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Naked Welsh MI6 ‘spy in the bag’ theories from Russian mafia hit to ‘interest in bondage’

BDSM Media News Posted on Tue, February 27, 2024 03:55:22

For more than a decade, the chilling death of 31-year-old Gareth Williams – an MI6 codebreaker found naked and decomposing inside a padlocked bag – has remained an enigma

Source: Dailystar.co.uk.

UK – The death of an MI6 spy whose naked body was found inside a holdall with the zips padlocked and the key inside has sparked a frenzy of lurid speculation for over a decade.

See more and larger photo’s on: Dailystar.co.uk.

But it seems likely that noone will ever know what really happened to junior analyst, Gareth Williams – a Welsh maths whizz who had been seconded to the secret service to investigate financial corruption involving Russia. The 31-year-old was discovered inside a North Face bag inside the bath of his London flat a week after he was last seen alive in 2010.

A coroner ruled he had been the victim of an unlawful killing amid growing suspicions from his family that he’d been murdered, after DNA belonging to two people was found on the bag but never identified. It sparked calls for a forensic review into what became known as the “spy in the bag” case.

(more…)


CRIME HUNTER: BDSM, the billionaire, rough sex and a bodacious dominatrix

BDSM Media News Posted on Tue, February 27, 2024 01:35:22

Édouard Stern wore a latex catsuit, had a dildo inserted in him, and was tied to a chair when he was found shot dead in 2005

Source: Torontosun.com.

CANADA – The dead man in the bedroom was dressed with a splash of elan.

See more and larger photo’s on: Torontosun.com.

His ensemble was a flesh-coloured head-to-toe latex catsuit and as an added touch, there was a dildo inserted in him. He had been tied to a chair.

(more…)


Inside Elon Musk’s Berlin sex club crawl as CEO joins fetish crowd – before being ‘blocked from exclusive Berghain’

BDSM Media News Posted on Mon, May 09, 2022 03:58:39

Source: The-sun.com.

GERMANY – BERLIN – ELON Musk reportedly explored Berlin’s sex clubs last week as he joined a fetish crowd in the German capital.

See more and larger photo’s on: The-sun.com.

Speculation has been circulating online that the Tesla mogul was denied entry into the exclusive Berghain nightclub during the trip to Europe.

Musk marked the opening of Tesla’s new gigafactory located on the outskirts of Berlin last week.

Clubgoers reportedly spotted the billionaire in the KitKatClub on Friday before he went to other venues, Blick reported.

The fetishist club has a strict dress code and partygoers can wear latex, leather, glamour, or nothing at all.

The KitKatClub, which opened in 1994, has the motto “Do what you want but stay in communication”.

The club is decorated with ultraviolet light and extravagant paintings produced by the Berlin photographer Vigor Calma, who is known as “The Dreamer”.

But, photography is banned inside the venue.

Musk also attended the electro-inspired nightclub Sisyphos after celebrating entrepreneur Adeo Ressi’s birthday.

Partygoers can immerse themselves in a festival-like atmosphere at the club.

The Tesla CEO was spotted despite trying to disguise his identity as he wore a Zorro mask.

Speculation is circulating online that Musk was refused entry from the famous Berghain nightclub.

Berghain is one of the most exclusive nightclubs in Germany and has a notoriously strict door policy.

It’s renowned for its world-class techno music and high-end club culture.

Clubbers reportedly have stickers put over their phone cameras and photography is banned, according to the site Don’t Die Wondering.

Sven Marquardt, a guard at the club wrote in his 2014 memoirs: “I don’t mind letting in the odd lawyer in a double-breasted suit with his Gucci Prada wife.

“If they make a good impression, let them in.”

Sometimes, partygoers wait hours in line and there’s no guarantee that they will be allowed in.

Musk tweeted on Sunday: “They wrote PEACE on the wall at Berghain! I refused enter.”

MUSK ‘BARRED’

In a second post, he vented: “Peace. Peace? I hate the word. Those who do care about peace (myself aspirationally included) don’t need to hear it.

“And those who don’t care about peace? Well.”

He later tweeted: “Berlin rocks.”

Twitter users rushed to speculate that Musk had been denied entry.

One shared a meme that read: “Getting rejected from Berghain starter pack.”

A series of snaps showing Musk dancing, wearing a cowboy hat, and posing with his thumbs up were used in the meme.

Another posted: “It’s vibes bro you missed out.”

Some social media users claimed they were at Berghain when Musk was allegedly refused entry.

It’s not known if security staff denied the Tesla CEO entry.

Some Twitter users shared their experiences of getting rejected from Berghain.

One claimed security staff has denied them entry on eight occasions after waiting in lines for five hours.

Meanwhile, others branded Musk a “loser”.

Musk was in Berlin as Tesla opened its first European “gigafactory”.

It’s set to produce up to 500,000 cars when it’s at full operation.

Musk danced as the first cars rolled out of the electric car plant.

It comes as it was revealed that the Tesla founder now owns a 9.2 percent stake in Twitter.

It makes him the biggest shareholder as it’s four times the amount owned by founder Jack Dorsey.

He has more than 80million followers on the site and his massive influence could produce big changes in the near future.

Last week, Musk was reportedly giving “serious thought” to building a new social media platform.

A Twitter user asked: “Would you consider building a new social media platform, @elonmusk?

“One that would consist of an open-source algorithm, one where free speech and adhering to free speech is given top priority, one where propaganda is very minimal. I think that kind of a platform is needed.”

Musk responded: “Am giving serious thought to this.”

He asked his millions of followers a question about free speech.

He said: “Free speech is essential to a functioning democracy. Do you believe Twitter rigorously adheres to this principle?.”

The answer was overwhelming as 70.4 percent of users responded”no.”

More than 2million people responded to the survey.

Musk followed up with another tweet, encouraging folks to “please vote carefully.”

He vowed: “The consequences of this poll will be important.”

Reaction tom Verhoeven (BDSMradio.EU)

Elon welcome to our world and we hope for an open Twitter 😊

Greetings and stay kinky,

tom Verhoeven

bdsmradioeu @ hotmail.com



‘We just want our rights’: Sex industry activist to debut play ‘Dominatrix on Trial’ in Windsor

BDSM Media News Posted on Mon, May 09, 2022 02:10:10

Source: Windsor.ctvnews.ca.

CANADA – Controversial sex industry activist Terri-Jean Bedford is in Windsor this week ahead of the theatrical adaptation of her memoir “Dominatrix on Trial.”

See video and more larger photo’s on: Windsor.ctvnews.ca.

Bedford was raised in Windsor and took her fight for sex workers rights to the Supreme Court of Canada.

“I am the Bedford in Bedford versus Canada,” said Bedford.

Bedford was one of three sex workers who successfully challenged Canada’s prostitution law on the grounds that it violated their Charter right to security of the person.

“I don’t promote, condone or condemn the sex trade,” she said. “But I do promote safety.”

The musical “Dominatrix on Trial” will run this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night at the Kordazone Theatre. Bedford will be on hand to sign copies of her book on Thursday.

“We’re going to revisit those laws. Like I said, Trudeau promised to repeal and I’m gonna hold his feet to the fire on that one, Bedford said.

Bedford told CTV News she hasn’t ruled out a run for political office, adding she’s still advocating for sex workers’ rights.

“The only way to separate a consenting adult from a non-consenting adult is to license, decriminalize and register,” Bedford said. “That’ll put human trafficking out of business because men don’t want to be criminalized.”

“They don’t want their livelihoods, and their lifestyles and their autonomy taken away. They want to go somewhere and not all of them are married, some have social disabilities they can’t engage and this will help them to build the confidence make them more productive.”

Bedford said she hopes audiences will see the sex industry from a different perspective after watching the performance.

“I hope they understand that sex workers are respectable people and that we work hard,” she said. “We are conscientious about our community and our neighbors. I think the media has done a lot to harm, degrade and stigmatize sex trade workers. But you’ll find that we’re the most loving giving caring people in the world we just want our rights.”



Hey Man: How Do I Talk to My Partner About Having Kinky Sex?

BDSM Media News Posted on Mon, May 09, 2022 02:00:32

Don’t know how to discuss your fetish without getting embarrassed? Our men’s advice columnist Rhys Thomas has the answer.

Source: Vice.com.

USA- Hey man, I’m in a relationship and I’m happy, except, I think I have some kinks that I’m not getting a chance to explore. I don’t want my partner to think I’ve been hiding part of my desires for the duration of our relationship – but I’d like to try new things in the bedroom. What’s the best way to go about this? 

See larger photo on: Vice.com.

Hey man, 

Doubts around sex, potential desires and whether the grass is greener on the kinkier side or not – it’s all super common. A study by OnePoll for Thistle and Spire revealed that “most people hide their kinks because they’re afraid their partner will leave”. While researching this, a sex diary was published in The Cut from a woman speculating whether her partner is hiding his kinks or not, which is further evidence for how frequently these situations arise.

It’s weird how something like figuring out the ins and outs of sex in a relationship should happen every time we get with someone, yet supposed taboos get in the way and leave us all shy and unable to explore the things we want, with the people we’re attracted to. 

That’s basically to say: Shyness around these issues happen all the time, so there’s no shame in feeling nervous or anxious about it at all. The good thing is, many people have been through these issues, and there’s pretty concrete ways to start changing the situation. What’s important is to start escaping the weird awkwardness around discussing sexual ideas and fantasies, and to allow honest conversation to happen. 

“People can be quite skittish when talking about kink, [so] you should have these conversations away from the bedroom – away from sex and nudity,” says Gigi Engle, an author and sex educator. Obviously, it’s feels more pertinent to be discussing sex when having or looking to have sex as opposed to catching up on Countryfile, but shagging is an emotional moment. Killing the vibe by introducing a DMC (deep meaningful conversation) can sometimes leave the room feeling a little sour. 

So approach these conversations at a pretty neutral time, and make a point of bringing them up delicately. You want to give your partner a chance to consent to the conversation itself. Don’t just blurt out “so how about I dress up as a baby” while your partner is midway through a mouthful of  Häagen-Dazs. Consent is key in the bedroom, and when talking about it.  

Engle offers a template: “Start with something like: ‘I have some interest in sexual things that we haven’t really spoken about yet – are you open to having a conversation about it?’’ Add that they’re welcome to tell you to stop the conversation at any time, and go from there. 

But before you get to the talking stage though, do some research. Watch some porn (ooo difficult research, poor you). Get specific on what it is you’re thinking about. Is it bondage? Is it roleplay? What’s the sexual dynamic? The more precise you can be the better. “Go for some high quality porn from places like [indie adult cinema] Pink Label TV, not just people punish-fucking women,” Engle says.

When you know what you like, “I suggest doing a ‘yes no maybe’ list – both yourself, and perhaps with a partner. It can give you a good jumping off point,” Engle says. Here’s one example. Similarly, this list of lists shows how you can use these to talk about sex, albeit without a focus on kink. Of course, you have to be honest while doing these lists, but having it on your phone in front of you might make the conversation feel less intense. Having the right terminology in front of you might allow you to get more depth and specificity into your discussion, too. 

When it comes to “doing it”, remember that you can “explore things at different levels – you don’t have to go straight into what your fantasies are,” says Ness Cooper, a clinical sexologist. Starting at a halfway point lets you trial the new dynamic, and in some instances lets you make sure it’s physically and emotionally all safe and controlled. In other words, walk before you run. 

Of course, if you’ve been with someone since before coronavirus was a word anyone except science people knew, it can feel like you’ve been dishonest; that bringing this up is tantamount to admitting to having a secret life with a secret family and a secret dog, or whatever. But you owe them (and yourself) honesty. And frankly, telling them at any time should be something they appreciate. Better late than never, right? 

Often though, we tend to repress these feelings until a relationship withers into nothingness. And then we may – or may not – be ready to open up about it the next time we’re with someone, or the time after. Which, given you’re in a happy relationship otherwise, is a pretty sad scene to let occur, don’t you think? 

Barnaby, 42, might never have explored his kinks – which he describes as “Christian Grey but more” – had his partner not grabbed his hand and put it around her throat. “A few days later I decided to ask her about it. Why she did it, if she enjoyed it. It was early into our relationship and I figure I’m best off having an open book and getting it out of the way.” 

Before that relationship, Barnaby had the same kinks but just hadn’t explored them. “Previously, it was difficult to even internally vocalise what I wanted. I couldn’t find the words for it, or the right way to approach it, but our sex was a little stagnant. It was all just a one-way track to imploding.”

Robert, 25, also held back in previous relationships. When he was with his ex, “I thought about the fact that she could kink shame me to her friends and others if the relationship went south”, he says, discussing how he is into the idea of being dominated. After the breakup, he came out as bi and is now in a relationship where he can be more open about his kinks. 

“I think my orientation is coincidental, but what’s significant is I actually decided to explore the things I want, and felt comfortable enough to mention it to my new partner,” he explains. “He and I speak about sex openly and frequently. In my straight relationships, or past relationships, that never really happened.”  

The common theme with Barnaby and Robert is they’ve both left relationships where their kinks were repressed, and have since found happier ones where their sex lives are comparatively thriving. But you’ve said you’re in a happy relationship outside of these kink explorations, so why not just see how a conversation your current partner goes? 

If it emerges that you want different things, you can assess how important that kink is to you. If you decide it’s actually very important and your relationship isn’t exactly happy without it, then perhaps think about next steps. While you haven’t done anything bad, you are being dishonest to yourself if you’re living a chunk of the relationship feeling like you’re compromising on your needs. The frustration of this can easily build up and make you feel angry or moody, which isn’t fair on either of you. (And if they do make you feel ashamed or embarrassed of your kinks, then they perhaps need to be with someone more vanilla anyway.)

If you can live without it save the odd cheeky porn watch, then great – but it sounds like it’s on your mind enough to warrant asking. What’s the worst that’s going to happen? You might even find you want the same things, and it’d be a real shame to miss the boat on exploring your specific kinks with the person you already know you like, wouldn’t it? Give it a think, man. Before you know it, you might be in pegging city, a BDSM dungeon, or whatever your preferred destination.



The Hottie House Airbnb in Northeast Philly is ready to make your sexy backdrop dreams come true

BDSM Media News Posted on Thu, April 07, 2022 01:41:31

Snake and dominatrix not included.

Source: Billypenn.com.

USA – PHILADELPHIA – The most Instagrammable (and arguably sexiest) experience in Philly is located inside a two-bedroom, one-bath home right off Roosevelt Boulevard.

See more and larger photo’s on: Billypenn.com.

Dubbed The Hottie House, this Northeast Philly Airbnb is marketed as “WAP inspired.” It’s designed to host a pretty unique set of activities: bachelorette weekends, lingerie and thirst trap photoshoots, or your first encounter with a dominatrix.

A stay at this cutie crib will currently run you around $167 per night — not counting cleaning fees, of course — and availability appears to be open from mid-April until the end of June.

The house is the project of a local, 26-year-old creative director, makeup artist and YouTuber who goes by the name Siren Redd across her ventures. Think of the space as a mix between a photo-op centric experience (like the new Museum of Illusions) and a classic photo studio, with the goal being to inspire content as much as be enjoyed in a vacation.

“I write and direct and contract for Philadelphia models, artists, and businesses,” Redd, a Delaware native who has been working with Philly talent for the last two years, told Billy Penn. “Originally, I created the space because I felt like it was so hard to find sexy content spaces for the style of my videos and photos.”

Sexy is definitely the operative word here.

The Hottie House comes with plenty of standard Airbnb fare, like a fully stocked kitchen, toiletries, and a dossier of nearby amenities. But it also offers stuff you’d sooner find on the set of a 2008 Lil Wayne video than a hotel room.

The space opens with a bright affirmation mural painted by local muralist and designer 7GOD. Want that extra boost? “I am hot, I am paid, I am sexy,” the wall shouts at guests in bold black type-face.

Each bedroom has a distinct vibe. The first is jungle-themed, with a neon sign over the bed frame welcoming you to the jungle (in case you forgot). Vines drape from the ceiling and the walls are patterned over dense, tropical foliage. Per social media posts, it also appears you can rent a snake.

The master is called the “Lovers Dominatrix Bedroom,” complete with a stripper pole, a custom heart-shaped bed, and a set of dominatrix toys (the Airbnb listing notes they are “props only.”)

The apartment also comes equipped with content creation essentials, such as ring lights, full body mirrors for fit checks, and plenty of neon to set the mood for your photo sesh. (We’re thinking red for boudoir shoots but green to show off your new reptile collection from IllExotics).

Redd said the majority of bookings so far are for personal use, but she designed the space with the up-and-coming artist in mind. The other side of the Hottie House is a creative concierge service, where Redd coordinates prop rentals, video and photoshoots, and even creative direction. 

“I made the house for me, but I put it on Airbnb for everyone to use it,” she said. “It’s very hard to find content spaces that have that sexy, vibrant vibe, and not everyone can afford to have a set built from scratch.”

Redd began storyboarding the Hottie House around 6 months ago, and the goal was to mimic the aura of Cardi B and Meg Thee Stallion’s hot girl anthem, “WAP.” In the fantastical, borderline surrealist music video, Cardi and Meg walk through a mansion filled with aphrodisiacs: animal print, reptiles, and titty-shaped fountains.

The Hottie House is similar, albeit more realistic. It cost about $13,000 to paint, style, and refurbish, Redd said, and she handled most of the manual labor herself. Many of the selfie walls came together like standard craft projects, with Redd ordering materials on Amazon.

Redd told Billy Penn she curated art throughout the house from Philadelphia-area artists. Guests can scan a QR code upon entry that can provide them with details about each creator.

Looking to spice up your Hottie House Experience?

Redd said she can provide video shoots, massages, a private chef, and — yes — exotic animal rentals. She also said more services and amenities are coming soon.

Redd does, however, caution that the space isn’t for everyone, so pearl-clutchers and offline boyfriends need not book a reservation. 

“The house is for girls’ trips,” Redd said, “the sort of situation where people think everything can be an Instagrammable moment.”



Rope Bondage Is About Far More Than Sex

BDSM Media News Posted on Sat, December 04, 2021 17:52:41

Performers like Marceline V.Q. say they are reclaiming rope bondage for modern times.

Source: Thedailybeast.com

USA – As she skillfully tied her partner onto a steel suspension tripod, Marceline V.Q. let her inspiration lead her. Using natural hemp ropes to recreate a scene from Michelangelo’s well-known fresco painting, The Creation of Adam, Marceline pondered every reaction her partner made, as the woman hung in midair.

See more and larger photo’s on: Thedailybeast.com

Her partner’s arm stretched out to reach something powerful yet invisible. Smiling, with her eyes closed, she looked totally absorbed.

“Something I really adore is just the feeling of rope flowing through my hands,” Marceline said, gesturing to mimic the rope moving. “You get into a flow state.”

By day, Marceline, 26, is an engineering researcher and a physics Ph.D. By night, she is a rope bondage artist and educator. Her pseudonym, “Marceline V.Q.,” is adapted from the character “Marceline the Vampire Queen” in the cartoon series Adventure Time, as she wished to keep her academic life separate from her rope bondage gigs. She tries to constantly challenge the world of BDSM—bondage, domination, submission, and masochism—with aesthetic concepts and complex rope techniques.

“When I was starting out, the struggle for me was trying to show people who weren’t involved in this that rope bondage doesn’t have to always be about sex,” she said. Although for her, it is and it isn’t.

Before the pandemic hit, she was invited to perform and to teach a class called the “physics of ropes” all over the country. Combining her artistic and scientific skills, she uses geometry to inspire most of her rope bondage work.

“When creating rope bondage work, I’ll take the idea of translating a four-dimensional object into three dimensions,” she said. “I’m sort of turning off the analytical side of my brain and feeling more than thinking, in a lot of ways. That’s unusual for people doing very intense mental work.”

However, Marceline’s rope bondage experiences weren’t always artistic. Smiling shyly, she admitted the “epiphany” moment came when she was playing a game of “cops and robbers” with her friend when she was 10 years old. Tying her friend’s hands behind the back with a rope, Marceline had this exhilarating feeling of stepping back to appreciate her “artwork” and thinking she wanted to be part of it.

“I think people understand their sexuality a lot earlier than they realized,” she said.

Marceline began her rope bondage journey in 2014 when she found out about several BDSM subculture groups on FetLife, the social network for the BDSM and kink communities. There she discovered “kinkers,” who go beyond what are considered conventional sexual practices. They don’t “practice” rope bondage. They “play” it.

Rope bondage, or “shibari,” originated from the Japanese martial art of restraining captives and then transformed into erotic bondage in the late 19th century, according to the first English instruction book on Shibari. “Shibari is a Japanese form of sex play using rope restraint methods. It may or may not be sexual, but it is certainly centered around joy and delight and play,” said Midori, the acclaimed sexologist and author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage.“Even though most of the work I produced in rope doesn’t tend to be very sexual, I don’t want to completely separate myself from those origins, because that’s why we’re here today.”

The view of rope bondage has not been consistent over time. After studying in Japan for several months in 2017, Marceline says she noticed a slight shift in shibari communities. Some members started to consider rope bondage as art, which completely erased its “messy, dirty” history.

“Even though most of the work I produced in rope doesn’t tend to be very sexual, I don’t want to completely separate myself from those origins, because that’s why we’re here today,” Marceline said.

Midori also believes that learning rope bondage’s origin is essential. “Saying, ‘I am practicing this as art’ is pretentious,” said the sexologist, furiously. “It’s about elevating one’s own social prestige.”

Following the release of the erotic book Fifty Shades of Grey, kink subcultures gained mainstream momentum in 2011. Kink behaviors are common among adults in America, according to a 2017 study from Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion. More than 30 percent of those surveyed acknowledged they had engaged in spanking, more than 22 percent engaged in role-playing, and more than 20 percent engaged in rope bondage.

Fifty Shades of Grey changed the way people view kink and opened up the conversation about consent,” said Susan Wright, the spokesperson of the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom (NCSF), a nonprofit organization that advocates for the sexual freedom of all adults.

Although a number of films and books have thrust BDSM into the realm of popular culture, rope bondage is still taboo for a lot of people. Some feminist activists expressed strong opposition. “I do not believe meaningful sexual liberation is achieved through replicating the same dominance-subordination dynamics of institutionalized male dominance,” said Caitlin Roper, a feminist activist and a Ph.D. candidate researching female-shaped sex dolls. “With an understanding of feminism as a collective movement to liberate women as a whole from patriarchal oppression, I do not believe there is a feminist case for male violence and degradation of women, even if some women consent to it or say they like it.”

In the past few years, the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom saw a rising number of female dominant and queer people in kink subcultures. Marceline has mixed views toward the use of gender in the interpretation of BDSM. “Feminism is about giving women the agency to decide what’s best for themselves. I am one of those women who finds sexual liberation in kink subcultures, but there’s certainly an opportunity for really shitty people to get involved in the scene and use that for their own purposes,” she explained.

Reclaiming rope bondage’s versatility in the modern context, Marceline now believes that kink subcultures can be both sexual and visceral. She enjoys the interplay between the physical posing and the emotional components of it.

“You can think of rope like an intimate massage, or you can think of rope like a workout or therapy,” she said. “It’s like dancing.”



I didn’t derive any sexual pleasure from spitting; only psychological: Melissa Febos in ‘Girlhood’

BDSM Media News Posted on Sat, December 04, 2021 13:23:30

Source: Timesofindia.indiatimes.com

USA – American writer, professor Melissa Febos is best known for her debut book ‘Whip Smart’, a memoir which was published in 2010. In her memoir, Melissa opened up about her unconventional job as a professional dominatrix, a work which she did while she was studying at The New School. The book was critically acclaimed and it was followed by the essay collections ‘Abandon Me’ in 2017 and more recently ‘Girlhood’, which was published in India in September 2021 by Bloomsbury. While ‘Abandon Me’ was a LAMBDA Literary Award finalist, her third book ‘Girlhood’ became an instant bestseller in the USA. As the title suggests, ‘Girlhood’ is about what it really means to be female and what it means to free oneself from others expectations. “It is in part by writing this book that I have corrected the story of my own girlhood and found ways to recover myself. I have found company in the stories of other women, and the revelation of all our ordinariness has itself been curative. Writing has always been a way to reconcile my lived experience with the narratives available to describe it (or lack thereof). My hope is that these essays do some of that work for you, too,” Melissa writes in the prologue of the book.

See larger photo on: Timesofindia.indiatimes.com

American writer, professor Melissa Febos is best known for her debut book ‘Whip Smart’, a memoir which was published in 2010. In her memoir, Melissa opened up about her unconventional job as a professional dominatrix, a work which she did while she was studying at The New School. The book was critically acclaimed and it was followed by the essay collections ‘Abandon Me’ in 2017 and more recently ‘Girlhood’, which was published in India in September 2021 by Bloomsbury. While ‘Abandon Me’ was a LAMBDA Literary Award finalist, her third book ‘Girlhood’ became an instant bestseller in the USA. As the title suggests, ‘Girlhood’ is about what it really means to be female and what it means to free oneself from others expectations. “It is in part by writing this book that I have corrected the story of my own girlhood and found ways to recover myself. I have found company in the stories of other women, and the revelation of all our ordinariness has itself been curative. Writing has always been a way to reconcile my lived experience with the narratives available to describe it (or lack thereof). My hope is that these essays do some of that work for you, too,” Melissa writes in the prologue of the book.
Read an exclusive excerpt from Melissa Febos’ latest essay collection ‘Girlhood’ here:

KETTLE HOLES
“What do you like?” the men would ask. “Spitting,” I’d say. To even utter the word felt like the worst kind of cuss, and I trained myself not to flinch or look away or offer a compensatory smile after I said it. In the dungeon’s dim rooms, I unlearned my instinct for apology. I learned to hold a gaze. I learned the pleasure of cruelty.
It was not true cruelty, of course. My clients paid $75 an hour to enact their disempowerment. The sex industry is a service industry, and I served humiliation to order. But the pageant of it was the key. To spit in an unwilling face was inconceivable to me and still is. But at a man who had paid for it?

They knelt at my feet. They crawled naked across gleaming wood floors. They begged to touch me, begged for forgiveness. I refused. I leaned over their plaintive faces and gathered the wet in my mouth. I spat. Their hard flinch, eyes clenched. The shock of it radiated through my body, then settled, then swelled into something else.

“Do you hate men?” people sometimes asked.

“Not at all,” I answered.

“You must work out a lot of anger that way,” they suggested.

“I never felt angry in my sessions,” I told them. I often explained that the dominatrix’s most useful tool was a well-developed empathic sense. What I did not acknowledge to any curious stranger, or to myself, was that empathy and anger are not mutually exclusive.

We are all unreliable narrators of our own motives. And feeling something neither proves nor disproves its existence. Conscious feelings are no accurate map to the psychic imprint of our experiences; they are the messy catalog of emotions once and twice and thrice removed, often the symptoms of what we won’t let ourselves feel. They are not Jane Eyre’s locked-away Bertha Mason, but her cries that leak through the floorboards, the fire she sets while we sleep and the wet nightgown of its quenching.

I didn’t derive any sexual pleasure from spitting, I assured people. Only psychological. Now, this dichotomy seems flimsy at best. How is the pleasure of giving one’s spit to another’s hungry mouth not sexual? I needed to distinguish that desire from what I might feel with a lover. I wanted to divorce the pleasure of violence from that of sex. But that didn’t make it so.

It was the thrill of transgression, I said. Of occupying a male space of power. It was the exhilaration of doing the thing I would never do, was forbidden to do by my culture and by my conscience. I believed my own explanations, though now it is easy to poke holes in them.

I did not want to be angry. What did I have to be angry about? My clients sought catharsis through the reenactment of childhood traumas. They were hostages to their pasts, to the people who had disempowered them. I was no such hostage— I did not even want to consider it. I wanted only to be brave and curious and in control. I did not want my pleasure to be any kind of redemption. One can only redeem a thing that has already been lost or taken. I did not want to admit that someone had taken something from me.

His name was Alex, and he lived at the end of a long unpaved driveway off the same wooded road that my family did. It took ten minutes to walk between our homes, both of which sat on the bank of Deep Pond. Like many of the ponds on Cape Cod, ours formed some fifteen thousand years ago when a block of ice broke from a melting glacier and drove deep into the solidifying land of my future backyard. When the ice block melted, the deep depression filled with water and became what is called a kettle-hole lake.

Despite its small circumference, our pond plummeted fifty feet at its deepest point. My brother and I and all the children raised on the pond spent our summers getting wet, chasing one another through invented games, our happy screams garbled with water. I often swam out to the deepest point—not the center of the pond, but to its left—and trod water over this heart cavity. In summer, the sun warmed the surface to bath temperatures, but a few feet deeper it went cold. Face warm, arms flapping, I dangled my feet into that colder depth and shivered. Fifty feet was taller than any building in our town, was more than ten of me laid head to foot. It was a mystery big enough to hold a whole city. I could swim in it my whole life and never know what lay at its bottom.

An entry in my diary from age ten announces: “Today Alex came over and swam with us. I think he likes me.”

Alex was a grade ahead of me and a foot taller. He had a wide mouth, tapered brown eyes, and a laugh that brayed clouds in the chill of fall mornings at our bus stop. He wore the same shirt for four out of five school days, and I thought he was beautiful. I had known Alex for years, but that recorded swim is the first clear memory I have of him. A few months later, he spat on me for the first time.

When I turned eleven, I enrolled in the public middle school with all the other fifth-and sixth-graders in our town. The new bus stop was farther down the wooded road, where it ended at the perpendicular intersection of another. On that corner was a large house, owned by Robert Ballard, the oceanographer who discovered the wreck of the Titanic in 1985. Early in his career, Ballard had worked with the nearby Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution, and it was during his deep- sea dives off the coast of Massachusetts that his obsession with shipwrecks was born. Sometimes I studied that house—its many gleaming windows and ivy-choked tennis court—and thought about the difference between Ballard and my father, who was a captain in the merchant marines. One man carried his cargo across oceans; the other ventured deep inside them to discover his. I was drawn to the romance of each: to slice across the glittering surface, and also to plunge into the cold depths. A stone wall wrapped around Ballard’s yard. Here, we
waited for the school bus.

I read books as I walked to the bus stop. Reading ate time. Whole hours disappeared in stretches. It shortened the length of my father’s voyages, moved me closer to his returns with every page. I was a magician with a single power: to disappear the world. I emerged from whole afternoons of reading, my life a foggy half-dream
through which I drifted as my self bled back into me like steeping tea.

The start of fifth grade marked more change than the location of my bus stop. My parents had separated that summer.

My body, that once reliable vessel, began to transform. But what emerged from it was no happy magic, no abracadabra. It went kaboom. The new body was harder to disappear.

“I wish people didn’t change sometimes,” I wrote in my diary. By people, I meant my parents. I meant me. I meant the boy who swam across that lake toward my new body with its power to compel but not control.

Before puberty, I moved through the world and toward other people without hesitance or self-consciousness. I read hungrily and kept lists of all the words I wanted to look up in a notebook with a red velvet cover. I still have the notebook. “Ersatz,” it reads. “Entropy. Mnemonic. Morass. Corpulent. Hoary.” I was smart and strong and my power lay in these things alone. My parents loved me well and mirrored these strengths back to me.

Perhaps more so than other girls’, my early world was a safe one. My mother banned cable TV and sugar cereals, and made feminist corrections to my children’s books with a Sharpie. When he was home from sea, my father taught me how to throw a baseball and a punch, how to find the North Star, and start a fire. I was protected from the darker leagues of what it meant to be female. I think now of the Titanic—not the familiar tragedy of its wreck, the scream of ice against her starboard flank, the thunder of seawater gushing through her cracked hull. I think of the short miracle of her passage. The 375 miles she floated, immaculate, across the Atlantic.
My early passage was a miracle, too. Like the Titanic’s, it did not last.



AnnaLynne McCord says BDSM with Dominic Purcell ‘changed everything’

BDSM Media News Posted on Sat, October 23, 2021 00:04:39

Source: Pagesix.com.

USA – AnnaLynne McCord says that getting into a BDSM relationship with “Prison Break” star Dominic Purcell helped her work through her past sexual trauma.

See more and larger photo’s on: Pagesix.com.

The “90210” star says of her former boyfriend, Purcell — whom she describes as a “big, strong, angry Aussie” — “he changed everything.”

McCord, 34, reveals in a candid interview with Giddy’s Marisa Sullivan that she unexpectedly went public with her past sexual abuse when she was pulled onstage at a charity event for survivors.

“When I first told my story, I was dragged up on stage during an event … I was thrown out on stage like a deer in headlights,” she recalled.

Being put on the spot at the gala, she thought, “‘Everything’s been said, everything’s been done’ … I didn’t know what to do, so I said, ‘You’ve heard all the stories from the survivors and the founder, but you don’t know the story of one girl.’ And then I thought, ‘Oh, why did I say that? That was stupid! There’s a thousand people here!’ So, that’s how my story came out.”

Cosmopolitan magazine was covering the event, and reached out to her to do a story in 2014.

“When I was 19, I was sexually assaulted by a friend who was crashing at my home,” McCord tells Sullivan on her Giddy series, “Bare.” “I woke up and he was inside me, and I froze. My whole body … shut down and I didn’t know what to do. Then I blamed myself because I didn’t fight back … Because I didn’t try to stop it.” She’d also told Cosmo that she suffered physical abuse as a child growing up in Georgia.

Years later, “I was going through severe panic attacks, and started to undergo PTSD treatment. I literally went into BDSM — bondage, domination, sadomasochism — because I couldn’t feel anything,” McCord told Sullivan.

That was around the same time she also started seeing Purcell.

“Who broke through the wall?” Sullivan asks McCord, who replies, “A very, very ferociously strong man. Dominic Purcell. You might know him from ‘Prison Break’? He was bustin’ up some heads and breakin’ out of prison. It took a big, strong, angry Aussie. I had such severe sexual abuse at such a young age that my body decided, ‘This is unsafe for you to feel.’ So I was completely numb.”

However, “Dom and I … had this relationship. Yeah, Dom was my dom. There are many reasons why that man will be my forever person … he’s staying at my house right now — we’re not together [but] we’re family is what it is now.”

She says that Purcell “was a mirror back to me,” and that “Dom created space for me, but he called me the f–k out, he did not take bulls–t, and that’s why I trusted him. I trusted no masculine energies, I trusted no men. Because I figured, ‘I’m going to push every f–king button that you have, and if you cave, I can’t trust you.’” But “he changed everything.”

McCord also says of her connection with Purcell: “There was a sexual aspect that was underlying, that was pulling us … and we had explosive sex.”

The on/off couple seems to currently be off, according to McCord’s Giddy chat.

The pair began dating in 2011, and announced their first breakup in 2014. They then reportedly renewed their romance again a year later, but wound up splitting in 2018. By last year, there was speculation that the pair were back on, as they were spotted on a trip to the beach in Southern California together — with lots of PDA.

But in her new Giddy interview, McCord says they’re not together.

McCord was also reportedly with Purcell when he was in a near-fatal accident on the “Prison Break” set in 2016 — which required the actor, 51, to get 150-plus stitches in his head.

Earlier this year, McCord revealed she’s been diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder, previously known as multiple personality disorder.

Giddy’s “Bare” series has also featured Tom Arnold, Jillian Barberie and Gretchen Rossi, among others.



The Secret to Playing With Hot Wax During Sex

BDSM Media News Posted on Mon, September 13, 2021 02:44:30

Heat things up in the bedroom with these tips.

Source: Menshealth.com.

WORLD – For anyone looking to heat up their sex life, wax play is here for you. And no, we don’t mean waxing hair off your body. , it’s a form of temperature play or sensation play originating from the BDSM community, according to sexologist Shamyra Howard, LCSW, a member of the Men’s Health Advisory Board. Temperature play could mean melting ice cubes on your body, freezing sex toys, and of course, dripping wax.

It’s a common misconception you need to be a professional or part of the BDSM community to try wax play, Howard says. Newsflash: you don’t! In fact, you can perform wax play with yourself or with a partner, all in the comfort of your own home. And it doesn’t require many materials to get started.

But before you start dripping wax all over yourself, know the techniques and the tools you need to play safely. Go in with a plan in place so you don’t get burned…if you know what we mean.

Get your wax ready.

Don’t just pick up any scented candle you have lying around. That nice-smelling one you got as a gift years ago? It’s not what you want dripping all over your skin. Those candles burn at high heat and could cause burns. Howard says you need specific candles for wax play, which burn at a lower heat and are made for close contact with your body.

If you’re just starting out, Howard says body massage candles are great for beginners. You light the candle, wait for 15-30 minutes, blow it out, let it cool, and then you’re good to start dripping.

If you want to level up to a hotter temperature, go for a soy-based candle. Paraffin candles also provide an extra sting. “Those are hotter than massage candles, so you want to be careful with them,” Howard says.

And if you’re looking for an alternative to massage candles, Howard says there are other wax items to burn, some of which you may already have in your home. Crayons and birthday candles are good to use, since they have low-burning temperatures.

Test out the temperature.

Before you start dripping wax all over yourself or a partner, you need to make sure it’s the right temperature. Light the wick, then let the wax drip onto your forearm from six inches above. (If you’re trying it on a partner, the same idea applies.)

“Allow yourself to feel what that sensation feels like; if it’s not comfortable, keep raising your arm [holding the candle] up higher until it feels comfortable for you,” Howard says. The greater the distance between the candle and your body, the less of an intense sensation; the wax won’t be as hot by the time it reaches your skin. The less distance, the more intense the sensation.

Avoid dripping the wax on sensitive areas.

As you explore the sensation of the wax, keep it away from your face, hair and genitals. It’s difficult to get wax out of hair (or hairy regions of the body), and it can burn sensitive areas. Legs and arms are easy to reach places where you can apply wax on yourself or a partner. Places like the stomach and thighs can be more sensitive, so proceed with caution.

Always, always communicate.

An important note: if you’re performing wax play with a partner, or anything involving sex, you have to communicate. A simple system Howard suggests is traffic lights. Saying “green” means go ahead, “yellow” means pause and check in, and “red” means stop immediately. Don’t assume your partner is okay, even if you’ve done wax play before. “Always have a safe word system when engaging in wax play,” Howard says.

Here are a few ideas on how to use the wax during sex.

Once your wax is hot and melty and the temperature feels good, it’s time for the main event! There are tons of ways to use wax during sex, including:

  • Using a massage candle to give your partner an erotic massage. (Start by rubbing their back; then, if they’re into it, you can work your way down below the waist.)
  • Dripping it on different erogenous zones (as long as they’re no the sensitive or hairy spots we mentioned earlier).
  • Using the wax to make shapes or patterns on the body.
  • Dripping the wax on yourself during masturbation to mix up your usual routine.
  • Incorporating it into your blindfold or bondage play. While one partner is blindfolded or restrained (or both!), the other can drip hot wax onto their skin.
  • Using it as a form of BDSM punishment.

Wind down with aftercare.

And remember, we’re dealing with hot wax here, people. Make sure you have a towel and a cup of water on-hand to clean off the wax. Then, whether it’s yourself or your partner, relax post-wax session with a cup of tea, cuddling, or another calming action. (If you didn’t already swap massages with the hot wax, now could be a good time, Howard says.)

As a final word of wax play advice, Howard says not to let what you see online determine what you do in the bedroom, since it may be unsafe or entirely fictional—like people placing wax candles in or around their genitals.

“Social media and the internet gives us ideas and we run with it,” Howard says. “But please, don’t do that!”

See more and larger photo’s on: Menshealth.com.


How Bettie Page became the pioneer of sexual freedom

BDSM Media News Posted on Mon, December 21, 2020 22:57:03

I never was the girl next door.”

Source: Faroutmagazine.co.uk.

UK – Unapologetic and unabashed, clad in a risque bikini with her jet black hair cascading down her back and bangs accentuating her long face, a brazen and playful smile complementing the jutted out pose, Bettie Page or the Queen of Pinups, is considered one of the biggest icons of women empowerment and the sexual revolution. Being a fascinating figure for the heterosexual male gaze, Page has also served as a symbol of liberation from inhibitions, self-love and body positivity, having a remarkable influence on young girls and women, making them a lot more accepting of themselves and their bodies. Although this beauty passed away in 2008 at the age of 85, her legacy continues to be celebrated today, making her one of the most posthumously influential people in the world. A pop-cultural icon, she has not only been the inspiration for singers like Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Beyonce and Madonna but also for various avenues such as fashion, film, comics, shows and more, popularising the “Bettie bangs” and bondage culture. 

See larger photo and 2 video’s on: Faroutmagazine.co.uk.

Mark Mori directed a wonderful film named Bettie Page Reveals All in which Page serves as the narrator. Page, who can be considered a symbol of resilience, self-confidence and determination, had a very difficult childhood, being subject to constant abuse at the hands of her father. Despite being bogged down by neglect, abuse, poverty and oppression, Page managed to rise above the ashes, managing her responsibilities while graduating with top marks and earning a college degree at Peabody College before being the successful self-made icon she would subsequently become. Fun fact, Page was voted “Girl Most Likely to Succeed” at her high school which foreshadowed the immensely successful career she would soon embark on. Page had married William E. “Billy” Neal in 1943 but divorced after a brief conjugal period of four years in 1947. It was 1947 that changed the course of her life completely. 

In the 1940s, with the advent of laws that made nudity and pornography a criminal offence to prohibit them, “camera clubs” came into ostensible existence. Under the pretext of promoting artsy photography, they sold pornography under-the-counter. Page had an encounter with NYPD officer and avid photography enthusiast Jerry Tibbs who advised Betty to style her hair with bangs in front; this later became an iconic look for Page. Tibbs helped her make a pin-up portfolio free of cost. Soon, Page entered the wondrous world of “glamour photography”, where she became one of the most sought after camera club models due to her bold poses and lack of inhibition which was a rare find in the erotic industry. Having worked initially with Cass Carr, Page gradually began working with Irving Klaw. The latter was responsible for Page’s popularity as a bondage model. 

“I wasn’t trying to be anything. I was just myself.”

Clad in sexy lingerie, Bettie Page would even comply to “special order requests” that were usually hailed from high-profile socialites, judges, doctors and more. She would indulge in various fetishistic positions which included “oops-I-dropped-my-panties” scenarios or that of abduction, slave-grooming, bondage, spanking, handcuffs and more. The preference lay in “passive” helpless girls who would stare on like a virgin nymphomaniac. Page shone through in these crude postures; she would oscillate back and forth between being a playful minx to a “stern dominatrix”. Despite being restrained or ball-gagged, the look in her eyes would subvert the general expectations that people had from the models; she was always in charge irrespective of the kind of clandestine feature she posed for. As Buszek said, “she was a partner in the process, not someone who was being exploited”.

Seductive and bold, Page came to be known as ‘The Queen of Curves’ and ‘The Dark Angel’, having won the title of ‘Miss Pinup Girl of the World’. However, Page quit modelling shortly after due to the “concocted witch-hunt” that was a result of society’s orthodox and repressive McCarthyism towards sex and nudity. A teenage boy reportedly died of accidental autoerotic asphyxiation and then-Senator Estes Kefaveur, a radical opposed to the “indecency” projected by nudity and gambling, and his committee, drew an expansive link between her bondage modelling and the boy’s death, trying to convey Page’s contribution in “juvenile delinquency”. Shortly after, page vanished from the face of the modelling industry causing a severe blow to Klaw’s business. She became a devout Christian, attending church services. As Page has been quoted saying in the film: “I don’t even believe God disapproves of nudity. After all, he put Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden naked as jaybirds.”

Page’s retirement, however, ushered in a new dawn of a sexual revolution in the United States, where people began raising their voices against the “repressive sexual authorities”. With the beginning of the women’s liberation movement in the 1960s as well as the sexual revolution, Page has been credited for being the flagbearer of the latter, propagating the tenets of being a sex-positive feminist. An actual badass, Page never believed in concealing her bodily imperfections. She loved embracing her own flaws which were quite revolutionary and ground-breaking. She served as a perfect foil to the common mentality where women had to be the epitomes of perfection. Her unconventional beauty included “imperfect teeth and a slightly droopy eye” and curvy stature,  which made her even more desirable. Exuding raw charm and confidence, Page was a different kind of sexy. 

“I love to swim in the nude and roam around the house in the nude. You’re just as free as a bird!”

Bettie Page championed the cause of nudity. She loved embracing effort bare all not only for the sake of her profession and others’ entertainment but also for the sense of freedom and empowerment she derived from it. She wanted “to be remembered as the woman who changed people’s perspectives concerning nudity in its natural form” and boy, she did. She had been arrested for public indecency while posing nude on a beach. She refused to let the court of law bog her down and pleaded not guilty until she wore them down. Page also firmly disapproved of calling a woman’s body indecent. It was quite an irony to see how women’s bodies were used as commodities to please the heteronormative desires but would be shunned if used for personal pleasure. Page, who was the perfect example of a “virgin nymphomaniac” with the look of sex and innocence in her eyes, became the symbol for female sexuality triumphing over anxiety and insecurity. Embracing the female form the way it is was quite alien to women before Bettie Page showed them the way. As Angelica Luna had been quoted saying to The Atlantic, “Step down, Marilyn. You had nothing on Bettie”. 

Bettie Page was soon “penniless and infamous” before her sudden resurgence which throned her as the queen she is. Her comeback story is inspiring and reeks of vibrance, exuberance, resilience and strong will. Despite the insurmountable obstacles that adorned her path, including her 10-year saga with schizophrenia, sexual assault as well as tumultuous personal life, Page managed to stay afloat in this vicious industry, with pride and courage. She was quite shocked and overwhelmed to know how celebrated she was even today. “It makes me feel wonderful that people still care for me… that I have so many fans among young people, who write to me and tell me I have been an inspiration,” she once said.

Page, who was also a talented artist, was her own hairstylist and often made her clothes and bikinis during shoots. The scanty and risque bikinis were quite scandalous and unseen at those times, disrupting the taboo norms, Bettie continued being the renegade, indulging in whatever she felt comfortable in: “I never kept up with the fashions. I believed in wearing what I thought looked good on me.”

Powerful and charming, Bettie Page defines brilliance. “Young women say I helped them come out of their shells,” she was quoted saying. The world, especially women, owe a lot to Page for being the pioneer of feminism and sexual freedom. Page’s carefree smile and mirth in her eyes, displaying her well-endowed pubic hair or while being bound, exudes sensuality and courage and the courage to embrace the body. Bettie Page should be relentlessly celebrated for being a product of rotten childhood trauma to a lovely and confident body that refused to be exploited by the male gaze and being an inspiration for women all over the world. 

“I was not trying to be shocking or to be a pioneer. I wasn’t trying to change society or to be ahead of my time. I didn`t think of myself as liberated, and I don’t believe that I did anything important. I was just myself. I didn`t know any other way to be or any other way to live.” 



Man begs dominatrix to escalate pain by showing him property listings

BDSM Media News Posted on Mon, December 21, 2020 22:37:02

Source: Today.rtl.lu.

LUXEMBOURG – A Luxembourg City man who was approaching the end of a session with a professional dominatrix has begged her to escalate his pain by showing him local property listings, according to sources.

The man, who has been a renter since moving here nine years ago, visits the Kirchberg BDSM dungeon at least once a week.

On Wednesday, the hour-long session started with bondage and then moved on to the more painful practice of mocking the man about his small salary and inability to get a home loan.

As usual, this was followed by the dominatrix forcing the man to calculate all of the money he’s spent on renting over the past nine years.

While beating him with a leather snake whip, she forced him to repeat the figure – 160,920 euros – over and over until he could hardly breathe. Still, the pain and humiliation weren’t enough.

“Mistress Dawn, please show me the homes for sale in Luxembourg City,” he said. “I need it.”

After several minutes of pretending not to hear him, the dominatrix produced an iPad and scrolled through the local listings, slowly reading the enormous asking prices while the man moaned in agony. Still, it wasn’t enough.

“Mistress Dawn, on my street there’s a two-bedroom flat that sold five years ago for 450,000 euros,” he said. “I had thought about trying to buy it because it was the only place remotely in my budget, but I decided it was simply too ugly.”

“This morning, I noticed it was back on the market,” he continued. “Mistress Dawn, please, I need to know how much it’s going for today.”

The dominatrix patted him on the cheek, saying he had been a good boy and she didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

“Mistress Dawn, I’ve been a very bad boy and I deserve my punishment,” the man said. “Please, tell me the price.”

“It’s doubled,” the dominatrix said, causing the man to scream and howl. “To almost one million euros.”

“Bubble,” he said at last, using the safe word they had agreed would put an end to the torment. “Property bubble, Mistress Dawn. Property bubble.”



Rough Trade: COVID-19 Has Put Denver’s BDSM Businesses in a Bind

BDSM Media News Posted on Mon, November 30, 2020 03:11:35

Source: Westword.com.

USA-DENVER – The pandemic is giving Denver’s BDSM community a flogging — and not the fun kind, says Denver dominatrix Elle, co-owner of Mile High Dungeon, which has closed because of both safety concerns and economic challenges.

While other businesses have found some government relief, Elle says that her operation, though legal, is excluded from federal financial support programs. COVID-relief loans and grants are not available for businesses that are “prurient,” according to most application guidelines.

Now, people in the erotic industry are negotiating an impossible bind: whether to keep operating at risk of spreading the virus, or shut down temporarily and possibly lose their employment permanently.

Elle has been a sex worker for the past 21 years. It’s her calling, she says, and she hopes to hang up her thighhighs and retire as a professional dominatrix when she hits 65 — if COVID-19 doesn’t continue to wreck her professional plans and eat up decades of savings, strapping her with debt.

Her story, which parallels those of many working in the legal sex industry and even underground, is one of liberation. “Through the work I did, I was able to get on my feet and do something amazing and become a healthy, thriving person,” she says.

While the religious right and prudish politicians have targeted sex workers, prostitutes and the publications that advertise their services, Elle insists that the sex-slavery stereotype they’re crusading against is hardly an accurate depiction of her world. And she should know: Not only has she offered her own services as a pro-dom, but she’s been an outspoken advocate for sex workers’ rights nationally as well as in Denver.

She and other dominatrixes opened the Mile High Dungeon five years ago. There, Elle taught clients about the BDSM lifestyle, consent and scene negotiation. She helped people explore their kinks, and even worked in conjunction with therapists to guide their patients in addressing childhood traumas. She’s been part healer, part educator, part kink provider. The experience was transformative, she says, both for the people she dominated and for herself.

Back in February, after watching news reports of the coronavirus upending life in Wuhan, China, Elle worried it might come stateside. So Mile High Dungeon shut down operations, with hopes of reopening in a few weeks. Weeks later, the state implemented a stay-at-home order, and the coronavirus has been flagellating the physical and economic health of people in the United States ever since.

Even as other businesses reopened, the dungeon stayed dark.

While Elle has worked with a couple of customers, observing strict mask-wearing and sanitation measures, she has largely avoided appointments. That hasn’t just hurt her bank account, but clients: Inexperienced people inclined toward bondage, domination and sado-masochism need an outlet and a proper schooling in boundaries and negotiation, she says, so that their sexual desires — often mired in shame and taboo — don’t land them in trouble.

njoyed sex workers’ services. Democrats and Republicans alike have gone after the industry, so the likelihood of a political solution is improbable.

Now, with COVID-19 cases breaking records again in Colorado, Elle realizes that reopening Mile High Dungeon anytime soon isn’t feasible, so she’s reassessing how to move forward until a vaccine becomes available.

It’s not just sex workers who are being hit. The entire BDSM scene, which relies heavily on social gatherings, is struggling. Christine Winnie Wenglewick, owner of the Denver Sanctuary, a dungeon and social club, says that old-timers in the BDSM community have largely stepped back from play parties — or they’re holding private gatherings in their homes. Newcomers who show up to her club’s events, which are operated under rigid social-distancing guidelines that are not exactly conducive to community romps and stomps, are often left wondering what the point is of paying for a party when no more than twenty people are allowed in at a time.

COVID has delivered Wenglewick a double whammy because she also owns Denver’s Dangerous Theatre. Like every performing arts venue, it’s suffered during the pandemic. And Wenglewick’s strategy for covering the cost of her underground plays — funding them with proceeds from the Denver Sanctuary — is now failing.

Long before getting involved with BDSM, Wenglewick was active in the theater scene. In Orlando, she ran a space that served as both a hair salon and performance venue. Shortly after moving to Colorado in 2001 to be near her ex-partner and child, she stumbled into the kink scene and found a second home.

Wanting to introduce newbies to the lifestyle, she started a meetup and play party called Gateway. The group started out meeting at people’s homes, but soon outgrew those and needed a larger spotWenglewick asked the now-defunct Denver Harbor, a BDSM club, if she could hold Gateway parties for newcomers there, and the owners agreed. Three months later, they came up short on rent money and asked Wenglewick if she wanted to take over the warehouse dungeon. At first she was hesitant, but then she realized that she could eventually use the space for experimental theater performances in the early evening hours and transform it into a late-night place for sexual exploration.

In 2007, she launched Dangerous Theatre out of her dungeon. She’s produced more than thirty experimental plays there and also hosted hundreds of workshops, BDSM parties and gatherings where people into kink built community.

“It’s not been a conventional business plan,” Wenglewick says. “But up until COVID, it was one that worked.”

Like most businesses, the Denver Sanctuary and Dangerous Theatre both shut down in mid-March. A sole proprietor, Wenglewick did not consider applying for various small business or arts grants or loans. She was closeted about how the theater and dungeon shared a warehouse, and says she was afraid that potential funders looking at her books would wonder how a small theater that seats no more than fifty could be making so much money.

But not anymore. With both businesses shuttered for months, she found herself $12,000 behind in rent. If she cannot pay that debt by the end of the year, her landlord will give her the boot.

“I can’t fault her too much,” says Wenglewick. “I can’t fault any landlord who lets a dungeon in her space to begin with.”

To raise rent money, Wenglewick has offered some demonstrations and classes in consent and scene negotiation, BDSM 101 and more — though she only charges $10 a pop, hardly enough to pay what she owes. In normal times, the Denver Sanctuary would be hosting workshops in every manner of BDSM play. Now the only hands-on activity that can be done with COVID-19 precautions in place is fire play: teaching people how to light each other on fire…safely.

Dangerous Theatre has also been hosting a handful of productions, from comedy nights to more traditional plays. And now, as Denver again clamps down on capacity, Wenglewick is shifting much of her theatrical work online and streaming shows.

In the weeks to come, she’ll be performing Drunk Storytime With Caroline, during which she’ll get drunk and act out various popular children’s stories, including Dr. Seuss tales and “The True Story of the Three Little Pigs”; she’ll also host virtual comedy, kink nights and more.

“Every time I make a business plan, two weeks later [I realize], ‘Oh, that ain’t going to work,’” she says. “I’m constantly having to readjust.”

Some members know that the Denver Sanctuary is on the verge of being kicked out, and wonder if Wenglewick will try to reopen the club elsewhere. “People are like, ‘Are you going to find another space?,’” she says. “I say no. I’m not going to find another landlord who’s into this stuff. If I were to take another business somewhere, it would be opening another theater, not opening another dungeon.

But even doing that seems uncertain without a vaccine. “Given COVID, I don’t know the reality of opening another theater,” she admits, adding that at least her cosmetology license is up to date, so “I could always go back to hair.”

As Elle packs up the Mile High Dungeon that she and her fellow doms built, she’s been thinking about how sex work has given her so much personally and taught her about the world. “I was standing in my studio the last couple of nights, because I’m saying goodbye,” she says. “I’m thinking back on all the different things I’ve witnessed and the people I’ve worked with.

“I’ve learned so much about myself and humanity and life,” she says. “It’s really powerful work, and I hope one day our culture can acknowledge it for what it is.”

For more information about the Denver Sanctuary, go to Denver Sanctuary’s website. To find out more about Dangerous Theatre’s upcoming online schedule, go to Dangerous Theatre’s website.

See more and larger photo’s: Westword.com.


Former college student faces multiple charges over ‘bondage mummification’

BDSM Media News Posted on Mon, November 30, 2020 02:48:16

Source: Thejakartapost.com.

INDONESIA-JAKARTA – A former student of Airlangga University (Unair) accused of sexually assaulting multiple victims after tricking them into helping him for academic “research” is facing multiple charges at the Surabaya District Court in East Java.

In a hearing held virtually on Wednesday, prosecutors indicted the 22-year-old defendant, identified only as Gilang, with three different charges.

Prosecutor I Gede Willy said Gilang had violated articles 27 and 45 of the 2016 Electronic Information and Transactions (ITE) Law, which prohibits individuals from sharing videos or other electronic information containing extortion or threats.

Gilang was also charged under Article 82 of the 2016 law on child protection for allegedly threatening minors into performing obscene acts and Article 289 of the Criminal Code on obscenity, which carries a maximum sentence of nine years in prison.

The defendant did not file an exception request against the charges.

His case gained nationwide attention in August after several victims took to Twitter to share their alleged accounts of being tricked by Gilang into performing an act referred to as “bondage mummification” under the pretense of academic research.

One user with the handle @m_fikris wrote that he and his friend agreed to participate in his thesis “research” about “wrapping” in July after Gilang persistently begged him, saying he was at risk of failing his studies for not finishing his thesis. The defendant was in his fifth year of university at that time.

Gilang reportedly sent instructions for @m_fikris and his friend to take turns covering each other’s bodies, including their mouths and eyes, with duct tape. He also instructed them to wrap their bodies in jarik (traditional Javanese cloth) and later asked them to record the process and to send him the footage afterward.

Another victim who spoke to The Jakarta Post said that when they were both university freshmen, the defendant had drugged him, covered his entire body with a blanket and groped him when he was sleeping at Gilang’s rooming house after a university event in 2015.

Unair expelled Gilang shortly after the case went viral.

The defendant told police investigators that he had conducted such actions since 2015, claiming that he developed the fetish as a child.(nal)



Erotic Hypnosis Is More of a Consensual Kink, Not a Manipulation Tool

BDSM Media News Posted on Sat, October 31, 2020 03:06:28

Diving Into Erotic Hypnosis and Its Overwhelmingly Kinky Contexts

Source: Askmen.com.

USA – Neural Nets got into erotic hypnosis in the 90s. He was in his twenties, dating a woman deeply tranced in D/S (dominance and submission) play.

“She claimed she wanted to quiet her mind,” says the 46-year-old Baltimore resident. “I had her do ‘memory sessions.’ I wrote 100 degrading phrases for her to memorize on flashcards. She memorized them in order. In a memory session, she’d recite her mantras while naked and partially bound in front of a mirror. If she got the right answer, she’d get her clit stroked. If she got the wrong answer, she’d get the crop and start over. After one of these sessions, she kept mouthing her mantras well after we concluded and moved onto other games.”

At the time, Nets was a debate coach that had just moved to the mid-Atlantic to work for Georgetown. His experience led him down a rabbit hole where a burgeoning erotic hypnosis scene allowed him to explore the act of consensual control.

“I circulated my work only in private kink circles in the 90s,” he continues. “It later leaked, and it was used as the background for a lot of PornHub videos. It was really the equivalent of a leaked sex tape.”

After some negotiating, Nets was able to get credit for his work, leading to a successful Tumblr presence.

By now, you might be wondering: What exactly is erotic hypnosis? And even if you feel like you have a slight inclination, what you think you know about erotic hypnosis is likely wrong. Consider it to be an extension of a consensual kink as opposed to a manipulation tool.

Nets wants people to move away from the idea of erotic hypnosis as a trick.

“The public conceives of erotic hypnosis as a magic D&D spell,” he notes, “[while] actual practitioners see it as a consensual and mutual activity. Trying to hypnotize someone into exceeding their own preferences and boundaries isn’t ethical or even that possible.”

Nets is one of 50,000 members of r/EroticHypnosis, a subreddit “to discuss hypnosis used in erotic, sexy, and kinky contexts.” It’s a place where amateurs interested in the art of hypnosis can learn about the intricacies of heightened focus and concentration while indulging their own sexual interests by sharing content with one another.

For user Nathan H., erotic hypnosis is used as a means to connect with his partner and explore his own limits.

“One of the attractions to hypnosis is often the feeling of being in someone else’s control, just like with bondage play,” he explains. “That feeling of vulnerability can be very thrilling. In any sexual encounter, however, we need to keep our libido from overwhelming our good sense. As an in-person amateur hypnotist, I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to engage with people who talk about consent, limits, expectations, and rules.”

Like many subreddits, r/EroticHypnsis is extremely far from perfect.

“I think the largest problem is the view that hypnosis is, by definition, coercion,” notes Nathan. “We all need to be aware of coercive people in our lives and relationships, and take steps to protect ourselves against those influences. That includes not putting yourself in vulnerable positions with people you aren’t sure you can trust, in all areas. If we let someone we just meet handcuff us to the bed, we are not making good decisions or following the BDSM community’s rule of ‘safe, sane, consensual’ play.”

Nets, on the other hand, thinks the problem lies within the actual community as opposed to people misinterpreting erotic hypnosis as a concept.

“The erotic hypnosis community is a dumpster fire,” he states. “It’s genuinely impossible to screen out the constant influx of people pursuing the kink for the wrong reasons. Some people want to seduce and manipulate without adequate consent. Some people want hypnosis to fix them, and the community is fairly bad at maintaining the dividing line between therapy and eroticism. Some people just have overall magical expectations. Some people think that doing erotic hypnosis is a route to rapid recognition or an income boost for sex work.”

Nets believes the community needs to “attract and retain skeptics” to function normally.

“Most people outside of the community can recognize how alarming and implausible the overclaims are,” he continues. “Erotic hypnosis cannot physically kill you, create the Manson family, make you into a sexual Manchurian candidate, change your sexual orientation, or alter your physique. You wouldn’t know that by scrolling a community forum, though. There’s no check on bullshit and grifters, and it’s really ruined most of the community spaces.”

While the community is nothing short of frustrating for seasoned professionals like Nets and Nathan, r/EroticHypnosis is a wonderful spot for the curious. There are plenty of introductory posts for those who have no idea what they’re doing: how to get into a trance, suggestions for newcomers feeling frustrated by the limits of hypnosis, and no shortage of fan favorites.

“When you’ve decided to allow someone (or a video or audio file) to hypnotize you, find a relaxing place and time when things are not expected of you,” says Nathan. “Try to listen to what’s being said and how, instead of thinking about your feelings or expectations about the experience.”

Nathan believes erotic hypnosis should be treated as an exercise in mindfulness. Do and think about what you’re instructed to do and think about, without judging or waiting to see what’s going to happen. He says one should always keep in mind that erotic hypnosis is something you want to do.

“I’m a content creator, so I’d be remiss if I didn’t recommend myself,” says Nets. “If you’re a first-timer, demand more from your content creators. Don’t settle for someone droning awkwardly too much bass. Don’t buy into this as if it’s religion. You don’t have to suspend disbelief and play along for days and weeks. That’s a grifty myth. If you listen and you think it’s boring garbage, it probably is. There are plenty of good actors and producers out there. You should be empowered to expect better.”

*An alias used to protect their privacy.



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