is no fun at all.”
The 40-year-old dominatrix, who did not want to reveal her real name, had been seeing around four clients a month until the lockdown.
Now, she only sees one client – a ‘sub’ (submissive male) – who buys her food from the supermarket and drops it off on her doorstep.
“I started staying in one week before the lockdown became official because I am in one of the vulnerable categories as I have asthma and my immune system is compromised.
“Because I live alone, it has been very difficult. Normally people visit me but that has been taken away.”
Her income has dropped and she won’t be able to manage financially for much longer.
“I am self-employed and I don’t have any savings. I have previously applied for Universal Credit but did not qualify so I am hesitant to apply for it now,” she said.
“My income was between £200 and £400 per month with phone line work as well. Since the lockdown started I have earned £100 – that was for a video cam. Other nights I have earned nothing.
“Now that everybody has moved to online working, everyone has had their income watered down.”
Mistress Lagertha, who is single and based near Birmingham, with clients in Bradford and Manchester, is very fond of her clients and counts some as her friends.
“Most of my clients see me on a regular basis and are friends. They are missing my company and, on a physical level, they are not getting their kinks indulged,” she said.
But working online and doing chatlines are not as lucrative as some may think, she says.
“I made 17 dollars from two chats,” she added. “I can also sell videos but I recently found someone had stolen my content and was giving it away for free. In February I earned 95 dollars for videos and now I can only do solo videos.”
Mistress Lagertha had just began to make her name for herself as a dominatrix when the coronavirus crisis arrived.
“It has taken me three years to get to this point. When the lockdown started I had just got back from Spain which was the first holiday paid for by a ‘sub’.”
Since then she has been unable to see regular clients including a man who flies in from Germany, a self-employed carpenter and a businessman.
“Financially, I am OK for four weeks. I will have to make a decision soon whether I can afford to isolate or go back to work as a dominatrix. Some sex workers cannot afford to isolate.”
And, she says, clients are feeling desperate too.
“They are getting desperate (to see me). They are getting pushy. A few have asked to see me. Some still need to get their fix of escapism which I provide them with.
“Doing something over a video camera isn’t enough.”
She added: “In the last week I have had three people contact me and I can tell they are desperate. I am getting messages from people saying they can’t cope and they are struggling.
“People who are single can feel as lonely and as isolated as I feel. Personally, I am missing the contact with a lot of them.
“They help to keep me mentally happy. They are loyal, they are a distraction and they provide friendship. And they help pay my bills.
“What I do is part of who I am. It (lockdown) is almost like having an arm chopped off. I do what I do for the love of it.
“But now I am at the point of begging clients for money. Some have paid for sessions in advance but some cannot afford to pay for sessions as they have had their wages cut.”
UK – The new Netflix documentary Tiger King has given everyone a hot top of conversation and now if you’re a huge fan, here’s how you can turn yourself into a “Tiger Queen” under the sheets
If you’ve found yourself binging on Netflix during the coronavirus pandemic, then you will have heard of the Tiger King documentary.
The series has proven a big talking point – sparking countless memes and conspiracy theories on social media.
And now, Ann Summers has found a way to make the crime documentary a bit more sexy.
Apparently, there’s a way to turn yourself into your very own Tiger Queen in bed.
It’s all about exerting your dominance and leaving your partner purring with delight.
For our sex tip of the week, Daily Star Online and Ann Summers show how to turn yourself into a leader in the bedroom.
Start by investing in an eye mask.
This helps you to exert control over your partner, as their fate is in your hands.
You can tease them while their sight is obstructed and it should heighten their pleasure senses too.
To take things to a new level, you may also want to tie their hands up.
This gives you free rein to explore their body – but make sure you set boundaries with your partner first.
Picking a safe word also ensures that the kinky activities are working well for both parties.
Laura Whittaker, senior manager at Ann Summers, told Daily Star Online: “Recently, we’ve all been gripped by the weird and wild Netflix documentary ‘Tiger King’, giving us all a hot topic of conversation and sparking a whole host of hilarious memes and stories.
“We’ve used the show to inspire our latest tip, helping you turn into a ‘Tiger Queen’ in the bedroom.
“If you’ve never tried being dominant in bed, now could be the perfect time to make sex more kinky.
“As with any form of BDSM, discuss it with a partner first to ensure you’re both comfortable, then feel free to let those claws out for a little passionate scratching, or lick away to tease your restrained partner.
“Try using a Satin and Lace Eye Mask, depriving your partner of their senses and heightening those sensations. Then feel free to lick, claw and tease away – just like your very own queen of the jungle.”
Mistress Eva is one of the most in-demand Mistresses in the BDSM world. She writes about the large increase in sign-ups to her BDSM training website during the COVID-19 pandemic.
As quarantines went into place around the world due to the novel coronavirus pandemic, signups on my BDSM training website surged. The first wave came when China went into lockdown in January, but an even larger one arrived when major cities in the U.S. started shutting down.
The world of BDSM, fetishes, and power dynamics are a comfort for many in the best of times. So it isn’t surprising to see people moving toward websites and services such as mine in times where they seek even greater levels of reassurance, understanding, and intimacy.
When news of COVID-19 first hit me I reacted like many of us may have: I thought about my family and my personal safety. I felt an uneasy uncertainty about what was to come. But as my Dominatrix side kicked in, my fetishes for latex hoods, imprisoning others, and mummification (where you literally wrap someone up in different materials like an Egyptian mummy) started to titillate and perhaps distract my mind.
BDSM is made up of many parts that include specific fetishes, such as feet or bondage, and power dynamics like those between a Dominant and submissive. These interests and needs can be considered taboo, and identifying with them tends to already isolate you from everyday society. So when you do find people who accept and appreciate your desires it can lead to heightened levels of shared honesty, understanding, and intimacy. It can create a bond and provide a comforting space where supposed extremes of personality are treasured and maybe even relished within.
Then there are the roles and the comfort that they can provide in and of themselves. Be it Mommy-baby, Mistress-slave or Dominant-submissive—when you choose to subscribe to a specific role it can lead to a sense of liberation. It can offer a chance to leave everyday life behind and step into the surrender that being a “baby” may allow or to embody a sense of control that the role of “Mistress” may require.
In these times, I am seeing my pool of submissives move a little more toward their “baby” sides—embodying a sense of helplessness and rolling around in it. Now, as someone who identifies as a Dominant and Mistress, I attract personalities who seek to offer their vulnerability to me regardless. But what I have seen since quarantines and lockdowns arrived is that a slightly higher need for attention, reassurance, and a sense of protection has come with it. Those who are new to me are spending a lot of time logged in to my BDSM training site, and the dedicated ways that they are completing their courses and tasks is endearing. But among those who I’ve known for longer and on a deeper level, I see how their usual desires have acquired an added intensity, and their need for my support in the events of their lives is elevated. Their particular kinks—be it for latex, anal play, or chastity—haven’t shifted but they’ve had to become more virtually-administered, and I predict that 2021 is going to be quite an exhaustingly pleasurable year for us.
“Among those who I’ve known for longer and on a deeper level, I see how their usual desires have acquired an added intensity, and their need for my support in the events of their lives is elevated.”
Pre-coronavirus I would travel to meet with my inner circle of slaves and submissives each month and we would share two or three days together in cities around the world. We would visit fetish shops, attend BDSM events, and meet up with my network of Dominatrices. I hung on to this routine for as long as I could. But three weeks ago, on my way to such a trip in London, I had to turn around at Singapore’s Changi Airport and return to Bali. They were closing the Indonesian borders to U.K. arrivals and I didn’t want to be barred from where I have come to consider home. But with this I had to leave a slave of mine on their own, already in London, and perched right on the cusp of lockdown. My slave was also there for a work trip, but regardless of that distraction their tone shifted, and despite my efforts for more frequent interaction there was a hint of panic in his voice.
Now this slave is back in their home country—albeit in quarantine, and thankfully his tone has quietened. But that edge and panic soon began to show itself among all of my submissives as my other travel plans came to a standstill and the prospect of us meeting up went on an indefinite hold. My submissives began to reach out through messages with greater frequency, and as the reality of being grounded in Bali took hold I began to devise a strategy for us. I have now started a roster of weekly or fortnightly video calls where we mostly talk about our lives and families, we make plans for once these times are settled, sometimes we swap business crisis-management ideas, and occasionally we play to our kinks. In between these calls I assign them tasks to enliven their quarantines and remind them of us: business shirts and latex chaps during Zoom meetings, YouTube-ing various handwashing techniques, and one slave and I are even about to embark on an academic online course together.
With that being said, I don’t feel too much has changed in our relationships. There may be an extra sense of the unknown but my role as our leader and them as those under my care continues. When these times pass and borders re-open our routines will shift again, perhaps even back to what it was before. I may go back to traveling with my submissives every month, and we may even find ourselves at fetish events among their thousands of attendees. Some may have acquired new kinks for being washed thoroughly or may be embracing a newfound desire for spit as edgeplay.
The initial lockdown may have taken hold of many of us, inspiring an influx of interest in my BDSM training site and a panic among my nearest and dearest. But what has shown itself so far is that the need for connection, intimacy, reassurance, and stability prevails, as always—and BDSM and the nature of the power dynamic that I practice as a Mistress over my submissives seems to provide for this. The times simply make it more obvious.
NEW YORK – Aviva Diamond, 33, has worked as a dominatrix in New York City for more than six years, specializing in slave training, humiliation, foot fetishes and more. But after pivoting to online sessions only, she now finds herself in a bind.
I started getting concerned messages from clients in mid-March as the coronavirus became more of a threat. They were wondering if it was safe to meet for sessions, or if their business trips to New York would even happen.
I’ve now had thousands of dollars of cancellations this month, and I have no physical sessions scheduled for the foreseeable future. A typical week consists of eight to 15 hours of in-person sessions — making up 90 percent of my income — and another 20 to 30 hours of administrative work.
It’s been a challenge for me to make this shift from mostly in-person sex work to exclusively operating online. I am producing more femdom videos, adding content to my online subscription platforms like Onlyfans, promoting and expanding on social media, and offering phone and Skype sessions.
But online sessions and content are sold at a fraction of my rate for physical sessions, so I have to hustle much harder to make less than what I was making before.
And there’s really no substitute for the physical contact of in-person BDSM sessions.
I’m concerned about the long-term economic effects this will have on me. Luxury experiences are one of the first things people stop paying for during a recession, so my work is likely to be jeopardized for many months.
UK – The Pussycat Dolls’ tour may be postponed due to the coronavirus, but that didn’t stop Nicole Scherzinger from teasing fans on Instagram on Wednesday.
The lead singer, 41, posted a throwback clip of herself in a plunging latex bodysuit and military style peaked cap from a photoshoot with the band.
Nicole appeared in her element as she struck a series of sultry poses in the dominatrix costume.
Nicole flashed plenty of cleavage as she went braless in the rubber leotard which cinched in her tiny waist thanks to its corset detailing.
The Don’t Cha hitmaker amped up the sex appeal with thigh-high latex boots, pearl earrings and a matching necklace which drew attention to her ample assets.
Dancing to Kelis’ hit Milkshake, Nicole captioned the racy video with the lyric: ‘I could teach you, but I have to charge’ #PCD.’
The X Factor’s judge’s latest steamy post comes after she and boyfriend Thom Evans shared an energetic dance routine on Monday night after jetting out of London despite the UK coronavirus lockdown.
The songstress and former rugby player, 34, took to Instagram to reveal they had ‘finally’ got viral video app TikTok.
In the TikTok video, the star and Thom shared an energetic and synchronised dance routine to a remixed version of U Can’t Touch This by MC Hammer. They captioned it: ‘Well… I finally gave in to @tiktok.’
Nicole showcased her toned figure in a black crop top and figure-hugging leopard print gym leggings, while Thom displayed his ripped torso in a black vest top with shorts.
The fun videos comes after Nicole and Thom were spotted jetting out of London on Saturday despite the UK coronavirus lockdown.
The American singer and former rugby player were pictured outside Gatwick Airport wearing face masks amid the global pandemic.
The Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) has advised that all ‘non-essential’ travel abroad should be avoided until at least April 15.
While last Monday, Prime Minister Boris Johnson ordered the immediate closure of all non-essential shops and threatened people with fines or even arrest if they do not ‘stay at home’.
NEW YORK – It was Friday night and MadameNamio, a 26-year-old professional New York City dominatrix, would usually be laying out her flogs and ball gags in preparation for meeting one of her six paying “subs.” But in a pandemic, neither dom nor sub was willing to risk meeting up in person for a night of ritual humiliation. “I’m going crazy,” she told me on the phone. So instead, she opened her laptop, grabbed a few dildos, and prepared to cam.
Like many sex workers (and their clients) right now, Namio is struggling with enforced abstinence. “There’s been a huge drop in demand,” says Molly Simmons, a sex worker and founder of SWOP Brooklyn, an advocacy and support organization for sex workers. “Our source of income is reliant on intimate human contact. We have no social safety net outside of it.” And as for the federal stimulus, for those in the informal economy, it is deeply unstimulating. With much — or sometimes all — of their income under the table, “What are we going to claim unemployment from?” she asks.
Which is where technology comes in. Just as millions of office workers now spend their days in Zoom meetings with colleagues, working from home, anyone can do something like sex work from a safe distance on platforms like OnlyFans. There, users pay a fee, typically between $5 and $20 a month, to subscribe to a steady stream of adult content from their favorite hottie. It’s a bit like following an Instagram set to private, but racier and more interactive. Special requests cost more. OnlyFans takes a 20 percent cut of all transactions.
According to Steve Pym, the head of marketing for OnlyFans, traffic has spiked as people are forced to quarantine. “Everyone’s camming now,” says Devon M, 36, a male escort in Manhattan.
For sex workers like Namio, camming is a lifeline. But many sex workers who were not already doing digital shows are being left behind. “It’s a completely different skill set,” explains Simmons. Many sex workers “might not have access to a computer or a camera.” And it takes some getting used to. “Right now, I’m working on a quarantine video, like, ‘You’re in quarantine. The only thing you can eat is my ass.’ But it’s really hard to get the shot of my ass,” complains Namio. “I have to keep checking my phone to make sure I got it, which is time consuming and annoying.”
Meanwhile, there’s the question of how to get clients. “There’s a whole new aspect of branding and marketing needed,” says Simmons. A well-tended PG-rated free Instagram with lots of followers can help drive traffic to OnlyFans pages, for example. Which means catching up to established cammers who already have a following.
Camming is its own economy. Some people who are big on camming are also escorts and use it as a form of advertising for new clients (porn acting, which doesn’t pay what it once did because of the internet, works the same way.) Others are not in-person sex workers at all; the barrier to entry for many who do it on the side is relatively low. According to Pym, with more people at home with time on their hands, sign-ups are way up: There has been a 40 percent jump in new “content creators” between March 1, when the first COVID-19 patient in New York was announced, and March 27.
Which means competition is more fierce as other now-unemployed workers are turning to camming as a last resort. “I just helped a friend set up her account,” says Devon M. “She’s a hairdresser, a perfect southern girl, and mother of two who never thought she’d do this.” (“There’s something for everybody,” he says, plus “I get a referral link.”)
Not everyone is happy with the camming boom. Not only is their work “already devalued,” according to 30-year-old Brooklyn-based sex worker Fera Lorde, but it’s easily recorded and reposted. According to SX Noir, host of the sex podcast Thot Leader, camming operates the same way that everything else does in the digital word: The person who owns the platform takes a big percentage. “The white male who owns the company is getting a lot more than they should.”
Butfor those who can’t make the pivot to camming — or can’t make enough money at it to survive — there are still johns willing to risk it. And force them to do things that are risky. Fera Lorde says she’s noticed “a rise in predatory behavior … clients who are pushing unsafe practices like non-barrier contact for a fraction of our advertised rates. The motherfuckers are starting to come out of the woodwork.”
Owner and one host from BDSMradio.EU music and BDSM news for any taste. Reactions and donations for BDSMradio.EU are very welcome. Every cent is more than welcome. Thank you!! Reactions for BDSM Media news also welcome. Mail bdsmradioeu@hotmail.com
